Questions FROM Russian Woman :)

[Boethius]

What . . . I am shocked you are asserting that men are most interested in physical features.

I and most other men seek the woman who can quote Keats, Cummings, Kipling, etc.

I think if you meet people face to face, and not necessarily in seeking a relationship, people's physical traits matter much less.  You can see that a woman is less than perfect physically, but you find her fascinating in other ways.  But a woman doesn't have that advantage in online dating.

[Noch1]

hi and Welcome.

Always be yourself. I preferred real pics of a wide variety.

Your size is your is your size, try to be as good a shape as possible
I always preferred a women, who's body fit, height and weight
are relative.

You should state and ask anything of great importance to small details.
Learn as much as you can, as should the man.

It should be your choice as to weather you wish to work or stay home type.

 I think its great when a women knows how to dress for the occasion.
Weather its a night out, going for a drive, or a day outside, sports etc.
Relaxing at home is for sweats and such cloths.

Meeting 1-3 months and first time, he should come to you.

Good luck in your search.

[ML]

Noch, what's with this way of spelling whether?

I know it's kind of cold up there, but does that lead to your obsession with weather?

[Bee Farmer]

24 y.o., currently working as a customer manager.
I am looking for American husband and soulmate,

3. What lines in a dating profile are a turn off, and what makes you want to message her?

I would encourage you to state in your profile what age gap you are comfortable with. 

Most single American men in their 20's are not looking for a foreign bride, and are not in a financial position to marry a foreign bride.  While there may be a few American men in their 20's who are serious about marriage to a foreign bride, they are the rare exception.

I believe you will find more 60 year old American men interested in marrying you than American guys in their 20's or early 30's.
I believe the American men who are serious about finding a foreign bride will be late 30's and older, with the majority of them mid-40's and older.

Betelgeuse, are you looking for a husband and soulmate who is 20 years older than you?

[alex330]

Most single American men in their 20's are not looking for a foreign bride, and are not in a financial position to marry a foreign bride.  While there may be a few American men in their 20's who are serious about marriage to a foreign bride, they are the rare exception.

I believe you will find more 60 year old American men interested in marrying you than American guys in their 20's or early 30's.
I believe the American men who are serious about finding a foreign bride will be late 30's and older, with the majority of them mid-40's and older.

Generally yes, most men in their twenties are not looking for a foreign bride, or even marriage. I do know several younger men in their early twenties married to Russian women. They did meet at colleges or while here in the US on travel VISA's though. Maybe a better way for a woman to meet someone closer to her age.

My wife worked for a dating agency and mentioned that initially it was mostly men in their fifties and sixties looking. Over the five years she worked at the agency she said younger and younger men were flying over. Men in their late twenties started visiting. Mostly ex military or oil workers, but also tech guys.

I met my wife when she was 24 years old. I was 36 at the time.

[mendeleyev]

The one thing I noticed is so many women heavily stress their love of travel.  I always wonder if traveling is their motive rather than looking for love.  I would be much happier to see more day to day interest highlighted.  In my case, I love to hike and camp.  If I were looking that would catch my eye.

That is a good observation.

I will take a stab at explaining it. The ability to travel is something that eludes the understanding of those in the West because we take it for granted. During the Soviet period, only a small percentage of what we call FSU folk could travel, and those who did were under tremendous suspicion when they returned. Even with the intense scrutiny, the ability to travel was a large status symbol.

The Soviet government, of which more than one famous Soviet writer described the entire country as one large concentration camp, went to extremes sometimes in order to recreate that feeling of travel for those who would never have that opportunity. An example that comes to mind quickly is the grand Arkhangelskoye Estate in the Moscow suburbs. This magnificent estate and park was build in the 1700s, designed to look much like Versailles, and after the revolution the government found that design to be useful. A health sanatorium occupied much of the property during and immediately after the Soviet period.

If one could not afford to travel, at least one could go to a replica of somewhere else. But even with beautiful destinations like that, and even more popular along the Black Sea, citizens yearned for the ability to see and experience the outside world. The ability to travel was a firmly rooted status symbol. I've often thought of how it must have tormented a well-educated populace. They learned about the outside world, especially Europe, but even with such broad knowledge, were prevented from experiencing those destinations.

After the fall of communism, the economy was in shatters, and while the freedom to travel was possible the ability to actually do so was limited to those at the top. Today, travel is still a strong status symbol, and it is one reason why tours are so popular in the FSU. Using group rates in cheap accommodations, FSU folk love to find deals to Turkey, to Bulgaria, to Greece, etc.

Whether a gal has really traveled or not, it is very likely that she wants to. The urge to seek out and experience more in the world can be a very strong pull for many of the ladies you see on dating sites. Finding a soulmate with the same interests would be a dream come true.

Unfortunately, most of those gals do not understand the Western work ethic and drive for success. Many men who can afford to travel often have very little time for it.
 

[Boethius]

During the Soviet period, only a small percentage of what we call FSU folk could travel, and those who did were under tremendous suspicion when they returned. Even with the intense scrutiny, the ability to travel was a large status symbol.

Other than during a very brief respite in the Khrushchev years, one had to be "tried, tested and true" to travel outside the USSR, even to communist bloc countries. 

[Betelgeuse]

As for travel, most guys probably think that girl is high maintenance?
But you can travel to neighbour city, or local national park in your state, or local resort.. or is it what you call camping?


Another question, would you mind if she is a beet geeky (online games, comics, tv shows etc, books)?

[Boethius]

Another question, would you mind if she is a beet geeky (online games, comics, tv shows etc, books)?

You're asking the wrong crowd for this.  The men responding to you, other than Darth, are old enough to be your father. 


Be yourself.  If you are a bit geeky, you will want someone who enjoys that about you. 

[2tallbill]

As for travel, most guys probably think that girl is high maintenance?
But you can travel to neighbour city, or local national park in your state, or local resort.. or is it what you call camping?


Another question, would you mind if she is a beet geeky (online games, comics, tv shows etc, books)?

If a man considers a girl who wants to travel high maintenance then he shouldn't be
seeking an FSUW. The girl is going to want to come back and visit Mamma and her
relatives. He will have to visit her many times because this is a long process. A foreign
girl = travel.

A girl who is a bit geeky will easily be able to find men with the same interests.

[Lily]

I do know several younger men in their early twenties married to Russian women. They did meet at colleges or while here in the US on travel VISA's though. Maybe a better way for a woman to meet someone closer to her age.

Betelgeuse, have you heard that? If your English is good enough, try to come to the West under your own steam. Consider applying for a study course, a program like work & travel or similar, may be see whether you can find a job in the West that matches your skill. If you would be able to come here first, look around and see what is available for you. This may change lots of things for you in your private and may be professional life

[ML]

Yes, my now wife came on a Student F-1 Visa, even as she was past age 40.

Lucky for me, she didn't 'look around to see what was available.'

Maybe because I kept her passport locked up in my safe so she had no flexibility.  I only let her have it when she was boarding the plane for trips back to Ukraine.  And I grabbed it back as soon as she passed through customs.

[Boethius]

Betelgeuse, have you heard that? If your English is good enough, try to come to the West under your own steam. Consider applying for a study course, a program like work & travel or similar, may be see whether you can find a job in the West that matches your skill. If you would be able to come here first, look around and see what is available for you. This may change lots of things for you in your private and may be professional life

All the best option, however, to come from Ukraine, she is either going to need sponsorship or enough cash to be able to support herself.

[zooble]

 

Yes, this forum generally has a lot of older people so you should take that in account when asking questions and receiving answers. They can still provide a lot of information such as how to improve your profile and how this all works, but asking for their preferences in girls may not be that helpful for you. However, I'm in my early 30s so my answers may be of more relevance


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As for travel, most guys probably think that girl is high maintenance?
But you can travel to neighbour city, or local national park in your state, or local resort.. or is it what you call camping?

When western men think of a Russian woman liking to travel they think of international holidays to places like Greece, Turkey, Egypt, etc. Some western men may think she only wants a free holiday and not a serious relationship. Me personally, I think it is ok to say you like to travel (who doesn't like to?). You can then talk about where you have been or what places interest you. I think just do not write it on your profile in the space where you can write anything you want.

For neighbouring cities it is correct to say travel but I think it should be more specific such as "I like visiting Lviv" or I like travelling around Ukraine"

For a local national park, you can express with "I like visiting the park" or "I like walking in the park".

---------------------------


1. What attracts you in a photo of woman from the first sight?
High quality photo is important. Photo where you can see the face closer up. Photo where you can see the whole body.  From there it is a man's personal preference. I like the eyes and hair
A good photo is probably the most important part of your profile. You should have 2-6 good photos on your profile.

2. How important are her height\weight for you?
In general, men like women who are shorter than themselves but are tall. Height you can't change and most men will filter search results on height. I don't think you should worry about it. Weight is hard to say since your height will affect it, but most men like slim girls.

3. What lines in a dating profile are a turn off, and what makes you want to message her?
Is this the free writing area? If yes then this is not so important for me. The photos and basic questionnaire will have answered the important things.
If you want to write something 1 to 3 sentences is enough. If it is too long then there will be nothing to talk about since I would know everything by reading 

4. Would you rather date\marry someone outdoorsy\outgoing, or do you prefer stay-at-home type?
It doesn't matter for me but it would be a personal preference.

5. How important are good cooking skills?
For me, she should be able to cook but it does not have to be like a restaurant  Occasionally, some western men like to cook but normally not daily unless they live alone. If you know how to cook from a recipe book you will be ok.

6. Should your (russian) wife work or be a house maid?
I would prefer work at least some days, but when there are children then it would be ok for her to stay at home. I think it depends on the man's income and his financial situation. It should be discussed when the relationship gets serious.

7. What questions you don't want to be asked (at least while dating)?
Most men do not like questions that are about money. This is because of Nigerian or other scammers. But it is important to a Russian woman that he should have enough money for flying to meet and for an ok future. For example, someone with a very bad job in US can not afford to fly to Ukraine and there will never be a relationship.

Some bad questions:
What car do you have?
How much is your salary?

Some good questions to find out his financial situation while finding out other information
What is your job?
Did you go to university?
Which university did you go to?
What did you study?
Where do you live? (Different cities do not cost the same to live in. For example: Kiev vs Poltava)
Do you live with family? (If he isn't then he may be renting or have a mortgage. If he is renting you should find out if he plans to buy in the future. Same with if he is at home. Do not ask on the first day of writing but it is important to ask eventually.)

8. How fast should your first meeting happen? Should she go to your country, or you should visit her?
Generally western men have a "3 month rule". This should be the maximum time before he plans to meets the girl. Longer than that and it will be difficult to keep the relationship going online without meeting in person. There will simply be nothing to to talk about. If it is longer, it can also be a sign that he is not serious. If it is getting close to 2 months of  online communications and he hasn't discussed it, then you should ask if and when he plans to visit your country. I met about 4 months after first writing but planning was under way at least 1-2 months before.

The man should visit her due to the income difference, it is simply more affordable for him. If a girl paid, how many months or years would she need to save to meet 1 man which may not work out? She will also require a VISA which may be difficult. It would be best for him to get his own apartment or hotel for his stay. You should know that the man may or may not meet other girls he has been writing to online. This is because if you decide not to meet after he arrives or it does not work out, he has spent a lot of money for nothing.

9. Do you prefer if she wears comfy clothes (jeans, t-shirts etc) or skirts, dresses and high heels?
Skirts, dresses and heels of course But again this is a personal preference. Your photo should include at least 1 photo with these as most men are attracted by it. If your other photos are with comfy clothes that is ok as it will help with expectations when you wear them. I like seeing my girl in dresses and heels but do not expect her to wear it everyday. She should be comfortable at times too

[camachinist]

Hello gentlemen,
I hope you don't mind if I ask you some questions?

Maybe I should introduce myself first. My name is... say, Betelgeuse, I am from beautiful capital of Ukraine, 24 y.o., currently working as a customer manager.
I am looking for American husband and soulmate, but I have some questions and I really hope you can help me. (You can also ask questions and I will be glad to help you). So...

Welcome. Back when I was younger, I dated some FSU ladies about your age so can answer from that perspective

1. What attracts you in a photo of woman from the first sight?

Usually her face and, particularly, eyes.

2. How important are her height\weight for you?

Secondary. I never sorted for height/weight, though examining who I dated and married when younger did trend to the shorter end of the spectrum and I became enamored of taller women as I got older.

3. What lines in a dating profile are a turn off,

Pretty much anything which sounds formatted and not original to her or lacks creativity of expression

and what makes you want to message her?

Originality, expressing zest for aspects of her life which interest her and also expressing how she can bring that zest into my life.

4. Would you rather date\marry someone outdoorsy\outgoing, or do you prefer stay-at-home type?

I prefer adventurous and with a curiosity about life. It doesn't have to be outdoors or include a grueling social schedule.

5. How important are good cooking skills?

Food is love and I enjoy cooking and eating. My maternal ancestors are from Russia so perhaps there's some genetics there, IDK. The women I dated from the FSU were wonderful cooks, not to be confused with chefs. They expressed some of their love through the food they cooked. The most memorable cook, and also the most protective of her kitchen, was an emergency room doctor.

6. Should your (russian) wife work or be a house maid?

If she has a career and passion, I heartily support that. She can also work by my side in my business if she likes that. Or she can manage the home like my Russian mother did. Women have choices.

7. What questions you don't want to be asked (at least while dating)?

I can't think of anything specific but I do prefer to live in the present and not dwell on the past, especially early in the getting to know process. To me, dating should be a balance of fun and getting to know someone.

8. How fast should your first meeting happen? Should she go to your country, or you should visit her?

I always traveled early, generally within a few weeks of meeting someone online, or I would meet women while in-country. However, that was back when it was difficult for FSU women to travel internationally. In my generation, it's customary for the man to approach and to travel so I see that as normal.

9. Do you prefer if she wears comfy clothes (jeans, t-shirts etc) or skirts, dresses and high heels?

I like a mixture of both. Daily casual but some dress-up as appropriate. For example, the doctor I dated would wear her scrubs or slacks during the day but would put on a nice dress and one of her fur coats to go out at night to dinner or the opera, etc. I like a woman who is flexible, again going back to that adventure and curiosity stuff.


Good luck in your pursuits!

[Noch1]

Noch, what's with this way of spelling whether?

I know it's kind of cold up there, but does that lead to your obsession with weather?

Sorry, likely spell check, with my ADHD, I tend to type very quick, but mind
is already a sentence ahead, I will try and check it better.
But yes the weather is changing and I hate the cold.
Now whether you believe that or not, is up to you

[Gator]

zooble,

Yes, this forum generally has a lot of older people so you should take that in account when asking questions and receiving answers. They can still provide a lot of information such as how to improve your profile and how this all works, but asking for their preferences in girls may not be that helpful for you. However, I'm in my early 30s so my answers may be of more relevance    

TFF. 

If I were your age again and knew what I know now.....I would be very wealthy (not from investing retrospectively, which is impossible, but from a better understanding of:  people. my limitations, what truly is important, ...).  Also, I would be having more sex with more fabulous looking women.  I would have married better,  and I would have been a better husband and even better father.  Of course, my golf game would be far better.  And I would have done ......

What I am saying is, don't dismiss the collective wisdom of the old timers. 

So I read your responses.  Each is reasonable IMO, so give yourself a pat on the back.  There is one exception, a huge exception, so I write the following  for your benefit, not for Betelgeuse's.  The particular response: 

3. What lines in a dating profile are a turn off, and what makes you want to message her?
Is this the free writing area? If yes then this is not so important for me. The photos and basic questionnaire will have answered the important things.

Your response is rubbish. 

I first looked at the photo of a woman.  She did not have to be classically beautiful, yet she had to be physically attractive.  If "attractive," I read more trying to understand this sweet creature.  The "free writing " is the only opportunity short of a telephone conversation to understand her spirit.  If you are not trying to do this, I assert you are approaching women based on 95% physical attributes.  Flaps of skin can be nice, but the mind and soul are more important than the body. 

I paid most attention to women who wrote in imperfect English about their life, goals and feelings.  If I felt a kindred spirit, I emailed them immediately hoping to talk with them soon.
 

If you want to write something 1 to 3 sentences is enough. If it is too long then there will be nothing to talk about since I would know everything by reading 

"Nothing to talk about?!?!?!"    What kind of conversations do you have with women?  The right woman is the one who speaks freely with you, revealing so much, yet you realize there is so much more.  Hopefully, she sees the same in you. 

I advise you  to marry someone with whom you enjoy talking with about anything.    And the conversations are FUN and keep going, on and on.  You don't want to stop and neither does she.  And if this happens with imperfect English, you  have found a "keeper." 

[ML]

She should be comfortable at times too

But the rest of the time you would let her be uncomfortable ?

Nice guy.

[ML]

Sorry, likely spell check, with my ADHD, I tend to type very quick, but mind
is already a sentence ahead, I will try and check it better.
But yes the weather is changing and I hate the cold.
Now whether you believe that or not, is up to you

OK, just as long as you try to keep up with USA standards.

[Chicagoguy]

My wife wrote me first after seeing my photo on a dating site. It was mainly her daughters friend's goading that got her to write me. She was younger and so cute so I had my doubts but I took a flyer and wrote her back anyway. That began a real journey. From that time on she wrote me every single day for over 1 1/2 years until she arrived here. I knew she did not speak English but it was only later I discovered that each letter could take 2 hours. Translate mine, type her letter in Russian and then translate that into English to send back. 6 1/2 years married now. But it was mainly her perseverance that won me over.

I had a few others in the frying pan they were very quickly gone. It is like fishing. You never know when the winner will strike.

[Muzh]

Yes, this forum generally has a lot of older people so you should take that in account when asking questions and receiving answers. They can still provide a lot of information such as how to improve your profile and how this all works, but asking for their preferences in girls may not be that helpful for you. However, I'm in my early 30s so my answers may be of more relevance

Welcome Zoobie. 

When western men think of a Russian woman liking to travel they think of international holidays to places like Greece, Turkey, Egypt, etc. Some western men may think she only wants a free holiday and not a serious relationship.

Well. There is also another reality.


There are quite a few dudes who:


a) do not have the money to do this
b) may have some money but do not want to spend it on a piece of tail
c) have the money but by nature there are cheap bastards
d) he only spends his money on himself.


Check the trip reports. 


[/size]

2. How important are her height\weight for you?
In general, men like women who are shorter than themselves but are tall. Height you can't change and most men will filter search results on height. I don't think you should worry about it. Weight is hard to say since your height will affect it, but most men like slim girls.

Most Anglos and Nordic tribes like slim girls. You can't talk about the rest. 

[/size]

3. What lines in a dating profile are a turn off, and what makes you want to message her?
Is this the free writing area? If yes then this is not so important for me. The photos and basic questionnaire will have answered the important things.
If you want to write something 1 to 3 sentences is enough. If it is too long then there will be nothing to talk about since I would know everything by reading 

The first letter I sent to my wife was three pages long. Now, keep in mind that was 16 years ago and SHE had to pay for the download. I was NOT aware of that at the time because she never mentioned it. 


[/size]

4. Would you rather date\marry someone outdoorsy\outgoing, or do you prefer stay-at-home type?
It doesn't matter for me but it would be a personal preference.

I don't like stay-at-home. On my search I focused on any professional in the health/medical field so we would have something in common.

[/size]

5. How important are good cooking skills?
For me, she should be able to cook but it does not have to be like a restaurant  Occasionally, some western men like to cook but normally not daily unless they live alone. If you know how to cook from a recipe book you will be ok.

My wife hates cooking and the only time she cooks is when I'm sick and can't move. OTOH, I love cooking and she is thrilled I love to cook. 

[/size]

6. Should your (russian) wife work or be a house maid?
I would prefer work at least some days, but when there are children then it would be ok for her to stay at home. I think it depends on the man's income and his financial situation. It should be discussed when the relationship gets serious.

To the OP, you mean tending the house is not work?    Anyway, my preference was state above.

[/size]

7. What questions you don't want to be asked (at least while dating)?
Most men do not like questions that are about money. This is because of Nigerian or other scammers. But it is important to a Russian woman that he should have enough money for flying to meet and for an ok future. For example, someone with a very bad job in US can not afford to fly to Ukraine and there will never be a relationship.

Some bad questions:
What car do you have?
How much is your salary?

Some good questions to find out his financial situation while finding out other information
What is your job?
Did you go to university?
Which university did you go to?
What did you study?
Where do you live? (Different cities do not cost the same to live in. For example: Kiev vs Poltava)
Do you live with family? (If he isn't then he may be renting or have a mortgage. If he is renting you should find out if he plans to buy in the future. Same with if he is at home. Do not ask on the first day of writing but it is important to ask eventually.)

Oh, go ahead and ask away. How are you going to know who you are talking to?

[/size]

8. How fast should your first meeting happen? Should she go to your country, or you should visit her?

It would be best for him to get his own apartment or hotel for his stay.

NYET!! The babe might think there is something wrong with your equipment. 

You should know that the man may or may not meet other girls he has been writing to online. This is because if you decide not to meet after he arrives or it does not work out, he has spent a lot of money for nothing.

A quick guide for you Zoobie. If you cannot afford this, don't do it. The moment you get your finances out of whack, you'll resent this, her, the country, etc.


[/size]

9. Do you prefer if she wears comfy clothes (jeans, t-shirts etc) or skirts, dresses and high heels?
Skirts, dresses and heels of course But again this is a personal preference. Your photo should include at least 1 photo with these as most men are attracted by it. If your other photos are with comfy clothes that is ok as it will help with expectations when you wear them. I like seeing my girl in dresses and heels but do not expect her to wear it everyday. She should be comfortable at times too

Heh heh heh She wore the tightest jeans I could get her and spike heels. Not to mention the pencil skirts. 
(Psst, if you lust after her, she'll love you even more.)


Good luck bud.

[Noch1]

OK, just as long as you try to keep up with USA standards.

Gee thanks, your so gracious

US standards, hmmm you want me to go up or down with this?

[jone]

Yeah, Muzh,

We all know you just wanted to Free Load off your wife.

She's on to you.  We're on to you.  It is just too expensive to throw you out on your ear.  Oh, that retirement check looks pretty good too.  Share the wealth!

A true proletariat wouldn't keep it all for himself.  He would know that the masses need his support.

 

[Muzh]

Yeah, Muzh,

We all know you just wanted to Free Load off your wife.

She's on to you.  We're on to you.  It is just too expensive to throw you out on your ear.  Oh, that retirement check looks pretty good too.  Share the wealth!

A true proletariat wouldn't keep it all for himself.  He would know that the masses need his support.

 

Now more than ever. 

[Gator]

Most Anglos and Nordic tribes like slim girls. You can't talk about the rest. 

Yes we can.  Merely by chasing RW the reported fascination in some tribes for a big booty is dispelled given the prevalence of boney asses in the FSU.