Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife

[calmissile]

BB,

I'll offer my 2 cents worth and then leave the thread as I am very busy with a wonderful UA wife and family.

Boe and others have given you advice based upon generalities about the UA culture.  I agree with their perceptions and advice for the most part.

UA women put their children first.  I have read several cases that they put them before their American husbands.  That is not the case in our family, however it is very close to the line.  Typically, UA women are saddled with raising the children while papa works all day.  When papa is done with work, many of them do other things than stay at home and participate with raising the kids.  It is just part of the culture.  The dependence and bonding between the mothers and the children is very strong.  If I am not mistaken it is also a characteristic of many Hispanic families.

It seems that this  has resulted in many men feeling that the wife's children are more important than the relationship with the husband.  I can understand how husbands must feel in these circumstances.  It is not always this way however.  The mothers bonding and attention to her children will persist in most cases, however it depends on the women as to whether this is to the extent that it creates a problem.

My wife and I have had many discussions concerning our daughter and son (my step-children).  Just today we had to have a discussion about whether the music lessons were worth the money after the older teacher went back to Belarus on vacation and her daughter picked up the students at the same rate of $1 per minute ($90 per week).  Out of earshot of my daughter, I mentioned that her progress is much slower under the daughters instruction and we are still paying the same rate as when the 'master' was teaching her.  Within 5 minutes I found out we were in agreement and decided that when the "master" returns, Lisa will either go back to her or we will find a new teacher.  We also discussed taking a break until the original teacher returns.  What was interesting about this story is that on the way home Larissa said to me " this is why I love you.  we can discuss things as a family and make a decision".

In other words she appreciates the fact I did not dictate a solution, and she had a say in the solution.  Most of the time we agree on nearly everything.

The summation of these points is that you are looking for a specific personality in a mate.  Do not believe for a moment that all UA women fit into the general characteristics that have been described to you.  By the same token, I believe that generally the cultural norms you were told were true.  The point is.... you need to find a mate that falls outside the norms that meets your family needs.

I have to disagree with your statement that your children do not "need" a mother.  I went through the same scenario as you are in.  I raised my daughter alone after her mother died when daughter was about 6.  She was the only child and spoiled rotten by both of us.  I was financially able to give her whatever she wanted, neighbor women were close to her and tried to be the substitute for a real mom.  They tried very hard to fill in and relate to all the 'girly' things that a father really cannot do..... only fake it as best as he can.    Based upon your comments in your thread I get the feeling that you feel that they do not 'need' a mom because you can provide all the material things necessary.  I was in the same boat and fully understand how you feel. 

Unfortunately you are wrong!  While you work very hard to provide everything you think is missing in having a mother, you are seriously lacking and it might take a few years before it becomes apparent.  Especially when they are in their mid to late teens.  It's hard to explain but it really takes 2 parents (a man an a woman's influence) to end up with a well balanced young adult in the end.  It's probably not a message you want to hear, but it was my experience when I was in the same shoes you are in.  If I had it to do over, I would do it differently.  The advice I received from others was inconsistent and the pro's were not even in agreement.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances for providing for your children.    I pray that you will find a mate that loves your children and you to create a homogeneous family unit.  Whether it be a UA wonderful women or a local woman,  you need a compatible mate for both your happiness and that of your children as well.

While the negatives of a typical UA women have been pointed out to you in earlier posts, in my opinion if you find the "right" UA wife, she will be far superior to the typical American women.  There are trade-off's to both cultures.  I am married to the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life.  I sometimes wonder  how I could be so lucky.  In the battle of requirements we all have, she was up-front in the beginning and told me that one of her criteria was to marry someone that would be a good father to her children.

Take your time!!!  It is not an inexpensive proposition.  Find the right woman that is not only compatible with you and your interests, but one that will love your children as though they were her own.    You cannot expect, and it will never happen that her children will not be as important or perhaps more important to her than yours. It's part of the genetic makeup of the species.  By the same token, with the right mate, the children will be treated equally and the preferences would only be evident in some knock-down-dragout argument that should never have happened if you both discuss the issues rationally.

Good luck on your quest and I hope that both you and your children find a new family member that provides unity and love that can integrate into a successful, complete family unit.

[calmissile]

Thanks for the welcome.  I think many people have different "forum personalities" than they do in person.  In real life, I'm quite charming.  People respond much differently to me in person than on forums.  I'm not upset at all.  I understand the need for patience.  I also should state that I am not "starting" a search for the ideal wife, I am just expanding my single country search to fifteen additional countries.  If an FSUW doesn't happen, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

As far as worrying what other people will think, I really don't care.  I know I am a quality person in any country. I am attractive with a great body. I am smart, have a masters degree and own my own business.  My ex wife was four years younger than me, but looked at least 10 years younger and extremely beautiful.  I loved the positive attention.

How's this for negative attention?  My first wife developed an eating disorder when she was pregnant with our twins.  She gained 100 pounds during her pregnancy that led to complications, almost killing both babies.  She continued to overeat after the kids were born.  She currently weighs about 375-400 pounds.  She is so overweight that her own kids find it difficult to even look at her.  When she flies, she has to purchase two airline tickets because she can't fit in one seat. 

If I could handle being seen with a wife that literally weighs MORE THAN TWICE what I do, you should believe me that having a pretty wife with a foreign accent will not be a problem.

Please stop denigrating your former wife.  It does not matter what her faults were.  Get over it!   Time to move on in a positive direction..  I have at least 6 file boxes full of divorce and custody court records.  It does not mean anything to anyone else.  Time to forget the past and be rational about the future of you and your children.  Take a 'Goodbye pill'  to the past and move on!       

[brownbeard99]

BB,

It seems that this  has resulted in many men feeling that the wife's children are more important than the relationship with the husband.

I am used to this and never had a problem with it.  It was when I was told that her part-time job, her sewing circle, her dog and her iPhone are more important than me... that's when I had a problem.

In other words she appreciates the fact I did not dictate a solution, and she had a say in the solution.  Most of the time we agree on nearly everything.

I believe marriage is a partnership and such things should be discussed out of common respect.

The point is.... you need to find a mate that falls outside the norms that meets your family needs.

Understood.  My situation does not fit within the cultural norms of any society that I am aware of.  I am a statistical outlier, a "black swan" if you will.  I need another black swan.  Does she exist?  Absolutely.

I have to disagree with your statement that your children do not "need" a mother.  I went through the same scenario as you are in.  I raised my daughter alone after her mother died when daughter was about 6.  She was the only child and spoiled rotten by both of us.  I was financially able to give her whatever she wanted, neighbor women were close to her and tried to be the substitute for a real mom.  They tried very hard to fill in and relate to all the 'girly' things that a father really cannot do..... only fake it as best as he can.    Based upon your comments in your thread I get the feeling that you feel that they do not 'need' a mom because you can provide all the material things necessary.  I was in the same boat and fully understand how you feel. 

Unfortunately you are wrong!  While you work very hard to provide everything you think is missing in having a mother, you are seriously lacking and it might take a few years before it becomes apparent.  Especially when they are in their mid to late teens.  It's hard to explain but it really takes 2 parents (a man an a woman's influence) to end up with a well balanced young adult in the end.  It's probably not a message you want to hear, but it was my experience when I was in the same shoes you are in.  If I had it to do over, I would do it differently.  The advice I received from others was inconsistent and the pro's were not even in agreement.

Let me clarify on that one.  My kids don't need a maid, cook, or nanny.  All their material needs are provided for.  My point is that I am not looking for some type of domestic servant to watch over my kids.  For the reasons you just mentioned, I agree that my kids need a mother in their lives.  Especially my oldest daughter.  She does not have a strong positive female role model in her life.  This is what bothers me about the ignorant comments that say I am being selfish or cruel when I am trying to find a decent woman who can be a positive mother figure for my children.  If it was about me needing sex or arm candy, I can get that by this time tomorrow (I have no problem attracting beautiful women.  Finding the right woman is the issue).

It sounds like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances for providing for your children.    I pray that you will find a mate that loves your children and you to create a homogeneous family unit.  Whether it be a UA wonderful women or a local woman,  you need a compatible mate for both your happiness and that of your children as well.

Thank you.  Managing a business and a family alone isn't easy.  I have conditioned myself to live of of less than 3.5 hours sleep per day.  Even with this, I have very little leisure time.  The hardest part is the loneliness.

Good luck on your quest and I hope that both you and your children find a new family member that provides unity and love that can integrate into a successful, complete family unit.

Thanks so much!

[brownbeard99]

Please stop denigrating your former wife.  It does not matter what her faults were.  Get over it!   Time to move on in a positive direction..  I have at least 6 file boxes full of divorce and custody court records.  It does not mean anything to anyone else.  Time to forget the past and be rational about the future of you and your children.  Take a 'Goodbye pill'  to the past and move on!       

I'm not sure if you realize this, but the section you quoted, asking me to "Stop denigrating my former wife" is referring to my first wife that I have not directly mentioned until that point.  I don't believe I said anything to denigrate her.  I was making the point that she is very heavy.  We were divorced 10 years ago and we have been good friends for years.  We sometimes spend holidays with our families together.  She knows that she is morbidly obese.  Her obesity has led to health complications that have hospitalized (and almost killed) her on numerous occasions.  She desperately wants gastric bypass surgery, but can't afford it.  Her health continues to decline and I fear that she will most likely die before she turns 50. I find no satisfaction knowing the mother of my children may die before she can see them graduate from high school.

The context of my statement is that I was married to a woman that is physically unattractive to the world (even to her own kids), yet I showed no shame in taking her places, holding her hand and calling her my wife. Our divorce was mainly centered around child raising disagreements and extended family getting too entangled with our lives more than anything else. 

My statement about her was in response to the concern that I may let it bother me that people are whispering about my wife.  I was merely demonstrating that even though I had a wife that was extremely overweight, I never let it get to me. 

Incidentally, I didn't leave her.  She left me.

[DatingCoachUSSR]

I am used to this and never had a problem with it.  It was when I was told that her part-time job, her sewing circle, her dog and her iPhone are more important than me... that's when I had a problem.

Understood.  My situation does not fit within the cultural norms of any society that I am aware of.  I am a statistical outlier, a "black swan" if you will.  I need another black swan.  Does she exist?  Absolutely.

This is the standard delivered by many western women after some time :  "I was told that her part-time job, her sewing circle, her dog and her iPhone are more important than me"
The feeling that you come in the 2nd,3rd, 4rth position is quite common among western men at this point.
In average, you will not have such feelings with an European Eastern woman.
You will be the center of the scene. Or she will leave you purely and simply.

[brownbeard99]

This is the standard delivered by many western women after some time :  "I was told that her part-time job, her sewing circle, her dog and her iPhone are more important than me"
The feeling that you come in the 2nd,3rd, 4rth position is quite common among western men at this point.
In average, you will not have such feelings with an European Eastern woman.
You will be the center of the scene. Or she will leave you purely and simply.

Well, that's a HUGE positive one to hear!

BTW, I didn't "Feel" that I was less important than these things.  She literally TOLD me that she loved her dog (and other things) more than me.

[northkape]

Sorry I don't have a lot of time for writing..

In many ways BB99, I was in the same situation as you 3 years ago.
You will have a lot to gain from reading through my story here: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15509.0

You seem to be a mostly positive and optimistic guy, so don't listen too much to the negativity here.
A positive and optimistic mind can solve a lot of problems in a relationship, but it can't change the personality of a woman.
So that's what you need to concentrate on, "finding a woman with a good and matching personality"

With good planning and logistics, you can find several such "young single mothers" in Kiev ++ 100 miles radius around.

Before going there I could even give you a couple of profiles that I have met and talked a lot with, women that would be very happy to meet with you.
Maybe too old for your preferences, but they are excellent examples of what you should strive for finding, and what to look for in a good FSU woman.
These profiles are beautiful, slim single mothers in their early 30's,,, have a single well behaving young child, master degrees, fluent english, good jobs, good economy, own their own expensive apartments, very hard working but still looks after and takes care of themselves, somewhat ambitious with a positive, nice and pleasant personality.

And most of all,,,,, they truly want a stable and loving family life with a man they can fall in love with.

If you have no former knowledge about FSU women, a week of sightseeing in Kiev together with these profiles (a couple of days for each), would in many ways open your eyes to what might be waiting for you in the near future.

Me and Tanya late yesterday evening,, she asked her daughter for a photo on her phone,,,

[Miquel Westano]

BB,

I'll offer my 2 cents worth and then leave the thread as I am very busy with a wonderful UA wife and family.

Snipped this all out for space

Good luck on your quest and I hope that both you and your children find a new family member that provides unity and love that can integrate into a successful, complete family unit.

Brownbeard99

The next time you hear the old saying you never get something for nothing, think about Doug's reply to you.  This is the kind of honest and very valuable help you can get here for absolutely nothing.  He has a great life and family and absolutely nothing to gain from stopping to help. 

Hopefully things will turn out as well for you.  If they do, please remember all those who shared their knowledge with you and try to help the next guy in your situation in the same kind and honest way.  Stop in the chat room if you haven't already.  It is full of great people and experiences.  It is friendly and non judgmental. 

I meant what I said, good luck and I hope you end up with a great wife and mother for your children and a happy life.  I am glad to see you took the time to reply and discuss the post.  I think  that is a good sign.  So many get mad and just leave. 

Again welcome aboard.

MW

[2tallbill]

Agreed.  That is a good target age.

Ok, the next step is to do your research, it sounds like you've done some of that
while lurking. Read the free ebook all the FAQs and stickies then all the trip reports
This will take many many hours but after that you will have enough information to
start making your own strategies.

The first strategic thing that you need to decide is whether to visit one or to visit many.
If you chose visit one then you need to work on a backup plan. This is the biggest weakness
of any visit one strategy. The risk/rewards are very high. You have an excellent chance of
traveling half way around the world to meet a girl and 20 minutes later realize that it's
not going to work out.

Most guys are visit one guys and they go to Odessa or Kiev or Nikolaev to meet a girl and
it goes to crap. Then they mope around for several days feeling sorry for themselves or
they try to make the girl like them somehow thinking that eventually it will turn out just
like Hollywood and the girl will eventually see that you are the man for her.

That never happens, Hollywood isn't real life. You either have chemistry or you don't.

So if you are determined to meet just one then you have to have a backup plan. You have
to convince yourself not to get too emotionally involved with a girl before you meet. This
is far, far easier said than done. Many times in my life, I sat in an FSU city in this exact
situation. I went half way around the world to meet a girl and it went to crap. Then I
gave myself a pep talk and rallied around my backup plan.

My visit one backup plan was to switch midstream into a visit many plan.

How does a visit many plan or backup plan work?
NOTE: This is my opinion and others will disagree. Read everyone's opinion and
make your own decision. You can't be 2tallbill, so you gotta be brownbeard99 .

A visit one plan you write a hundred or more girls and exchange letters sifting eventually
down to one girl who you visit. You spend a lot of time up front getting to know this girl
and eliminating all the other girls. Then you go meet this girl and see if you have chemistry.
If you do, it's great. If you don't have chemistry it will suck @ss. There will be ass and it
will suck.

A visit many plan is different. You choose a city in the FSU. I would avoid Odessa, Kiev
and Nikolaev and the MOB industry there. The MOB industry is better at sucking money
out of your wallet than facilitating or helping you find a wife.

So pick an FSU city, here is a good list to start
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cities_and_towns_in_Russia_by_population

Pick a city and find an apartment there near the city center. Arrange for airport pickup
and maybe a translator to help when needed. Then go to Mamba.ru or one of the sites
on this thread http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0
and write 100 girls or more.

Obviously you will only write to girls that you find attractive in your age range. You
want to invite them for coffee or tea or tea and cake if you want to sweeten the deal
and see if you have any mutual chemistry.

In my opinion you write these girls ONE letter or TWO at most. Get this girl into an
inexpensive cafe to see if sparks fly. If there are no sparks then you kiss the girl on
the cheek and send her down the road. NO MATTER how hot or beautiful or amazingly
gorgeous a girl is you never, never have a second date with her if there is no mutual
chemistry. You kick her to the curb and forget her.

Some guys will exchange extensive letters with girls before a visit many campaign. My
theory is not to use visit one tactics on a visit many strategy. If you exchange many
letters the girls will start building an attachment towards you and think that you should
only visit them.

Next,
I would recommend NOT putting up personal photos of yourself or your family here on
the forum. Keep most of your personal and family information secret. There are a few
people who their only joy in their life is to cause others grief. They will spend hours
digging into who you are and then twist your words and send them to your loved ones
for the sole purpose of causing you grief.

I am speaking from personal experience here. There are also professional arguers here
at the forum and they will argue with you about every decision you've made in your life.
If you don't give them the information then they can't argue with you about it. You came
here for advice/help about pursuing FSUW, not to debate parenting, philosophy or
psychology from dubious experts.

Udachi!



Bill

[Boethius]

Broethius,

I'm sorry if I came across as defensive. 

It was your comment about me being naive expecting Edith Grainger that seemed very judgemental.  I never said I wanted Edith Grainger.  I didn't even know who that was until today (Thanks Google).  I can tell you that I do not want or expect Edith Grainger. 

You do come across as naive.

Yes, it affects my children, especially the younger one.  Have you seen the statistics on kids raised by single parents?  They are significantly more likely to do drugs, drop out of school, become pregnant, and get arrested.  Kids with two parents (even in dysfunctional families) get better grades, get better jobs, have higher self-esteem and are more likely to go to college and graduate.  My kids are central to this decision.

Again, statistics and other people's stories may be helpful, but don't mean a thing to me.  I can share two personal stories of American families where the step kids were neglected and abused.  This is because I was part of those families.  If my next wife can refrain from telling my children that they are stupid and evil on a regular basis and won't tell them once a week that their real mom is a worthless b**** and deserves to die, then I would consider her step-parenting a success.

From what you have written, you seem to have a low thresh hold for success.


You quote statistics, then dismiss them.  But if you are going to rely on statistics to justify your decision, then at least understand them.  The number one reason children in single parent families fail is because of poverty.  Not a lack of a parent.  Further, if you are going to use statistics, have a look at the statistics for the failure of step parent families.


Look, I am not here to judge your decision, and you don't have to justify your plans to me or anyone else.  You are going to do what you are going to do.  I am just telling you that the Pollyanna perspective your posts suggest is not realistic.

[brownbeard99]

You do come across as naive.


From what you have written, you seem to have a low thresh hold for success.


You quote statistics, then dismiss them.  But if you are going to rely on statistics to justify your decision, then at least understand them.  The number one reason children in single parent families fail is because of poverty.  Not a lack of a parent.  Further, if you are going to use statistics, have a look at the statistics for the failure of step parent families.


Look, I am not here to judge your decision, and you don't have to justify your plans to me or anyone else.  You are going to do what you are going to do.  I am just telling you that the Pollyanna perspective your posts suggest is not realistic.

Have you ever seen the movie Pollyanna?

Your ignorant comments are not helpful and add no value to my search, or this discussion.

This is my thread. This is about me and my search. I don't want you here. I don't want your advice. I don't want your judgement. I don't want your opinion. I don't like your attitude.
Leave my thread alone.

Go away!

[Boethius]

I am free to post wherever I wish, as are you.


Yes, as I child, I did see the movie Pollyanna.  A positive attitude is a good thing, but one should be realistic.   I believe you are not being realistic.  Being forewarned is to really think about how your decisions will affect your children, to look at it from all angles, the positives, the negatives, and everything in between.  For example, you posted your twins will be 14 by the time you marry.  Have you dealt with 14 year old girls?  They are a jumble of conflicting emotions, and most of them, very exasperating and requiring the patience of Job for a parent.  Just two more years, and in most cases, they are fine.

[brownbeard99]

I am free to post wherever I wish

If your life is so pathetic that you have nothing better to do than annoy people on forums, then be my guest. You obviously have some unmet emotional need in your life.

[Boethius]

LOL.  I am working right now, printing 100 pages of documents.  When they are done, I'll spend the hour or so reading them.


If I annoy you, it is about you and your emotions and your need for approval.  It's not about me.  Question why this annoys you so much.

[ML]

. . . printing 100 pages of documents.  When they are done, I'll spend the hour or so reading them.

That 'speed reading' course is paying off for you !  :-)

[calmissile]

You quote statistics, then dismiss them.  But if you are going to rely on statistics to justify your decision, then at least understand them.  The number one reason children in single parent families fail is because of poverty. Not a lack of a parent.  Further, if you are going to use statistics, have a look at the statistics for the failure of step parent families.

Strongly disagree with this statement.  At least in America, most of the crime committed by children and young male adults are from homes without a father.  They are undisciplined due to the lack of a father figure in the home and has nothing to do with poverty.  I thought this was well settled and was surprised you made that statement.  We see it everyday.  Kids running wild and the mothers don't have a clue where they are or what they are doing.

The liberals in the US would probably like us to believe that everything is due to poverty and inequality.   It just isn't so!

[BillyB]

They are undisciplined due to the lack of a father figure in the home and has nothing to do with poverty. 

Anybody been in military basic training knows that strong men(drill sergeants) have straightened out the lives of many poor kids who would otherwise be in gangs, jail, or dead.


BB99, I hope you don't deny your kids to see what a loving relationship is like between a husband and wife. Find a good woman, you won't regret it.

[brownbeard99]

Strongly disagree with this statement.  At least in America, most of the crime committed by children and young male adults are from homes without a father.  They are undisciplined due to the lack of a father figure in the home and has nothing to do with poverty.  I thought this was well settled and was surprised you made that statement.  We see it everyday.  Kids running wild and the mothers don't have a clue where they are or what they are doing.

The liberals in the US would probably like us to believe that everything is due to poverty and inequality.   It just isn't so!

You are very correct. Boethius makes a lot of ingnorant statements, but it's pointless to shoot them down one by one. This foolish cycle will go on for ever.  I have studied this extensively. The studies on single parent homes have all been adjusted to account for income, race, etc. The parenting variable was proven to be a statistically significant risk factor in all the areas I mentioned.

This is a natural phenomenon that extends beyond human nature. Several years ago, there were severe problems in certain parts of Africa where juvenile elephants began attacking people and destroying property. Everyone was perplexed at the cause of this destructive behavior from animals that were historically peaceful.  After extensive study, animal behavior scientists determined the cause stemmed from widespread elephant poaching in those areas. The older father elephants were killed for their tusks, leaving their sons to be raised without physical discipline (rough housing, play fighting, etc) that is important for the development of young male elephants.  These problems only existed in areas where there was poaching.

For the "layperson" who doesn't like dry research articles, there are good statistical summaries in a book by Dr. James Dobson, called "Bringing up Boys"

[brownbeard99]

Anybody been in military basic training knows that strong men(drill sergeants) have straightened out the lives of many poor kids who would otherwise be in gangs, jail, or dead.


BB99, I hope you don't deny your kids to see what a loving relationship is like between a husband and wife. Find a good woman, you won't regret it.

Agreed. I was an infantry officer in the US Army. The infantry gets many of the enlisted recruits that have unfortunate backgrounds, poor education, and bad attitudes. I know because I felt like a father to many of them. After four years of structure and discipline, these kids really have a shot at making something with their lives.

[Boethius]

Strongly disagree with this statement.  At least in America, most of the crime committed by children and young male adults are from homes without a father.  They are undisciplined due to the lack of a father figure in the home and has nothing to do with poverty.  I thought this was well settled and was surprised you made that statement.  We see it everyday.  Kids running wild and the mothers don't have a clue where they are or what they are doing.

The liberals in the US would probably like us to believe that everything is due to poverty and inequality.   It just isn't so!

That increased crime, though, is not attributable to single parenting.  It is usually, though not always, attributable to the lack of a father in the child's life.


http://family.jrank.org/pages/1006/Juvenile-Delinquency-Family-Structure.html


University of Maryland Professor Philip Cohen has noted that violent crime rates have dropped to the lowest levels in 40 years, despite an increase in single parent families:

Violent crime has fallen through the floor (or at least back to the rates of the 1970s) relative to the bad old days. And this is true not just for homicide but also for rape and other assaults. At the same time, the decline of marriage has continued apace. Looking at two aggregate trends is never enough to tell a whole story of social change, of course. However, if two trends going together doesn't prove a causal relationship, the opposite is not quite as true. If two trends do not go together, the theory that one causes the other has a steeper hill to climb. In the case of family breakdown driving crime rates, I don't think the story will make it anymore.

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/11/single-moms-cant-be-scapegoated-for-the-murder-rate-anymore/265576/

A recent 14 year study from the University of London found that a mother's educational attainment was the single biggest factor in a child's educational attainment, regardless of whether the child grew up in an intact or single parent family.  No studies were done on fathers because single fathers are statistically insignificant.

This report, the largest of its kind over decades-

http://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?

and this one (as part of that report, focusing primarily on drug use) -


http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/dudsfp04.pdf


determined that 55% of prisoners came from single parent families.  45% came from intact families.  The second study found prisoners had more commonality in rates of poverty, homelessness, substance abuse, physical abuse, and family members' incarceration than they did in the number of single parent families.

But, if you're going to hang your hat on this line of thought, note that the highest levels of incarceration are for children in stepparent families, including father-stepmother families.  Remarriage was a significant risk.

http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/dudsfp04.pdf

[Slumba]

You do come across as naive.


From what you have written, you seem to have a low thresh hold for success.


You quote statistics, then dismiss them.  But if you are going to rely on statistics to justify your decision, then at least understand them.  The number one reason children in single parent families fail is because of poverty.  Not a lack of a parent.  Further, if you are going to use statistics, have a look at the statistics for the failure of step parent families.

Actually (at least in the USA) it is those single parent homes, where the head of the household is a woman, that have problems. 

Those cases where the man is head of a household, do significantly better.  It might be selection bias, but then, BB is part of that selection bias...

And poverty is not the issue... see http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/07/single_motherhood_worse_for_children_.html

Hopefully we can at least agree, that a family where the father and mother are present, married to each other, and cooperating in whatever way they devise,to raise the kids well, is the best situation.   And BB is trying to head towards that.

[Boethius]

Hopefully we can at least agree, that a family where the father and mother are present, married to each other, and cooperating in whatever way they devise,to raise the kids well, is the best situation.   And BB is trying to head towards that.

No, an intact family with both biological parents usually is the most stable.  A step parent family generally is not comparable. 

[alex330]

Any suggestions or advice is appreciated

Stay on the higher end of your age range and losing the beard will open up more opportunities with the younger FSU women.

[jone]

Stay on the higher end of your age range and losing the beard will open up more opportunities with the younger FSU women.

Most FSU women don't understand the backwards hat either.  If you are using it to cover up for male pattern baldness, don't.  My hair is thinning and it was never a turn off to the women I dated.

[fathertime]

Most FSU women don't understand the backwards hat either.  If you are using it to cover up for male pattern baldness, don't. My hair is thinning and it was never a turn off to the women I dated.

yeah 10 years ago my hair was 'thinning' although now it is more gone than thinning....BUT you really don't know for sure if it was a turn off or not to certain women...likely it was. 


I view wearing a hat backwards much of the as time is childish for an older guy...just go meet the women how you are...and do it proudly!  ...of course if a guy wants to keep sun off his head then wearing a hat is good, but I stopped wearing it backwards about 20 years ago, before I was even balding. 


Fathertime!