Hurt feelings/Sad

[KenInUtah]

Hi ladies,

I wonder if you can help me with something.  I am heading to Moscow to meet my lady in a couple of months and have been looking around for some gifts to bring her that would be special, especially from where I live.  I mentioned on the phone this morning that I had gotten one of my gifts for her.  She wanted to know what it was.  I told her it is a gift and she will get it when I arrive, very politely of course.  (I have a plan to have a separate gift for her for each day I am there).  She got sad that I wouldn't tell her what it was and I explained again it was a gift.  She told me "it wasn't fair" that I told her about a gift (I slipped up, I know) and wouldn't tell her what it is.  Is this normal behavior or am I over-reacting?

[Boethius]

You're overcomplicating the issue.  Yes, IMHO, you are overreacting.

[Lily]

Agree with Boethius. The woman was just joking, I think.

[Gator]

Can not answer your question without hearing the tone in her voice. 

The two of you are well advanced in your communication, so maybe she is trying to get an idea of what you purchased so she can buy a comparable gift for you.  Many RW I met had a gift for me.  Something small but still a gift (a CD, a souvenir made in their province, etc.).   

Culturally, I believe it better to not mention a gift and then surprise her in Moscow.  What to do now that the cat is out of the bag.   You have a couple of options:

1.)  Play a game and ask her to guess, giving her enough clues to guess correctly. 

2.)  My preference - ask her what does she want, and after eventually prying an answer from her, reply "Amazing!  That's exactly what I got you."     Then go shopping for what she wants.

My guess is that we will not want to play and will not talk about the gift.

If you have a plan to present her a gift each day, do not mention them now, and for sure keep them hidden in Moscow (locked luggage).     I tried the same and my wife opened them all the first day, ignoring my mild protest.   The gifts thrilled her.   

[Chicagoguy]

My Russian wife does not surprises but I doubt if it is cultural.

[Faux Pas]

If she isn't joking you've got bigger problems than the gift you take.

[KenInUtah]

Thanks guys!  I was wondering if its cultural.  I think I am overthinking!

[BillyB]

2.)  My preference - ask her what does she want, and after eventually prying an answer from her, reply "Amazing!  That's exactly what I got you."     Then go shopping for what she wants.

Chiming in late because I missed this thread due to it getting drowned out by the political threads.


I've asked the ladies before my first visit if there is anything they'd like me to bring. Most say "bring yourself". One said she would like to have a bottle of perfume that is not sold in Ukraine. If there was a request, I'd go shopping for it. If there were no request, the gifts I'd bring are surprises.


Ken, bring some See's Candies truffles made with real fruits. Made in America and always a hit with the ladies over there. Also bring her a photo book full of scenery in the state/area you live in. If she really likes you, she will love the book because it'll give her a glimpse of where she's going to someday live.

[jone]

Sees Candies are not made in America.  They are made in Los Angeles. 

[ML]

Sees Candies are not made in America.  They are made in Los Angeles.

With foreign labor.

[jone]

How dare you say that?  Foreign labor! 

Sees Candies are made by the finest efforts of the finest Los Angelinos.   The fact that Angel-es is the way these workers commonly say Angels is not  a topic for discussion. 

[BillyB]

Sees Candies are not made in America.  They are made in Los Angeles.

They also have a factory in San Francisco. Different country too? Foreign labor?


There is a See's near Salt Lake city for KenInUtah to buy some or he can buy some online.


http://chocolateshops.sees.com/search.php?txbCityState=utah&country=US&searchrad=100