Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife

[brownbeard99]

so a beard is a negative?

What about a goatee?

[brownbeard99]

Most FSU women don't understand the backwards hat either.  If you are using it to cover up for male pattern baldness, don't.  My hair is thinning and it was never a turn off to the women I dated.

The hat has nothing to do with hiding baldness. I wear a hat sometimes. That particular day, I was trying to get more sun on my face, so I wore the hat backwards. Are baseball caps negative or just backwards ones?

[alex330]

So the beard is seen as a negative?

Facial hair is generally not appreciated, especially with younger FSUW. They don't want to marry dedushkas. My wife hates it when I am scruffy. Many FSUW might even ask you to go a step further even as discussed here -

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=19802.0

Are baseball caps negative or just backwards ones?

A stylish and in good condition baseball cap worn in the correct setting seems to be ok. Sports activities, hiking, beach, etc.

[Slumba]

The hat has nothing to do with hiding baldness. I wear a hat sometimes. That particular day, I was trying to get more sun on my face, so I wore the hat backwards. Are baseball caps negative or just backwards ones?

My personal view is that you should dress 1 level "higher" than normal.  When I look at FSU photos, this means

completely informal in shorts - nice shorts, 100% clean sneakers with invisible (ankle-cut) socks, good quality shirt, sometimes a short sleeve, buttoned shirt

informal-ish in jeans - combine with black dress shoes and something other than a T shirt

I saw few khakis that were the usual light to dark brown color, more likely are either dressy jeans or twill or wool slacks depending on season.

Baseball cap - only in certain cases, otherwise go bare or get a fedora/trilby etc. Most guys I saw in Kiev did not wear hats.

[Larry1]

The hat has nothing to do with hiding baldness. I wear a hat sometimes. That particular day, I was trying to get more sun on my face, so I wore the hat backwards. Are baseball caps negative or just backwards ones?

I've heard several FSUW comment negatively on guys' wearing baseball caps. But it's entirely possible that many FSUW will be ok with it.

Interesting. So the beard is seen as a negative?

The beard is a more serious negative. FSUW typically dislike beards. And because your beard is full and dark it's likely that many FSUW will react negatively, thinking it makes you look like a guy from Dagestan or one of the other heavily Muslim areas.

But since you're younger than most guys in this search and appear to be in good shape and have financial resources, you can almost certainly find some FSUW who will look past the beard.

When I talk with a guy who is considering a FSUW search I advise him to begin before age forty. You will see on a lot of the dating sites that a lot of FSUW in your target age range set their upper age limit preference at 40. Most of them don't have this set in stone though, so don't hesitate to send one of these girls a message just because you're a year or two over her stated age preference.

If you put this search off for another ten years you will find the going tougher.

[alex330]

so a beard is a negative?

What about a goatee?

Negative on the goatee as well. Any facial hair.

[brownbeard99]

I've heard several FSUW comment negatively on guys' wearing baseball caps. But it's entirely possible that many FSUW will be ok with it.

The beard is a more serious negative. FSUW typically dislike beards. And because your beard is full and dark it's likely that many FSUW will react negatively, thinking it makes you look like a guy from Dagestan or one of the other heavily Muslim areas.

But since you're younger than most guys in this search and appear to be in good shape and have financial resources, you can almost certainly find some FSUW who will look past the beard.

When I talk with a guy who is considering a FSUW search I advise him to begin before age forty. You will see on a lot of the dating sites that a lot of FSUW in your target age range set their upper age limit preference at 40. Most of them don't have this set in stone though, so don't hesitate to send one of these girls a message just because you're a year or two over her stated age preference.

If you put this search off for another ten years you will find the going tougher.

Fortunately, I am not married to the beard or the hat. Women here generally respond the best to me when I have a little more than a five o'clock shadow, but that's here.

Your age advice makes perfect sense to me. The advice that someone here has given that I should wait 10 years seems counterintuitive (and defeats the purpose of my kids wanting a stepmother).  I'll go with your advice instead.

As for the body hair thing, I already trim it shave everything below the neck already, except armpits. I wouldn't mind adding those to the manscaping routine.

[Muzh]

This is the standard delivered by many western women after some time :  "I was told that her part-time job, her sewing circle, her dog and her iPhone are more important than me"
The feeling that you come in the 2nd,3rd, 4rth position is quite common among western men at this point.
In average, you will not have such feelings with an European Eastern woman.
You will be the center of the scene. Or she will leave you purely and simply.

Heh,sure. Just wait for a few (short) years and one or two children.


But wait!!! There's more. After 10 years in this country she will not only behave like an American woman, she'll be an American woman. Complete with sense of equality.


Our staff is waiting by the phones ready to take your call.




Dating guys, I know you are in the business of selling a fantasy, but come on. A bit of reality also helps.

[Muzh]

Have you ever seen the movie Pollyanna?

Your ignorant comments are not helpful and add no value to my search, or this discussion.

This is my thread. This is about me and my search. I don't want you here. I don't want your advice. I don't want your judgement. I don't want your opinion. I don't like your attitude.
Leave my thread alone.

Go away!

Ahem, dude. A guy with less than 20 post cannot come here and tell an veteran poster to go away. Especially when the comments are well reasoned and ON TOPIC.


Let's show a little decor, please.

[2tallbill]

so a beard is a negative?

What about a goatee?

Usually a beard or goatee aren't looked upon favorably, but there are really all types of
women in the FSU.

The advantage at the forum is that you will find many knowledgeable people here. Some
are more helpful than others. My advice is to post your questions, etc here, but don't take
anything personally. Some advice will be very good, some so-so and some more dubious.
Your job is to take all the advice and sift through it, use the best and ignore the rest.

Udachi!


Bill

[brownbeard99]

Usually a beard or goatee aren't looked upon favorably, but there are really all types of
women in the FSU.

The advantage at the forum is that you will find many knowledgeable people here. Some
are more helpful than others. My advice is to post your questions, etc here, but don't take
anything personally. Some advice will be very good, some so-so and some more dubious.
Your job is to take all the advice and sift through it, use the best and ignore the rest.

Udachi!


Bill

Great advice bill.  I'm here to learn. I don't have time to get into pissing contests on here.  Even if I prove that I am right and someone else is wrong (or stupid, foolish, etc), I am still in the same situation I was in and no closer to my goal.

I plan to take the good advice, ask questions and ignore the haters. I can't seem to be able to block certain people, so I will just ignore their posts.

As far as my appearance goes, I have enough liabilities I can't control. I can't control my age, child status, etc. I'm not so stubborn that I will limit my potential matched by having unwanted hair or a wardrobe that isn't well received.

[Nightwish]

There is kind of a mainstream opinion on this forum about beards, I can only tell you from my own experience.

I am married to my beard, I would never shave it of because of a woman, if I wanted to myself sure, but no woman is going to tell me to loose it. Its a part of me and if you don't like it? Take a long hike...

I have most certainly lost some women's interest along the way because of it, cant say that anyone told me this to my face, but what do I know about their reasons.
I also got a lot of positive response.

I have met and dated about 15 FSU women and they have all had positive things to say about it, I keep it trimmed and quite short and only one had any complaints, because she got small rashes on her cheek, but she was still ok with it at the time, that didn't work out for other reasons..

I might add that my beard is fair color, blondish, and I keep it very well trimmed so I dont look like an old gangsta or muslim 

[ML]

My hair is thinning . . .

Have you tried shoe polish on your scalp?

[ML]

Regarding facial hair, etc.

Some women like the feel of an unshaven face between  their legs and even on more tender spots . . . honest.

Not a beard . . . but a day or two of growth so it's prickly.

Other women do not.

[jone]

Have you tried shoe polish on your scalp?

No.  I'm having my butt hair moved up north.  Silly guy.

[Brasscasing]

*Sigh*

We're going to primp, groom and dress our hero, place him in the starting stall, the gate'll fly open and this guy's gonna fall flat on his face.

By his own word he's already married two women locally who've turned out to have psychological issues.

What do you think's going to happen out there in FSU land?

Some FSU(w) is going to pick up on his narcissistic tendencies, place a mirror in front of his face, tell him exactly what he wants to hear and ride the mule back to Illinois more than likely.

Or worse, he's gonna fall into old habits and pick another psychologically   damaged individual to hook up with.

In 20 posts or so, he's decided to dismiss the relevant advice that doesn't support the brownbeard credo and is focusing on the important things like facial hair and head attire.

This guy's a train wreck in the making.

Brass

 

[Belvis]

If your life is so pathetic that you have nothing better to do than annoy people on forums, then be my guest. You obviously have some unmet emotional need in your life.

Hah,  if you can't deal with Boethius I wander how you'll deal with much more emotionally unstable FSU women.  Taking into account that you're looking for in age range of 21-31 this enterprise seems to me the really challenging task.

[ML]

. . . emotionally unstable FSU women. 

I never heard of such a thing.

[brownbeard99]

I never heard of such a thing.

This is interesting. So some people categorize FSU women as emotionally unstable?  I haven't heard that stereotype before.

This place is full of interesting information.

[2tallbill]

This is interesting. So some people categorize FSU women as emotionally unstable?  I haven't heard that stereotype before.

This place is full of interesting information.

In the FSU they have women who can do calculus in their heads and they have
women who need to take off their shoes to count higher than ten. They have
women who can sing like choirs of angels and they have women who make dogs
cry when they hum. They have women who can cook mouth watering dishes and
they have women who set off the smoke alarm every time they enter a kitchen.
They have women who are devils and they have angels. They have sane, they have
bat sh!t crazy.

Your job is to find one that is right for you.

[brownbeard99]

In the FSU they have women who can do calculus in their heads and they have
women who need to take off their shoes to count higher than ten. They have
women who can sing like choirs of angels and they have women who make dogs
cry when they hum. They have women who can cook mouth watering dishes and
they have women who set off the smoke alarm every time they enter a kitchen.
They have women who are devils and they have angels. They have sane, they have
bat sh!t crazy.

Your job is to find one that is right for you.

So basically, its just like the US.  Not much different.  Its the same with...

Third marriages have an extremely low success rate no matter where you go.

Blended families have an extremely low success rate no matter where you go.

It will be difficult to find a woman who will truly accept step-children no matter where I go.

I read that, according to the US state department that marriages arranged through international marriage agencies have an 80% success rate (that is including all first, second, third, fourth marriages).  First marriages in the US have a success rate of 50% at best.

Statistics can be helpful, but should not determine one's course in life.  I was formerly a vice president for a big data analytics company.  You can manipulate data to tell you whatever you want it to.  Given that I am a statistical outlier in most categories, many stats are not relevant to me.  Do I pick and choose the statistics I want to hear?  Sure.  Most people do.  The fact of the matter is that my chance of success is less than 50%, no matter how you look at it.  This doesn't give me a license to be foolish and do whatever I want.  This doesn't mean I throw my hands up in the air and give up either.

Based on my situation, I am fully aware that the statistical odds are not in my favor.  I still have the need for companionship and my kids need a stepmom.  Even if 1,000 people post on this thread and call me cruel, unrealistic, narcissistic, stupid, etc., this doesn't make my needs go away.  This won't convince me to give up.

I am very willing to take advice into consideration.  The only advice I haven't taken is that I should give up on my search before I even begin.  I haven't even claimed that I will "marry an FSUW no matter what!"  I may decide that this isn't what is best for me, but it makes more sense for me to do a little research myself instead of blindly following the advice of people who are more concerned with flaming me and making me look bad rather than helping me.

Bill, thanks for your level-headed support.

[ML]

You should understand that Bill has spent several very cold winters and very hot summers in North Dakota.

This tends to do things to brains, so it is questionable whether he is level headed.

[Faux Pas]

So basically, its just like the US.  Not much different.  Its the same with...

Third marriages have an extremely low success rate no matter where you go.

Blended families have an extremely low success rate no matter where you go.

It will be difficult to find a woman who will truly accept step-children no matter where I go.

I read that, according to the US state department that marriages arranged through international marriage agencies have an 80% success rate (that is including all first, second, third, fourth marriages).  First marriages in the US have a success rate of 50% at best.

Statistics can be helpful, but should not determine one's course in life.  I was formerly a vice president for a big data analytics company.  You can manipulate data to tell you whatever you want it to.  Given that I am a statistical outlier in most categories, many stats are not relevant to me.  Do I pick and choose the statistics I want to hear?  Sure.  Most people do.  The fact of the matter is that my chance of success is less than 50%, no matter how you look at it.  This doesn't give me a license to be foolish and do whatever I want.  This doesn't mean I throw my hands up in the air and give up either.

Based on my situation, I am fully aware that the statistical odds are not in my favor.  I still have the need for companionship and my kids need a stepmom.  Even if 1,000 people post on this thread and call me cruel, unrealistic, narcissistic, stupid, etc., this doesn't make my needs go away.  This won't convince me to give up.

I am very willing to take advice into consideration.  The only advice I haven't taken is that I should give up on my search before I even begin.  I haven't even claimed that I will "marry an FSUW no matter what!"  I may decide that this isn't what is best for me, but it makes more sense for me to do a little research myself instead of blindly following the advice of people who are more concerned with flaming me and making me look bad rather than helping me.

Bill, thanks for your level-headed support.

Your approach to the advice given thus far is quite moronic. All of it to this point, has been on point even though some of it is conflicted. Especially conflicted with what you want to hear. Bill gave you likely the most succinct and Boe's was certainly something you should consider. Nobody here has any skin in your game but they are calling it like they see it.

If you are a man of mettle, explore your options. If not, stick with the local crazy women you seem to attract. That choice is yours. Keep in mind if you have a propensity to attract the crazy ones locally, you'll probably attract them in another country too. But, you won't know until you try. A lot of guys have found happiness and much more heartbreak. Stats mean dick. There is a 50% or better divorce rate in the US and the FSU. Where you fall into those stats no matter number of times you've been married depends on you. Apparently you are doing "good" as a father. If I were you, that's the streak you need to maintain

FWIW

[southernX]

bb99Understood.  My situation does not fit within the cultural norms of any society that I am aware of.  I am a statistical outlier, a "black swan" if you will.  I need another black swan.  Does she exist?  Absolutely.

welcome bb99
well as bill said listen to all the advice and take from it what will work for you in your particular case , only you know what that is 

as for the black swan thing above ??  well,here in australia black swans are commmon as stars in the sky,its the white swans that are uncommon 
so if you go looking in the right places ,  having done some good research you will find your mrs black swan

well so far you have had good advice from calmissile & others , all of which should provide food for thought
im guessing you might be a scorpio bb99?

ok heres my thoughts for you with my background

i had 4 biological kids , when i started looking , similar to you i wasnt looking for a new mum for them , but a partner for me , i had custody and could look after my kids well enough without a womans help

however i wanted a life partner who would be willing to share my life and all it entailed with my kids and any of hers if she had them

now oddly enough i thought kids would be a negative detractor in my  search to find a lady who would buy into that mixed family .
to my surprise it did not prove so

my wife had a child and she loved the idea that i had 4 children already, and was happy to add hers into that , she said it showed i had great capacity to love  and was a true father who was comfortable with kids

given my experience id suggest you look for women  30 + with a  child     ,  kids mature most people ime , she will have had some expereince as well even if its only with her own child.

research  all you can  about what this adventure entails ,then committ to it 100% or not at all !!
 
know yourself well and what you really are looking for and why !!

be totally honest in all your contacts with possible ladys , give them the full picture , be honest and up front with your situation , you will be surprised i think in what you will get back from some

 if the blended family is to work you and her must be parents together , consult and listen to whomever you marry , you together set the agenda , the kids , all of them will fall into place if you both have considered them and yourselves needs and wants , communicate with your kids  about all your plans,

but remember parenting is not a democracy, kids will ask and want for lots of things, you and her are their parents not their mates

wear the hat properly, it is a big responsibility to take all of this on , so act mature , wear the hat  properly like you own it , FSU women respect a man that is strong , a leader, one who is also soft and kind , loving with his family and who can provide security and stability , you seem like you can offer that

be your prospective blended  familys rock !!!

do the research and know what it is your looking for in a life partner , she will be out there bb99,
use your head and listen to all advice including mine , consider it and take what will be usefull

this adventure is individual , each one its own story , you and your kids deserve to have the best suitable person you can find to offer marriage to , so choose carefully and wisely

lastly , have faith not fear, make the commitment and dont make promises you cant keep 

good luck
SX

[brownbeard99]

welcome bb99
well as bill said listen to all the advice and take from it what will work for you in your particular case , only you know what that is 

as for the black swan thing above ??  well,here in australia black swans are commmon as stars in the sky,its the white swans that are uncommon 
so if you go looking in the right places ,  having done some good research you will find your mrs black swan

well so far you have had good advice from calmissile & others , all of which should provide food for thought
im guessing you might be a scorpio bb99?

ok heres my thoughts for you with my background

i had 4 biological kids , when i started looking , similar to you i wasnt looking for a new mum for them , but a partner for me , i had custody and could look after my kids well enough without a womans help

however i wanted a life partner who would be willing to share my life and all it entailed with my kids and any of hers if she had them

now oddly enough i thought kids would be a negative detractor in my  search to find a lady who would buy into that mixed family .
to my surprise it did not prove so

my wife had a child and she loved the idea that i had 4 children already, and was happy to add hers into that , she said it showed i had great capacity to love  and was a true father who was comfortable with kids

given my experience id suggest you look for women  30 + with a  child     ,  kids mature most people ime , she will have had some expereince as well even if its only with her own child.

research  all you can  about what this adventure entails ,then committ to it 100% or not at all !!
 
know yourself well and what you really are looking for and why !!

be totally honest in all your contacts with possible ladys , give them the full picture , be honest and up front with your situation , you will be surprised i think in what you will get back from some

 if the blended family is to work you and her must be parents together , consult and listen to whomever you marry , you together set the agenda , the kids , all of them will fall into place if you both have considered them and yourselves needs and wants , communicate with your kids  about all your plans,

but remember parenting is not a democracy, kids will ask and want for lots of things, you and her are their parents not their mates

wear the hat properly, it is a big responsibility to take all of this on , so act mature , wear the hat like properly like you own it , FSU women respect a man that is strong , a leader, one who is also soft and kind , loving with his family and who can provide security and stability , you seem like you can offer that

be your prospective blended  familys rock !!!

do the research and know what it is your looking for in alife partner , she will be out there bb99,
use your head and listen to all advice including mine , consider it and take what will be usefull

this adventure is individual , each one its own story , you and your kids deserve to have the best suitable person you can find to offer marriage to , so choose carefully and wisely

lastly , have faith not fear, make the commitment and dont make promises you cant keep 

good luck
SX

Thanks for sharing.

BTW, the Black Swan Reference was specifically about "Black Swan Theory".

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_swan_theory

Sometimes I forget that common terms used by people who do statistical analysis for a living, are relatively unheard of to the public at large.