REALITY CHECK!

[PeeWee]

peewee-

i'm again assuming buy how the question was worded ,
the situation is simply at the writing stage,,

if you still are in the wrirting stage, IMHO you have no right whatsoever to ask her to pull her profile?
she has no idea wether you will ever travel or that you two will actually hit it off..
you dont either!
you can hope for the best, you can feel real good about her , you can think you are in love with her,, but untill meeting you know nothing and owe each other nothing as crazy as exclusivity?

IF you have met, and have agreed to be in an exclusive relationship,
then she should have pulled her profile ion ger own.. and sure you can have some worries if she refuses to.

but its like other red flags you brought up that are not always truly red?
truth is that many agencies wont pull the profiles (They are money makers)
 quickly and often profiles have been sold or stolen, and it's dang near impossible to get them all removed even if she is very diligent!!!!!!!!!
 My wife and i went thru this very thing.. but she asked me to call the places and try to get them down,,see how easy it is to know about someone?
by the way 5 years later-  my wifes was still in anastasia's catalog last time one came here..(she never signed up with them,nor did it lol)
 you are welcome to purchase her *cough* contact info..from me instead!
and if you will send a nice WU..
i'll love you ,and only you, and write only you my sweetest weepee!  

again you are the correspondence stage? this man wasnt! he was married to her!
Peewee its my sincere hope that if you spend enough time with any lady to love her and ask her to marry you,
that during such time you would actually know her occupatuoin , by simple observation,, while you were visiting her, what she talked about routinely
you would be calling her at random regular and irregular times, ,this alone would tell you volumes..

if you need to hire a PI to find out some thing as simple as what she does for a living,, i propose that you dont know the lady nearly well enough to propose!

 hiring a PI to check such basic things is getting the cart way before the horse,,
aftereall it is someone you plan to marry?
if you are just corrersponding ,of course you cant know,,
but then again you arent proposing thru email ..
you arnt even dating yet!

i agree, but should it not come from natural interaction during the courtship phase?
isnt it prudent to be around her,have decent enough communication levels,  and in contact with her often enough to have a good grasp of such daily parts of her life..???

if guys are proposing to complete strangers, or to someone they cannot speak to,  i can understand the need for a PI

but if youre at the point of engagement , and think you need a PI,
i think you need to not propose untill you have the time to know her better as a person..
I suppose a PI might quickly uncover something that would take you awhile,
and save you some time in actually getting to know your intended bride..lol
 
but lets get real here,
if you have some hunch , or feeling, at the point of proposing
to the love of your life..
that you need a PI, then you are:
 paranoid,
or not ready yet to propose (for many reasons)

if a PI can sort those feelings out for you.. my guess is your hunch to hire one came from somewhere.. something was already troubling you?

i'm not against it,to each his own..
 i just find it a very odd practice,
it never would have crossed my mind.

yes i knew exactly without any doubt,  what my wife did for a living,,where she lived,
 most of her friend and all of her family..
were they lived ,what they did for a living.
  how? i dated her!  
so you would generally find about  her, and also about the people in her life? not trying to be a detective, it would just happen naturally?
thru normal interaction with friends family, her co workers ,her boss, you tend to talk to people and come to understand what they do daily?thier hobbies and interests, thier employment?

maybe i'm making life ,romance , and dating too  simple?  

yes it can be difficult if you dont understand some russian..
but i'd rather learn enough Russian to get buy , than hire a PI.
because i'm really interested in these people,,
and not to prove if they are scamming or not,,just to know the people in my wives life?? 

In the writing stage the checking is premature. I would expect her to be writing to others until the time one man became the clear choice. That may not occur until after several visits had happened.

peewee

[PeeWee]

PeeWee..

Maybe the other guy asked first?

I dunno.. maybe using a PI to verify some of the basic facts discretely if I had any doubts prior to getting on the plane for the first meeting but that's probably as far as I would ever go. Certainly not at the early pen-pal stage. If I had any doubts whatsoever prior to asking her to marry I simply would wait until additional personal visits confirmed my feelings one way or another.

Until you're engaged you're simply dating imho. The concept of "Going steady" was a high school fantasy.

True, who asked first got her. But that was not my point. My point was that you do not know who else is in the game nor how many. Assume that many are and do not be surpised when  you find out about it. But proceed and act as you would if you were dating a local woman who was popular enough to be dating severa men at the same time.

Peewee

[jb]

Peewee,

You just don't understand the RW mentality.  My wife has a very good friend, a very pretty woman with a lot on the ball. She isn't a rich woman like you want, but very, very nice and an extremely talented artist.  We have several of her paintings on the walls here.  I once asked why she wasn't married, the reply was; "Nobody ever asked."  Well, she is married now simply because somebody had the balls to ask a very pretty woman to marry him. 

Once a Russian woman makes up her mind it's time to get married and have her family, many times it's just a question of who gets there first with the best offer.  It is said in Russia that men fall in love with their eyes, while a woman falls in love with her ears.  To get the best woman in Russia a man needs to have a suitcase full of soft-sell, but a faint heart never fetched the fair maiden.  It never hurts to hang some noodles on a pretty woman's ears.

[Jumper]

jb said:

................while a woman falls in love with her ears. 
..........................

To get the best woman in Russia a man needs to have a suitcase full of soft-sell, but a faint heart never fetched the fair maiden.  It never hurts to hang some noodles on a pretty woman's ears.

 LOL!

certainly jb,
they generally expect if a man wants something, he will certainly say so.
in action as well as words,,and put forth an effort.
if not, he must not be interested, or actually want anything.
RW pragmatitism again?

 My wife says that line about RW falling in love with thier ears often, and means it -  add in a true love of flowers, a fashion bug, a crazyness for toddlers ,   and you have her fairly closely pegged.(not unusual for a RW?)


More on the practicality/pragmatic  issue-
( i know its ageneralization, but many RW have a pragmatic  mentality)
why she married me versers a very VERY handsome , more wealthy Russian b/f - suitor?
because he would never love her, like i would.
She was convinced l truly loved her,, and she would always be #1 in my heart.
Since *model Sasha* had devushkas constantly flocking around,and his somewhat justified mentality that he was worthy of all the attention,
  she was certain any marriage to him wouldnt last ,that he would care for her but not the "big love" and always would have an eye on other women,  and that  he would be unfaithful .
So better to marry the man that loved you.

Certainly not romantic or not always what you would like to hear, but thats somewhat a RW  pragmatic approach to life..

hey sometimes being less than brad pitt works,,
and even a blind chicken finds some corn occassionally.

 

[jb]

My point exactly, AJ, a shy man will die of loneliness in Russia.  RW's want a man who is willing to take some risks and go to some lengths for her.  An AM going halfway around the world to meet her has half the battle in the bag at that point, any RW would consider that very romantic.  After all, how many RM will even walk across the street for her?

As long as he is slightly better looking than a monkey, they say...

[PeeWee]

Peewee,

You just don't understand the RW mentality.  My wife has a very good friend, a very pretty woman with a lot on the ball. She isn't a rich woman like you want, but very, very nice and an extremely talented artist.  We have several of her paintings on the walls here.  I once asked why she wasn't married, the reply was; "Nobody ever asked."  Well, she is married now simply because somebody had the balls to ask a very pretty woman to marry him. 

Once a Russian woman makes up her mind it's time to get married and have her family, many times it's just a question of who gets there first with the best offer.  It is said in Russia that men fall in love with their eyes, while a woman falls in love with her ears.  To get the best woman in Russia a man needs to have a suitcase full of soft-sell, but a faint heart never fetched the fair maiden.  It never hurts to hang some noodles on a pretty woman's ears.

Jb, I  had realized the "...who gets there first with the best offer," mentality but it also seems a logic that is founded in despartion. Why does she have to place herself in a situation where the best offer wins? I told the story of my friend who told me when I asked how her mother chose her father, she told me, "He was the one who brought her the most gifts." The divorce rate in Russia is high. Maybe they need to think more about how they choose their men because the "...best offer" approach does not seem to work any better for them than it does for us Americans.

With that said, as always, you make a good point, jb.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

My point exactly, AJ, a shy man will die of loneliness in Russia.  RW's want a man who is willing to take some risks and go to some lengths for her.  An AM going halfway around the world to meet her has half the battle in the bag at that point, any RW would consider that very romantic.  After all, how many RM will even walk across the street for her?

As long as he is slightly better looking than a monkey, they say...

Not only RW, jb, but all women. Maybe that is why our AW seem to gravitate toward the badboys of our society.

Peewee

[jb]

Because the RM fail to continue to hang noodles... It's very simple.

[jb]

It just occurred to me that you didn't get it.

Maybe I should write a book entitled; "The Care And Feeding Of Russian Women".  I wonder if it would sell....

[BC]

Probably would jb..

I remember walking into my MIL's house one August day.. the hallway was filled with potatoes, onions, mushrooms and many other assorted staples.. I'd never seen so much stock in a home before.  MIL explained 'when the price and quality is right the time is ripe.. we'll make it through winter just fine..'

<---- a happy potatoe.

[catzenmouse]

It just occurred to me that you didn't get it.

Maybe I should write a book entitled; "The Care And Feeding Of Russian Women".  I wonder if it would sell....

 If you write it I'll create a web site for you to promote it. As long as I get a signed copy...

[jb]

I remember walking into my MIL's house one August day.. the hallway was filled with potatoes, onions, mushrooms and many other assorted staples..

Your MIL and mine must have gone to school together, they are of the same mind.

I swear, that old woman could survive the winter with nothing but the pumpkins she raised at the dacha.  Trips to the woods to find mushrooms are common, buying sacks of potatos and onions is something to look forward to, and the tomatoes and cucumbers never last long enough. 

It's a way of life few people here can understand.

[BC]

catz,

I'm sure jb will  be happy to sign a copy for you but delivery terms (on top of head) might land you in the recovery room 

[BC]

It's a way of life few people here can understand.

So true jb..

[jb]

Careful, BC, Catz is one of the good guys around here, also married to a fine RW, and in the process of handing out some good stuff to the newbies.

I wouldn't whap him on the head with a book I'd written anyway, after all it'd only be 9 pages long anyway. It might piss 'em off.

[PeeWee]

Because the RM fail to continue to hang noodles... It's very simple.

Could it also mean that because of the excess wodka consumption that those noodles go limp as well?

Peewee

[jb]

I'm sorry, Peewee;

Do you not understand the metaphor of hanging noodles from a girl's ears?  This is an old Russian expression that is usually well understood by all men who date Russian women.  Come on now, don't tell me you don't know this... about Russians.

[Jumper]

jb LMAO!

well a few noodles do tend to make my wife smile,
even if she knows what i'm up to , she appreciates them.

i give my wife flowers randomly, but almost weekly..
even more frequently now than when we were dating-
 i'm quite simply the best man in the world over that!!
it never ceases to amaze me that she gets as much thrill out of them each time, or the care she lasvishes on them..
( i would eventually get bored even if someone gave me a new bike every week)
 of course not all RW are as nuts about flowers ,so do what works..

the chick at the place i buy them,  used to think i was a real badboy,, getting out of the dog house so often!  LOL!
felt sorry for me and gave me big discounts..and flirts often..
so see peewee? - you dont have to really be bad,, perception is reality..
                   

[jb]

tee-hee, I also do the random flowers.

But with my bad behavior I generally have to go directly to the jewerly store, bypassing the flowers.

Flowers,,,hell,,, you're getting off light.

[ConnerVT]

the chick at the place i buy them,  used to think i was a real badboy,, getting out of the dog house so often!  LOL!
   

Reminded me of something that happened a couple of weeks ago --

I grabbed a bouquet of flowers at the supermarket while picking up a few things (bread, bananas, etc).  The man standing in line asked me what I had done that I needed to buy flowers.  I told him the truth: I married a very wonderful, loving woman...   

[PeeWee]

I'm sorry, Peewee;

Do you not understand the metaphor of hanging noodles from a girl's ears?  This is an old Russian expression that is usually well understood by all men who date Russian women.  Come on now, don't tell me you don't know this... about Russians.

Chances are is that it means that while they gave her gifts and came on strong in the courtship phase that once they won her heart they gave up trying. No loads as we called them in the military. I think what has happened here, jb, is taht I was ahead of you, rather than behind you as  you had assumed, and I went on to make a joke of it. Over your head, as they say.

Am I right about the noodles?

peewee

[jb]

Not even close.

ROFLMFAO

Ok,,, to hang noodles on a girl's ears is to sweet talk her, i.e., to give complements about her appearance, to say nice things about a girls personality, to give the impression that she's smart, has your undivided attention and you can't even see that other woman sitting across the room.

There are no gifts involved in hanging noodles.

[docetae]

ok, so I go for the truth about CC.
They are scam. An intelligent , but well made scam, exploiting both women and men.

Take their top100 ... One of the girl will be married this summer with ... one ukrainian guy and she is just a social dater ...None of the girl wrote their intro letter ... Some ask to be removed from the site but are not.

Most of the girl answers by phone to letters sent and after translators add romance ... and this can be in both way.
Take a girl with no hope in one remote place in Ukraine (CC offices are not in large town) with no knowledge of english, and on the other side, wealthy people who wants to believe in fairy tales...

A lot of letters are not even answered by girls themselves... the goal is to get the man paying, paying and paying and if they meet , trying to control the situation the best they can in order to get more money...

They do not care about people , only money. Their price have no logic even from a western standard... So yes, all girl are real, but that does not mean they are all looking to leave Ukraine ...

If you do not believe me, look in russian for resume in the web with cc as experience and ask your questions ... you will see by yourself.

[PeeWee]

Not even close.

ROFLMFAO

Ok,,, to hang noodles on a girl's ears is to sweet talk her, i.e., to give complements about her appearance, to say nice things about a girls personality, to give the impression that she's smart, has your undivided attention and you can't even see that other woman sitting across the room.

There are no gifts involved in hanging noodles.

Not bad. And this is somehow different than what any man anywhere in the world would do? What do we call that here in the United States? Line of BS?

Peewee

[jb]

The point AJ and I were trying to illustrate is that Russian women fall in love with their ears.  A few well chosen words will get you farther than a gift.  This is the chief reason I maintain that a man who cannot talk to a RW cannot win her heart. 

YMMV.