POLL: When should you talk about sex, red days, and etc with a FSUW?

[2tallbill]

When would you think the right time to bring up the subject of sex with an
FSUW? Wouldn't you like to know if she prefers having sex twice a year or
four times per day? or something in between?

Do you think that these girls sit on pedestals while thinking virtuous thoughts
all day or do you think that they wonder how much lead you have in your
pencil and what freaky things you are into?

There are a million answers to this question and I think that there are different
strokes for different folks and maybe some things like your fetish for barefooted
midget nuns should remain a secret until your FSUW feels absolutely comfortable
around you.

So what say you?

I have my own opinions on this and what works for me and will post them, but 
I am posing the question so the newbies/lurkers can see what some of the experienced
guys around here think.

If you are a newbie or an FSUW feel free to chime in as well.

Udachi!

 

[Boethius]

Your poll questions are biased.


Why would you need to talk about how often you have sex?  Wouldn't that become apparent when you start having sex?

[alex330]

Why would you need to talk about how often you have sex?  Wouldn't that become apparent when you start having sex?

It is better to broach the subject tactfully at some point before the relationship becomes serious than to wait until later down the road and have incompatability issues pop up. Everyone is different in this regard and some people have higher drives and place more importance on frequency than others.

When a couple begins to have sex it is not a true indicator as most people act like rabbits in the honeymoon period. You also need to take into account that most women's interest will usually die down a bit after (insert any reason like kids, work schedule, etc here) and go off that.

[2tallbill]

Your poll questions are biased.

Probably, they are. I am open to suggestions if you have them

Why would you need to talk about how often you have sex?  Wouldn't that become apparent when you start having sex?

Sure, but there are girls in this world who don't care to have it very often.
There are also girls who are freaking bunnies who would like to have sex
several times per day. A guy might need a transfusion before day six rolled
around.

I think that you underestimate how many girls are very very different in their
tastes and preferences. Many people are simply not at all compatible and it's
my opinion that most men should know this before spending thousands of
dollars on a trip.

[Boethius]

But you are assuming first, that a woman is going to be honest in answering the question, and that further, she knows.  A lot of that difference is subjective, based on a person's desire/feelings for their partner. 

[2tallbill]

But you are assuming first, that a woman is going to be honest in answering the question, and that further, she knows.  A lot of that difference is subjective, based on a person's desire/feelings for their partner.

Sure, however if a girl says that except for making babies that she doesn't like to have
sex at all it would be something that I would want to know. I talked to a girl in Nikolaev
who gave me that exact answer. I didn't get on a plane to see her.

 

[calmissile]

If one has reasonable social skills, you can generally get a feel for the answer to ones passion in casual conversation without having to pose the question directly.  If not, then the proper time is when it is comfortable for both parties to discuss it.  Even then, the question can be broached indirectly and see if it leads to a more definitive answer.  Not knowing in advance has never stopped me from dating someone.

[ML]

I think that you underestimate how many girls (and guys) are very very different in their tastes and preferences. Many people are simply not at all compatible . . .

This is very true.  Almost 100% of women will tell you they have a 'normal' interest in sex.  But they have absolutely no idea of the vast differences in reality.

[ML]

But you are assuming . . . and that further, she knows.

This is very true also.  Most really do not know.

[BillyB]

I always ask the question about how often a woman desires sex before visiting her. If two people are going to spend the rest of their lives together, this is an important question just as religion, politics, and roles a husband and wife are to play in a marriage. It's foolish for a guy to spend $3000 on a first date without understanding the lady he's visiting first. I like to ask the question before the woman asks so they aren't repeating my beliefs. Many ladies actually enjoy these serious questions and tell me so. They too fear that when it comes to sex or other beliefs, the man that is visiting them will be very different. Of course people can lie but you have to ask the question(s) to discover if they are capable of lying and on what scale.

[Steamer]

I always thought that intimate talks were better done in person. I also gave her a couple of days to get to like me before I creeped her out by jumping her bones (physically OR verbally).

[LiveFromUkraine]

Sure, however if a girl says that except for making babies that she doesn't like to have
sex at all it would be something that I would want to know. I talked to a girl in Nikolaev
who gave me that exact answer. I didn't get on a plane to see her.

I have always found that a person's sex life changes based on the person they are with and how they are together.  Asking someone you never met if they want to have sex 3 times a day isn't a good question to ask.


Only meeting them will you know if there is sexual chemistry.  Sexuality doesn't exist in a vacuum where you want it 3 times a day but only once on Wednesday.   It depends on the person you are with and how they make you feel. 


The girl in Nikolaev may never have been in love, or just had a bad lover, or was abused.  Who knows, but there could be a lot of reasons for her answering that way besides being sexually frigid.  It could have also been a test to see if you were a sex tourist. 


This will also change as your relationship develops. 




Edit: I forgot to answer!  haha 


I wouldn't bring it up at all.  You can typically feel some chemistry through flirting even online.  You won't know to what degree until you meet.  I think this is something that needs to be realized in person.  I understand why some people would want to do this, but I think this comes with the territory of dating in other countries.

[Boethius]

I have always found that a person's sex life changes based on the person they are with and how they are together.  Asking someone you never met if they want to have sex 3 times a day isn't a good question to ask.


Only meeting them will you know if there is sexual chemistry.  Sexuality doesn't exist in a vacuum where you want it 3 times a day but only once on Wednesday.   It depends on the person you are with and how they make you feel. 


The girl in Nikolaev may never have been in love, or just had a bad lover, or was abused.  Who knows, but there could be a lot of reasons for her answering that way besides being sexually frigid.  It could have also been a test to see if you were a sex tourist. 


This will also change as your relationship develops. 




Edit: I forgot to answer!  haha 


I wouldn't bring it up at all.  You can typically feel some chemistry through flirting even online.  You won't know to what degree until you meet.  I think this is something that needs to be realized in person.  I understand why some people would want to do this, but I think this comes with the territory of dating in other countries.

Best post on the thread, LFU. 


The notion that sexual desire is static is rather silly, I think.

[BillyB]

I always thought that intimate talks were better done in person.

All important questions pertaining to relationships are best discussed in person. The long distance thing people here face changes strategy.

Asking someone you never met if they want to have sex 3 times a day isn't a good question to ask.

That isn't a good question to ask and some people don't know how to ask questions. I ask ladies how important and how often they desire sex with their future husband, a man they love, not with an internet stranger. If I desire sex once a month and a lady desires it twice a day, then it's best we don't meet and not waste time with each other. Too many guys out there are wasting thousands of dollars and months of their life/time meeting incompatible women when they could've figured each other out on the internet before a first meeting. Mature people don't have problems discussing sex if the discussion is brought up in a mature manner. Even Elena's Models recommend women discussing sex before a meeting. The importance of that subject is just as important as discussing religion and goals before a meeting.

[Noch1]

Sexual compatibility is as important as other levels of compatibility.
Discussing this along with other important issues in a possible future life is
important. If someone  is not willing to have an adult conversation, then
for me, I don't need to know anymore, she would not be right for me.

I don't think you are looking for exact answers, as to many factors to know
how many times a day or on what days. It is more about each persons
desires and tastes involving sex.

Really not much different than, guy wants to go to the soccer game every Sat.
She hates soccer and wants to the Opera on Sat. nights.
Its all about the lifestyles of both people, the more you figure out.
the better for both people.

[2tallbill]

Before voting I made the assumption that a guy is going to meet one girl after
spending 2-3 months exchanging letters, phone calls and daily Skype. In this
situation I would have discussed thousands and thousands of topics sex being
one of them.

I would have discussed kids, family, theories on discipline, family rolls, chores
for children, books, hobbies, pet peeves, ideas on nutrition,  what the family rule
should be on X,Y,Z and her grooming preferences for the bikini area for both her
man and herself.

I would know her life story and she would know mine. We would talk about movies,
books, health care insurance, my cRaZy family, her wacky family and we would talk
extensively about a potential future together.
 
Using that criteria I voted twice

Sometime before you get on a plane if you are visiting only her
After getting to know her a bit online

[2tallbill]

I always thought that intimate talks were better done in person. I also gave her a couple of days to get to like me before I creeped her out by jumping her bones (physically OR verbally).

Usually within seconds I can tell if we have mutual chemistry or not. I've spent months
talking daily with a woman on Skype and when I arrived to meet her there wasn't any
chemistry. If you don't have mutual chemistry then you don't have it. This isn't a
Hollywood movie, she won't decide later that she wanted you all along. It sucks @ss
but that's life, you must move on.

I'm not going to comment directly on your experience because I don't know the details,
I will comment generically as if some newbie asked me what they thought about jumping
an FSUW's bones.

[NOTE THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION]
If you've talked to a girl every single day and the two of you have talked seriously about
the potentially spending the rest of your living days together. Then when you meet in
the airport and her eyes and smile light up the room and you obviously have mutual
chemistry together then you can move forward. 

Remember, this girl is almost certainly not some sheltered virgin just freshly out of
the convent. This girl has imagined carnal encounters and sweat soaked sheets with
you. She has lived in the FSU and been around Russian men her entire life. Unless
she looks like Janet Reno, she has been hit on and seduced by Russian men. She
absolutely wants you to seduce her.

You could make her wait, but I wouldn't. If for some reason she's not ready she will
say so, but not making a pass at her could more easily be interpreted as rejecting
her or not desiring her than playing the gentleman/knight on a white horse.

Just my two kopecks

Bill

[Brasscasing]

Preferably the best time to catch her (literally) is after a full day of cleaning the house and after she's cooked you dinner then cleaned up and is on her way to the laundry room to press and iron your clothes for the following day...

You approach, grab her crotch, and sensitively ask "Hey babe any strings attached?"

If her response is an estrogen induced, bipolar, manic depressive fit of rage? Back off and mark it on your calendar.

If she just stares at you with murder in her eyes? You're good to go but don't fall asleep afterwards.

Brass

[2tallbill]

after a full day of cleaning the house and after she's cooked you dinner then cleaned up and is on her way to the laundry room to press and iron your clothes for the following day...

If she is on the way to the laundry room to press and iron your clothes then you
probably should be past the talking about sexual theory stage of a relationship and
on to practicing your theories stage of a relationship. 

You approach, grab her crotch, and sensitively ask "Hey babe any strings attached?"

If her response is an estrogen induced, bipolar, manic depressive fit of rage? Back off and mark it on your calendar.

If she just stares at you with murder in her eyes? You're good to go but don't fall asleep afterwards.

Brass

You don't have to get all caveman on me besides you don't have chloroform?
(Kidding)

Luckily thus far, I've not experienced any estrogen induced, bipolar, manic
depressive fits of rage since my divorce 9+ years ago. It's like hitting yourself
in the head with a hammer, it feels so good when you stop

[Brasscasing]

If she is on the way to the laundry room to press and iron your clothes then you
probably should be past the talking about sexual theory stage of a relationship and
on to practicing your theories stage of a relationship. 

Hmmm, maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Usually I lay this out for her in my 'Here's what I expect during the initial 24 hours of my first visit' paragraph. Normally sent in my 2nd email titled 'How do you like me so far?' 

Brass

[Larry1]

As several people above posted, sex varies according to various circumstances. When I came across this email to an advice columnist it occurred to me to post it here to illustrate this:

Q. Post-Baby Sex Life: I have an 11-month-old I’m still nursing but would like to put more effort into getting my sex life back on track. My husband has been very patient but he’s anxious to ramp things back up to where they were before (one to two times a week). The problem is that I think the nursing hormones are killing my sex drive. I’m like a nun here. Any advice?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/03/dear_prudence_breast_feeding_ruined_my_sex_drive_should_i_do_it_anyway.html

Note that the "normal" frequency of sex that she aspires to return to is one or two times a week.

Then there is the story about a husband keeping track of how often his wife acceded to his overtures for sex over a seven week period. He put the information into a spreadsheet:

... we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 'attempts' on his part.

A screenshot of the spreadsheet is available at the link below, but here are a few of the reasons/excuses she gave for saying no to his overtures:

I'm watching the show (re-run of "Friends")
I'm watching my show. I don't want to miss anything.

There were also six non-verbal rebuffs to his overtures.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/21/man-wife-spreadsheet-sex_n_5605670.html

[Steamer]

Remember, this girl is almost certainly not some sheltered virgin just freshly out of
the convent. This girl has imagined carnal encounters and sweat soaked sheets with
you. She has lived in the FSU and been around Russian men her entire life. Unless
she looks like Janet Reno, she has been hit on and seduced by Russian men. She
absolutely wants you to seduce her.

You could make her wait, but I wouldn't. If for some reason she's not ready she will
say so, but not making a pass at her could more easily be interpreted as rejecting
her or not desiring her than playing the gentleman/knight on a white horse.

I understand what you're saying Bill. Any woman that was married and has a kid has been around the block once or twice. This is simply how 'I' operate. I'm more comfortable going a bit slower until I've had a chance to feel out the situation. I usually have a good sense about women UNTIL I have sex with them, then my brains go right out the window and I'll justify the craziest behavior from a woman just to get some more. This is how I protect myself from myself. If waiting 2 days makes her want to bolt then so be it, I'll find another one.

[2tallbill]

I understand what you're saying Bill.

I get what you are saying as well. Different tactics for different personalities. That's why
I wanted to give my generic advice suited for the guys who have yet to get on a plane rather
than something specific for an experienced guy like yourself.

During my first trip to the FSU I was in the brain dead situation after a very vigorous roll
in the hay and I ignored a number of red flags and got my butt burned in the process.

[2tallbill]

For those who plan to meet more than one girl

For those who plan to meet more than one girl, my advice is to write only one letter
or two at most and ask them to meet you for coffee or tea and cake if you want to
sweeten the deal.

In a visit one strategy you write extensively to many many girls narrowing them down
to just one girl then meeting only her. This is a very high risk, high reward strategy. '
If you end up not having mutual chemistry you shot quite a bit of money, time, energy,
etc down the drain.

In a visit many strategy you have a much lower risk. You meet a large number of girls
until you find one that you have mutual chemistry with. Then you make another trip
as soon as possible to meet only her. 

So if you employ a visit many strategy you obviously shouldn't bring up sex until the
time is right. There are those who employ X number of date rules or guidelines that I
find fairly dubious for an experienced dater who isn't socially inept or extremely gullible.

The socially inept and gullible probably shouldn't pursue FSUW. FSUW aren't for entry
level daters. If this is you, then go onto match dot com and get some local dating experience.
Date a couple dozen fatties before giving FSUW a whirl. The other thing you might try is
to hire a wingman or a combination of both.

[msmobyone]

Your polls are never dull, Beel

I'm wholly with LFU on this one ...our sex lives are what we make them and you can only know / find your mutual 'level' in reality.

'Red day/ s' - I do know of a guy who flew his Russian g/f to visit him in France for five days and was NOT pleased when the visit coincided with the 'crisis period'. The poor girl spend most of the time in bed with a 'bad one' ...

They did not work out ....

It is for members to decide if he was selfish / stupid not to ask ... or if she should have said another time was more suitable.

Frankly, I wouldn't dare ask  - beforehand - and hoped she knew her cycle and was 'regular' enough to be accurate.