my experience with marriage and questions about strange behaviors from my wife?!

[mrt]

Hello,

I meet my russian wife in Moscow about 2,5 years ago and got married about 1 year ago. We have the same age.
Since juli last year she has her 5 year living card and we still travel a lot between moscow and my country.

my experiences after marriage:
- we ordered a private teacher for language  but she is extreme slow with spending time for learning and only had 5-6 lessons in 5 months.
- she sleeps every day till 11 AM
- she is extreme sensitive
- she don't trust me (and has no reasons for that)
- she asked me for a job and I gave her a job in my own company, but she never worked 1 minute. She is always "busy"

recent big fight:
We were together almost 1 month in Moscow and everything was very good. I flight back home and the next day I went to a birthday party from an old collegue. She was so angry when she heared about this that she blocked me on whatsapp/facebook now for already 1 week.

As reasons she says:
She says we cannot have a relation anymore , because you do that only you want not count with me, because you change me for party, because I don't know what to expect from you , because next day after you left me you already went to party, because your priority was party , not family ...

Since 2,5 years I didn't went to any "nightlife" anymore, this was just a simple birthday event. I don't see any problem because i was alone at home and she was in Moscow. I don't have contact with other womans and never cheated on her and I really do my very best to make her happy. I totally didn't expected response like this.
She don't give any chance to talk, just blocks.

Why does she not trust me? How can I win more trust? Is this normal? Did I made a mistake by going some small birthday event?
Do you guys have similar experiences with the other items?

[GuppyCaptain]

Wow. Just wow. I'm sorry to say it, but I'm glad I'm not in your shoes my friend. You've got quite the uphill battle ahead of you. Good luck and welcome to the forum.

[alex330]

Tough one man.

Could she be depressed and homesick? I am not an expert, but there are some indicators there. Sleeping in, unmotivated, self esteem, etc.

Moving to a new country can take a toll on someone.

Sounds like she may be jealous and a bit insecure in regards to the birthday party. Unwarranted for sure.

Sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and discuss some things.

[GuppyCaptain]

Alex makes some good points. There's definitely some depression and insecurity at play.

[mrt]

She never had a job in her life before. she's not used to work. Rich parents and rich ex-boyfriends. More a high-class Moscow girl.

She's a little bit depressed indeed. Somebody we know commited suicide 3 months ago. She is extreme sensitive for some things.

The biggest problem is she is not a talker after a fight, but someone who runs away or lock-up herself or block phone in case of distance. That makes it all more difficult.

We had previous fights when she did that "blocking thing" but in that period I had more free time and took an urgent flight to make it good in real person.
The next 3,5 weeks i'm very occupied with work and I want HER to take the first steps now because I already did that many times. But maybe that's not a good idea but
I'm tired of all time agreeing even when I know that i'm right and didn't do anything wrong.

[fathertime]

my experiences after marriage:
- we ordered a private teacher for language  but she is extreme slow with spending time for learning and only had 5-6 lessons in 5 months.

If it were me, and I cared,  I'd be in her face about this.

- she sleeps every day till 11 AM
-

If it were me, I'd think to myself   "What a lazy ass"

- she is extreme sensitive
-

A lot of women are very sensitive...I might roll with that one depending on the degree you are talking about.

- she don't trust me (and has no reasons for that)
-

If it were me, and I was dealing with unjustified discussions about loyalty all the time...I'd get fed up with it, and might give her genuine reason to be concerned rather than the fiction she currently has in her head.  I certainly wouldn't permit myself to be subjected to ridiculous questions. 

- she asked me for a job and I gave her a job in my own company, but she never worked 1 minute. She is always "busy"

I would NOT hook her up with a job again...let her find her own damn job!

As reasons she says:
She says we cannot have a relation anymore , because you do that only you want not count with me, because you change me for party, because I don't know what to expect from you , because next day after you left me you already went to party, because your priority was party , not family ...

I assume you have no children with her. 
If so, she is doing you a HUGE favor here....she is in Moscow currently so LEAVE HER THERE!   Start the divorce paperwork, and be done with her.  What you are experiencing now is likely going to stay the same or worsen....When marriage becomes THAT difficult, then in my opinion it is time to get back to enjoying the single life. 


Fathertime! 

[alex330]

The biggest problem is she is not a talker after a fight, but someone who runs away or lock-up herself or block phone in case of distance. That makes it all more difficult.

Yes, that makes things very difficult for you.

She doesn't sound happy in life. Probably nothing to do with you even. She will be the one that needs to change this.

Wish I had good advice for you, but I don't.

[2tallbill]

Why does she not trust me? How can I win more trust? Is this normal? Did I made a mistake by going some small birthday event?
Do you guys have similar experiences with the other items?

No, your situation isn't normal and it's probably not fixable.
If I had to guess, I would guess you didn't know each other
that well before getting married. I'm not qualified to tell you
what to do now.

Udachi!

Bill

[BillyB]

Oh the drama. When she's unhappy with you, she blocks you on social media, threatens to terminate the relationship, gives you the silent treatment and doesn't trust you after all this time living with you. She sounds like a child although you said you both are the same age. You said you made the first move many times so it's time to make the next move. Life doesn't have to be this tough. If she doesn't want to live life with you, find a woman who does.

Why does she not trust me? How can I win more trust? Is this normal? Did I made a mistake by going some small birthday event?

She's already got you thinking it's your fault for the way she's behaving. You may not be the perfect man but if she cared you and about saving the marriage, she'd help you improve instead of throwing a temper tantrum and sending you on a guilt trip each time she's unhappy.

[ML]

Perfect time for you to get rid of a pain in the a$$.

There are thousands of good women out there; so don't be stuck with an insecure, lazy drama queen.

What country are you living in ?

[BC]

Perfect time for you to get rid of a pain in the a$$.

Well, we're hearing only one side of the story and just snippets at that.  I wouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water quite yet.

Why get mad for going to a party?
The question I would ask is have you gone to parties together in the past in your homeland?  Is it a regular thing you do?  If you haven't taken her to a party 'at home' and then you go to one in her absence, well I can maybe understand the direction of her anger.

Ok you arranged for a language course and she seems uninterested.
Ask why?  Maybe suggest learning together, you Russian, she English or whatever language you use in your country.

Married one year and spend a lot of time traveling back and forth and didn't return with you to your home country.  Had a good time together in RU.
What was the reason for that?  Maybe because she does not feel comfortable yet in her new homeland?  City girl now living in the boondocks?

Gave her a job doing what?  Are you a home worker or do you have other employees?  Obviously she has little interest in the job you 'gave' her.  What did she answer when you asked why she was not interested.  Do you include her in your business life?

Ok so she is a pampered Moscow woman.  I assume you knew that early on.  Are you providing a similar lifestyle in your homeland or are you expecting her to switch 'on and off' depending where the plane lands.

Sounds a bit like you two have not really been together in a stable home environment long enough to build a true relationship.  A ring alone won't 'just do'.

I know it's a very bad example, but some puppies need a lot of attention and exercise otherwise they get bored and very destructive.

[mrt]

thx guys for the support!
It's a very difficult decision to make. I really loved her and when we are together everything is very good.
She made me really happy too.

I assume you have no children with her.  If so, she is doing you a HUGE favor here....she is in Moscow currently so LEAVE HER THERE!   Start the divorce paperwork, and be done with her.  What you are experiencing now is likely going to stay the same or worsen....When marriage becomes THAT difficult, then in my opinion it is time to get back to enjoying the single life. 

At the moment we don't have children and we both will be 36 this year. She wants at least 1 child so we cannot wait extreme long time with that.

Married one year and spend a lot of time traveling back and forth and didn't return with you to your home country.  Had a good time together in RU.
What was the reason for that?  Maybe because she does not feel comfortable yet in her new homeland?  City girl now living in the boondocks?

I have an internet business and can work from almost any place when I have internet connection. She finished her diploma. She shares an appartment with Babuska and she has her own apartment too in Moskou. I have no problems staying in Moskou regular (i like that too) but the problem is that it makes the integration much more difficult. Maybe if she meet already that friends from birthday she was not so sensitive for this.
Because of we move every month from country to country integration with friends is difficult. I feel more that I'm losing friends instead of keeping friends.

Gave her a job doing what?  Are you a home worker or do you have other employees?  Obviously she has little interest in the job you 'gave' her.  What did she answer when you asked why she was not interested.  Do you include her in your business life?
Ok so she is a pampered Moscow woman.  I assume you knew that early on.  Are you providing a similar lifestyle in your homeland or are you expecting her to switch 'on and off' depending where the plane lands.

She is interested in business life but only little bit.
The main reasons for a "job" will be a monthly paycheck and the "countries integration services" don't botter you when you have a job.
She was a lot here (west europe) and liked it here more than Moskou she said. She indeed was really happy here.

I know it's a very bad example, but some puppies need a lot of attention and exercise otherwise they get bored and very destructive.

I have a busy job but I also have free time when everybody else is working.
I work from home (office is in the house) so I am all time close with her.

If she doesn't want to live life with you, find a woman who does.
She's already got you thinking it's your fault for the way she's behaving. You may not be the perfect man but if she cared you and about saving the marriage, she'd help you improve instead of throwing a temper tantrum and sending you on a guilt trip each time she's unhappy.

yes I agree with that. She needs to work on her problem but i'm afraid that will never work.
She doesn't see and agree that she is wrong in any situation.




Anyone experience with divorce? We were married in Moskou; best way is to handle divorce in Moskou too I guess?

[Shadow]

Hi there neighbour!

Seem you have gotten a sample of the entitled RW that MrsShadow likes to warn men for.
Every person is different and it is up to you to allow or disallow her to do things.

First of all, moving back and forth constantly does get in the way of integration. If she speaks English, she will notice that learning your language (Dutch? ) is not a priority as she will be able to find people who understand here everywhere.

Her jealousy is a character trait. You will have to deal with it. Best way is to spend time with her and ensure she knows where yo uare and why you are there. Stay together instead of going your separate ways, in which ever country you choose to be.

Having a job will ensure her not to have to follow all integration and language classes. Yet some might be mandatory for a passport in the future. The 5 year card can be withdrawn should the marriage end, she might be reminded of that.

If she blocks you, let it be. It is a Russian habint to walk away when angry, and it is also a habit that they come back when calmed down. Acting like a puppy following her will not get you respect, and that is what you seem to lack at this time.

Become more decisive, stronger and lead things where you want them to go. Take her tantrums with calm, and remember that blocking on social media is nothing compared to a block in real life. If she is insecure about what you do when you are not there, it is her choice to be with you, not yours to lock yourself out of life.

[mrt]

Hi there neighbour!

Seem you have gotten a sample of the entitled RW that MrsShadow likes to warn men for.
Every person is different and it is up to you to allow or disallow her to do things.

First of all, moving back and forth constantly does get in the way of integration. If she speaks English, she will notice that learning your language (Dutch? ) is not a priority as she will be able to find people who understand here everywhere.

Her jealousy is a character trait. You will have to deal with it. Best way is to spend time with her and ensure she knows where yo uare and why you are there. Stay together instead of going your separate ways, in which ever country you choose to be.

Having a job will ensure her not to have to follow all integration and language classes. Yet some might be mandatory for a passport in the future. The 5 year card can be withdrawn should the marriage end, she might be reminded of that.

If she blocks you, let it be. It is a Russian habint to walk away when angry, and it is also a habit that they come back when calmed down. Acting like a puppy following her will not get you respect, and that is what you seem to lack at this time.

Become more decisive, stronger and lead things where you want them to go. Take her tantrums with calm, and remember that blocking on social media is nothing compared to a block in real life. If she is insecure about what you do when you are not there, it is her choice to be with you, not yours to lock yourself out of life.

thank you neighbour; we are indeed very close to each other, only I live on the other side of the "Maas" :-)
She indeed speaks English and doesn't really need the language because almost everybody can speak english here;

She knows very good she will lose her living card if we break up.
She is 100% sure not here for a visum to move to europe. She has rich parents and has her own luxuous apartment in Moscow. She's not financial dependent.

Jealousy:
I agree we should stop living away from each other and fly together all the time. If we do like that we never had those problems and she don't need to be worried what i'm doing. Jealousy fights ONLY occur when she's in moscow and i'm at home. I guess she had an ex-boyfriend long time ago who cheated on her so that makes her so afraid. however she never told details about that. Russians are more closed characters.

I indeed acted too much like a puppy last 2 years. It's my biggest mistake. In business I am much more stronger but with her I was much too soft.
I loved her very much and did everything possible for that. I have to change immediatly with that or I will be a puppy all my life.

In beginning when she blocked me and walked away I didn't know how to act because I never knew somebody who acts like that.
I decided last week already to be much more strong and NOT try to reach her (I already didn't tried any contact action since last wednesday) and let her come back if she still wants me.
I have to be a LION and not a PUPPY. If she doesn't like that or doesn't want to improve I will divorce her and continue with my life instead of losing my self respect. The choice is up to her.

[jone]

It might be a good idea to find someone who can present her point of view (and in doing so get her to inspect her own reasons for doing what she is doing.)  We have seen only your perspective. 

While you present a (spoiled girl) picture of her, it is your perspective. 

But I agree with others.  If this is to work, there need to be some changes in your marriage.  I certainly would walk away if her behaviour continues as it is.

[BillyB]

1) I really loved her and when we are together everything is very good.
She made me really happy too.

2) At the moment we don't have children and we both will be 36 this year. She wants at least 1 child so we cannot wait extreme long time with that.

3) yes I agree with that. She needs to work on her problem but i'm afraid that will never work.
She doesn't see and agree that she is wrong in any situation.

4) Anyone experience with divorce? We were married in Moskou; best way is to handle divorce in Moskou too I guess?

1)  You told us what you disliked about her but what is it that you like and love about her? Don't tell us that you like her for that thing between her legs. There needs to be more to it.

2)  Don't have any children until you both have all the problems solved.

3)  You need to show her that you are a strong man and that you are at your limit. Hold her hands and look her in the eyes and tell her if she behaves like the way she's been behaving one more time you will end the marriage.  I've broken up with much more women than women breaking up with me and I'm happy today.

4) Almost everybody on this forum have been divorced at least once. Some of the divorces have been amicable and other divorces have been nightmares. Your wife seems unreasonable pertaining to most things so I believe she will make it painful for you if you two divorce. The pain will last a short time but it's better than pain for a lifetime.

[mendeleyev]

my experiences after marriage:
- we ordered a private teacher for language  but she is extreme slow with spending time for learning and only had 5-6 lessons in 5 months.

When a woman wants to learn your language, she does. Some more quickly than others, but they learn if they have the desire.

- she sleeps every day till 11 AM

Actually rather normal for some (non-working) ladies. They just stay up later at night.

- she asked me for a job and I gave her a job in my own company, but she never worked 1 minute. She is always "busy"

Wrong. This is a language misunderstanding. She asked for money. She used the word job in context of what she understands it means for a pampered Moscow princess--an allowance for looking pretty. You thought that she wanted a job.


I am truly sorry for this circumstance and do not see much hope. If it is to work, the two of you must sit down and have a heart to heart which is really challenging give that you have massive language barriers. I wish you the best.

[GregfromGa]

I don't see it getting better. There is such an entitlement with a lot of these women. Cut your losses and get the hell out of there. I wish I could bring better news. You'll get all kinds of advice here and none of it is science by a long shot.

[Muzh]

Hello,

I meet my russian wife in Moscow about 2,5 years ago and got married about 1 year ago. We have the same age.
Since juli last year she has her 5 year living card and we still travel a lot between moscow and my country.

my experiences after marriage:
- we ordered a private teacher for language  but she is extreme slow with spending time for learning and only had 5-6 lessons in 5 months.
- she sleeps every day till 11 AM
- she is extreme sensitive
- she don't trust me (and has no reasons for that)
- she asked me for a job and I gave her a job in my own company, but she never worked 1 minute. She is always "busy"

recent big fight:
We were together almost 1 month in Moscow and everything was very good. I flight back home and the next day I went to a birthday party from an old collegue. She was so angry when she heared about this that she blocked me on whatsapp/facebook now for already 1 week.

As reasons she says:
She says we cannot have a relation anymore , because you do that only you want not count with me, because you change me for party, because I don't know what to expect from you , because next day after you left me you already went to party, because your priority was party , not family ...

Since 2,5 years I didn't went to any "nightlife" anymore, this was just a simple birthday event. I don't see any problem because i was alone at home and she was in Moscow. I don't have contact with other womans and never cheated on her and I really do my very best to make her happy. I totally didn't expected response like this.
She don't give any chance to talk, just blocks.

Why does she not trust me? How can I win more trust? Is this normal? Did I made a mistake by going some small birthday event?
Do you guys have similar experiences with the other items?

Cut your loses and ship her back to Moscow.


Next time get yourself a younger and more malleable girl from Ukraine. 

[ML]

. . . we both will be 36 this year.

You are with a woman your same age ??

How sick is that ??

Shouldn't he be banned from here ??

[Gator]

mrt,

It seems your wife is a prime example of a spoiled Moscow brat.   She has been spoiled both by her parents and by her boyfriends.  My stepdaughter met a couple of RW students at her Florida university from wealthy parents in Moscow.   The two were not serious,  just playing around and living the life of the entitled.  Both were fairly intelligent and could make passing grades with minimal study.  . 

At 36 yo, your wife knows little about loving, trusting relationships.  She does not try to reconcile misunderstandings, and her "take flight" attitude means she knows little about conflict resolution.  If your wife were serious about wanting children, she would have had a child by now.  Instead, she played, living the life of the entitled.  RM knew enough about her to not want a child with her.   

At 36 yo, I am not sure she can change any time soon.  It sounds as if she wants to stay in Moscow rather than move to your country. 

Having criticized her, to be fair I must tell you that I have observed RW to be more skeptical than trusting.  I believe many a RW would be jealous about the party you attended especially if your former social circle was present (i. e. old girl friends).    Yet, I do not know  any mature, serious RW who would not want to talk about it.     Also, recognize that moving to a new country is not easy for many people.  Leaving her friends and family in Moscow could be bothering her. 

You say that you are losing your old friends.  Talk with them.  Ask for their honest, candid opinions about her.  Good friends will speak the truth if you ask for the truth and admit you are having problems.  It sounds as if you stay together, you will need to find a new circle of friends. That is not good. 

Regarding divorce, speak to a lawyer in Moscow and one from your city.  I understand Russian law requires one spouse to pay the other 25% of his/her income.   How this applies to your country's laws needs to be determined. 

[GuppyCaptain]

thank you neighbour; we are indeed very close to each other, only I live on the other side of the "Maas" :-)
She indeed speaks English and doesn't really need the language because almost everybody can speak english here;

She knows very good she will lose her living card if we break up.
She is 100% sure not here for a visum to move to europe. She has rich parents and has her own luxuous apartment in Moscow. She's not financial dependent.

Jealousy:
I agree we should stop living away from each other and fly together all the time. If we do like that we never had those problems and she don't need to be worried what i'm doing. Jealousy fights ONLY occur when she's in moscow and i'm at home. I guess she had an ex-boyfriend long time ago who cheated on her so that makes her so afraid. however she never told details about that. Russians are more closed characters.

I indeed acted too much like a puppy last 2 years. It's my biggest mistake. In business I am much more stronger but with her I was much too soft.
I loved her very much and did everything possible for that. I have to change immediatly with that or I will be a puppy all my life.

In beginning when she blocked me and walked away I didn't know how to act because I never knew somebody who acts like that.
I decided last week already to be much more strong and NOT try to reach her (I already didn't tried any contact action since last wednesday) and let her come back if she still wants me.
I have to be a LION and not a PUPPY. If she doesn't like that or doesn't want to improve I will divorce her and continue with my life instead of losing my self respect. The choice is up to her.

  That's the spirit!!! Bravo!

[jone]

mrt,

It seems your wife is a prime example of a spoiled Moscow brat.   She has been spoiled both by her parents and by her boyfriends.  My stepdaughter met a couple of RW students at her Florida university from wealthy parents in Moscow.   The two were not serious,  just playing around and living the life of the entitled.  Both were fairly intelligent and could make passing grades with minimal study.  . 

At 36 yo, your wife knows little about loving, trusting relationships.  She does not try to reconcile misunderstandings, and her "take flight" attitude means she knows little about conflict resolution.  If your wife were serious about wanting children, she would have had a child by now.  Instead, she played, living the life of the entitled.  RM knew enough about her to not want a child with her.   

At 36 yo, I am not sure she can change any time soon.  It sounds as if she wants to stay in Moscow rather than move to your country. 

Having criticized her, to be fair I must tell you that I have observed RW to be more skeptical than trusting.  I believe many a RW would be jealous about the party you attended especially if your former social circle was present (i. e. old girl friends).    Yet, I do not know  any mature, serious RW who would not want to talk about it.     Also, recognize that moving to a new country is not easy for many people.  Leaving her friends and family in Moscow could be bothering her. 

You say that you are losing your old friends.  Talk with them.  Ask for their honest, candid opinions about her.  Good friends will speak the truth if you ask for the truth and admit you are having problems.  It sounds as if you stay together, you will need to find a new circle of friends. That is not good. 

Regarding divorce, speak to a lawyer in Moscow and one from your city.  I understand Russian law requires one spouse to pay the other 25% of his/her income.   How this applies to your country's laws needs to be determined.

25% of adjusted income.  There are a million ways around it.

[vwrw]

Hello,

I meet my russian wife in Moscow about 2,5 years ago and got married about 1 year ago. We have the same age.
Since juli last year she has her 5 year living card and we still travel a lot between moscow and my country.

my experiences after marriage:
- we ordered a private teacher for language  but she is extreme slow with spending time for learning and only had 5-6 lessons in 5 months.
- she sleeps every day till 11 AM
- she is extreme sensitive
- she don't trust me (and has no reasons for that)
- she asked me for a job and I gave her a job in my own company, but she never worked 1 minute. She is always "busy"

recent big fight:
We were together almost 1 month in Moscow and everything was very good. I flight back home and the next day I went to a birthday party from an old collegue. She was so angry when she heared about this that she blocked me on whatsapp/facebook now for already 1 week.

As reasons she says:
She says we cannot have a relation anymore , because you do that only you want not count with me, because you change me for party, because I don't know what to expect from you , because next day after you left me you already went to party, because your priority was party , not family ...

Since 2,5 years I didn't went to any "nightlife" anymore, this was just a simple birthday event. I don't see any problem because i was alone at home and she was in Moscow. I don't have contact with other womans and never cheated on her and I really do my very best to make her happy. I totally didn't expected response like this.
She don't give any chance to talk, just blocks.

Why does she not trust me? How can I win more trust? Is this normal? Did I made a mistake by going some small birthday event?
Do you guys have similar experiences with the other items?

Taking in consideration the fact that she is from a wealthy family and had well-to -do  boyfriends, it is rather understandable  that she does not trust you. Most, maybe 95% of well to be men in Russia cheat on their women. It is built in her subconsciousness that well-to-do men are predisposed to cheat. She needs someone to explain to her that you are from a different culture and therefore,   are socialized differently form RM and have different patterns of behavior and attitudes.


The party is a problem because you did not discuss it with her prior to going there. If you told her about the party when you got the invitation instead of after the  fact, her reaction could be different.  If you told her about the invitation in a smart way that would give her sense of security, she would be alright.


She withdraws after the conflict because she does not want you to know how much power your actions have over her. First, she does not want you to see that she is in pain, therefor she withdraws to hide it. Second, she wants you to understand that she will not put up with your "unpredictable" behavior where you do something without discussing it with her first.

[vwrw]

Jealousy:
I agree we should stop living away from each other and fly together all the time. If we do like that we never had those problems and she don't need to be worried what i'm doing. Jealousy fights ONLY occur when she's in moscow and i'm at home. I guess she had an ex-boyfriend long time ago who cheated on her so that makes her so afraid. however she never told details about that. Russians are more closed characters.

I indeed acted too much like a puppy last 2 years. It's my biggest mistake. In business I am much more stronger but with her I was much too soft.
I loved her very much and did everything possible for that. I have to change immediatly with that or I will be a puppy all my life.

In beginning when she blocked me and walked away I didn't know how to act because I never knew somebody who acts like that.
I decided last week already to be much more strong and NOT try to reach her (I already didn't tried any contact action since last wednesday) and let her come back if she still wants me.
I have to be a LION and not a PUPPY. If she doesn't like that or doesn't want to improve I will divorce her and continue with my life instead of losing my self respect. The choice is up to her.

You have to be neither a lion nor puppy. Be an intelligent human being.  Understand that each time she withdraws, she is in pain. Coming with excuses for your behavior will make the situation worse. it does not matter if your behavior was justified, what matters that it hurts her. Apologize that your action upset her. Describe the action so she sees that your apology is not empty words but a result of an analysis, and tell that you will work hard to avoid it in the future.


Only you know if your wife is worthy your efforts to save your relationship. If deep inside, you want the woman, get strong -  meaning - patient, persistent, and smart with your strategies in goals' achievement. "I do not want to deal with challenges, I give up" is a motto of week losers.