introduction

[Rom122]

Hello. I am very new to this. I am freshly divorced and met a russian woman online. We have been speaking for about a month now. I am looking for a new spouse and this has opened a whole new world for me. My research has just started on this subject. Any advice or thoughts would be encouraged and helpful.

[dragonkid]

Just don't talk to her about your fresh divorce, if you are not jaded, go for it. But if it is fresh, you might just be walking into your next divorce, if you do what others do and talk about their previous failed marriage.

[2tallbill]

Hello. I am very new to this. I am freshly divorced and met a russian woman online. We have been speaking for about a month now. I am looking for a new spouse and this has opened a whole new world for me. My research has just started on this subject. Any advice or thoughts would be encouraged and helpful.

Rom122,

Welcome to the forum,
My best advice would be read, read and then read some more. You found this
forum which is an excellent source of information for anyone in your situation.

You might start here with the 10 commandments
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=1740.0

The free ebook
Men of the West - Women From the East
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=47

And trip reports (here is mine)
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3432.0

While you are reading you will have questions. Either use the search feature or
come back here and ask them. You will get lots of advice some will be good and
some will be more dubious. Use the advice that best fits your personality, and
situation and ignore the rest. Whatever happens don't get offended. You are
fairly anonymous here and so is anyone you are communicating with.
My advice is to keep it that way. 

Udachi!

Bill

[Morty]

Welcome.

Be vigilant, but not paranoid.
Be open, but give trust on actions not words
Be decisive always, firm but not arrogant.
She will start an argument with you for no reason. It is not a sign of problems, it is emotional therapy. If she starts an argument with you it's because she cares.
She will contradict herself frequently, which you must never use against her. But she will hold you to every word you ever said to her even if it was years ago.
Learn to say no. A lot. She doesn't want a doormat.
She says she won't play games but blow hot and cold with the changing wind.
Look at another woman in the wrong way and expect to get slapped.
If anyone every sleights her - be it a waiter, taxi driver or official she'll expect you to defend her honour at all costs.
She'll spend a huge amount of money on shoes and complain if you waste food.
Don't be too romantic in words, only actions.
Always take flowers to your meeting. Bonus points if you steal them from the park/cemetery. (Don't, please )
Learn Russian humour. Running jokes and black humour.
Be tactile but don't grope her
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever take her on any kind of shopping trip to any sort of store that has no customers. Buying her groceries for her too cook you a meal at the local supermarket is fine, buying her some gloves or a winter scarf and hat is fine, a small bottle of duty perfume is acceptable. No mink coats, Gucci handbags etc.
No decent woman will ever take money from you, or accept it. You can maybe buy her a phone card, just not a iPhone to go with it.
If she is sincere she will bring you a small gift as well.
Don't be pushy about sex. If she is pushy about it tell her to 'slow down'.
Don't focus on marriage, and 'success or failure', focus on love and seduction.

Most important;

Treat your correspondence for what it is, you are discussing in idea of a relationship, don't mistake falling in love with the idea with falling in love with the person - your relationship begins when you meet and say 'hello'

Have a first date in the afternoon at a cafe. Tea, coffee and cake. Anyone sincere will be happy with your time, if she wants to only meet you in a resteraunt with no other customers feign dioarrhea (sic)

Always have a plan b date even if you don't intend to activate it. If nothing else you might get a good tour guide who will introduce you to a single friend.

Be realistic - Slavic women aren't a magic bullet for a happy relationship, they are hard work, only when you master courting to them do you get to all the good stuff. A bad one will drive you to drink and drugs.

Be positive always - don't bash western women or your ex, she will want to know why your marriage didn't work, expect to explain it rationally without blaming your ex, accept all your own faults and she will respect your honesty

Number 1 rule: be OPEN.

if you are open and honest, give her the good and bad she will walk over hot coals for you. These women love, and I do mean love, guys who are completely transparent in their thoughts and feelings and accept their own faults. They hate deception since their guys live their lives like they are in the KGB.

And enjoy it, don't get hung up on negatives, enjoy the adventure.

[BillyB]

Rom122, welcome to the forum!

Look at another woman in the wrong way and expect to get slapped.

I can tell you have experience with FSU women and I agree with you on most of what you said but the real question is how many times have you been slapped? My wife will never slap me if I looked at another woman.

[Darth_Budda]

lots of skype..

Good translation software..

Spend a good amount of time with them, in person..

[ML]

I am looking for a new spouse and this has opened a whole new world for me.

Bad idea.

One shouldn't shop for a spouse like a refrigerator.

Meet women; have fun; marriage will come if it's right.

[Morty]

Rom122, welcome to the  how many times have you been slapped? My wife will never slap me if I looked at another woman.

It might have been the tongue hanging out and panting that caused the slap, not the actual 'look' per se, or the innocent suggestion of a threesome ;p

I've dated some crazy girls when I was younger that weren't exactly marriage material and may have been guilty of conduct unbecoming. All I'll say is that the difference between 'looking and l :devil:king is the issue.

My ex wife threw her shoes at me across the airport terminal on the return from our honeymoon, a Slavic temper, hangover and 10 hours jet lag was enough to provoke her.

[Darth_Budda]

Yes,,,  They can have some anger issues.... lol

[Gator]

WELCOMW rom122!

The pursuit of RW is interesting, invigorating, and challenging.

Some RWD men have raised the caution flag  about you using the words "freshly divorced" together with "looking for a new spouse."

You have just returned to the life of a bachelor.  Enjoy it.  Use your divorce as a learning experience to decide if marriage is really what you want.

A very important point about dating and marrying RW:

                   Because of language and cultural barriers, plus not being able to see daily your prospective Russian woman,  you will know less about a RW wife before marriage than you knew about your ex-wife before that marriage.  And how well did that go?

Let's get the discussion started with a question.  Rom122, how much time do you have each year for travel to Russia?

[Gator]

My ex wife threw her shoes at me across the airport terminal on the return from our honeymoon, a Slavic temper, hangover and 10 hours jet lag was enough to provoke her.

Holy cow Batman!    You are divorced from a Slavic woman and you want to try it again!

You write very well.  It should be easy for you to articulate why you feel this way.  Please enlighten us.   

[2tallbill]

Welcome.

Be vigilant, but not paranoid.
Be open, but give trust on actions not words
Be decisive always, firm but not arrogant.
She will start an argument with you for no reason. It is not a sign of problems, it is emotional therapy. If she starts an argument with you it's because she cares.
She will contradict herself frequently, which you must never use against her. But she will hold you to every word you ever said to her even if it was years ago.
Learn to say no. A lot. She doesn't want a doormat.
She says she won't play games but blow hot and cold with the changing wind.
Look at another woman in the wrong way and expect to get slapped.
If anyone every sleights her - be it a waiter, taxi driver or official she'll expect you to defend her honour at all costs.
She'll spend a huge amount of money on shoes and complain if you waste food.
Don't be too romantic in words, only actions.
Always take flowers to your meeting. Bonus points if you steal them from the park/cemetery. (Don't, please )
Learn Russian humour. Running jokes and black humour.
Be tactile but don't grope her
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever take her on any kind of shopping trip to any sort of store that has no customers. Buying her groceries for her too cook you a meal at the local supermarket is fine, buying her some gloves or a winter scarf and hat is fine, a small bottle of duty perfume is acceptable. No mink coats, Gucci handbags etc.
No decent woman will ever take money from you, or accept it. You can maybe buy her a phone card, just not a iPhone to go with it.
If she is sincere she will bring you a small gift as well.
Don't be pushy about sex. If she is pushy about it tell her to 'slow down'.
Don't focus on marriage, and 'success or failure', focus on love and seduction.

Most important;

Treat your correspondence for what it is, you are discussing in idea of a relationship, don't mistake falling in love with the idea with falling in love with the person - your relationship begins when you meet and say 'hello'

Have a first date in the afternoon at a cafe. Tea, coffee and cake. Anyone sincere will be happy with your time, if she wants to only meet you in a resteraunt with no other customers feign dioarrhea (sic)

Always have a plan b date even if you don't intend to activate it. If nothing else you might get a good tour guide who will introduce you to a single friend.

Be realistic - Slavic women aren't a magic bullet for a happy relationship, they are hard work, only when you master courting to them do you get to all the good stuff. A bad one will drive you to drink and drugs.

Be positive always - don't bash western women or your ex, she will want to know why your marriage didn't work, expect to explain it rationally without blaming your ex, accept all your own faults and she will respect your honesty

Number 1 rule: be OPEN.

if you are open and honest, give her the good and bad she will walk over hot coals for you. These women love, and I do mean love, guys who are completely transparent in their thoughts and feelings and accept their own faults. They hate deception since their guys live their lives like they are in the KGB.

And enjoy it, don't get hung up on negatives, enjoy the adventure.

Sound advice,

You make ten trips to the FSU then find the forum?

[Morty]

Holy cow Batman!    You are divorced from a Slavic woman and you want to try it again!

You write very well.  It should be easy for you to articulate why you feel this way.  Please enlighten us.

It is kind of hard to go back. I've dated all sorts of women from swedish, Danish to Japanese and South Korean. Italians were always a firm favourite since I have a thing for tanned lovelies with jet black hair. I dated a stunning girl from Baku who was smoking hot but mad as a box of snakes. My first experience of a Ukrainian girl was rolling up to a post work party with a bottle of bollinger and Vodka. We talked for three hours then went back to her place and did bad things. It went really well apart from the fact she had an estranged Russian husband and 2 kids back in Dnepropetrovsk. But after her I was hooked. Coming back from working in Dubai I'd swing via Istanbul to Odessa where a guy I worked with lived. He took me out to party with all the AD pro-dater types. We'd freak them out by looking them up on the Internet then going up and knowing their names etc. I dated a girl there who was in a local pop band. the way AD painted her she was the Virgin Mary, but she had more in common with fergie from black-eyed peas. Anyway. I met the ex Mrs monty at a Paris fashion show party where she was plying the catwalk. One Sherbert too many overlooked her mental instability and resulted in eloping to get married in the Caribbean. Fortunately I was back on tour 2 weeks after the wedding, she was out working in Japan and China. We'd meet up when I got leave, fiddle with each others bits, have a row then back to work. That went on for about 5 years until 3 months medical leave determined she really was the world's worse housewife. Her mum liked me. That's the main thing.

I swore off them, and went through a bunch of local resident Romanian girls, a couple of Bulgarians, then hit that age where I realised there really is more to life than chasing hot tarts.

Really had no interest in it again until I met the lady I'm involved with, and having ridden by the seat of my pants for too long I was looking for some experience from married guys who actually manage to make the cultural differences work and have a successful relationship.

A lot of what I have learned about these girls comes from the women themselves. When you don't go in through the front door they are surprisingly candid about the reality versus the marketing.

So I can tell you how to catch one without getting your fingers burned, avoid a wrong 'un, that is the easy part, what I need to learn is how to keep one and make her happy.

So why would I do it again? When you find a special one they make you feel like you won the lottery. I'm not the prettiest boy in the world thanks to a misspent life and more than a few altercations, but the (good ones) are the least superficial women you can meet and once you've been loved by one you really know you are loved. They make you feel like a dippy teenager, treat you like their King, challenge you to be the best version of yourself but accept all the faults you have. And just the sheer pride of having such a beautiful woman you don't deserve hanging on your arm, mothering you when you are ill, driving you to drink when she is displeased is such an emotional tour de force that it makes them utterly beguiling.

I don't know another country where you can date a lingerie model who cooks as well as your mom and is actually proud and happy that you are her man rather than acting like she is doing you a favour.

[JayH]

Sound advice,

You make ten trips to the FSU then find the forum?

2T--read his earlier posts-he explains.

Morty--most of what you write has had me laughing so hard-- you do have a lot nailed.

One point( where I disagree with often given advice by 2T and you mentioned above)--using VK needs to be done discretely.  Indiscriminately appearing on a VK page will get you blocked and most probably prevent any useful future contact. The bigger the age gap-the more important that advice is.
Now this line is my favourite--
Quote
"Never ever ever ever ever ever ever take her on any kind of shopping trip to any sort of store that has no customers"
Oh what a feeling to find yourself  as THE customer with 8 shop assistants serving you!!  No price tags and everything under lock and key !!

[Morty]

2T--read his earlier posts-he explains.

Morty--most of what you write has had me laughing so hard-- you do have a lot nailed.

One point( where I disagree with often given advice by 2T and you mentioned above)--using VK needs to be done discretely.  Indiscriminately appearing on a VK page will get you blocked and most probably prevent any useful future contact. The bigger the age gap-the more important that advice is.
Now this line is my favourite--
Quote
"Never ever ever ever ever ever ever take her on any kind of shopping trip to any sort of store that has no customers"
Oh what a feeling to find yourself  as THE customer with 8 shop assistants serving you!!  No price tags and everything under lock and key !!

It's when the six foot five Ivan security guard locks the door you know you are really fucked. I once escorted a ultra-Natasha to a designer boutique off the champs elysee. She tried on a mink coat and started purring like dr evils cat. The botox'd assistant wrote the price tag on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and handed it to me as another assistant arrived with a glass of Dom P to soften the blow.

35 grand. Euros. They didn't even do the 99 cents trick. Plus tax. I necked the shampoo promptly before they realised I was the hired help.

She suggested I might like to buy it for her. I could sell my RS4 to pay for it. She'd show her 'gratitude'. I suggested she might like me to pimp her out to the local Arabs for a few grand a night and buy me a Lamborghini.

Neither offer was accepted.

Regarding vk you are spot on, it only works if you are targeting a sensible demographic. If you are 70 chasing 21 I have no help for you. But if you are a reasonable catch a polite pm such as hi, I'm visiting your city soon, can you recommend some good places to hang out and meet some new friends' - friends being the operative word. Any suspicion you're on a bridemongering expedition will get you blocked. But then honestly speaking the guys I know who win big are the ones who go to find a girlfriend with potential, and avoid the 3 day bride trap.

You need to stay off their wall, these girls like to curate their private lives so don't post anything public, I've seen so many guys bitchslapped by girls I know for posting 'hello sexy' messages on their wall and it is a fast track to get binned off. Give them their privacy. In fact smarter than approaching a girl you like is approaching a male friend who looks amenable to being a wingman for a few beers or bucks. Be sensible about it though and not creepy. If all else fails tell her you are gay and ask her if she knows where the local scene is, if she takes you out burst into tears and tell her it was a terrible experimentation phase of your life and your parents want you to stop being a bum bandit settle down with a nice girl and have kids. There is no greater ego trip than turning a gay man straight. Of course it could go horribly wrong and you find yourself at the mercy of 3 guys dressed in leather so you need to be a bit tasty and fast on your feet to pull that ruse off.

Or  hire a hot looking hooker and have her feign a domestic row,  You'll be twice as attractive when you are moping at the bar and get several shoulders to cry on as the jackals sense a wounded prey vulnerable to persuasion.

Of course none of these methods will help you find a decent wife with good family values, but the whole thing is a crapshoot - so starting a relationship on the basis you are a fake gay, is about the same as starting a relationship with an 21 yo AD girl who claims to be a virgin sit at home type when she's out snorting coke until 4am in a sweaty nightclub.

[Gator]

It is kind of hard to go back. I've dated all sorts of women ....I don't know another country where you can date a lingerie model who cooks as well as your mom and is actually proud and happy that you are her man rather than acting like she is doing you a favour.

Thanks for the answer.   

It sounds as if your ex-wife and you were incompatible in significant ways such as mental processing and stability. LOL  Nevertheless, she and some other FSUW experiences got you hooked.  They taught you enough that you now know what is best for you.  I am sure you realize that FSUW differ remarkably, even the good ones. 

I asked you about marrying a second FSUW because I did exactly that.  Warning:   never accept a marriage proposal when the woman is doing the asking.  Suffice it to say, the first marriage ended quickly.  I made sure the second Russian wife had grown up in a happy home.  Her carrying cards of Russian saints sort of freaks me out, yet it also says something profound. 

The second marriage is everything I want and then some - RW can be difficult at times.  She never bores me, and she can surprise me, really surprise me.  For example, she and her daughter ripped out the carpet in a bedroom and installed wood flooring while I was away on a three-day golf trip.  They tend to do what they want to do, and we have long discussions about not being so independent.     

My wife is a thoroughbred:  Cossack roots,  ballet, acrobat in Soviet circus, fashion model (European runway model for 13 years then photos in front of the latest kitchen cabinets LOL)......and three marriages!!!    As I said, they can be work. 

You wrote, "...what I need to learn is how to keep one and make her happy."  My philosophy is that a woman is responsible for her own happiness, yet I can take steps to facilitate it.  That starts by knowing her major goals and  concerns and do everything to address them.  When dealing with an intuitive thinker (I said model, gymnast, etc.), I find I must prompt serious dialogue, stay focused, be patient, and be eager to say "Yes, darling" on the many little battles.  It has worked so far, yet she would say I failed just as much as I have succeeded.  LOL I don't know what tomorrow brings, but that is part of the joy. 

I wish you the best with the new woman.  Also,  I do hope you stay around and enlighten as well as entertain us.

[Morty]

Thanks for the tips Gator.

Yes they are polar opposites in terms of character but that reflects a lot of growing up I did between them. Certain;y that's the sort of advice I need. Learning to bite my tongue sometimes and accept her wilful nature. I've hit 40 now though so I'm starting to be calm enough to just take the line of least resistance sometimes. but it's nice to talk to other guys about their experiences. Kind of group therapy for our terrible suffering ;p

[BillyB]

I was looking for some experience from married guys who actually manage to make the cultural differences work and have a successful relationship.

People blame cultural differences for breakups but truth is when two good people get together, good things happen. Good people are more patient with each other and misunderstandings don't blow up into WW3.

So I can tell you how to catch one without getting your fingers burned, avoid a wrong 'un, that is the easy part, what I need to learn is how to keep one and make her happy.

Guys can catch women but it's harder to keep one. If you got a good woman and the relationship isn't going smooth, you may have to make some self adjustments. For example; a guy can party all his life and now want to settle down but he's not going to be the desirable family oriented guy for a family oriented girl overnight. He has to work on changing his ways to be appealing to the girls he's trying to attract. It's going to take time, sometimes so much time the relationship ends before the guy makes the transition.

I don't know another country where you can date a lingerie model who cooks as well as your mom and is actually proud and happy that you are her man rather than acting like she is doing you a favour.

My beautiful wife isn't a good cook but she has a desire to improve. As long as she's moving in the right direction, I'll be happy.