help me understand this girl

[thebigif]

this is a question about failing dating so please bear with me. I've been trying to understand the situation then realized that this is a Russian girl i'm talking about, and i know even less about them then american girls.

a Russian exchange student who works at the bar that i have business with starts showing interest.

 first day she saw me she was stared at me for 5 seconds or so for 2-3 times.

anyways, from then on, more eye gazes, quick smiles in rather high volume.

then one day, we are left alone in the bar. she suddenly gets fidgety as hell- adjusting everything around her, dusting the bottles (which nobody ever does there even with the owner watching) so i finally initiate conversation and whatever light remarks i make she laughs way too hard even though they're not funny at all. then the owner comes back, we are interrupted, and she immediately goes into the bathroom to check the mirror, comes back and just keeps sitting faced toward me staring at me, wanting to continue the conversation.

it's really too aggressive how much interest she's trying to show me, and i start getting a little too excited on the inside.

finally ask her out several days later. but here's where i start to screw up. i get her phone number, then promise her to a dinner...then ask her for her name. yup, we've had only 3 minutes of conversation until then to not even know her name.

her phone's broken (this is legit as she is now carrying around a flip phone instead of her smartphone) so i use IM service that is linked to the phone number she gave me.

2 days later i text her hi, then let's go to dinner tonight.
her- sorry, busy today but i'll be free in the afternoon sometime next week.

now i panic that it has been downgraded to an afternoon meet so suddenly, but i did ask her suddenly for the dinner.
then i continue texting her in short exchanges daily without building much vibe. she is rather cold and aloof in her exchange, btw. english isn't her primary language so i don't think much of it.

middle of the 'next week', i have to be at the bar, she greets me very friendly, trying to make conversation, and i just somehow freeze up. i got so shy that i was only able to say hi and bye the whole time i was there when she was being overly friendly.

next day i text her 'let's meet up today' get a text back 6 hours later that she was busy the day and will be 'like this from now on'. so the date is pretty much canceled as i can tell but i chat up some more anyways before ending the conversation.

i'm back at the bar 2 days later and she is completely indifferent to me. but i stop her on my way out and ask her one last time if she wants the date, and get a no.
the next time i saw her she closed her eyes and crossed her arms the whole time i was there, lol...

the things i did were turn off to any women, indeed. but what i'd like to know is if her interest level was genuine in the start, if russian girls are so casual at blowing men off as much as american girls, and which of the things i did (obnoxious texting, shyness..) would have turned this russian girl off the most.

p.s. one detail that bothers me a bit since it was an unusual reaction on her part is when i was at the bar and too shy to talk to her. she got chewed out by her manager and i acted as though i was busy on the computer. i actually tried a feeble attempt at conversation right afterwards and she had her arms crossed, looked at me disapprovingly and just nodded three times without saying anything. back then i only thought why the hell are you mad at me for, but now i think of it, it could be a russian chivalry thing that i neglected.

please let me know your opinion. thanks.

[lordtiberius]

http://www.youtube.com/      watch?v=TBIL2sdfoVc

You have to know what you want.

I broke the link to spare the moderators the hassle of memory issues with pics and videos.  Re-establish the link and watch the video and think about it or not.

Good luck and happy new year!

[Shadow]

She shows clear interest and you treat her like something you have to fit in your schedule between now and next year.  By the time you were ready for a date she allready had born 3 children...

[Muzh]

Never, ever try to pick up a babe behind a bar. NEVER!!!

[thebigif]

so what i did was a fool's play in anybody's standards? no cultural misunderstanding involved?

[Muzh]

so what i did was a fool's play in anybody's standards? no cultural misunderstanding involved?

Give this man a cigar!!!

[jone]

Give this man a cigar!!!

Bill Clinton's?

[thebigif]

thx, i'll savor a cigar.

what about the angry head nod thing? did she expect me to back her up, with some russian code of honor?

and is she going to treat this lightly as i am not? because i get the feeling that russians don't date as casually...

[Shadow]

thx, i'll savor a cigar.

what about the angry head nod thing? did she expect me to back her up, with some russian code of honor?

and is she going to treat this lightly as i am not? because i get the feeling that russians don't date as casually...

You had a chance, you spoilt it. Now please stop confirming all bad habits of men and do not become a stalker.
Its over, ignore her and move on.

[thebigif]

just wanna know so that i can learn from it. as you can see, my only future prospect is mail order bride at the moment.

[AC]

just wanna know so that i can learn from it. as you can see, my only future prospect is mail order bride at the moment.

There is no such thing as "mail order bride".  Cancel that thought.

[Muzh]

just wanna know so that i can learn from it. as you can see, my only future prospect is mail order bride at the moment.

Me thinks you are being a bit pessimistic.


Can you divulge in what age bracket do you fall in?

[AC]

Never, ever try to pick up a babe behind a bar. NEVER!!!

Did that old habit bite you in the arse back in your college days?   

[Shadow]

just wanna know so that i can learn from it. as you can see, my only future prospect is mail order bride at the moment.

What you can learn from it is that you are not in any way prepared to date women. Work on that first, then see if you have really already turned off all the 20 million or so eligible women in your country.

[jone]

How do you know that this woman didn't find someone she liked more?

Move on to the next one.  It will create a great amount of respect for you among your friends and even among the women.  Shadow is right.  You only have once chance to make a first impression.  Don't moon over something that will never happen.

As for dating?  If there is one out there, there are a hundred.  You don't have to go overseas to find your woman.  But you can.

[Lily]

I personally don't see anything cultural here. If she does not answer positively on your invitation to get out, move on.

[Muzh]

Did that old habit bite you in the arse back in your college days?   

That, my friend, was my downfall. We should have never married.


I learned a lot from the service industry, though.

[thebigif]

i also want to know if i got played.

her show of interest was way too strong, which makes me wonder if russian girls are more flirtatious.

no doubt i won't ever bother her again, but i'm going to be playing this in my head for a long time until i find some insight.

[Boethius]

You can play it in your head forever.  You won't know the answer until you get into her head.  For all you know, she wanted you to ask her out to make someone else jealous.


Best not to overanalyze it, just move on.

[Lily]

her show of interest was way too strong, which makes me wonder if russian girls are more flirtatious.

Some may, but I wouldn't say that it is a cultural trait. Rather the opposite, especially for the quality Russian girls and women.

[thebigif]

You can play it in your head forever.  You won't know the answer until you get into her head.  For all you know, she wanted you to ask her out to make someone else jealous.


Best not to overanalyze it, just move on.

true, true.

but i'm more curious about my mistakes and how much of her reaction was culturally influenced. i got most of what i  did wrong, and i suppose she was interested in the beginning, but i'm still scratching my head over her angry nods.

it was as if i did something wrong even though it wasn't even my business to get involved in the quarrel between her and the manager. that could be russian chivalry mentality at play, no?

[notforone]

i also want to know if i got played.

her show of interest was way too strong, which makes me wonder if russian girls are more flirtatious.

no doubt i won't ever bother her again, but i'm going to be playing this in my head for a long time until i find some insight.

This is not cultural by any means. She might have been flirting with you. Was she much younger?

Also, sounds you're a little shy. Don't bang your head against the wall .. move on, there's plenty of other fish. Try to practice your social skills with women.

[AC]

That, my friend, was my downfall. We should have never married.


I learned a lot from the service industry, though.

Very interesting response.  I remember when I was infatuated with a particular waitress at a popular bar/restaurant.  I did not ask her out right away, just kept trying to build a friendship.  Eventually I asked her out, and I found at that her boyfriend was an NFL player.  Oops!  Yes, out of my league, but very sweet.

[mendeleyev]

her show of interest was way too strong

She works behind a bar, earning tips. Her job is to keep you interested.

Your hesitation and shyness reminded her of the difference between a confident man, and something less. A guy is either ready to engage with a lady, or not. Girls read these signals well, very well.

Go date locally and hone your relationship skills. In many cases, the last thing a fellow needs is a gal from across the ocean.

[Faux Pas]

I wouldn't toss her out or move on yet. if you are interested in her. I would however approach her (confidently and with purpose I might add) and ask her "what's her story?".  Explain to her that you got the vibe then, you didn't get the vibe and now you want the vibe back. Open a rapport, if she's not already involved let her know that you and her are going out. You have a wonderful dinner planned and an evening she'll remember. It's your shyness and failure to launch that has her soured on you. Fix it. She's already let you know she's interested. Don't wait on her to hold her breath and turn blue