Complete noob needs some help

[Frozennorth]

Im in my late thirties and want to find a wife and start a family so I jumped right in on the Russian dating.
A few months back I tried a standard non Russian site and was target by a scammer pretty quick but I also caught on to it just as quick. (So scams have me a bit worried)

I also notice on dating sites that there really isnt much information to go on when trying to break the ice. For example... Im told you should say more than just "hi or hello" but most of the women that show interest and send a message rarely say more than that and profiles tend to say very little that can be used to start a conversation.
So when I want to relpy im not sure what to say back other than "hello"

I hear about how expensive this type of dating can be. I understand there is going to be a cost but I cant think of where it becomes terribly expensive. Plane tickets, phone bills perhaps...  What am I missing here ?

How do I find good (non scam) dating sites, and forums to learn from and can I post the name of the site im registered with on this forum for advice ?

When using a dating site how do you say no ? For example you get requests from several women that you enjoy talking too but you havent met the "one" yet. Most want you to focus on just them. And if you do meet the right one how do you let the others know without breaking hearts ?

I havent quite got that far yet but I am considering the direction this may lead.

Thanks!

[Noch1]

Your best bet is to read as much as you can here before getting in to deep.
Depending on where you are from costs vary.
Buy long distance relationships tend to be expensive.
We have heard the rare story of someone pulling it off for
5-10 k, thats rare. If you really have it together and do it more wright than wrong,
closer number is likely 20 to 40K with higher long term costs after marriage.

Trust me do the reading, learn as much as you can, once you get serious, you should be ready to travel with in 2-3 months of initial conversations.

[2tallbill]

Im in my late thirties and want to find a wife and start a family so I jumped right in on the Russian dating.
A few months back I tried a standard non Russian site and was target by a scammer pretty quick but I also caught on to it just as quick. (So scams have me a bit worried)

I also notice on dating sites that there really isnt much information to go on when trying to break the ice. For example... Im told you should say more than just "hi or hello" but most of the women that show interest and send a message rarely say more than that and profiles tend to say very little that can be used to start a conversation.
So when I want to relpy im not sure what to say back other than "hello"

I hear about how expensive this type of dating can be. I understand there is going to be a cost but I cant think of where it becomes terribly expensive. Plane tickets, phone bills perhaps...  What am I missing here ?

How do I find good (non scam) dating sites, and forums to learn from and can I post the name of the site im registered with on this forum for advice ?

When using a dating site how do you say no ? For example you get requests from several women that you enjoy talking too but you havent met the "one" yet. Most want you to focus on just them. And if you do meet the right one how do you let the others know without breaking hearts ?

I haven't quite got that far yet but I am considering the direction this may lead.

Thanks!

Welcome to the forum Frozen, you've managed to find your way here so with a little
research on your part and help/advice from some of the experienced men here you
can get off on the right foot.

First make sure the site you've joined isn't a pay by the letter or pay to chat site and
if you keep the girl within ten years of your age you will have more success than if you
don't. Girls in their late 20's and older are less flaky and are more serious

Check here
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0  for a list of
good sites and some basic strategies.

Second download the free guide here http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=47

Third I would read all the trip reports, you can find mine here
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3432.0

As you do your research you will have questions, write them down and then later you can
use the search function or come back to this thread and post your questions. When you ask
a question you will get plenty of advice. Remember all this advice is free and that you shouldn't
take any of the advice as a personal attack. Nobody here knows you so there is no reason to
take anything personally. Some advice will be excellent, some will be a bit more dubious so your
job is to sift through the advice and use what would work best for you, your personality and your
situation. Take the best and ignore the rest

Udachi!


Bill

[2tallbill]

When using a dating site how do you say no ? For example you get requests from several women that you enjoy talking too but you havent met the "one" yet. Most want you to focus on just them. And if you do meet the right one how do you let the others know without breaking hearts ?

I havent quite got that far yet but I am considering the direction this may lead.

Thanks!

If you are on one of the pay to chat sites then you will get unsolicited offers to chat with gorgeous
teenage and twenty year old girls. Your best bet would be to just abandon whatever credits you
have and move to a NON pay by the letter or pay to chat sites. http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

If you are on a non pay by the letter site and you get letters from girls that don't interest you
I would send them a nice rejection letter.

Hello __________ girls name here

Thank you for the letter, I am flattered by your interest but I am going to pursue others.
I wish you success, happiness, romance and LOVE!!

Udachi!

__________ Your name here

[Larry1]

Welcome to the forum. There is a wealth of advice here about the FSUW (former soviet union woman) search. Read trip reports and the threads addressed to beginners.

As Bill said, avoid the sites that make you pay to send or read messages or to chat. I suggest using a site that will allow you to pay per month and contact as many FSUW as you like. LuckyLovers is such a site.

Regarding scamming, it does happen but following just a few simple rules will enable you to avoid most scams. It is not prudent to send a girl a significant amount of money before you have met her. The typical scam attempted with me was the "translator scam". I would begin exchanging messages with a girl (who might not even have been a girl but had girls' photos). "She" would become extremely taken with me in an extremely short time. Right off the bat this was suspicious. Rarely have any girls become so taken with me so quickly, and never when we hadn't spent time face to face. Then after a week or two of this I would get a message - Larry, I've lost my job. Our correspondence is so very important to me, etc.  I don't speak English. I have been having our messages translated here. I know a person who can translate all of our messages for only $400/month. Can you send that to me?

To have a little fun one time I responded that her messages were important to me too. I have a Russian friend who will translate them for us for little money, as a favor to me. Of course, I never heard from "her" again. 

It is true that many FSUW on the dating sites have a remarkable economy with words. It is common to get a laconic one sentence or even one word reponse from them. I always passed on these girls.

Bill mentioned the flakiness possessed by many very young girls (under 26-27). If flakiness were an Olympic sport the Ukrainian women's team would take the gold medal most years.

Regarding costs of the search, travel expenses take up the lion's share. Trips for most of us range in cost from $3,000 - 5,000. Because of the weakness of the currency over there you might now be able to lower this a bit. I should note that you will probably be expected to pay all travel expenses. As noch1 mentioned, most people spend in the $20,000 - 40,000 range on their search. A small number of people have been successful with less than $20,000 and some have spent far in excess of $40,000.

Europeans will have somewhat lower airfares.

There may be more travel than you now expect. Most people advise you to visit a girl a number of times before making plans to marry her. And from what I've seen most guys do not succeed with their first FSUW.

When using a dating site how do you say no ? For example you get requests from several women that you enjoy talking too but you havent met the "one" yet. Most want you to focus on just them. And if you do meet the right one how do you let the others know without breaking hearts ?

You just have to screw up your courage and let them know that you don't think they are good matches for you.

Regarding focusing on just one girl, there is a huge debate over the two approaches to search. One is a WOVO (write one, visit one). The other is a WMVM (write many, visit many). I suggest reading the threads discussing these approaches.

[Muzh]

I'm waiting for his second post. 

[Frozennorth]

I'm waiting for his second post. 

Hehe nice

Thanks! So far this is all some pretty useful advice.
I guess I have some reading to do now.

One more quick question:

One woman I wanted to talk to sent me a message first then was gone before I was awake (timezones) I replied to her but its been almost a week since she was last online. Shes my age, from Kazakhstan and I would like to see where this leads.
From what I gather its normal that women from that region go for days without being online due to availability of computers and internet access. Is this true or just a rumour ?

Thanks again for the help!

[JayH]

Hehe nice

Thanks! So far this is all some pretty useful advice.
I guess I have some reading to do now.

One more quick question:

One woman I wanted to talk to sent me a message first then was gone before I was awake (timezones) I replied to her but its been almost a week since she was last online. Shes my age, from Kazakhstan and I would like to see where this leads.
From what I gather its normal that women from that region go for days without being online due to availability of computers and internet access. Is this true or just a rumour ?

Thanks again for the help!

Re  inet access--  it could be true.
There  are a lot of potential explanations and I would sty open to them.
Now-- I am guessing that all the "experts" here are going to dispute my comment--regardless- I still standby my comment.

BTW-- to forum-- read and think about what you read.

[2tallbill]

Hehe nice ;)One woman I wanted to talk to sent me a message first then was gone before I was awake (timezones) I replied to her but its been almost a week since she was last online. Shes my age, from Kazakhstan and I would like to see where this leads.

From what I gather its normal that women from that region go for days without being online due to availability of computers and internet access. Is this true or just a rumour ?

Thanks again for the help!

It varies. Most girls from Kazakhstan access the internet more frequently but don't hold your
breath and keep writing girls. Women pen pals are like buses another will be along shortly.
If she shows up again ask for her phone number.

[Muzh]

Hehe nice

Thanks! So far this is all some pretty useful advice.
I guess I have some reading to do now.

One more quick question:

One woman I wanted to talk to sent me a message first then was gone before I was awake (timezones) I replied to her but its been almost a week since she was last online. Shes my age, from Kazakhstan and I would like to see where this leads.
From what I gather its normal that women from that region go for days without being online due to availability of computers and internet access. Is this true or just a rumour ?

Thanks again for the help!

Two possible explanations.


1) She is a procrastinator and eventually will respond. (My wife was like that)
2) She is busy talking to other dudes.


You can send her a message stating that you really want to get to know her but you don't know if she is serious.
That will tell you right there.
Either she gets back to you pronto or you can simply disregard her and move on.


DO NOT dwell on things that are beyond your control. Stick to positive responses and have your BS sensor on Red Alert.


Bon Chance

[BillyB]

When using a dating site how do you say no ? For example you get requests from several women that you enjoy talking too but you havent met the "one" yet. Most want you to focus on just them.

In real life I'd beat those women off me with a stick. They don't understand the word "no". They see my body and lose control. On the internet it's different, just ignore those you don't want to communicate with.

And if you do meet the right one how do you let the others know without breaking hearts ?

Hard to break hearts when you're not in a relationship with any of those women. Quit feeling sorry for them if you reject them. Look out for yourself. And don't feel sorry for yourself when you get rejected.