Mixed signals by russian woman

[TRONcat99]

Hi all,

Stupid question really but what could it mean when a woman who you asked out on a dinner date is 'trying to get out of the dinner thing' (her words) and suggests a Café or Bar instead?

For background info: I have known her for a while (colleague from work), have been off and on flirtatious with her and gotten some mixed signals back. Have to admit that I never really tried to get closer or make a move in the past. In the meantime, her ukranian friend told me that she, the russian colleague, didn't understand why I was being so passive about it and she suggested I should really do something, the point being that apparently the russian friend was interested. Yeah, I know.... http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/Smileys/default2/wallbash.gif

Now this was all about 6 months ago and now I returned from a job abroad and asked her out. Is this her (polite) way of telling me that it is too late buddy or do I still have a chance?

I guess she has written me off. Or do russian women simly not go out to dinner on 1st dates? (Please consider that we know each other well and that I have been alone with her on many occasions including lunches. All in a professional context though.



   

[GuppyCaptain]

That "let's just go for coffee or a drink" game is usually played by first dates that you don't know well. This situation is different as she's your work colleague. It could just be that she's trying to lessen the seriousness of the date.

Given that her friend has told you that she's wondering why you're being so passive, I'd agree to something more light-hearted as she's suggesting but would definitely get on it and pursue her.

I'm very curious to see how it turns out and would appreciate you keeping us posted on the developments.

[krimster2]

skazal "zaboot, paka!", and move on!!

[Gator]

Every RW is different, although they do have some general tendencies.  This is not one of them. 

My guess is she has some reservations.  Yet, she is giving you an opportunity.  I suggest you jump at this opportunity and be more decisive.  A RW tendency:   RW dislike wishy washy men.  They respect confident serious men.   

Good luck! 

 

[BillyB]

Welcome to the forum Tron. When your lady suggested to go to a café or bar, what happened? Did you take her up on the offer? If so, what happened between that day and 6 months later when you returned? You weren't aggressive enough when pursuing her?


What is going on now is that there is nothing going on now. You may have missed out on opportunity so don't wait forever for this lady to change her mind.

[Shadow]

If you want to pursue her take any opportunity you can get.
She may be uncertain if you will pck up the dinner bill and there for first try something that might cost her less going Dutch.
Also she might be involved with someone else and keep you as backup plan.

[ML]

Also she might be involved with someone else and keep you as backup plan.

Backup plans are only for men; unethical for women to do this.

[Gator]

She may be uncertain if you will pck up the dinner bill and there for first try something that might cost her less going Dutch.

So it is your countrymen who started this "going Dutch" and making women pay.  Very thrifty.  I heard the Dutch are the only business people who can buy from a Scot and sell to a Jew and make a profit.   LOL

Dutch are not as tight as Canadians.  In Florida many Canadian tourists visit us.  Florida restaurant employees have a joke:  What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?  Answer- a canoe can tip.  LOL

[Shadow]

So it is your countrymen who started this "going Dutch" and making women pay.  Very thrifty.  I heard the Dutch are the only business people who can buy from a Scot and sell to a Jew and make a profit.   LOL

Dutch are not as tight as Canadians.  In Florida many Canadian tourists visit us.  Florida restaurant employees have a joke:  What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?  Answer- a canoe can tip.  LOL

Unsure when it started but the habit here is indeed that everyone pays for themselves.
Which is like a party game when you go with a group to a restaurant. By the time the bill appears either the waiter is requested to split it in to parts, however that is not usual as it would require everyone to tip 
There for the bill is passed and people take out their calculator to check what they ordered, then money is collected to finally be passed to the waiter, who then has to count all the small bits of change to ensure the amount does match the total plus the calculated tip.
And FYI while a small tip is customary waiters do not rely on tips for their income, meaning anything more as 10% is seen as excessive. Mostly the bill is rounded to the next 5 ot 0.

[Gator]

And FYI while a small tip is customary waiters do not rely on tips for their income, meaning anything more as 10% is seen as excessive. Mostly the bill is rounded to the next 5 ot 0.

I understand fully having travelled the globe to include Afghanistan, Ethiopia and Laos. 

However, when in Rome...20% in the US is appropriate if the service was good. 

One US restaurant recently tried the European approach.  They raised their prices and informed customers that tips were not accepted.  The new policy lasted only a short time. 

[TRONcat99]

That "let's just go for coffee or a drink" game is usually played by first dates that you don't know well. This situation is different as she's your work colleague. It could just be that she's trying to lessen the seriousness of the date.

Given that her friend has told you that she's wondering why you're being so passive, I'd agree to something more light-hearted as she's suggesting but would definitely get on it and pursue her.

I'm very curious to see how it turns out and would appreciate you keeping us posted on the developments.

Well, we will see on Friday.

I guess the question is whether she is just trying to lessen the seriousness of the date, which is possible but goes against her stating to our common friend that she was waiting for me to take some action, or if she just wants to let me down gently. Since, according to what I have observed at work, she has a very high emotional inteligence and extremely developed people skills (she has very nice legs too), I would bet on the latter. She just wants to avoid being blunt as it is not in her nature.

Suspecting that the above holds true, I now do not really know how to play this since it will certainly come across as awkward or worse if I try to be cocky/funny and go for some sexual tension (which was my intention for the dinner date)...more nice guy routine it is then *sigh*

No second chances in life I guess. Let's see how it goes...

[SANDRO43]

Dutch are not as tight as Canadians

But an old joke says that copper wire was first invented in Holland when two Dutchmen walking along simultaneously saw a copper coin lying on the beach .

[Shadow]

She just wants to avoid being blunt as it is not in her nature.

Are you sure you are talking about a RW?

[GuppyCaptain]

Well, we will see on Friday.

I guess the question is whether she is just trying to lessen the seriousness of the date, which is possible but goes against her stating to our common friend that she was waiting for me to take some action, or if she just wants to let me down gently. Since, according to what I have observed at work, she has a very high emotional inteligence and extremely developed people skills (she has very nice legs too), I would bet on the latter. She just wants to avoid being blunt as it is not in her nature.

Suspecting that the above holds true, I now do not really know how to play this since it will certainly come across as awkward or worse if I try to be cocky/funny and go for some sexual tension (which was my intention for the dinner date)...more nice guy routine it is then *sigh*

No second chances in life I guess. Let's see how it goes...

Good luck. I'm really interested to see how this turns out.

[BillyB]

I guess the question is whether she is just trying to lessen the seriousness of the date,

Why does the date have to be serious? Relax and have fun.

Suspecting that the above holds true, I now do not really know how to play this since it will certainly come across as awkward or worse if I try to be cocky/funny and go for some sexual tension (which was my intention for the dinner date)...more nice guy routine it is then *sigh*

It will be awkward if you go into this date trying to be a comedian or with sex on your mind. Go into this date as if the woman was a friend and you'll relax more. She's probably more interested in your intelligence and charm more than if you can make her laugh. You don't seem to know how this date is going to turn out. You need to run the show. Tell her after you drink and eat, you'd like to take her to a park and go for a walk. That way you both can talk more and make sure you offer her your arm when going on the walk.

[LAman]

Well, we will see on Friday.

 
Suspecting that the above holds true, I now do not really know how to play this since it will certainly come across as awkward or worse if I try to be cocky/funny and go for some sexual tension (which was my intention for the dinner date)...more nice guy routine it is then *sigh*

No second chances in life I guess. Let's see how it goes...

What not just deal with this as a first date.....relax, be yourself and try to have a nice time.......what is the worry????

[Shadow]

So it is your countrymen who started this "going Dutch" and making women pay.  Very thrifty.  I heard the Dutch are the only business people who can buy from a Scot and sell to a Jew and make a profit.   LOL

Bt to keep the side track running even the Dutch have their masters.
The Dutch government will no longer offer return money to Ukrainians who have to return to their country after their political asylum has been turned down.
A stream of people from Western Ukraine has been applying for the main reason that when turned down they would receive Eur 3000 to return to West Ukraine....