Just got back from Odessa, Ukraine!

[iceshaft07]

Hey Everyone!

I just flew for the first time across the Atlantic to Odessa, Ukraine. What a crazy trip! I took a plane from Boston, Logan Int'l airport to Istanbul, and than Istanbul. From Istanbul to ODS. One of the scariest trips I've ever been on considering ISIS, Ebola, and a civilian aircraft being shot down in Ukraine.

Anyhow, I had read a lot of information on what to expect when I arrived at Ukraine. Here are some important things I experienced that I'd like to share with everyone:

1) We originally met on AnastasiaDate.com. Many people claim this website is a scam, and for good reason. But the best advice I read was this: There are good people on bad websites, and bad people on good websites.

2) I read in a number of places that Ukraine requires visitors to purchase national health insurance. This did not happen to me, they let me in without questions. They did not inspect my luggage, or ask me any questions when I arrived. The police are said to be very corrupt, but I fortunately did not have to deal with it.

3) I read that Ukraine doesn't have toilet paper or hand sanitizer. There was a single place that was like this, the Odessa Seaport public restroom. There were no toilet bowls, it cost money to use the restroom, and there indeed was a woman in charge of dispensing a finite amount of toilet paper.

4) I stayed at Hotel Otrada. My room was very small, but I'd definitely recommend this place. They prepared the hotel with all of the amenities a seasoned American traveler would expect: shampoo, bar soap, towels, toilet paper, etc. I will be staying there on my next trip to Odessa if possible.

5) A person I know from Kiev warned me to keep all belongings inside coat pockets.

6) People REALLY appreciate it if you know basic Russian. Our room attendant told my girlfriend I was a keeper (I didn't know what he said). I think this had to do with the fact that even though I butchered the language, I always said "Poshalasta" and "Spaciba". As a metric, I used Rosetta Stone. I got through Lessons 1-5, and half of lesson 6. It took about 2 months.

7) To avoid culture shock, there are some good books on Russian culture on Amazon. I read "Culture Smart! Russia" by Anna King.

Some other good books I'd recommend if you are serious about this:
   a) The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman Ph. D., and Nan Silver
   b) The Long Distance Relationship Survival Guide by Chris Bell and Kate Brauer-Bell

9) Driving is very, very different in Odessa. Fortunately, I didn't have to drive, I stayed with my girlfriend the whole time.

I have never experienced the kind of woman Olga is here in America. She was so kind to me. She never asked for money (I argued at to pay for the "benzeen", which was 400 hryvnias filled half of her tank). All I can say is that I am extremely lucky and fortunate that I met her. I met her family, who was equally generous. She really looked out for me.

We've known eachother for 3 months at this point and have started the K-1 process. Given that it will take anywhere from another 6 to 15 months before all the paperwork is settled, I am happy that we've started early. I just received her passport photos today (taken digitally in Odessa, and sent to me via e-mail, and printed here from Walmart).

I've taken a big first step here. Wish me luck on my journey!
:-D!

[Patagonie]

The fact that you know her for three months let me believe that it is the first time you meet her, am i wrong ?

[CDW]

I just flew for the first time across the Atlantic to Odessa, Ukraine.

We've known each other for 3 months at this point and have started the K-1 process.  I just received her passport photos today (taken digitally in Odessa, and sent to me via e-mail, and printed here from Walmart).

WHAT ??!!!!

[calmissile]

Iceshaft,

It sounds like your off to a good start.  The fact she introduced you to her parents is a good sign and reduces the risk of a scam.  IMO the most important thing I can advise you, is to spend as much time together as possible.  Once you both are serious, talk about everything you would want to discuss with any woman before marriage.  It's going to be a long journey before you are together in the USA.  If possible use Skype every day.  Use Clownfish translator with Skype if possible.  It translates both directions.  Daily contact, even if just to say hello will keep the relationship fresh, and you will probably feel that you become a family when you both chat about whats going on at both ends of the line.

Good luck

[LAman]

WHAT ??!!!!

Actually the paperwork started a couple months ago...if I remember correctly.

[Patagonie]

As i took time to read your few posts i have my answer :

why do you fill a K1 ?
It is time to stop it right away.
You don't know her, you don't know nothing about this people and the culture.
You are surely a nice guy, a too much nice guy, so now it time to shut up and stop to make stupid promises.
We have had recently a guy, too much nice, who had been half murdered (in Odessa ? i think so).
So it is time to hire a terp (independant terp you find yourself, with your two balls guided by your dick, not with Olga's help please) to make you a little safier, and to get more informations back from this terp (if here some fellows can send a contact to this guy it will be nice) about Olga (i have nothing against Olga, please consider it).
Give to the terp for the first appointment $50 and ask her her honest opinion about Olga, it could be the best 50$ invested of your life. Try to be in contact with the terp every day,so if something happens to you there will be someone to know a little about you.

I cannot believe what you are doing.

[calmissile]

Iceshaft,

You are probably going to get a lot of flack about jumping into a K-1 when you have known each other such a short time.  Frankly, I agree however there are few choices to live together and 'try things out' under our current immigration laws.  If I had found it affordable and practical to go to UA and live with my (now) wife, I would have done so.  It just isn't a practical solution for most guys, and our immigration laws make it difficult to choose a different path than the K-1.

The biggest risk is that the two of you will find that you are not compatible in personalities after the honeymoon wears off.

The only risk I see for you is that your girlfriend might be a 'green card girl' meaning that she will play any act necessary to immigrate to the USA and that includes her parents wanting her to have much better opportunities in the states.  Only you can determine her sincerity and there is no rule book to read to make that determination.  I would not be paranoid about it, but cautious and watching for tell tell signs that might indicate her intentions are not completely honorable. 

You can PM individual members to get specific advice as some members do not want to discuss detailed experiences on the open forum.

Best of luck to you both.

[Boethius]

PM'g for advice from most of these forum members is not the way to go, IMHO.  You will get a much wider perspective if you stick to the open forum.  If you are an adult, you can deal with criticism.  Plus, you are usually getting the advice of men with multiple failed relationships.

I moved in with my spouse after knowing him one week.  I knew within an hour of meeting him that we would be together forever.  It took him a little longer. 

We have now been together for over 30 years, although he was not allowed to emigrate for years (the laments I read about separation here are laughable to me).   

Although I would not want my children to do what we did, there are no guarantees in life.  Do what your instinct tells you to do.

[Chicagoguy]

I knew when I first met my wife that she was the one for me but I had been on RWD for too long to trust myself. Since on this visit I had arranged to meet two other women I went ahead with this. They were very nice women but no sparks were flying.

Next I came back to Moscow 4 months later and we went on a package trip to Turkey together. Sort of a "fish out of water" test. She was exactly the same. So by the time I left we talked about marriage.

In our time apart she must have sent me 50 pictures and I had sent her maybe 150. But more importantly was our every day emails for the next 1 year. Because she spoke no English it would take her 1 to 2 hours to translate and write back. She was a determined person.

All the changes are not easy for these women no matter what they think ahead of time so if you have the money try and visit again. Pay now or pay later.

But I honestly wish you the best.

[mendeleyev]

Glad that you had a nice trip.

The toilet issue of paying to use, and being handed a handful of paper, is the norm. Free toilets are generally in Western restaurants like McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, etc.

It is indeed a good sign that you were introduced to her family.

Personally I think that you are rushing things, but to your credit you got on a plane and made the connection.

I wish you both well.

PS...the King book is very good. Now add Culture Shock! Russia by Anna Pavlovskaya to the list and you'll be set.

[AC]

Iceshaft,

It sounds like your off to a good start.  The fact she introduced you to her parents is a good sign and reduces the risk of a scam.  IMO the most important thing I can advise you, is to spend as much time together as possible.  Once you both are serious, talk about everything you would want to discuss with any woman before marriage.  It's going to be a long journey before you are together in the USA.  If possible use Skype every day.  Use Clownfish translator with Skype if possible.  It translates both directions.  Daily contact, even if just to say hello will keep the relationship fresh, and you will probably feel that you become a family when you both chat about whats going on at both ends of the line.

Good luck

 

[Patagonie]

Bo

You would not recommend yourself what you did 30 years ago to your children..
And you know how the society has changed nowadays.
Barely women got rights and men inherited responsabilities.
You probably, i bet, didn't sign for a K1 for a man that you had never seen.
So a mature ukrainian woman would never sign for a K1 BEFORE a meting, that is red flag.
The good news is that he had been introduced to the family for the moment.
A lot of guys marry with a woman who is not really in love in the beginning (women need time to warm up).
He will not come in few years to write on this forum that his wife would have gone, after the green card, after he would have paid her an education. And probably for a more valuable man.
You know how FSU women (and women in general) are sensitive to maleness.
You don't like my theory of women being hypergamy,
But this guy smells one mile around the wussyness, i have no reason to believe that he will improve through a marriage.

[fathertime]

well you certainly are going about this differently than I would....It sounds like you visited the lady you wanted to....if so how was your time together?  What is it that made you decide she was the one you were going to take your chance on?  What types of goals do you both share that makes her seem like the proper fit?   At your age (27) you are in your prime and should be able to attract a prime woman that fits pretty much exactly what you want in almost every respect. 


Fathertime!

[Ade]

Although on the odd and very rare occasion, love at first sight and, "I knew we were meant to be together" feelings turn into life long committed relationships, the vast majority of said couples fail miserably, usually way before marriage.

Not sure why anyone needs to be rushing things these days.

[Gator]

Iceshaft,

Thanks for the report.  I applaud you for taking the time and expense to meet a FSUW.   

I spent years with a RW before marrying her and realized within a year of marriage that it was a mistake.  So time does not guarantee success.  Nevertheless, rushing the process may not allow some sources of incompatibility to emerge. 

You are young and the worst that could happen is a failed marriage.  What are the negative consequences?  There is not only the emotional pain of broken dreams, but the fact that you easily could spend $20,000, 30,000.... plus a lot of your time for nothing other than enabling a FSUW to move to America.    There is also the fact that if you were not in an exclusive relationship, you may have met your true soulmate.  If you can deal with such possible consequences without any long-term effects, then go for it. 

You now have probably a year before she could emigrate.  Do not sit on your ass while waiting for the USCIS process to grind out a visa.  Use this time to visit Olga again and again, even meeting her in a holiday place such as the Dominican Republic.   If your time together raises any questions, be sure to answer them.  For sure, do not dismiss any doubts as cultural differences. 


This will sound weird, yet I hope in the interim that the two of you have some conflicts.  I say this because the manner in which the two of you resolve such conflicts is a good indicator of relationship success.

[Boethius]

Bo

You would not recommend yourself what you did 30 years ago to your children..
And you know how the society has changed nowadays.
Barely women got rights and men inherited responsabilities.

Society, at least, my society, has not changed since my teen  years.  Women's rights are no different now than they were in the 1980's.  The only difference I have observed is strong sexual harassment laws.

You probably, i bet, didn't sign for a K1 for a man that you had never seen.
So a mature ukrainian woman would never sign for a K1 BEFORE a meting, that is red flag.

But neither has the OP.  He went to Ukraine, and he met her family.

A lot of guys marry with a woman who is not really in love in the beginning (women need time to warm up).

I disagree.   There is no difference between women and men in the realm of feelings.

He will not come in few years to write on this forum that his wife would have gone, after the green card, after he would have paid her an education. And probably for a more valuable man.

That could happen with an AW, or to an AW with an AM husband, most of whom dated for years.

You know how FSU women (and women in general) are sensitive to maleness.
You don't like my theory of women being hypergamy,
But this guy smells one mile around the wussyness, i have no reason to believe that he will improve through a marriage.

I didn't note any more "wussiness" than from most of the posters on this forum.

Although on the odd and very rare occasion, love at first sight and, "I knew we were meant to be together" feelings turn into life long committed relationships, the vast majority of said couples fail miserably, usually way before marriage.

Not sure why anyone needs to be rushing things these days.

The vast majority of couples who date long term fail as well.  With the number of divorces, and, in North America, the average divorce occurring after 14 years of marriage, who is to say that a long courtship is more successful?

My better half used to work with a man whose wife was cheating on him.  He suspected something, told his wife he was going to the village for the weekend, snuck into their apartment a few hours later, and discovered his wife in bed with his friend.  He divorced her and, a few years later, started dating another woman.  After about six months, he asked the woman "Tи хочеш як люди жити?" - Best translation is "Do you want to live like normal human beings should?"  [meaning having a family life and children]

In the end, I believe it is about attitudes, your ability to adapt, and to accept the person you marry as who he/she is, rather than trying to change him/her.  That doesn't change with time.

[odessite]

One of the scariest trips I've ever been on considering ISIS, Ebola, and a civilian aircraft being shot down in Ukraine.

Just stumbled upon this site.

The OP is surely being sarcastic, he must be American to have such high levels of paranoia ;)

What's Ebola and ISIS got to do with Ukraine, did you have refueling in Liberia and Syria on the way?

Hope you enjoyed your time in Odessa though

My 2c on Odessa.....don't bother guys, I know numerous girls who work in dating agencies in Odessa where they just scam foreigners all day long. I even know a Western guy who sits on the computer and pretends to be a woman sometime.

If you are looking for a good woman Odessa is the last place to go in Ukraine, the women are spoiled and jaded by foreigners, i'm in my thirties and have model looks and even I can't find a decent one. Beautiful girls are not "desperate to escape" as foreigners seem to imagine, there is a lot of money in Odessa actually, and that get's showered on the pretty women

I've been living in Ukraine for 3.5 years and i'm leaving soon, the culture of the people here is diametrically opposed to the west. At the end of the day a Ukrainian girl will have some fun with you and help you spend your money, but she will always end up with a Ukrainian guy

I know one guy that came here looking for his Cinderellla, poor guy is now practically homeless after bled dry by an Odessa girl.

Thanks all I wanted to say....good luck!

[Boethius]

Men who believe human relations are built on money are the ones "bled dry".  I have zero sympathy for them.

[calmissile]

Just stumbled upon this site.

The OP is surely being sarcastic, he must be American to have such high levels of paranoia

What's Ebola and ISIS got to do with Ukraine, did you have refueling in Liberia and Syria on the way?

Hope you enjoyed your time in Odessa though

My 2c on Odessa.....don't bother guys, I know numerous girls who work in dating agencies in Odessa where they just scam foreigners all day long. I even know a Western guy who sits on the computer and pretends to be a woman sometime.

If you are looking for a good woman Odessa is the last place to go in Ukraine, the women are spoiled and jaded by foreigners, i'm in my thirties and have model looks and even I can't find a decent one. Beautiful girls are not "desperate to escape" as foreigners seem to imagine, there is a lot of money in Odessa actually, and that get's showered on the pretty women

I've been living in Ukraine for 3.5 years and i'm leaving soon, the culture of the people here is diametrically opposed to the west. At the end of the day a Ukrainian girl will have some fun with you and help you spend your money, but she will always end up with a Ukrainian guy

I know one guy that came here looking for his Cinderellla, poor guy is now practically homeless after bled dry by an Odessa girl.

Thanks all I wanted to say....good luck!

Another new troll among us?

i'm in my thirties and have model looks and even I can't find a decent one.

Sounds like your in love with yourself.      Perhaps the women sense that and don't want anything to do with you!

My 2c on Odessa.....don't bother guys, I know numerous girls who work in dating agencies in Odessa where they just scam foreigners all day long. I even know a Western guy who sits on the computer and pretends to be a woman sometime.

Yes, we all know that.  It is true of many if not most of the MOB sites, regardless of the city.  Anyone doing any research knows how to avoid them and the scammers as well.  Anyone that states they have lived in Ukraine for 3.5 years and cannot find a 'decent woman' has some serious handicaps.   

Also, to refute your analysis......   The huge numbers of men that are happily married to UA women is testament to how ridiculous your statements are.

[Donhollio]

We've known eachother for 3 months at this point and have started the K-1 process. Given that it will take anywhere from another 6 to 15 months before all the paperwork is settled, I am happy that we've started early.

 Man, take the advice on this forum and you'd probably just stay home and date locally eh?

 Anyway as a guy who loves Odessa, and knows many normal Odessa girls I can say things are not so dire for you. She behaved well, did what a girl interested in a guy does, not going on spending sprees and living a week of luxury.
 Starting a visa with a timeline such as you've stated is sound in my opinion. You have upwards of 15 months to make it work, in that time you better be able to head over there a few more times, or at least twice more, and go for as long as you can. 
 Much like you I jumped the gun knowing that the process is very long, and I would have time to work on the relationship. If the relationship died before she got her visa, the fallout would not be as bad as if she landed in Canada. I did visit her four times before she came here with time totaling about 13 weeks.  I felt confident in the relationship lasting, and we are coming up to our 5th next September. Had I gone to see her 4 or 5 times then started the visa app, it would of been a 5 year ordeal.
 Next time get an apartment to rent, she will be more comfortable in the apartment, and won't be viewed as a possible call girl. www.odessarentaflat.com

 Odessa is a great city, you will be fortunate to have that as a place to revisit in the coming years with her if it all pans out.
  Good luck with it Iceshaft! 

[southernX]

don , nice post, and i agree

there is no formula for each couple thats iron clad ,

years ago a mate told me not to go to ukraine & russia
he said you will get hurt and it will  cost you a heap of money , stay here in australia , find a local girl 

i asked him whats the difference if it goes wrong with a local girl ?

when i met my wife it just felt right instantly .

 sometimes you need to trust your own judgement above others , as well as consider the possibiitys if their right and be willing to accept them

SX

[Ade]

The vast majority of couples who date long term fail as well.  With the number of divorces, and, in North America, the average divorce occurring after 14 years of marriage, who is to say that a long courtship is more successful?

Although there are no guarantees, it's about mitigating risk and increasing the chances of finding a compatible partner. As far as I remember (I could be wrong as it's been a while since I looked at it), even Dan's survey indicated increased courtship tended to lead to less short term divorce.

In the end, I believe it is about attitudes, your ability to adapt, and to accept the person you marry as who he/she is, rather than trying to change him/her.  That doesn't change with time.

It certainly see your point and kind of agree. But, imagine marrying someone you don't know very well and finding out too late that they have personality and character traits you really can't abide... Saying, "accept them as they are" is very easy but living with that day to day would be beyond many. It would be totally unnecessary too if they'd spent some time getting to know each other a little beforehand...

[Boethius]

But, imagine marrying someone you don't know very well and finding out too late that they have personality and character traits you really can't abide... Saying, "accept them as they are" is very easy but living with that day to day would be beyond many. It would be totally unnecessary too if they'd spent some time getting to know each other a little beforehand...

You don't really know someone until you live with them.


I don't believe vacations together give you a true picture of the person's character.  I think that can only be done over time, and unless one moves to the other's country beforehand, it is practically impossible.

[Muzh]

It certainly see your point and kind of agree. But, imagine marrying someone you don't know very well and finding out too late that they have personality and character traits you really can't abide... Saying, "accept them as they are" is very easy but living with that day to day would be beyond many. It would be totally unnecessary too if they'd spent some time getting to know each other a little beforehand...

So what's wrong with being a statistic? Actually, you can learn much from that. 


Iceshaft, here's some facts.


No one here really knows you or this girl.
To CDW all women are whores and prostitutes,
The majority of guys are giving you THEIR experiences. So take it for what is worth.
Most of the Ukrainian women I have met would work hard at making the relationship work. Well, in their own way.
And last but not least...,
If you don't shoot, you don't score.


Good luck bud and remember, when she gets here it ain't going to be Kansas anymore for her.

[odessite]

Another new troll among us?

i'm in my thirties and have model looks and even I can't find a decent one.

Sounds like your in love with yourself.      Perhaps the women sense that and don't want anything to do with you!

My 2c on Odessa.....don't bother guys, I know numerous girls who work in dating agencies in Odessa where they just scam foreigners all day long. I even know a Western guy who sits on the computer and pretends to be a woman sometime.

Yes, we all know that.  It is true of many if not most of the MOB sites, regardless of the city.  Anyone doing any research knows how to avoid them and the scammers as well.  Anyone that states they have lived in Ukraine for 3.5 years and cannot find a 'decent woman' has some serious handicaps.   

Also, to refute your analysis......   The huge numbers of men that are happily married to UA women is testament to how ridiculous your statements are.

Huge number of foreign men married to Ukrainian men? I honestly know very few foreign guys that are in successful relationships with Ukrainian women. Most of the ones that are are guys 60+.

But seriously walking around Odessa centre is pure comedy, always the same, one foreigner escorted by two Ukrainian girls, who of whom will claim not to speak English. The girls are pretending to be enthralled by his conversation about Sheep farming in Idaho or something

Anyone doing any research knows how to avoid them and the scammers as well

Well lets see that research in action when a 20 something year old sex bomb in fluttering her eyelashes at you

Anyone that states they have lived in Ukraine for 3.5 years and cannot find a 'decent woman' has some serious handicaps.   

It's easy to meet women in Ukraine, but hard to find a good one. I am of course not here for the vareneky and borsch, and have bedded scores of them. But I don't see the appeal of making one my wife.

I also know many foreigners that have been kidnapped and robbed here, especially watch out at places like Buffalo 99, a restaurant in the centre, girls like to take foreigners there because they get an inflated bill which the girls take a cut of. Many of the also work with chechen crooks who will burgle your apartment and break into your car etc

Anyway I'm all for a good love story too , so I hope you guys will find what you're looking for. Your best hunting grounds are Nikolaev oblast, Poltava, Kharkiv, Lviv, Ivano Frankivsk etc.....Western Ukrainians are more religious and you are more likely to find a "wholesome" girl there, as they worship something else apart from cash.