Expectation and hope

[Olena55]

At once I apologize for bad English. It in the course of studying to me.

[jone]

Welcome, Olena,

We are happy you are here.  Many men that have come to this forum have not had luck meeting a woman, too.

I, for one, would like to know about you.  I would enjoy hearing your story.  Where are you from?  How old are you?  Why are you interested in dating men from out of your country.

The dating site that you used will determine the type of man that interacts with you.  Can you tell us what sites you have been on and what type of interaction you received from the men?

I know I speak for most of us here on the forum.  We would be happy to answer any and all questions you might have. 

Again,

Welcome to the forum.

Jon

[Gator]

Olena   WELCOME!

At once I apologize for bad English. It in the course of studying to me.

Please do not apologize to us because most of us do not endeavor to learn Ukrainian or Russian language.  Besides, you communicate well enough for us to understand you.

   But many men refuse Skype (deception with a photo or age? 

To agree about a meeting without having seen on Skype I think it not correctly.

You are correct.  Skype is the best way to communicate before a first meeting.  A man who refuses to Skype is hiding something.   Strike the DELETE key. 

And I made impression that many men suffer from loneliness and like to complain simply of life and misunderstanding from women...

I suggest you avoid men who speak about loneliness.    There is no good reason for feeling lonely.  If they don't have a woman, they still should be dating, spending time with friends and family.  Ask yourself, what type of man  has no friends, no family and can not get a date?   

When looking for a woman, I avoided those who seemed lonely, desperate, etc.  I married a Russian woman who had many friends, a happy family, and received attention from many Russian men. 

It is strange to read letters in which men abuse the former wives (women). Brightly describing the sufferings with it... But he spent with it some time (years, months.

Another type of man you should avoid.  A  bad man will blame the woman.  A good man will admit to sharing some responsibility for the failure.

 If you become interested in a man after a series of talks on Skype, it is okay to discuss what went wrong in his prior marriage.  Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask:  1) what he learned from the failed marriage, 2) what he seeks differently  in a woman now that he has more experience, and 3) what he will do differently. 

A  bad man will blame the woman.  A good man will admit to sharing some responsibility for the failure. 

Some have the general children.

This is common in America.  Most men wish to continue to spend time with their children after the divorce and thus share custody with the mother.     This is what you get if you want a "family man."  I would avoid men who have abandoned their children.    The relationship between a new wife and a man's past children can be difficult dependent upon a number of factors.  So this topic should be discussed at length.  My two sons  get along well with my wife and her son. 

There are men ready to sexual adventures (sex tourism) who * demand * sex guarantees at the first meeting, motivating with that that not for nothing bought the ticket and arrived.

There should be no guarantees before meeting, and a man demanding guarantees  is to be avoided.  I would guess such men do not get much sex in their present life and are socially clumsy around women.  I wonder if a man who has never visited Ukraine before may not realize Ukrainian women are similar to American women with regard to sex (i. e, boy meets girl, they like each other,  ....). 

I wonder how your conversations got to the point of demanding guarantees for sex?  I  guess  you did discuss sex but not explicitly.  There is nothing wrong with that, but such conversations should not happen in the beginning. The subject of sex should be discussed subtly  only after  many general conversations about hobbies, job, friends,  family, goals, etc.  In other words, you like what you hear from this man, you are interested in a meeting, and you feel some physical attraction.   

Remember, upon meeting a man in your city, the physical attraction felt on Skype may not materialize in person.  If so,  you certainly have the right to not want sex.   If you plan to spend several days with a man, sex is expected but no guarantees should be demanded. 

Keep in mind that some Russian women are not shy about the subject of sex, and if your man is outwardly sexual, these women instead of you  may command  his attention. 

Experience of meetings 0
Excursions 0
carried out вемя on the site 1 year
 It is interesting to me to learn your opinion and to receive council

Thanks. Olena   

Keep trying.  Remember, there are fewer men traveling now than in the past, and even in the past only a small percentage of the  women interested in foreigners got married.  So keep dating Ukrainian men. 

The men here may be able to help you by suggesting enhancements to your profile (words and photos).   If you trust a member, you may want to seek some private coaching  about a specific man who has written you.. 

[Olena55]

Jon thanks for the answer.

[Olena55]

Gator thank you for a detailed explanation. It was useful for me and it is interesting to read your thoughts. Thank you very much

[Lily]

Privet Olena, 

Since the lady is relatively new to the idea of meeting foreign men online, I believe that you could probably tell her a little about one thing that is common in the West but non-existent in the FSU.

I mean the status 'separated'. If the man is separated, does it mean that he should be kept at a distance? What questions to ask them? What if she really likes someone who tells that he is separated for about a year? Does she just swallow her interest and moves on?

[Boethius]

Why would a woman waste time with a man who is not in a position, legally, to marry her?

[Gator]

Why would a woman waste time with a man who is not in a position, legally, to marry her?

Because the alternatives are not numerous.  The title of the thread features the word "Hope."

Besides, the man explains  to a woman  the divorce is being delayed through the lengthy legal process in America.  A more dishonest man would say he is already divorced.

[Lily]

Why would a woman waste time with a man who is not in a position, legally, to marry her?

Because it takes time to get to know each other, and to establish a meaningful connection. To my knowledge, it would take about a year when two people can take stock of where they are in a relationship, and whether they want to take it to a next level.

[Boethius]

Because the alternatives are not numerous.

Sure they are.  There are plenty of divorced men.

[Boethius]

Because it takes time to get to know each other, and to establish a meaningful connection. To my knowledge, it would take about a year when two people can take stock of where they are in a relationship, and whether they want to take it to a next level.

In the absence of matrimonial disputes (custody, division of property, alimony), in most jurisdictions in North America, a divorce can be obtained after the parties have lived separate and apart for a year.  I think most parties (both men and women) probably haven't worked through the issues that lead to a divorce in less than a year, probably, in less than two or more.

[2tallbill]

At once I apologize for bad English. It in the course of studying to me.

Welcome to the forum!

Most of people there with boredom, and really aren't present desire to look for love and to establish a family. Such men like * an infinite chat *

You need to reject men with those qualities

But many men refuse Skype (deception with a photo or age? 

If a man refuses to go on Skype reject him. You don't have time to waste with losers,
if the guy refuses to go on skype then he is a loser (in my opinion)

And I made impression that many men suffer from loneliness and like to complain simply of life and misunderstanding from women...

Did the men complain of this on their own? or was this the result of asking a question
like "why are you searching for a foreign woman?"

I was often asked why a foreign woman and I had a long answer about why I liked
FSUW, but some I would imagine would complain about Western women if prompted. 
If they do it without prompting then I would be leery of them if I was you.

There are men ready to sexual adventures (sex tourism) who * demand * sex guarantees at the first meeting, motivating with that that not for nothing bought the ticket and arrived.

For a year of communication on a dating site I didn't get acquainted with the man who would like marriage and a family, but gained some experience which will help me with understanding of men.

Perhaps different purposes of acquaintances don't allow to find the man for a real meeting?
 I want to find love and a family, and to men of an adventure and one-time sex?

Experience of meetings 0
Excursions 0
carried out вемя on the site 1 year
 It is interesting to me to learn your opinion and to receive council

Thanks. Olena

Elena's models has an advice article for FSUW, I would say that it's pretty accurate
and it's written in Russian. http://www.zamuzh.com/ There are more men than women at the site so I would recommend being a member there. 

My advice is to get some good professional photos done. Men will only write to girls
that they find attractive. 20% of the girls (the prettiest) receive 80% of the letters.   


Udachi!

Bill

[Lily]

Sure they are.  There are plenty of divorced men.

Sure there are plenty of divorced men. However, how many of them are more or less interesting? I am not even saying 'desirable'. Lots of them would probably be those whom you would not want to give a time of your day.
Therefore, no, the alternatives are by far not numerous. There are not many interesting guys out there who are looking for a new relationships. This is life.

[Gator]

Sure they are.  There are plenty of divorced men.

Yes, here in the US, endeavoring to start a new life. 

Question - how many are writing 44-yo UW?  Are these the ones who Olena says  avoid Skype, cry about loneliness, blame the divorce on their "crazy" American wife,  and demand sexual guarantees? 

How many sincere men are making serious plans to travel to Ukraine in search of a possible future wife?     

[Boethius]

Sure there are plenty of divorced men. However, how many of them are more or less interesting? I am not even saying 'desirable'. Lots of them would probably be those whom you would not want to give a time of your day. Therefore, no, the alternatives are by far not numerous. There are not many interesting guys out there who are looking for a new relationships. This is life.

Unless a woman is young, and seeking a young man,  most of the men she will meet will be divorced.   

I just don't see the logic of an attraction to a man who hasn't dealt with the baggage of his last relationship before moving on to another.

[Boethius]

Yes, here in the US, endeavoring to start a new life. 

Question - how many are writing 44-yo UW?  Are these the ones who Olena says  avoid Skype, cry about loneliness, blame the divorce on their "crazy" American wife,  and demand sexual guarantees? 

How many sincere men are making serious plans to travel to Ukraine in search of a possible future wife?   

Probably relatively few.   But that doesn't mean a 44 year old U.W. should seek a relationship with a man who is not emotionally healthy.

[Gator]

Unless a woman is young, and seeking a young man,  most of the men she will meet will be divorced.   


I just don't see the attraction to a man who hasn't dealt with the baggage of his last relationship before moving on to another.

I agree with you.  One should be totally out of a past  relationship before starting a new relationship. 

With some men perhaps there is no divorce intended.  Perhaps they are not even separated.  I have the impression from some RW I knew that the Internet has many,  many insincere men who just want to play with RW.   

[Gator]

Probably relatively few.   But that doesn't mean a 44 year old U.W. should seek a relationship with a man who is not emotionally healthy.

I agree.  That is why looking for a worthy UM from her own culture should be less risky than hoping a stranger is Prince Charming. 

[Gator]

Olena,

You may need to widen the acceptable age range for a man.  Is Putin too old for you?

Many Western men in their 60s are physical wrecks and lecherous,  like many "stary kozel" I have seen in Ukraine and Russia.  Others may surprise you.    Many older Western  men are interested in a  healthy lifestyle  and physical fitness. 

A key issue is that no one beats Fathertime, so he will likely die before you.  Meanwhile you maybe had 15 good years of a loving relationship, enough to establish yourself in the host country and get your daughter through university.

One problem - the healthy man will shy away from women who smoke cigarettes.  In my search I eliminated smokers.  Have you tried an electronic cigarette to deliver the nicotine you want?   You need to hide the cigarette smoking from men unless they ask directly, and then answer "I am trying to quit." 

[jone]

I agree with you.  One should be totally out of a past  relationship before starting a new relationship. 

With some men perhaps there is no divorce intended.  Perhaps they are not even separated.  I have the impression from some RW I knew that the Internet has many,  many insincere men who just want to play with RW.

I like to play with Russian Women.  Nothing wrong with that!  Except that in my case, women should not be plural.

[Nightwish]

Olena,

You may need to widen the acceptable age range for a man.  Is Putin too old for you?

Many Western men in their 60s are physical wrecks and lecherous,  like many "stary kozel" I have seen in Ukraine and Russia.  Others may surprise you.    Many older Western  men are interested in a  healthy lifestyle  and physical fitness. 

A key issue is that no one beats Fathertime, so he will likely die before you.  Meanwhile you maybe had 15 good years of a loving relationship, enough to establish yourself in the host country and get your daughter through university.

One problem - the healthy man will shy away from women who smoke cigarettes.  In my search I eliminated smokers.  Have you tried an electronic cigarette to deliver the nicotine you want?   You need to hide the cigarette smoking from men unless they ask directly, and then answer "I am trying to quit."

First of all, not all men have the aversion you "all" here seem to have to smoking.

Second of all.. NO! You should never ever ever hide your true self, it will only blow back the day it comes out. Admit it and own it, like with all bad habits.
Unless you really are devoted and trying to quit, do not lie! To quit smoking is a huuuge step for a lot of people, and a really small step for others.

(and yes, spoken as a current smoker)
and please dont make this thread into a smoke/non smoke discussion now, that was not the point of the post

[Olena55]

Thank you for answers.

[Gator]

Thank you for answers. Your opinions and recommendations are very useful to me. But I prefer to speak honestly, but not to wait for a question of smoking. If there is a reciprocal honesty of the partner is only will add respect for it. Whether there are a lot of ideal people in the world?

I said you should not reveal your smoking habit unless asked.  I first used the  word "hide" and it is too deceptive.  You  should not be deceptive. 

Why do I suggest this?   Because 80% of  American men do not smoke.  Only 5.6% of men with a graduate degree smoke.   Many of these non-smokers have  smoked when younger, and now they  really resent cigarette smoke.  By saying on your profile that you smoke, you are probably  eliminating  unknowingly a majority of the Western men from considering you.   

If you crave nicotine, try the smokeless electronic cigarettes.

I thought you came here for suggestions on how to prompt more interest from sincere men.  That is why I made the suggestion.  I am not criticizing you and Nightwish for your personal choices. 

I am not perfect yet I found the perfect RW who (as of today) is very happy with me.   

[jone]

I said you should not reveal your smoking habit unless asked.  I first used the  word "hide" and it is too deceptive.  You  should not be deceptive. 

Why do I suggest this?   Because 80% of  American men do not smoke.  Only 5.6% of men with a graduate degree smoke.   Many of these non-smokers have  smoked when younger, and now they  really resent cigarette smoke.  By saying on your profile that you smoke, you are probably  eliminating  unknowingly a majority of the Western men from considering you.   

If you crave nicotine, try the smokeless electronic cigarettes.

I thought you came here for suggestions on how to prompt more interest from sincere men.  That is why I made the suggestion.  I am not criticizing you and Nightwish for your personal choices. 

I am not perfect yet I found the perfect RW who (as of today) is very happy with me.   

She may be perfect, but she can't be too smart if she wound up with you.   

[ML]

Still I smoke thin female cigarettes (5-6 pieces a day)

You can have 99 great traits.

But this one will eliminate you from the vast majority of men in USA.  Even the thought makes me close to vomiting.

I still remember a pretty gal with great body, owned her own business, great (actually terrific) in bed, interesting conversationalist . . . hid her smoking from me (I never picked up on the frequent candy in her mouth) until she thought I was reeled in.  But when she said:  Can I step out on the balcony for a quick smoke . . . I helped her into her coat and out the (front) door; with me being in near total shock.

Many won't even consider you if you were to stop smoking.
Because there is a high probability of relapse.
And many consider smoking to reveal a serious flaw in general character, intelligence, etc.

Sure, I know many will cite examples of brilliant people who smoke, etc.

You should concentrate your search on men from several European countries where smoking is very widespread.

Also Oriental men.  And probably South American men.

Take out life insurance on these guys and you can collect sooner rather than later.