Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife

[BillyB]

So some people categorize FSU women as emotionally unstable?  I haven't heard that stereotype before.

Regardless of culture, judge each person individually. Got gold diggers and family oriented women in every culture. The biggest difference between FSU women and American women are looks. The average FSU women looks more feminine and has less weight and IMO are the most beautiful ladies in the world. There are plenty of good quality American women but those women tend to be married and stay married. What is available are leftovers. Take a look at FSU dating/marriage sites and the women there are thinner, have less tattoos, not 420/drug friendly, and are very educated. Those women tend to look for family oriented men that can financially support a family but those men are lacking over there. Their loss can be your gain but choose the wrong woman and you've lost again.


Some posters have labeled you a loser. You've been married to two crazy women. Some posters here will naturally believe you have a problem or you have a problem identifying good women so you're likely to be in another failed relationship. Almost everybody here has been divorced at least once and been through many short term or long term relationships. Some of us learned from our mistakes and learned how to surround ourselves with good people. We've also made changes to improve our lives to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Figure out what you need to be successful and be open to change.


I hope you don't send that photo in your avatar and the photos you posted to the ladies you're communicating with. Going shirtless or showing off your toys are going to scare the good girls off. You'll only have the bad ones to choose from. When dating ladies over there, don't attract them with your wallet either. Challenge yourself to attract the ladies with your biggest and best sex organ, your brain. Being intelligence, having a good personality, good character and good manners are all good traits a woman would like to pass on to her kids.


Someone revive Catzenmouse 10 year anniversary thread. Cat said his stepson is getting a 4.0 in school. I believe your kids can benefit too if you choose wisely in a woman and provide them with evidence of what a healthy marriage should look like.

[brownbeard99]

Regardless of culture, judge each person individually. Got gold diggers and family oriented women in every culture. The biggest difference between FSU women and American women are looks. The average FSU women looks more feminine and has less weight and IMO are the most beautiful ladies in the world. There are plenty of good quality American women but those women tend to be married and stay married. What is available are leftovers. Take a look at FSU dating/marriage sites and the women there are thinner, have less tattoos, not 420/drug friendly, and are very educated. Those women tend to look for family oriented men that can financially support a family but those men are lacking over there. Their loss can be your gain but choose the wrong woman and you've lost again.


Some posters have labeled you a loser. You've been married to two crazy women. Some posters here will naturally believe you have a problem or you have a problem identifying good women so you're likely to be in another failed relationship. Almost everybody here has been divorced at least once and been through many short term or long term relationships. Some of us learned from our mistakes and learned how to surround ourselves with good people. We've also made changes to improve our lives to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Figure out what you need to be successful and be open to change.


I hope you don't send that photo in your avatar and the photos you posted to the ladies you're communicating with. Going shirtless or showing off your toys are going to scare the good girls off. You'll only have the bad ones to choose from. When dating ladies over there, don't attract them with your wallet either. Challenge yourself to attract the ladies with your biggest and best sex organ, your brain. Being intelligence, having a good personality, good character and good manners are all good traits a woman would like to pass on to her kids.


Someone revive Catzenmouse 10 year anniversary thread. Cat said his stepson is getting a 4.0 in school. I believe your kids can benefit too if you choose wisely in a woman and provide them with evidence of what a healthy marriage should look like.

Thanks for sharing.

My avatar is just a random pic I just had on my phone. I would never use that on any dating site. I have professional pictures where I am well dressed and you can see my face. Honestly, I didn't put too much thought into my avatar on here. Apparently, that was a mistake.

[2tallbill]

Apparently, that was a mistake.

No worries, your avatar isn't a big deal. I've had people complain
about my various avatars that I've used in other fora. 

One very cool thing about an FSUW is that they are very direct. You
never have to wonder why they are upset with you. They will tell you
exactly and specifically what you did wrong, it's kind of refreshing.
Searching, finding and pursuing an FSUW will require a somewhat
thick skin however.

various avatars you could change to


I always loved this one



Here are some others

I don't know the actress (I suck at recent pop culture)
but she gets her point across

[brownbeard99]

No worries, your avatar isn't a big deal. I've had people complain
about my various avatars that I've used in other fora. 

One very cool thing about an FSUW is that they are very direct. You
never have to wonder why they are upset with you. They will tell you
exactly and specifically what you did wrong, it's kind of refreshing.
Searching, finding and pursuing an FSUW will require a somewhat
thick skin however.

That one fact makes this whole search worth it. I can't stand mind games, indirectness and passive-aggressive behavior.

It's much easier to develop a thicker skin than to develop the ability to read minds. One may be a challenge, but the other is impossible.

[calmissile]

Concerning the temperament of UA women, it varies a lot but my experience is that they get pissed easily but not like American women.  It passes quickly and within 24 hours it is over and back to normal.  You sort of have to go through it a couple times to realize that they do not harbor grudges.

If you are sensitive to their feelings and get worked up over their responses, you can easily do something you will regret later.   Just let it pass and all will be ok in a very short time.

Just my experience with a couple of FSUW.  Your mileage might vary.   

[Muzh]

I still have the need for companionship and my kids need a stepmom. 

From the "Been there, Done that" crowd I want to address only the above.


Wrong.


That is Hollywood, not real life. Furthermore, if you have been sold on the fantasy that these women from the former Soyuz are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, ask for a refund. They are extremely calculating and IF you fcuk up, game's over. Please forget the illusion that these women are the next Maria Von Trapp. Odds are way against you.


Finally, it is NOT a stepmom that you will bring here. More like an Au Pair.

[Muzh]

If you are a man of mettle, explore your options. If not, stick with the local crazy women you seem to attract select. That choice is yours. Keep in mind if you have a propensity to attract select the crazy ones locally, you'll probably attract select them in another country too. But, you won't know until you try. A lot of guys have found happiness and much more heartbreak. Stats mean dick. There is a 50% or better divorce rate in the US and the FSU. Where you fall into those stats no matter number of times you've been married depends on you. Apparently you are doing "good" as a father. If I were you, that's the streak you need to maintain

FWIW

With your permission, I would like to correct the statement. 

[Muzh]

That one fact makes this whole search worth it. I can't stand mind games, indirectness and passive-aggressive behavior.

It's much easier to develop a thicker skin than to develop the ability to read minds. One may be a challenge, but the other is impossible.

Ask Bill how long he's been married.


Bill, I truly hope YOU work on keeping it like that.

[Muzh]

Concerning the temperament of UA women, it varies a lot but my experience is that they get pissed easily but not like American women.  It passes quickly and within 24 hours it is over and back to normal. You sort of have to go through it a couple times to realize that they do not harbor grudges.

Oh boy <wiping away tears>


My lovely wife (and I adore her) will remind me of stuff I did 14 years ago. Every time she gets pissed at me.

[ML]

Some men and women have long memories.
Some do not.

This memory or lack of it applies to almost everything, good or bad.

I am cursed with a long memory.  It is so funny because I frequently remind other persons of things they told me about concerning past events, etc.

Now along with the long memory or lack of it . . . comes the concept of what things the person in general remembers most or forgets most.

In some cultures the idea of revenge is very much a part of their long history, even where revenge is postponed to later generations.  I suspect persons (men and women) from those cultures are the ones that never forget the things that they perceive happened to them.

[southernX]

If you are sensitive to their feelings and get worked up over their responses, you can easily do something you will regret later.   Just let it pass and all will be ok in a very short time.

tend to agree with doug here

they are direct ime , and can be downright brutally  cruel , as above dont react kneejerk style or you will definetly escalate your problem lol 


trick is ime to stay calm , be the stable emotional one [your the man ] and let it wash over you , my logic has always been deal with whatever it is positivly to resolve it , even at times when iv wanted to do otherwise ,
then once a solution is in place, leave her  alone for a bit , 

i usually just go and do some small jobs about the house or yard and soon enough she resorts back to her usual calm happy lovely self , and she will come , smile offer  me a huge hugg and cuddles and say with eyes wide open , im just a girl !! its usual emotions !!!

poke the bear to your own detriment , they dont usually take criticism well either !!lol
theres a knack to doing it


for us it a rare thing nowdays , over time you know and understand each other , but initially first year or so , be aware 
SX

[alex330]

Yup, I am with Doug and SouthernX. My wife is the same way. Blunt and speaks her mind whether it may be insensitive or not. And many times it may be the truth you do not want to hear. But several hours later or the next morning she will not even remember the incident.

[Rick4G]

reading through most of the replies BB, You have been given overwhelmingly good advice.  With young kids you may have a difficult time with younger girls who also would need your attention.  it would be recipe for disaster.
I am also not sure if you have the time to invest in a FSU girl.  Although there are some lucky guys in this forum who have managed to find a girl with minimal time in her country, Im still of the opinion that it usually takes time to cultivate the relationship and make sure she is the correct one.

I may be more skeptical or just less trusting than some others but Im not likely to commit to marriage without a solid year of a relationship headed in the right direction.  Ive dated several girls on the low end of your scale and havent been with one yet that could handle your situation.

realistically, the minimum would likely be in the ballpark of 28+.  Im not gonna say dont do it, just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and that you have the time, resources and fully understand what you are getting into

[brownbeard99]

With your permission, I would like to correct the statement. 

Well said.   I really only have problems with statements that are immaculate or relatively unfounded. Nobody can say what I attract in general. Such statements only take into account two women I have selected.

I admit that I have not been the best "people picker" in the past. I have had 10 years to consider this, work on it, and put safeguards in place to reduce the likelihood of making similar mistakes in the future. 

Yes, I have considered staying alone, but personally, the potential benefits outweigh the risks. My last marriage ended, but there were plenty of good times and I got a beautiful daughter from the experience, so I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[brownbeard99]

Finally, it is NOT a stepmom that you will bring here. More like an Au Pair.

Funny you should mention that. I have hired two au pairs in the past and they were great with the kids. They gave the kids more positive attention than their mom/step-mom ever did. The kids said they would be happy with that type of relationship with a stepmother.

I even looked into it (actually still exploring this as a temporary solution).  There are downsides to this as well. First, it's hard finding an au pair willing to work for a single man. Also, for those warning me about "gossip" of a young, foreign wife, what do you think people will say about a 20 year old au pair living with a single man?

I can deal with that, but the problem is the nature of these child care relationships is that they have a limited time frame.  After two au pairs and a nanny, the kids realized that they hate to say goodbye after a year of developing a relationship. Au pairs can extend one year, at the most, but they often have other life goals they wish to pursue after their contract.

Then there is the cost. Just like a wife, you incur all the daily living expenses with an au pair or nanny. We take them out to eat, buy them stuff, and take them on family vacations,etc. We have always treated them like part of the family.

In addition to those costs, an au pair costs roughly $20,000 - $$25,000 in wages, educational expenses, agency fees, and airfare) per year. Our nanny cost about $55,000 per year (nannys expect more, including health insurance, social security matching, etc).  These costs are PER YEAR.

So, a nanny for five years is going to cost me a quarter of a million dollars, plus living expenses, and there is a 0% chance of an ongoing, long-term relationship

If I'm going to spend that kind of money, I would rather find a wife that at least offers SOME hope for success.

I'm not sure what I said to give the impression I expect (or even desire) Maris Von Trapp, Marry Poppins, or Edith Grainger.

I'm not really even looking to "fall in love". Chasing a feeling has gotten me in to trouble in the past. I believe in long engagements. I would only do this after making several trips to visit a potential wife. I have the ability to make 5-10 trips per year if necessary and I would do this for at least two years.

I would be happy to be in a caring relationship based on a mutual understanding of needs, responsibilities, and expectations. I don't believe in ending a marriage just because "butterflies go away".  Feelings come and go. I am more concerned with mutual respect and commitment in an environment of openly discussed expectations, goals, desires and needs.

I am not in an extreme hurry, which is why I want to start the process now and not wait until I feel desperate.

As far as some of the negative statements about me "only listening to what u want to hear" and "rejecting people's advice", I completely disagree with those categorizations.

The only advice I am rejecting is advice to give up right now before I even start. I haven't even said that I will continue this search "no matter what". If FSU women do not fund me desirable, I need to decide to change what I can (and am willing to), or end the process.  If I can't handle their personalities (bluntness, etc) then I will consider moving on.  I will continue to keep my kids in mind and how this will affect them.

My ex is thinking about moving back in town and may want to have the kids half the time (or more) This will also change my perspective and lessen some emotional burden placed on a potential spouse.

I have been reading the forums (here and others) and learning a lot about FSUW's. I have been focusing on the negatives. I want to be as prepared as possible when facing common sources of conflict.  The more I read, the more I realize that the things I dislike most about women (from personal experience) are issues specific to American women.  I have researched women from across the globe and feel that FSU women are the most desirable (to me).  This may change after a visit or two, but that is something I need to experience for myself.  I have considered dating women in a couple other regions, but I haven't found a place as attractive as FSU (at least yet).

I appreciate all the members who send me advice via PM's (I suspect they wish to avoid getting in a public debate). Please keep the help coming!

[brownbeard99]

tend to agree with doug here

they are direct ime , and can be downright brutally  cruel , as above dont react kneejerk style or you will definetly escalate your problem lol 


trick is ime to stay calm , be the stable emotional one [your the man ] and let it wash over you , my logic has always been deal with whatever it is positivly to resolve it , even at times when iv wanted to do otherwise ,
then once a solution is in place, leave her  alone for a bit , 

i usually just go and do some small jobs about the house or yard and soon enough she resorts back to her usual calm happy lovely self , and she will come , smile offer  me a huge hugg and cuddles and say with eyes wide open , im just a girl !! its usual emotions !!!

poke the bear to your own detriment , they dont usually take criticism well either !!lol
theres a knack to doing it


for us it a rare thing nowdays , over time you know and understand each other , but initially first year or so , be aware 
SX

Great advice!

Thanks a
Million!

[Chicagoguy]

My wife actually loves my three daughters and they are crazy about her. As for my ex who passed away  a few years ago - her family of 12 very much likes my Russian wife and she always wants to spent time with them. So every situation can be different.

I believe 1 week spent in Russia will give you a many ideas and you will probably come back to the board with a ton of questions.

Welcome !

[Muzh]

I'm not really even looking to "fall in love". Chasing a feeling has gotten me in to trouble in the past. I believe in long engagements. I would only do this after making several trips to visit a potential wife. I have the ability to make 5-10 trips per year if necessary and I would do this for at least two years.

I would be happy to be in a caring relationship based on a mutual understanding of needs, responsibilities, and expectations. I don't believe in ending a marriage just because "butterflies go away".  Feelings come and go. I am more concerned with mutual respect and commitment in an environment of openly discussed expectations, goals, desires and needs.

I am not in an extreme hurry, which is why I want to start the process now and not wait until I feel desperate.

As far as some of the negative statements about me "only listening to what u want to hear" and "rejecting people's advice", I completely disagree with those categorizations.

The only advice I am rejecting is advice to give up right now before I even start. I haven't even said that I will continue this search "no matter what". If FSU women do not fund me desirable, I need to decide to change what I can (and am willing to), or end the process.  If I can't handle their personalities (bluntness, etc) then I will consider moving on.  I will continue to keep my kids in mind and how this will affect them.

My ex is thinking about moving back in town and may want to have the kids half the time (or more) This will also change my perspective and lessen some emotional burden placed on a potential spouse.

I have been reading the forums (here and others) and learning a lot about FSUW's. I have been focusing on the negatives. I want to be as prepared as possible when facing common sources of conflict.  The more I read, the more I realize that the things I dislike most about women (from personal experience) are issues specific to American women.  I have researched women from across the globe and feel that FSU women are the most desirable (to me).  This may change after a visit or two, but that is something I need to experience for myself.  I have considered dating women in a couple other regions, but I haven't found a place as attractive as FSU (at least yet).

I appreciate all the members who send me advice via PM's (I suspect they wish to avoid getting in a public debate). Please keep the help coming!

Here's the deal.


IF (BIG IF) you decide to find a woman from the former Soyuz, then the last thing you want to do is force-feed her your children down her throat. She'll be gone in no time flat (IF she is honest) or you may find yourself in a pickle (if she is a calculating "businesswoman.")


Many of these women also fall for the fantasy and they want to be romanced. Kinda hard to do when you are dividing schedules for children activity. Worse if she brings her own brood.


The best case scenario you can hope for is that you find a hot babe that is friendly with people so she has the capacity to mix with your kids AS A FRIEND. If that happens, you better have an excellent juggling act worthy of Cirque de Soliel.

[brownbeard99]

My wife actually loves my three daughters and they are crazy about her. As for my ex who passed away  a few years ago - her family of 12 very much likes my Russian wife and she always wants to spent time with them. So every situation can be different.

I believe 1 week spent in Russia will give you a many ideas and you will probably come back to the board with a ton of questions.

Welcome !

It's nice to know that all FSU blended families don't end up in disaster. I think you make a good point about me visiting. I'm sure that's when the real questions will begin.

[msmobyone]

I don't know the actress (I suck at recent pop culture)
but she gets her point across

Ruth Wilson

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Wilson

IF you can 'understand' London accents check her out as a psycho in Luther

[brownbeard99]

Well, I got myself in a real heap of trouble now.  I started my "research" by posting a profile on mamba.

From my experience here, I was pretty convinced that no Russian woman would be interested in me in a million years. If a woman is, she is either a con artist or is really messed up in some way.

Anyway, I just randomly browsed profiles and sent a "hello" message to some women who seemed interesting.

I have chatted with a few, but one stands out. She lives near Moscow, she is 30 years old, has 2 college degrees and works for a large international corporation (I have connections there). She has a great job, isn't hurting for money and travels quite extensively. The only down side is she has a 4 year old son. We have chatted on Mamba and Facebook for hours.  I doubt she was even looking to meet an American (I approached her), yet here we are.

On top of all that, she is one of the most beautiful women I have seen in my life. Her pictures blow away all the other pictures of women on mamba (even if Photoshop is involved, her photoshop pics are still better than the other ones).

So now that I feel like an undesirable loser, I am asking myself, "This woman is almost completely perfect except the kid issue. Why the hell is she taking to me?"  She knows about my kids and failed marriages and hasn't run away.

I guess my biggest question is, if this is the real deal, what's the most common way an American guy will screw it up?

For the skeptics out there... How can I tell if something seems fishy (without looking like I'm trying to do so)?

[msmobyone]

For the skeptics out there... How can I tell if something seems fishy (without looking like I'm trying to do so)?

You can't ... Are you thinking of going on a plane - having got a visa for Russia.... if not ...do not worry about the question or waste each other's time.


If you are interested - rely on your gut.

[Faux Pas]

brownbeard

Help me understand your logic here. You have 3 kids and are looking for a woman to share that, your life with you. You've found a woman that blows you away in every regard except her downside is, she has one 4 year old kid? Seriously dude? You have much to learn guy and it isn't just FSUW

[Nightwish]

brownbeard

Help me understand your logic here. You have 3 kids and are looking for a woman to share that, your life with you. You've found a woman that blows you away in every regard except her downside is, she has one 4 year old kid? Seriously dude? You have much to learn guy and it isn't just FSUW

+1

one kid = "real heap of trouble" when you have 3 of your own.. think this through one more time because I don't really think you are ready for a relationship..especially not one that comes with so many challenges as a foreign relationship does

[Boethius]

It's nice to know that all FSU blended families don't end up in disaster. I think you make a good point about me visiting. I'm sure that's when the real questions will begin.

Chicagoguy's daughters were all grown when he married.  So, much easier to have a blended family.