Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife

[brownbeard99]

Greetings everyone!

I have been lurking on here for awhile and finally got around to creating an account.  Last night, I was on chat and everyone kept asking me the same questions.... Finally, someone suggested that I create an introduction, so I don't have to keep answering the same questions.

I am 41 years old, but don't feel a day over 30. I am from California, but currently live in Chicago, Illinois.  In the summer, enjoy going to the beaches along Lake Michigan (California beaches are better, but the beaches here are still great).  I enjoy running, skiing, swimming, boating, rock climbing, extreme sports, motorcycle riding, camping, and just about anything that keeps me active.  I also enjoy travel, sporting events, theater, eating out, but also enjoy staying in and cooking (I'm an excellent cook).

For several years, I focused my entire life on career and financial success at the expense of my personal life. I obtained my Master's Degree (MBA) while working 80+ hours a week as a pharmaceutical executive.  Several years ago, I left my company and started my own business to give me more time to spend with friends and family.

I am a single father raising three great kids.  I have a daughter who is 8 and twins (a boy and a girl) who are 12.  They think I am the greatest dad in the world, but they would really like having a mom who will love them as much as I do.

I am open to meeting ladies who don't have kids as well as ladies with kids.  I am very open to the idea of having more kids after we are married.  Did I mention I love my kids?

My ideal age range is 21-31.  I haven't settled on a specific region yet, but I have been looking primarily in Russia and Ukraine.


I'm thinking on planning a quick, last-minute trip for a week or so in August.

Any suggestions or advice is appreciated (I'm on skype)!

(I will post some pics to get a better "feel" for what I'm all about)

[brownbeard99]

Me taking a friend for a ride on my motorcycle....

[Muzh]

Similar to my son's 1000RR.

[TagUrIt898]

Hey again BB and officially welcome to the board.  There is a vast amount of information on this board.  Lots of trials and errors you can read to make your journey a lot less painful and less costly.  My biggest piece of information is to NOT ignore any red flags.  If something doesn't seem right, don't be afraid to ask or even walk away. You literally can't afford to make mistakes that can easily be avoided (or....maybe you're well off and you canl lol ). A search of a good FSUW is certainly not an easy one, but sometimes people make it harder than it needs to be.  Little common sense and a lot of luck can go a long way.


I have an 07 R1, that I love, almost as much as I love my fiancé!

All the best

Tag

[Boethius]

First, welcome to the forum.

Second, why would you be looking at the "low end" of your age range, for a stepmother who would be barely older than your twins?

Third, FSU culture is not particularly "friendly" to step parenting relationships.  Many FSUW will tolerate your children, many may actually be very fond of them, but if she has children, whether from a previous relationship or with you, those children will come first.  So, the idea that you will find an FSU Edith Grainger (not to suggest you are Dombey) is a little naive.

[brownbeard99]

First, welcome to the forum.

Second, why would you be looking at the "low end" of your age range, for a stepmother who would be barely older than your twins?

Third, FSU culture is not particularly "friendly" to step parenting relationships.  Many FSUW will tolerate your children, many may actually be very fond of them, but if she has children, whether from a previous relationship or with you, those children will come first.  So, the idea that you will find an FSU Edith Grainger (not to suggest you are Dombey) is a little naive.

I'm not exactly sure what I said to warrant your criticism. I can't help the fact that I have children. So, because I am looking for an FSUW, I am naive? Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

I have been told that the fact that step parenting is not well received by the FSU culture is an advantage to me. I have been told that young single mothers are considered undesirable in the FSU culture. I would value her and her children. I raised a stepson for eight years who I was often closer to than my own son.  After my wife (his mom) left, he still calls me daddy, spends the night at least once a week, and loves me more than his real dad.

My ex-wife showed blatant favoritism toward her son over my twins. She was verbally abusive to them. She called them stupid, worthless and evil.  She told them that their real mom deserved to die.

My point is that as far as step-parenting goes, a woman would have to be pretty evil to be anywhere near how terrible my ex-wife was.

As far as your criticism of my age range is concerned. If you are right about how undesirable I am and how unrealistic my dream is, I need to be as flexible as possible regarding age.  No, 20 years old is not ideal, but if she will accept me and my kids, I would not disqualify her. I don't want to go much older than 30 if I can help it because I want to have more kids. If courtship takes two years, then we have to start worrying about the biological clock. It took several years to conceive my first children, so I need a large time window.

Besides you, everyone here has been very positive and helpful steering me in the right direction. I may even have a skype "date" setup in the next few days.

[Hammer2722]

I'm not exactly sure what I said to warrant your criticism. I can't help the fact that I have children. So, because I am looking for an FSUW, I am naive? Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

I have been told that the fact that step parenting is not well received by the FSU culture is an advantage to me. I have been told that young single mothers are considered undesirable in the FSU culture. I would value her and her children. I raised a stepson for eight years who I was often closer to than my own son.  After my wife (his mom) left, he still calls me daddy, spends the night at least once a week, and loves me more than his real dad.

My ex-wife showed blatant favoritism toward her son over my twins. She was verbally abusive to them. She called them stupid, worthless and evil.  She told them that their real mom deserved to die.

My point is that as far as step-parenting goes, a woman would have to be pretty evil to be anywhere near how terrible my ex-wife was.

As far as your criticism of my age range is concerned. If you are right about how undesirable I am and how unrealistic my dream is, I need to be as flexible as possible regarding age.  No, 20 years old is not ideal, but if she will accept me and my kids, I would not disqualify her. I don't want to go much older than 30 if I can help it because I want to have more kids. If courtship takes two years, then we have to start worrying about the biological clock. It took several years to conceive my first children, so I need a large time window.

Besides you, everyone here has been very positive and helpful steering me in the right direction. I may even have a skype "date" setup in the next few days.

If you believe what Boethius has said to you is harsh, then FSU women are not for you. In this endeavor, you need to learn as much as you can about FSU women and culturally, what Boethius said was true. Do some more reading here and don't take all the advice here as criticism. Good luck.

[Boethius]

I'm not exactly sure what I said to warrant your criticism. I can't help the fact that I have children. So, because I am looking for an FSUW, I am naive? Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

It's not a criticism.  I just think you have to know the truth.

You will not have the time with an FSUW you do with an AW.  Were it just you in this endeavor, I would post nothing.  But, it isn't.  Your decision will impact your children, particularly the younger one.

The net is strewn with stories of men whose FSU exes were not accepting of their children.  It is far more common than happily functioning WM/FSUW step families.

I have been told that the fact that step parenting is not well received by the FSU culture is an advantage to me. I have been told that young single mothers are considered undesirable in the FSU culture. I would value her and her children. I raised a stepson for eight years who I was often closer to than my own son.  After my wife (his mom) left, he still calls me daddy, spends the night at least once a week, and loves me more than his real dad.

The advantage is that you are willing to marry a FSUW that a FSUM is not.  How you will treat her children is not the issue I am addressing.  The issue is how she, from a culture where step parenting is not "well received", will treat your children.  In 99% of cases, your children will play second fiddle to her children. Your children will sense that.

My ex-wife showed blatant favoritism toward her son over my twins. She was verbally abusive to them. She called them stupid, worthless and evil.  She told them that their real mom deserved to die.

My point is that as far as step-parenting goes, a woman would have to be pretty evil to be anywhere near how terrible my ex-wife was.

So why potentially put your kids through that again?  Why not give them stability, all your attention, and pursue a relationship when they are older and not so vulnerable?

As far as your criticism of my age range is concerned. If you are right about how undesirable I am and how unrealistic my dream is, I need to be as flexible as possible regarding age.  No, 20 years old is not ideal, but if she will accept me and my kids, I would not disqualify her. I don't want to go much older than 30 if I can help it because I want to have more kids. If courtship takes two years, then we have to start worrying about the biological clock. It took several years to conceive my first children, so I need a large time window.

I never posted you are undesirable.  I am just pointing to the fact that you will be in a blended family, and most 21 year olds, even in the FSU, do not have the maturity to step parent kids not particularly older than them.

Besides you, everyone here has been very positive and helpful steering me in the right direction. I may even have a skype "date" setup in the next few days.

Sure, you can be told what you want to "hear".   But the forum is strewn with the broken marriages of men who were given such helpful advice.  If you were not a parent of relatively young kids, it would be a very different story.  You're not.  You posted that you are a single father.  Your twins have already been through one bad relationship call by you.  They don't have a say in who you bring into their home.  I am just telling you the cold, hard truth.  FSU culture is not particularly "step parent" friendly, and with very rare exceptions, an FSUW that you marry will always put her children before yours.  That is not meant as a criticism.  It's reality.

[fathertime]

I am a single father raising three great kids.  I have a daughter who is 8 and twins (a boy and a girl) who are 12.  They think I am the greatest dad in the world, but they would really like having a mom who will love them as much as I do.

I am open to meeting ladies who don't have kids as well as ladies with kids.  I am very open to the idea of having more kids after we are married.  Did I mention I love my kids?
 

Hi Brownbeard, 


I'd say furgettaboutit regarding another woman loving your kids as much as you do.  If the lady is polite with your children, and likes them a little even,  while you and her enjoy a good relationship, that is more probable.   There are some exceptions though, but they are in the minority worldwide, and they are not likely to be some of the stone cold babes that most men go for. 


I might consider re-framing the foreign wife endeavor something like:  "I would like a beautiful younger lady/wife" "It will reinvigorate me, making me a better father/husband/man"   Just a thought.


Good luck,


Fathertime!   

[HoundDaddyLee]

Hey again BB and officially welcome to the board.  There is a vast amount of information on this board.  Lots of trials and errors you can read to make your journey a lot less painful and less costly.  My biggest piece of information is to NOT ignore any red flags.  If something doesn't seem right, don't be afraid to ask or even walk away. You literally can't afford to make mistakes that can easily be avoided (or....maybe you're well off and you canl lol ). A search of a good FSUW is certainly not an easy one, but sometimes people make it harder than it needs to be.  Little common sense and a lot of luck can go a long way.


I have an 07 R1, that I love, almost as much as I love my fiancé!

All the best

Tag

I wanted to backup what Tag is saying. Read everything on this forum. Look at the mistakes that were made. There was a post in the scams section from a few weeks ago that is an example of a man completely ignoring red flags.


Boethius, in her reply was giving you a little tough love. And Hammer's comment to get a thick skin is good guidance also. FSUW are tough as nails and tend to be very honest and do not pull punches.


Welcome to the forum and I look forward to seeing you in chat. Sorry I missed you when you were there recently.


Take care,
HDL

[Miquel Westano]

I'm not exactly sure what I said to warrant your criticism. I can't help the fact that I have children. So, because I am looking for an FSUW, I am naive? Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

I have been told that the fact that step parenting is not well received by the FSU culture is an advantage to me. I have been told that young single mothers are considered undesirable in the FSU culture. I would value her and her children. I raised a stepson for eight years who I was often closer to than my own son.  After my wife (his mom) left, he still calls me daddy, spends the night at least once a week, and loves me more than his real dad.

My ex-wife showed blatant favoritism toward her son over my twins. She was verbally abusive to them. She called them stupid, worthless and evil.  She told them that their real mom deserved to die.

My point is that as far as step-parenting goes, a woman would have to be pretty evil to be anywhere near how terrible my ex-wife was.

As far as your criticism of my age range is concerned. If you are right about how undesirable I am and how unrealistic my dream is, I need to be as flexible as possible regarding age.  No, 20 years old is not ideal, but if she will accept me and my kids, I would not disqualify her. I don't want to go much older than 30 if I can help it because I want to have more kids. If courtship takes two years, then we have to start worrying about the biological clock. It took several years to conceive my first children, so I need a large time window.

Besides you, everyone here has been very positive and helpful steering me in the right direction. I may even have a skype "date" setup in the next few days.

Hopefully you will take my comments as helpful, not critical, but ultimately that is up to you.

You refer to the post by Boethius who was trying to help you as a critique.  I didn't find it that way and doubt that is how it was meant.  I have found this is a place where people call it like they see it.  You can either like it, not like it, accept it, reject it or as many people do just leave and forget it. 

If you get upset that easily over someone offering advice, I wonder if you will be able to deal with the long drawn out ordeal of searching, dating, marrying and living with an overseas bride from any country?  You are going to get real criticism from a lot of people you thought were friends and they are not going to be trying to help.  You may not like what Bo said, but I can assure you it will seem pretty mild compared to the "green card" comments, the why didn't you find a local girl questions and all the age remarks you will here from folks you thought would be right there to encourage you.

This is a place where candid comments fly and feelings get hurt regularly, but I assure you Bo was being nice not critical. 

Welcome to the forum and I wish you the best.  Just remember the ones who tell you what you need to hear often care more about you than the ones that tell you what you want to hear. 

[Hammer2722]

Welcome to the forum and I wish you the best.  Just remember the ones who tell you what you need to hear often care more about you than the ones that tell you what you want to hear.

Well said! 

[ML]

Boethius told you exactly what you need to hear.

If you don't take to heart and action her advice on this; then you are an idiot and worse . . . cruel to your children.

[jone]

The reality is that Brownbeard really doesn't have the luxury of waiting for his children to grow up.  Challenged by three kids at home, it is likely that he will need help in raising his kids and the most likely helper, of any capacity, is a wife in a partnership.

He is right to assume that FSU men are not willing to take on other men's children.  And I would also point out that there are not many single dads who raise their children in the FSU.  It is a 'woman's' thing, according to most.

But I would not be one to dissuade him from looking for a woman in her twenties.  Particularly if he wants more children.

I can think of no woman who is willing to step into a situation where she immediately has three step children unless she was already hired as a babysitter or knows the kids through association or has an equally large family herself.  But they are out there.

My guess is that a great number of FSU women will not understand the man raising the children.  But some may.  And I cannot quantify that percentage because I never swam in those waters.  I would suggest that you contact a couple of the members on here who are in contact with FSU women for the purpose of match making and get their take as they are talking to the actual women.  Mila comes to mind.  There are others as well.

Ultimately, he will most likely wind up with a blended family.  If he can accept a blended family (he already has experience with it) then he can deal with the ups and downs of an FSU woman.  The types of things that I would assume he wants is someone who likes to cook and is willing to live at home with the kids.  There are many FSU women who would like nothing better than such a lifestyle.

[brownbeard99]

The reality is that Brownbeard really doesn't have the luxury of waiting for his children to grow up.  Challenged by three kids at home, it is likely that he will need help in raising his kids and the most likely helper, of any capacity, is a wife in a partnership.

He is right to assume that FSU men are not willing to take on other men's children.  And I would also point out that there are not many single dads who raise their children in the FSU.  It is a 'woman's' thing, according to most.

But I would not be one to dissuade him from looking for a woman in her twenties.  Particularly if he wants more children.

I can think of no woman who is willing to step into a situation where she immediately has three step children unless she was already hired as a babysitter or knows the kids through association or has an equally large family herself.  But they are out there.

My guess is that a great number of FSU women will not understand the man raising the children.  But some may.  And I cannot quantify that percentage because I never swam in those waters.  I would suggest that you contact a couple of the members on here who are in contact with FSU women for the purpose of match making and get their take as they are talking to the actual women.  Mila comes to mind.  There are others as well.

Ultimately, he will most likely wind up with a blended family.  If he can accept a blended family (he already has experience with it) then he can deal with the ups and downs of an FSU woman.  The types of things that I would assume he wants is someone who likes to cook and is willing to live at home with the kids.  There are many FSU women who would like nothing better than such a lifestyle.

Thanks for your continues encouragement Jone!

The truth is, most women in the US don't get it either.  I am not a typical guy in a typical situation.  The strange thing is that my grandfather was in a similar situation about 70 years ago.  My grandmother died, and he couldn't take care of his three kids.  He was a milkman and couldn't be home to watch the kids in the morning (he went to work VERY early), so my dad and his sister had to live in a group home.  My grandfather dated around and finally met Dorothy.  She was a sweet lady who loved kids and married my grandfather.  My dad and his sister were able to move back home and Dorothy became their new mom.

The big difference is that I don't NEED a wife and my kids don't NEED a stepmom for babysitting, care-taking, housecleaning, or any other "functional" reasons.  I can (and have) hired maids, nannys, etc for those things.  I work out of a home office, so I am fully capable of taking care of my household without any help.  I want my daughters to have the influence of a caring woman in their lives.  My son is only 12 and never wants to get married because he has only been close to  women who have either neglected him or have been verbally abusive to him.  I don't want my kids to grow up hating women.  I want them to experience what it is like to be close to a kind, loving woman.  I have heard rumors that this kind of woman exists... If she does, I want to experience this too.

By the end of my marriage, the expectations I had for my wife were very low.  I did everything around the house (she thought cooking, cleaning, and spending time with kids was beneath her).  All she had to do is be nice to everyone and sit around the house and look pretty.  She was able to sit around the house and look pretty, but she was mean to everyone.  If I can meet a woman who is pretty, lazy, and nice to people, that will be a serious improvement.  I doubt there are many women as lazy as my ex-wife, so I'm sure almost any woman would be an improvement in that area too.

[SANDRO43]

Just an idle thought: how about looking for a girl woman who shares some of your various interests? There are several websites for the like-minded .

[2tallbill]

I am 41 years old, but don't feel a day over 30.

My ideal age range is 21-31. 

I haven't settled on a specific region yet, but I have been looking primarily in Russia and Ukraine.

My advice is to raise your age range to over 27.
I wouldn't recommend 21 year old girls if you were 27! 

Udachi!


Bill

[DatingCoachUSSR]

I'm not exactly sure what I said to warrant your criticism. I can't help the fact that I have children. So, because I am looking for an FSUW, I am naive? Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

I have been told that the fact that step parenting is not well received by the FSU culture is an advantage to me. I have been told that young single mothers are considered undesirable in the FSU culture. I would value her and her children. I raised a stepson for eight years who I was often closer to than my own son.  After my wife (his mom) left, he still calls me daddy, spends the night at least once a week, and loves me more than his real dad.

My ex-wife showed blatant favoritism toward her son over my twins. She was verbally abusive to them. She called them stupid, worthless and evil.  She told them that their real mom deserved to die.

My point is that as far as step-parenting goes, a woman would have to be pretty evil to be anywhere near how terrible my ex-wife was.

As far as your criticism of my age range is concerned. If you are right about how undesirable I am and how unrealistic my dream is, I need to be as flexible as possible regarding age.  No, 20 years old is not ideal, but if she will accept me and my kids, I would not disqualify her. I don't want to go much older than 30 if I can help it because I want to have more kids. If courtship takes two years, then we have to start worrying about the biological clock. It took several years to conceive my first children, so I need a large time window.

Besides you, everyone here has been very positive and helpful steering me in the right direction. I may even have a skype "date" setup in the next few days.

Welcome to the forum.
3 children will not help you, but nothing is impossible. If you are ready to have an other children it widens your possibilies.
As Jone said there are many FSUW who are ready to live at home with children and who will be a good mother and a good wife.

About a girl of 21 years, that's a bad idea. If you set up a limit, it must be a limit. 21 is not a limit, it's a fantasy. If she is 19, are you going to say:  "two years less than my limit, it's nothing, i will meet her". Girls have better chances to become serious after 26/27.

FSUW are direct, try to not forget it.

[DatingCoachUSSR]

As we were typing the post, we can see that 2tallbill has written the same age range as us 

[BillyB]

Do you think it's easy to find an American woman (or a British woman or a Canadian woman or a ______ woman who will accept my children)?  The answer is, "no".

You're right about that. Most people consider someone elses children from another marriage as baggage that brings trouble, more mouths to feed and more costs. One thing is true, if you find a good woman from any culture, she will be good to your kids. Choose wisely. That's the key.

[brownbeard99]

Broethius,

I'm sorry if I came across as defensive. 

It was your comment about me being naive expecting Edith Grainger that seemed very judgemental.  I never said I wanted Edith Grainger.  I didn't even know who that was until today (Thanks Google).  I can tell you that I do not want or expect Edith Grainger. 

You will not have the time with an FSUW you do with an AW.  Were it just you in this endeavor, I would post nothing.  But, it isn't.  Your decision will impact your children, particularly the younger one.

Yes, it affects my children, especially the younger one.  Have you seen the statistics on kids raised by single parents?  They are significantly more likely to do drugs, drop out of school, become pregnant, and get arrested.  Kids with two parents (even in dysfunctional families) get better grades, get better jobs, have higher self-esteem and are more likely to go to college and graduate.  My kids are central to this decision.

The net is strewn with stories of men whose FSU exes were not accepting of their children.  It is far more common than happily functioning WM/FSUW step families.

Again, statistics and other people's stories may be helpful, but don't mean a thing to me.  I can share two personal stories of American families where the step kids were neglected and abused.  This is because I was part of those families.  If my next wife can refrain from telling my children that they are stupid and evil on a regular basis and won't tell them once a week that their real mom is a worthless b**** and deserves to die, then I would consider her step-parenting a success.

By my personal statistics, 100% of American women make bad step-parents.  FSU women are zero for zero so far.
 So, what would my household look like withan FSU wife?

My older kids would be at least 14 by the time I got married.  They don't really care about having a 'Mommy".  They are more interested in skating/playing hockey, hanging out with their friends, and having enough spending money to go to the mall.  My older kids are already very independent.  They require very little (emotionally or otherwise) from me or anyone.  I doubt that all FSU women are so cold and unloving that they can't be nice to my older kids for four years until they graduate.

Then there is the youngest.  She would be at least 10.  She is more mature than the older ones in many ways.  Her mom is still in the picture.  She lives three miles down the road.  Her mom visits her almost every day.  She either picks her up from school or takes her places in the evenings and/or weekends.  My little girl's mother showers her with presents and spoils her rotten.  She has no need for another mommy.  She could use an adult friend in my home, but she doesn't need it.

I would only consider an FSU woman with a child age three or younger.  When they got here, the child would be five.  I would expect any decent mother to pay more attention to their five year old child over a ten year old.  Her child would be adjusting to a new family and a new culture.  My kids would only have to adjust to two new family members.  The rest of thier life (school, freinds, activities) remains unchanged.  My youngest has always received more attention than the twins, but we have not had jealousy issues.  The only jealousy issues we faced stemmed from favoritism toward their step-brother who is the same age as them.  They know that younger kids need more attention.

It's also worth noting that I see it as a positive thing that it's a known fact that FSU women tend to favor their own children.  My personal experience is that many Americans (men and women) SAY they love all the kids the same because that's what they are supposed to say.  I would rather set honest expectations instead of living a lie that can't be sustained over time.

The issue is how she, from a culture where step parenting is not "well received", will treat your children.  In 99% of cases, your children will play second fiddle to her children. Your children will sense that.

Nobody is expecting perfection, or even equality.  Blood is thicker than water.  The kids want someone who is nice to them and isn't rude or verbally abusive.  Are FSUW known to call their step-children evil?  Do they call their step-children stupid idiots?  If this is the expected cultural norm, then perhaps I should re-think things.

So why potentially put your kids through that again?  Why not give them stability, all your attention, and pursue a relationship when they are older and not so vulnerable?

I don't know what you mean by "Potentially put them through that again".  You mean get married to a woman with an undiagnosed mental illness, only to discover it after she has a psychotic breakdown for which she is committed to a mental hospital seven years into the marriage?  Rest assured, that is not likely to happen again.  Maybe FSU statistics are different, but Borderline Personality Disorder is not extremely common in the US.  Besides that, I am now very aware of the personality traits that accompany this mental illness as well as many others.

So because I had a failed marriage... one that I had no way of knowing it would fail, you think I should live the best years of my life without a life partner? My ex-wife went through several counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists before she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  Even then, I was the one who figured it out, not the "professionals".  When they finally put her in the mental hospital, they tested my theory and I turned out to be right.

I never posted you are undesirable.  I am just pointing to the fact that you will be in a blended family, and most 21 year olds, even in the FSU, do not have the maturity to step parent kids not particularly older than them.

I can see your point.  The thing is, I really don't need any help parenting.  I also need to be clear that I am not seeking a 21 year old.  My target is closer to 30.

Sure, you can be told what you want to "hear".   But the forum is strewn with the broken marriages of men who were given such helpful advice. 

I don't "want" to "hear" anything like you appear to be insinuating.  The only things I want to "hear" are the best cities to travel to, whether I should rent an apartment or go to a hotel, the best way to arrange dates, the best way to detect and avoid scammers, etc.

If you were not a parent of relatively young kids, it would be a very different story.  You're not.  You posted that you are a single father.  Your twins have already been through one bad relationship call by you. 

These are the type of ignorant, judgmental comments that I do not appreciate.  You don't know the first thing about me (well, maybe you know a little now).  You claim that I made a "bad relationship call", so I should be alone?  It was a bad call to not be able to diagnose a rare mental illness that was only revealed after a psychotic breakdown?

They don't have a say in who you bring into their home.

You are 100% wrong on this.  5 seconds after I announced the divorce to my kids, my daughter clapped her hands and said, "Can we get a new step-mother that doesn't scream at us all the time?"

I promised them that they would have to approve of any women I meet before I become engaged.  I plan on spending at least half of the next two summers in the FSU.  The kids will have an extended opportunity to meet and get to know my potential wife.  If they can't gel, she's history.

I am just telling you the cold, hard truth.

You aren't "just" telling me the cold hard truth.  You are giving me your opinion without knowing all the facts about my situation.

FSU culture is not particularly "step parent" friendly, and with very rare exceptions, an FSUW that you marry will always put her children before yours.  That is not meant as a criticism.  It's reality.

I don't take that fact as criticism.  It's good to know and openly discuss with a potential spouse.  I am direct and don't play games.  If an FSU woman says, "Oh, I will love your kids just like my own!" I will call BS.  I don't expect her to love a kid she just met like she would a kid she gave birth to and raised.

I accept this reality.  It doesn't mean I'm going to give up on my goals.  I have had a hard life.  I want a stable relationship with a decent woman who will treat my kids with dignity.  Most of the concerns you addressed still exist in some form if I marry a local woman.  There are certain traits of FSU women I prefer over American women.  I do like the directness.  Think about it.  You didn't mess around "playing nice" and sugar coating everything for me.  You told me some facts, gave me your opinion without wasting any time.  I like that.  Do FSU women appreciate directness back?  I'm telling you that I appreciate the information, I will take portions of your advice into consideration, but I refuse to me lonely for the next ten years just beacause some person on a forum told me to.  If I wait until my yougest graduates, then I will be 51.  The 21 year old woman that is "too young for me" will now be 31.  She will still be too young for me.  The "acceptable" 30 year old woman will now be 40.  She will be 42 by the time we got married and likely too old to conceive.  Most likely she will have no desire to have children anyway.  Sorry, I'm not giving up on my dreams and my kids' dreams.

By the way, in case you didn't know, it is extremely rare for a man to get custody of his children after divorce, especially in Illinois.  There is extreme prejudice in the courts and the cards are stacked against the most worthy dads.  The ONLY way a father can win is if he is genuinely a great father who loves his children, cares for them and looks after them.  I have custody of children from two marriages.  This is unheard of.  I have never even heard of a story of a man with a situation like mine.

So after loving my kids and being the best father ever, do you really think I would casually throw them into harm's way by foolishly jumping into a destructive relationship?  Not in a million years!  You don't know me.  Please don't judge me.  You don't know the first thing about who I am or what my motives are.  My kids deserve a decent stepmother in their lives, whether you agree or not.  I know what they need, not you. I know what I need, not you.

You are the expert on FSU women in general.  I am the expert on blended families and being an excellent parent.  I don't fit many US cultural stereotypes.  I'm sure there is at least one FSU woman out there who is a 30 year old single mother and who doesn't agree with the cultural belief that she is undesirable and doesn't deserve a happy life.

[brownbeard99]

Similar to my son's 1000RR.

Ever been on it?  The 1100xx Blackbird is a DREAM. I know a lot of people that don't like it, there are some odd things about the design (like the dual braking system) that take some getting used to.  I used to have a BWM spout touring bike and this rides much better.  It was one of the last bikes to be named "fastest production motorcycle in the world" before they started putting restrictors on all the fast bikes.  Sure, some bikes can go faster now, but 188 MPH is fast enough for me!

[brownbeard99]

Hi Brownbeard, 


I'd say furgettaboutit regarding another woman loving your kids as much as you do.  If the lady is polite with your children, and likes them a little even,  while you and her enjoy a good relationship, that is more probable.   There are some exceptions though, but they are in the minority worldwide, and they are not likely to be some of the stone cold babes that most men go for. 


I might consider re-framing the foreign wife endeavor something like:  "I would like a beautiful younger lady/wife" "It will reinvigorate me, making me a better father/husband/man"   Just a thought.


Good luck,


Fathertime!

Thanks Fathertime!

You came pretty close to hitting the nail right on the head!  I don't expect a woman to go against human nature for me!

My last wife was beautiful and extremely nasty and mean.  I will be happy with "beautiful and pleasant to be around."

[brownbeard99]

Hopefully you will take my comments as helpful, not critical, but ultimately that is up to you.

You refer to the post by Boethius who was trying to help you as a critique.  I didn't find it that way and doubt that is how it was meant.  I have found this is a place where people call it like they see it.  You can either like it, not like it, accept it, reject it or as many people do just leave and forget it. 

If you get upset that easily over someone offering advice, I wonder if you will be able to deal with the long drawn out ordeal of searching, dating, marrying and living with an overseas bride from any country?  You are going to get real criticism from a lot of people you thought were friends and they are not going to be trying to help.  You may not like what Bo said, but I can assure you it will seem pretty mild compared to the "green card" comments, the why didn't you find a local girl questions and all the age remarks you will here from folks you thought would be right there to encourage you.

This is a place where candid comments fly and feelings get hurt regularly, but I assure you Bo was being nice not critical. 

Welcome to the forum and I wish you the best.  Just remember the ones who tell you what you need to hear often care more about you than the ones that tell you what you want to hear.

Thanks for the welcome.  I think many people have different "forum personalities" than they do in person.  In real life, I'm quite charming.  People respond much differently to me in person than on forums.  I'm not upset at all.  I understand the need for patience.  I also should state that I am not "starting" a search for the ideal wife, I am just expanding my single country search to fifteen additional countries.  If an FSUW doesn't happen, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

As far as worrying what other people will think, I really don't care.  I know I am a quality person in any country. I am attractive with a great body. I am smart, have a masters degree and own my own business.  My ex wife was four years younger than me, but looked at least 10 years younger and extremely beautiful.  I loved the positive attention.

How's this for negative attention?  My first wife developed an eating disorder when she was pregnant with our twins.  She gained 100 pounds during her pregnancy that led to complications, almost killing both babies.  She continued to overeat after the kids were born.  She currently weighs about 375-400 pounds.  She is so overweight that her own kids find it difficult to even look at her.  When she flies, she has to purchase two airline tickets because she can't fit in one seat. 

If I could handle being seen with a wife that literally weighs MORE THAN TWICE what I do, you should believe me that having a pretty wife with a foreign accent will not be a problem.

[brownbeard99]

Girls have better chances to become serious after 26/27.

FSUW are direct, try to not forget it.

Agreed.  That is a good target age.