Speed Dating

[mendeleyev]

Speed Dating is becoming very popular in Russia these days. I noticed the trend in St Petersburg over the past couple of years, but apparently it has come full force to Moscow. Perhaps I am mistaken, but this might be a resource to guys traveling to larger Russian cities.

This group, the link is below, has been sending notices to the Mendeleyev Journal. I imagine that they send them to most media, but nobody in our office is interested in that sort of thing. Or, at least brave enough to reveal that interest.  Therefore I cannot vouch for the group, either good or bad, but they've been featured on Moscow FM (English Radio in Moscow) and if my pals Pete, Danny and Sophia feel them okay, then perhaps it is worth a look for single guys.

The website shows an age limit of 45, and they claim that the number of women outpace the number of guys who attend (shocking claim!). There is a charge for each session.

http://www.r-gorod.ru/english/

My experience in live social events like this is that most of these folk speak some measure of English, and are working professionals. I would go check them out myself and report back, but I enjoy living on top of green grass, as opposed to underneath, so best if I not tempt Mrs Mendeleyeva into doing something she might (or not) regret later. 

Have you experienced speed dating?

Do you think that it would work in an international setting?

[Patagonie]

If i were single and living in Moscow, that is exactly i would like to do, even during a travel.

I would speedating.

[Larry1]

If I were there I would try speed dating. It's got to be better than speed dating here. I've never tried it but I've read about two studies on speed dating here.  All the girls pick the youngest, tallest, best-looking guys.

It's consistent with the "superstar" effect Dan Ariely found in his study of online dating, in which the best looking 5% of guys drew hugely more interest than even top 10% guys. Perhaps the dynamics would be different in FSU.

[ML]

I've never tried it but I've read about two studies on speed dating here.  All the girls pick the youngest, tallest, best-looking guys.

It's consistent with the "superstar" effect Dan Ariely found in his study of online dating, in which the best looking 5% of guys drew hugely more interest than even top 10% guys.

Nothing surprising about this.

Wouldn't the same be true for the guys choosing gals?

[Boethius]

Nothing surprising about this.

Can't be.  I've read here all along that FSUW don't care about looks at all.
 

[ML]

Can't be.  I've read here all along that FSUW don't care about looks at all.

Well, I'm glad that at least one doesn't !

[Boethius]

Well, I'm glad that at least one doesn't !

[Larry1]

Nothing surprising about this.

Wouldn't the same be true for the guys choosing gals?

My recollection from reading about the study was that a higher percentage of girls wrote to top 5% guys than guys wrote to top 5% girls. This stuck in my mind because it was the opposite of what I would have guessed. I went online to find the writeup. Quickly scanning it I didn't see this bit, although I think the version I read some years ago was longer.

The research was done on Match.com's users in the Boston and San Diego areas. The idea was to gain an  understanding of daters' revealed preferences (how they actually acted) instead of their stated preferences (how they would respond to a survey).

Here are some of the lessons that stood out:

If you're a guy -
be tall*
be good-looking
make a lot of money

If you're a girl -
be good-looking
be slender


*I had long known that most girls prefer tall guys but I had no idea how strong this preference was. As a guy who is over six feet tall I'm sure that I've benefited from this preference, but it strikes me as curious.

[ML]

If you're a guy -
be tall*
be good-looking
make a lot of money

If you're a girl -
be good-looking
be slender

Guys have to meet three criteria; but gals only have to meet two criteria ??

What's with that ?

But seriously, I don't think gals require tall guys in the absolute sense of tall.  They probably only require that the guy be somewhat taller than they are.

The Mutt and Jeff look is not appealing in couples; even as it sometimes exists.

[Larry1]

But seriously, I don't think gals require tall guys in the absolute sense of tall.  They probably only require that the guy be somewhat taller than they are.

One would think so, but here's a brief bit from Dan Ariely:

Using regression-based labor analysis, Ariely discovered that the most attractive quality in men was height. In fact, for a 5’ 9” man to be equally attractive to a 5’ 10” man, he would have to make $40,000 more in salary per year. Not to fear—men were equally shallow. The most attractive quality in a woman was BMI, with the optimal being 18.5 (slightly underweight). No amount of money could make up for a woman’s BMI; men didn’t care about a woman’s salary or her graduate degree.

http://sites.duke.edu/dukeresearch/2014/02/11/advice-in-the-love-market-from-dan-ariely/

If memory serves, the average income that guys claimed was $65,000.  It surprised me that girls found 5'10" guys so much more attractive than 5'9" guys.

For readers more conversant with metric measurements:

5'9" - 1.75
5'10" - 1.78

The average height for a woman in the US is 5'5" or 1.65

[Patagonie]

As 5'9 is the average height of men, there is no surprise to say that guys above get an advantage.

[Larry1]

As 5'9 is the average height of men, there is no surprise to say that guys above get an advantage.

It doesn't surprise me that a 5'10" guy has an advantage over a 5'9" guy.  What surprises me is the extent of the advantage.  To even things up the 5'9" guy would have to make $105,000 to the 5'10" guy's $65,000.

[ML]

Also keep in mind that guys and gals shrink in height as time progresses, probably starting in 40s or so.

This shrinkage is due to cartilage between joints getting worn down.

So guys, marry soon before your value decreases.

[Chicagoguy]

I think even a guy 5' 5" would be attractive if he was sitting on a HUGE wallet.

[BillyB]

It doesn't surprise me that a 5'10" guy has an advantage over a 5'9" guy.  What surprises me is the extent of the advantage.  To even things up the 5'9" guy would have to make $105,000 to the 5'10" guy's $65,000.

$40,000 dollar difference for one inch? Best a guy save money and buy taller shoes.


There was a period when 25% of the women writing me were taller than I. I'm 5'9". I figured they were starving for attention more than women who were shorter. Maybe guys were intimidated by their height? Who doesn't like long legs? I also noticed most people overestimate their height. When I met women, most were shorter than what they stated.

I think even a guy 5' 5" would be attractive if he was sitting on a HUGE wallet.

Larry says 5'10" is a good number so rule of thumb is a guy's wallet must be an inch thick filled with $100 bills for every inch below 5'10". A guy who's 5'5" must have a 5" wallet to compete with a guy 5'10".

[JayH]

The average height for a woman in the US is 5'5" or 1.65

You sure? I thought that was width of arse?

[Patagonie]

It doesn't surprise me that a 5'10" guy has an advantage over a 5'9" guy.  What surprises me is the extent of the advantage.  To even things up the 5'9" guy would have to make $105,000 to the 5'10" guy's $65,000.

The extend of the height advantage si not only in height 

[ML]

At what height could the man be pennyless, yet successful?

[OhioGuyRob]

Speed Dating is becoming very popular in Russia these days. I noticed the trend in St Petersburg over the past couple of years, but apparently it has come full force to Moscow. Perhaps I am mistaken, but this might be a resource to guys traveling to larger Russian cities.

This group, the link is below, has been sending notices to the Mendeleyev Journal. I imagine that they send them to most media, but nobody in our office is interested in that sort of thing. Or, at least brave enough to reveal that interest.  Therefore I cannot vouch for the group, either good or bad, but they've been featured on Moscow FM (English Radio in Moscow) and if my pals Pete, Danny and Sophia feel them okay, then perhaps it is worth a look for single guys.

The website shows an age limit of 45, and they claim that the number of women outpace the number of guys who attend (shocking claim!). There is a charge for each session.

http://www.r-gorod.ru/english/

My experience in live social events like this is that most of these folk speak some measure of English, and are working professionals. I would go check them out myself and report back, but I enjoy living on top of green grass, as opposed to underneath, so best if I not tempt Mrs Mendeleyeva into doing something she might (or not) regret later. 

Have you experienced speed dating?

Do you think that it would work in an international setting?

Absolutely the best approach.  Hands down, not even close.


Why?   First and foremost, women are very different than men when it comes to attraction.   The vast majority of men all have a general criteria in what is and isn't hot when it comes to girls.  In other words, there isn't a lot of differentiation. 

Ex:  You wont find a single man who given the chance, would turn down a dating opportunity that looked like Jessica Alba's identical twin sister.


You take that same kind of example  with women and there is huge differentiation.  Some women think a guy that looks like young Tom Cruise is really hot... for other women that kind of look does absolutely nothing for them.  Some women really like that burly, hairy mountain man look... still others are attracted to guys that look like bikers (HOT ONES )   So the point is they don't have signs that say I'm turned on by a ______ type of guy. 


Speed dating allows you to figure out what girls in general are attracted to you initially so that you don't waste time chasing a girl who isn't all that into you.


You have to accept the fact that marriage to a girl from a different country, native language and different culture is 100% going to be MORE difficult than marriage to a girl from the West.  Remember, no matter how well she may speak English (chances are not very well)  there is going to be communication challenges and misunderstandings. 


If you go down this path you are going to have to be tirelessly patient, understanding and very slow to anger.  If you cant do this YOU WILL FAIL.


The rewards however are IMO (if you find the right girl) are worth it...

[Shadow]

Speed dating is the same as a tour, with the minor difference travel is excluded and local men can get in as well....

[OhioGuyRob]

No its not.


I traveled to Odessa in July of 2004 I had originally planed on meeting a couple of girls I had be writing to and when my travel plans were finalized and paid for that is when suddenly these girls were not able to meet... lol 


My dating trip turned into a pure vacation because I had no one to meet.  I had booked a flat in the center of the city and
when I arrived I discovered that the people I had rented the flat from also had a very, very small dating agency... they had maybe 30-40 girls they were working with.    The manager handed me a binder with profiles and asked me to pick out 3 girls I would like to meet today and 2 I would like to meet the following day because she had a girl that she wanted me to meet that had just joined them and she knew the family of this girl.


The speed date was me with the girl for like 5-10 minutes over coffee/juice asking questions of each other through an interpreter.  We would wrap up our conversation the girl would leave, I would go back to the office and they would ask if I was interested in seeing her IF the girl was interested in seeing me again.... Often, either I wasnt interested, she wasn't or we both weren't.... I met my wife on the second day I was in Odessa (11 years ago this July)  I knew the second she walked in the door... and it was that chemistry thing that is there or isnt there... ALL of the girls I was introduced to were very, very pretty.... ALL OF THEM.... but Natalya was it for me.


Now Perhaps you are talking about a large cattle call meeting with hundreds of girls... IMO thats not the way to do things though, It can work....


1st meeting IMO should be short and WITH an interpreter...  Dont make any emotional connections... see things as they really are... and she MUST, MUST, MUST be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY into you...


My rule of thumb is that if she wasnt willing to kiss me on the lips by the end of the second date, it was a no go.... Why?  Because I wanted a girl that KNEW right away that she was romantically interested.. I did not want to have to convince or woo a girl into liking me...


Why?  Because this journey is difficult.  Culture, language and customs are all different miscommunication is EASY  and you need a girl that is 100% invested in the relationship and is really into you for this to work.

[AC]

I think even a guy 5' 5" would be attractive if he was sitting on a HUGE wallet.

Putin is 5' 5" and apparently has a huge wallet.

[mendeleyev]

OhioGuy, although I have not done speed dating (my wife would kill me), I can see the benefits. In the context of men who travel to Russia for a week or so, such a process might be more productive that buying coffee and dessert for 25 or 30 ladies just to find out if there is some sort of chemistry.

Also agree, 1,000% on your comments regards language and communication.

[Anotherkiwi]

I had booked a flat in the center of the city and when I arrived I discovered that the people I had rented the flat from also had a very, very small dating agency... they had maybe 30-40 girls they were working with.

Are they still around? 

[Chicagoguy]

If I had known taller men had an advantage I would have grown about 3 more inches.