Update. Not Good.

[Marta7]

I was one who advocated up thread that we be very careful in what is said on here regarding such a relationship.  However, hearing of infidelity, again and again, I am curious to know, from Marta, what evidence she has that LoneDrake has been unfaithful. 

Because if someone is going on the internet to spread such accusations, there better be some hard evidence behind such claims. 

Otherwise, I would prefer not to hear them.

You actually are really stupid...he is correct!  You should be told that repeatedly. And the crazy part is off the charts! Now you will go destroy his mother's Easter get together with your craziness....lovely! No respect!

As long as you do not go ....they will be HAPPY! You ruin every get together his family has...and the only reason they tolerate your crazy bullshit is so they can see Steve...who they love and make sure he is safe. No one is your family Marta....you are sick. Your own family wanted you to leave Ukraine so they didn't have to be close to you. That is why they allowed an American to buy you from them. Now, THAT is messed up! Lmao!


You have no husband....you have a master....you're like a slave who was bought for sex (and I was told by said husband that he'd prefer to make love to me) we used to make love in the boat even! Was awesome


I am the best....at least in bed is what he told me last week



If you want people to be happy....go away! You don't care about anyone's happiness but your own...and the only way you're happy is by hurting others


I know he is and I care for him enough to be here for him for his recovery that he will need when he gets rid of you!!


Here's the thing you need to learn about American's. ....we protect those we love....when people like you are a threat to them in anyway, we will ALWAYS protect them!


I don't have sex....I make love....there's a difference and it is why you suck at it  )))



Of course he did! You're coocoo (crazy), stupid, greedy, and idiotical he says

[Boethius]

I'm sorry, Marta, and no offense intended, but, like me, you have been a woman your entire life.  Why did you give another woman, one that he did not marry, incidentally, that power over you?

Those words do not prove lonedrake had an affair.  All they prove is that some crazy woman wanted to cause you pain and cause trouble in your marriage.  It seems she succeeded.    Why did you trust her more than you did your husband?

[Marta7]

I'm sorry, Marta, and no offense intended, but, like me, you have been a woman your entire life.  Why did you give another woman, one that he did not marry, incidentally, that power over you?

Those words do not prove lonedrake had an affair.  All they prove is that some crazy woman wanted to cause you pain and cause trouble in your marriage.  It seems she succeeded.    Why did you trust her more than you did your husband?

She said about sex in the boat. That day he took his boat from his mother's house. He was fishing, but the fish is not brought. We three talked on the phone. She told me everything that was going on in my life. This information she was able to hear only from him . And I have pictures where she wrote to my husband on his phone.
And I really loved him .

[jone]

She said about sex in the boat. That day he took his boat from his mother's house. He was fishing, but the fish is not brought. We three talked on the phone. She told me everything that was going on in my life. This information she was able to hear only from him . And I have pictures where she wrote to my husband on his phone.
And I really loved him .

Sorry, Marta,

But that does not mean your husband is cheating on you.  You need to pull yourself together and hold your head high. I grew up in a small town.  Everyone knows everyone else's business.  I agree with Boe.

He is your husband.  You need to trust him first.   Things she knew could have come from a variety of people.  You assumed he was with her.  But you have no evidence.  The fact that he caught no fish might mean that he simply went out to think.

[Marta7]

Sorry, Marta,

But that does not mean your husband is cheating on you.  You need to pull yourself together and hold your head high. I grew up in a small town.  Everyone knows everyone else's business.  I agree with Boe.

He is your husband.  You need to trust him first.   Things she knew could have come from a variety of people.  You assumed he was with her.  But you have no evidence.  The fact that he caught no fish might mean that he simply went out to think.

Ok

[BillyB]

I just want to ask, imagine you live in a foreign country , you started your life below zero , namely the washing of tractors, chopping wood, ...

I live in my own country and still wash tractors and chop wood sometimes but I don't feel I'm below zero. Work is work and everybody needs to be productive in life and do their share.

Welcome to the forum Marta. It seems you and Lonedrake have problems that will not be solved unless you two stop fighting and see marriage counselors. If it is your destiny to get a divorce, you should have both your lawyers come to an agreement after discussing what is fair according to law so you may continue your life without Lonedrake. Court is expensive and if you both fight with lawyers, you both may end up with less money. The goal is that both of you can live together or move on with life without each other with the least amount of pain, mentally and financially as possible. I hope your translating program translates our messages properly because some of what you posted was not translated properly.

[Marta7]

I live in my own country and still wash tractors and chop wood sometimes but I don't feel I'm below zero. Work is work and everybody needs to be productive in life and do their share.

Welcome to the forum Marta. It seems you and Lonedrake have problems that will not be solved unless you two stop fighting and see marriage counselors. If it is your destiny to get a divorce, you should have both your lawyers come to an agreement after discussing what is fair according to law so you may continue your life without Lonedrake. Court is expensive and if you both fight with lawyers, you both may end up with less money. The goal is that both of you can live together or move on with life without each other with the least amount of pain, mentally and financially as possible. I hope your translating program translates our messages properly because some of what you posted was not translated properly.

Thanks for understanding

[Marta7]

Your lawyer works for you, not the state of MN. She will be greatly influenced by what you ask her to do. If you say you want your ex wife to be served with an eviction notice and not give her any alimony, your lawyer will do as you ask. Of course the more unreasonable a husband is, the more likely his wife will want to go to court and have a judge make the decisions.

Of course when your wife reviews what you're offering, if it looks good, there's less chance she'll seek guidance on what to do. If she seeks guidance, the one offering advice may advise her to get an attorney and get all they can out of you.

If a woman came here asking what to do in her upcoming divorce and is confused of her rights and if she'll be homeless, we would probably tell her everything we told you. She can get up to 10 years support and she should get a long period of alimony since she's probably less employable than the average citizen. Some posters, not knowing her husband, may suggest he's a bad guy hiding assets and to go get an attorney to fight him in court. I would tell her the same thing I'm telling you. Get what she deserves according to her states laws. If it ends up in a fight, they both lose their savings to attorneys or at least the husband is will be less capable of giving his wife more.

In the event of a nasty court battle, women almost always win. A guy may think there's no way a wife in a short marriage can get half his assets but that is not true. A guy may have lost over half his assets before marriage. I owned two houses before marrying my first wife. My wife owned nothing but a car. One house was bought when we were living together but didn't share money, bank accounts, or have both our names on titles. Didn't matter. The judge in our divorce said we were like husband and wife and gave her half the equity in one house. Coupled with an estimator that valued the house way over market value which the judge thought there was $300,000 in equity to evenly split, by the time the house was sold at true market value, the ex wife got $150,000 and I got less than $2000. For a 3 1/2 year marriage, my ex left much better off than when she came into the marriage with just a car. I lost a house, and got the bills from two attorneys. Judges have lots of discretion in family court. If they want to tilt the scales in favor of one party, it almost always tilts to benefit the woman. No judge wants to get his/her name in the paper due to a complaint by a woman's activist group thinking he/she made a bad ruling. It might hurt their political ambitions. Two major things a judge will consider. Try to send the woman off with enough money so she doesn't use social programs and cost the taxpayers and don't make her homeless.


I notice the judge in my divorce had awards from women's advocate groups hanging on his courtroom walls. After the case I told my ex wife's attorney that judge favors women. She said all judges favor women and that's why she recommends her male clients to settle and doesn't care if women clients take it all the way to court because they'll win more in the end. I had a male attorney. He didn't recommend that I settle. I was not happy with him after I learned the hard way of how family court works.



Almost everybody changes over time. Some of us get wiser, more mature and less selfish. Others get worse. For you guys out there looking to get married, take a close look at the woman's parents because it's what she can become in 20 years. The apple rarely falls far from the tree.

I agree with you about the parents. If a woman died  two men, what does that mean? My husband, his mom died two her husband's .

[Marta7]

As I stated earlier. Throw out all reason and logic. Speaking with a Ukrainian marriage counselor about being married to an American while living in the states is like living in Ukraine and speaking to a Chinese counselor about living on Mars. At the end of the day the bottom line is you cant tell them shit because they already know all the solutions and all of the answers. I pity any fool that has to go down this road. I have few regrets because my kids are perfect. This guy wouldve had better luck trying to figure it out while talking to a fence post. He should be very thankful there are no kids. Cut her ass a  loose and never look back.

Why are you guys so violent.

[Marta7]

I am upset and sad that things came to this. I understand how difficult this is for her. It is at least ten times harder for her. If this was possible to work out between us...that is what I would do. I don't even believe she is making up stories....I believe she believes this 100%.

She is staying at another Ukrainian woman's house( I believe).

Someone one here said I should not talk about this. I think I should. I suspect many guys that get married to FSUW will talk about how wonderful their relationships are, but disappear when things go south. My thoughts are no matter how well you think you know someone....you will never know how things will go when they move to a new country and have so many adjustments to make. Something to think about.

 I wonder about the mistakes I made and what I could have done differently to change this outcome. Other times I believe the outcome would have been the same regardless of what I did or didn't do.

Steve , I live in a shelter

[Marta7]

Billy,

It is my assessment, and all my family and friends,that she is mentally ill. She is saying the first five months were like a honeymoon. Then she got bacterial vaginosis. No matter what anyone said, she was convinced I was cheating on her. Like everyday with many women. I was constantly defending myself against cheating charges. Anyone who knows me and tried to explain that is not how I am and anything about bacterial vaginosis, got put on the "they are in on it list".

 Then it evolved to my mother is evil because she killed my father and stepfather. Mind you I was at my dads bedside when he passed away with cancer. My stepfather had a heart attack. She also accusesd my brother of killing his son when he died in a tragic accident. Then she started claiming my mother was going to kill her. That soon turned into my sister also wanted to kill her so my sister could get my money, because of course that's all my sister cares about. All completely false.

Then it got to the only reason I brought her here was so I could kill her. She has convinced others that all of this is true.

She would not agree to therapy in the US. She would dig through my phone and call clients accusing them of cheating with me. Telemarketers were actually my girlfriends. Spam emails were evidence I was cheating or being sued or whatever.

No matter what faults I have or mistakes I made.....I could not continue on like this.

The sad thing is I still love her and know how wonderful she is when her mind is operating correctly.

If you love me, why are you not telling me about this?

[Marta7]

The level that some posters will go to express their totally inexperienced opinions  on this endeavor is astounding. The guy comes here and basically calls everyone an idiot. I've known people like him throughout my life. Harsh opinions and reluctance to ever pull the trigger himself in regards to finding what might be out there. At least some of us tried. He will die a lonely bitter man and people could not care less when that bell tolls.

I igree

Слава Украіні!!!! Героям Слава!!!  Украіна- понад усе!!! Украінські Воіни - Переможці!!!

[Marta7]

Lonedrake,

Her mental illness is worse than I imagined.  Delusions require medication and counseling, and having only a FSU psychiatrist via Skype, she would not be receiving any prescription meds.  Also, considering the low attention given to mental health in the FSU, I question the capacity of her FSU doctor to help her.   

A few will criticize you for not recognizing your wife's  mental illness when dating her.  Not easily done.   I was married to the mother of my two sons for over 10  years before it became apparent she needed help for clinical depression. . 

When in the FSU your wife was able to cope because of her network of family, friends, and doctor.  She somehow fought through her mental condition to appear competent.  However, moving to America separated her from her coping network, plus added the stress of culture shock.   The change was too much for her to cope. 

Your wife needs help.  Her condition especially without therapy and meds could deteriorate to hallucinations.   It sounds as if you tried to help, yet if she does not want to help herself, there is little you can do.  It is probably best that she return to Ukraine to be near her family, friends, culture, and doctor. 

I hope your luck improves.  I believe you are taking the correct step.  Spouses of psychotic people can exhibit similar symptoms over time.

You can not so cruel to condemn a person you don't know.

[Marta7]

I can understand the frustration on the legal system. My original hearing on the OFP was just a continuance since My lawyer could not be there. I knew that before showing up. It was rescheduled to May 5th. On May 5th the judge did not have enough time, so it was rescheduled to May 10th.
  I had denied the allegations and requested an evidentiary hearing. In the meantime we did try to cut a deal. My final offer was 2,500 per month on a temporary basis until her education was completed( 5 months), or completion of the divorce.
  Her counteroffer was she would get the house and 12,000. I didn't even respond to it.
 So we went to "trial". The end result was the OFP was hereby dismissed and vacated.

 Good news for me indeed.

Not true

[Marta7]

It's possible she went there due to Lonedrake getting an attorney. Like a cat in a corner, she's going to use every means to get out of the corner. Too bad they both couldn't sit down and discuss things and divorce amicably even if they had to hire two attorneys to help them do so.

It's okay for her to get outside help even from people on a forum but out of all the advice that is thrown at her, she chooses the advice to take everything she can. Says a lot about her. Nobody in their right mind can ask for the whole house on a short marriage.

I think her strained relationship with her attorney is due to her wanting it ALL. Even attorneys have a conscience. Also it would look silly for the attorney to ask for all in court, especially for a short marriage but if that is what the client wants, that's what they will get and unfortunately, Lonedrake will have to pay big in a court battle.

Am I the only one in this great country . And you men should be respect for women and respect for yourself. You condemn the woman who heard only one side of the story . And he feels she is alone in the shelter. Without a husband, without money, without support. Why in your heart only anger , condemnation and anger?

[BillyB]

Marta, most of us here are not angry at women or you. We give advice based off the story that is told. If someone wants good advice, they need to be accurate with what actually happened. Lonedrake told us his story and you are telling us your story.

You believe Lonedrake told some things that are not true and that he had an affair. He believes you want the whole house and threatened him with a protective order. You both are here now and it's best not to read things until you become angry. Lonedrake earlier said he loved you too but all the fighting is pushing you two apart. If things must end, it's better to end it and remain friendly to each other. Your attorney's probably told you both to stay away from each other. If you both are going to post and communicate with each other here, it's best you both try to remain friendly while sorting things out.

[GuppyCaptain]

Yes, go to fsu, bring a girl back with all hopes and dreams, when you don't like the marriage, throw her to the side, and pay nothing.  If you can't handle the financial repercussions, just don't get married, simple as that. The main difference between marriage and a relationship, is one is legally binding. If you can't handle the legally binding part, DON'T GET MARRIED. If it was that easy, we would all go abroad, get hitched in less than a week of meeting someone. I think people should get a prenup, even after a divorce you pay a little something for the other party to accept it, which i think is fair.

So you think paying $3,000 a month to an ex-wife WITH NO CHILDREN INVOLVED is okay or normal? You apparently have no clue about this. I'm happy you're not a divorce court judge.

Agreed about the prenup. Had one before and will never get married without one.  It's much easier to have a rationale discussion and come to an agreement about how to separate and then put that agreement onto a legally binding document. The alternative is to try to come to an agreement when both sides hate each other and you have the type of situation that we are witnessing here.

[fathertime]

I'm curious if Lonedrake can/will confirm if this is indeed his wife.


Fathertime! 

[GregfromGa]

I don't know. I wasn't there but if LD did cheat and she is now living in a shelter then I hope she gets her fair share. My opinion of a fair share may differ than most. I think she shouldn't have to be living in a shelter, alone and with no money. If he did in fact cheat on this lady then I hope she blisters his ass. If LD has any pride whatsoever then he shouldn't want his ex wife living in a shelter. Marta should not sit around and wait on lawyers to hammer this out. She needs to get and job and save money so she can better herself. She most certainly doesn't need to continue to seek advice from  disgruntled  FSU women from a talk forum. There are a couple of ladies here that I wish my ex wife would have solicited advice from. They are intelligent and this place is lucky to have their input.

[Gator]

Those words do not prove lonedrake had an affair.  All they prove is that some crazy woman wanted to cause you pain and cause trouble in your marriage.  It seems she succeeded.    Why did you trust her more than you did your husband?

Marta, the person who wrote this is named Boethius.  She is a woman, happily married for a long time to a Ukrainian man. 

You should think long and hard about Boethius's question - WHY DID YOU TRUST THE OTHER WOMAN MORE THAN YOU TRUSTED STEVE? 

Please do not write a quick answer to Boethius's question.  I say this because the answer is very complicated.  The answer depends on many factors: 
 
     -  everything else that is happening between you and Steve (spending time together, making long-term plans, talking every day, any pressures from his job, his family and friends who are now a part of your life, etc.)
     -  the degree that your adjustment to America is stressing you (having to speak English language, having no friends, everything seems different, etc.)
     -  your personal history years ago before you met Steve (family, old boyfriends, health, money, etc.)       
     -  the true depth of the love you feel for Steve (Trust is a fundamental part of true love.  Another fundamental part of true love is the ability to forgive).
     
Please do not answer the question here at RWD.   Most RWD readers are not interested in the details.  They feel your pain.   They want you and Steve to somehow reach an agreement about what is best for the two of you.

I wish you happiness.  Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness.     

[GregfromGa]

With that being said I also know first hand that once some of these women get something in their heads then there is no changing their minds. My ex wife convinced herself that I was on drugs. I passed not 1, not 2 but 3 hair follicle test.  I've always kept myself in good shape by eating right and exercise. I've never done an illegal drug in my life. My ex was convinced that it was some conspiracy and I had manipulated the lab results someway, somehow. Total insanity. She convinced herself that she was being emotionally abused. My ex would much rather get information about the health of our children rather than go to an American doctor. You simply cant reason with that idiocy. I don't know if LD cheated. I'm not sure if she washed a tractor once and convinced herself that she's been doing it day in and day out since her arrival. My ex mother-in-law believes that I was screwing 100 women in Ukraine and that the only reason I brought her daughter here was to work. My guess is the marriage is completely over and the sooner they part and settle the better. Both will think they didn't get a fair shake.

[BillyB]

I wasn't there but if LD did cheat and she is now living in a shelter then I hope she gets her fair share. My opinion of a fair share may differ than most.

Fair share should be based on law and how a person behaves shouldn't factor into getting less or more. People are assholes, bitches, and cheat but judges shouldn't have the right to take their assets in divorce as punishment. What the government does allow is annulment if a spouse feels their marriage isn't sincere or they made a mistake. It seems Lonedrake and Marta hung on to this marriage just long enough to not qualify for annulment so in the eyes of the government, they both were satisfied with each other. Now they're not so they both are entitled to money and/or assets based off length of marriage and other factors. Based off Marta's English level, she won't be very employable and should get spousal support worth more and for a longer length of time than if she was an American woman.

Marta, on the issue of the house, Lonedrake worked all his life to buy the house. You should ask your attorney what are your rights to the house and you should trust your attorney's knowledge of the law. You should ask for what is rightfully yours, nothing more, nothing less, and hopefully you and Lonedrake can settle out of court.

FSU women from a talk forum.

We've been speculating on that and I'm guilty of that too. Marta is here and I don't recall her saying she talked to FSU women on a forum but she did say Lonedrake's ex wife is got in the middle of their marriage saying bad things about Lonedrake and it seems the ex is doing a good job ruining it for everybody. Marta should ask herself what the motives of the ex wife are for breaking up their marriage. First the ex wife claims she had an affair with Lonedrake and then tells Marta they're having an affair and Marta was brought here to be Lonedrake's slave. If Lonedrake is a bad guy, why did the ex wife continue to sleep with him? I don't trust the ex wife.

[Boethius]

I agree with you about the parents. If a woman died  two men, what does that mean? My husband, his mom died two her husband's .

Given that women usually outlive men, it doesn't mean anything.

[Boethius]

Steve , I live in a shelter

So why not look for an affordable apartment, and ask lonedrake to pay for it, perhaps cosign the lease for a one year period?  That would be fair.  Find one close to where you intend to find employment, and close to grocery stores, so that your expenses are minimized.  Even if he doesn't want contact with you, I am certain he'd be willing to help you find a decent affordable apartment which would be a safe and convenient place to live.

You may have lost your marriage, but you also have to deal with reality. 

The reality of your potential divorce settlement is what your lawyer advises the upside will be.  Be willing to accept less than that to settle it and get on with your life. 

The reality of your future life is you have to improve your English.  Take ESL courses, which lonedrake should pay for.  You will have to speak English well if you are to function in the US.  Your writing suggests your English is not at a fluent level yet, though you may understand more than the written word suggests, as written communication is always the most difficult to master.

The reality is, you are going to have to work from the bottom to make your own way.  Yes, it is tough, but that's life.  It's no different from most immigrants, in fact, it is better because you do have some income from your ex to fall back on.

Give outstanding service to customers when you are working.  Listen to their problems sympathetically, and remember the customer is always right.  In your line of work, tips will be an important source of income.

Go get some counselling to deal with your anger at lonedrake, and your pain.  You are still young enough to find someone else, but that relationship will not succeed if lonedrake is still in your heart and mind.

[Boethius]

If you love me, why are you not telling me about this?

Is his synopsis of the facts (infection followed by accusation of him cheating) accurate?  No need to answer here, this is for you, not the forum.

If it is accurate, then I believe you were no longer in love.  People in love have a blindness when it comes to their partners, and their partner's faults.  They usually don't default to the worst case scenario.

Sorry to be so blunt, I am not trying to hurt you, or take sides.  I just call them as I see them.