Meeting girl in her city, what are the risks?

[Trenchcoat]

So this girl I have recently come into contact with has suggested meeting in her city. Now I hear this is usually the ideal (travelling aside) but was wondering are there any risks? i.e any obvious scams? (it's not the conflict area of the Ukraine but western part).

[Boethius]

You will never find a relationship if you are so worried about scams.

[dragonkid]

If you attach chat logs, we can give you some advice. It is impossible for us to say.

[ML]

So this girl I have recently come into contact with has suggested meeting in her city. Now I hear this is usually the ideal (travelling aside) but was wondering are there any risks? i.e any obvious scams? (it's not the conflict area of the Ukraine but western part).

Dangerous to meet in her city.

If things don't go well, she can call on many male friends to beat the sheeeeeet out of you.

Best to meet in a foreign country where she knows no such.

[BillyB]

Meet her in her city. The rewards outweigh the risks. The fact that she invited you to her city may mean she's not willing to meet strangers on a first meeting in a foreign country and she may want you to meet her family. Good signs.

[alex330]

Not advisable. She could lock you in an apartment over New Years.

[HoundDaddyLee]

Not advisable. She could lock you in an apartment over New Years.

Alex... 


But to the OP, it is a true story. A man was locked into his apartment by his woman over the New Years Holiday. One of more legendary events in this pursuit.


HDL

[GregfromGa]

So this girl I have recently come into contact with has suggested meeting in her city. Now I hear this is usually the ideal (travelling aside) but was wondering are there any risks? i.e any obvious scams? (it's not the conflict area of the Ukraine but western part).

What city? What else can you tell us? Are you ready to buy the ticket or are we talking months away?

[Larry1]

Not advisable. She could lock you in an apartment over New Years.

Alex... 


But to the OP, it is a true story. A man was locked into his apartment by his woman over the New Years Holiday. One of more legendary events in this pursuit.


HDL

 

To the original poster, go and visit her in her city. It's good that she invited you. And as a bonus Western Ukraine is pretty.

You won't end up waking up in a bathroom tub in ice water with one of your kidneys removed.

[Jumper]

Go , relax,have fun together and see if it leads anywhere.
It really doesn't have to be so  different than boy meets girl anywhere.

Be forewarned though:
 I met my wife in her home city, which is a very well known scam capitol.
Now just look where it got me, married with children like Al Bundy.
I'm looking into selling shoes for a living soon.

You were warned.

 

[Gator]

Trenchcoat,

Most men have a delightful time meeting a pretty woman and immersing themselves into local culture. 

Some men have been scammed, however. 

What is her city?  If Odessa, yes you will most likely be scammed.   LOL

Seriously, the typical scam examples in your situation:

-  She hires an expensive car and driver to take you around to restaurants, sights and shops. 

-  Shops can be very dangerous.  You buy an expensive gift for her.  After you leave, she returns the gift to the shop owner and the two of them split the money 50-50.

-  She insists on an interpreter.  Usually a friend and charging much more than the standard rate.   

So ask this important question in a friendly way before you decide to meet her:  What will we do in your city?  If she says meet her friends and her family, she is a sincere woman and you are not being scammed.

Another possible scam is she arranges an apartment, and the owner charges you a high rate and later gives her a commission.    So do some research for apartments to determine the rental rates for comparison with anything she may suggest.  Then tell her you are thinking about such and such apartment, and ask if the location is convenient.   

Trenchcoat, you worry so much.  Please be very careful how you ask questions, answer her, etc.  Your questions, if asked in a manner a police detective would ask, will turn her off.  Be careful to protect yourself but more careful not to make her think you are weird. 

So please tell us more about how you feel about this woman, how many times the two of you talked, her job, etc.   

[southernX]

So this girl I have recently come into contact with has suggested meeting in her city. Now I hear this is usually the ideal (travelling aside) but was wondering are there any risks? i.e any obvious scams? (it's not the conflict area of the Ukraine but western part).

tenchcoat
have some confidence in your own intuition 
 get to know her as best you can with the tools you have at your disposal ,

part of this game is to trust your own instincts , use good sense & research  and be open to all things

imo if she has invited you to meet her in her own city that is a good sign

one thing fsu women dont like particularly is a man who dithers , and cant make up his mind or lead

use your nous and act accordingly

SX

[alex330]

Now just look where it got me, married with children like Al Bundy.

That's the biggest long term scam in the FSU. Find Western man to change diapers.


Trenchcoat, it is the best scenario I think. Go for it.

[ML]

Just to add a little realism here . . .

Guys are making a big deal out of how it means something the gal invited you to come visit her in her city.

THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL DO.

[msmobyone]

If you attach chat logs, we can give you some advice. It is impossible for us to say.

Don't

1/ Chats are presumed to be private between two ppl

2/ Some 'advice' he will get will be nonsense

Trench

My advice - only go if you feel this lass and you have a connection.If you are worried about 'her scamming' you - you really shouldn't be going

[Trenchcoat]

Thanks all for the advice I much appreciate it, particularly the scam I have to look out for 

The city is Nikolaev so it would mean a journey for me from Odessa. She contacted me on a dating site (pay monthly) she is a fair bit younger than me. She apparently cant Skype as she has an old computer/connection or something, she is a uni sutedent. So this makes me cautious. However, from her letters I would say she is typically blunt FSW which I don't mind as long as its not too extreme. I've looked on VK and no profile as yet found. We are only in the early stages of messaging, she just seems happy to want to message, its been about a couple dozen letters now back and forth. She says she prefers meeting in her own city for safety, etc, what the man is expected to do. She says she is willing to travel to another city under the right circumstance if the man pays. So given her preference to visit in her own city leaves me wondering as though scams can happen I would have thought scammer would prefer another city unless for convenience. No sign of any path to scam yet form her, she seems pretty straight up so far in her letters to me.

[Gator]

She apparently cant Skype as she has an old computer/connection or something,

So spend a little money and call her.  Select a mutual convenient time.  You need to get a good feeling with few doubts before you spend money and time to go to her city. 

she is a uni sutedent   

Also, what is the age difference?   Really young girls are not interested in getting married now.  They would enjoy meeting an interesting foreign man for a long date.  Do you want to fly all the way to Ukraine for just a date and some sex. 

So given her preference to visit in her own city leaves me wondering as though scams can happen   

You have a severe case of scamaphobia.  I told you yesterday about the different scams, and you can easily protect yourself with common sense.   The odds of a scam are very low, and if it did happen  the amount of money would be small.  If I were in your shoes I would worry more about wasting my time.  Do the following:

1.  Develop a backup plan.  Search the RWD archives for long threads on backup plans. 

2.  Talk, talk, talk until both of you are keenly interested in each other. 

3.  Or go WMVM (write many, meet many)

[Trenchcoat]

So spend a little money and call her.  Select a mutual convenient time.  You need to get a good feeling with few doubts before you spend money and time to go to her city. 

Also, what is the age difference?   Really young girls are not interested in getting married now.  They would enjoy meeting an interesting foreign man for a long date.  Do you want to fly all the way to Ukraine for just a date and some sex. 



You have a severe case of scamaphobia.  I told you yesterday about the different scams, and you can easily protect yourself with common sense.   The odds of a scam are very low, and if it did happen  the amount of money would be small.  If I were in your shoes I would worry more about wasting my time.  Do the following:

1.  Develop a backup plan.  Search the RWD archives for long threads on backup plans. 

2.  Talk, talk, talk until both of you are keenly interested in each other. 

3.  Or go WMVM (write many, meet many)

Thanks Gator that's good advice. Well there's a 15 year age gap, she is 23 and I'm 38. Usually I would not look that young/age gap but she contacted me and facially she attracts me not that I'm looking for a model or anything. I would say her pics are nice and down to earth, not model style ones or sh*t loads of airbrushing. She has sent a lot of photos already many shot same clothkng/place. In all honesty I do find girls towards that age direction eyeing me up sometimes more than girls around my age and I find them attractive. I don't know why they do though, though I am not really graying at all I realise that of course age tends to show sooner or later so would Not wish to claim the 'don't look my age' as no doubt I look somewhere towards my age I would have thought. Anyway she seems serious about meeting someone - while the sex might be a nice thought she doesn't seem that way inclined at the moment, she seems quite serious type.

[Nightwish]

Thanks Gator that's good advice. Well there's a 15 year age gap, she is 23 and I'm 38. Usually I would not look that young/age gap but she contacted me and facially she attracts me not that I'm looking for a model or anything. I would say her pics are nice and down to earth, not model style ones or sh*t loads of airbrushing. She has sent a lot of photos already many shot same clothkng/place. In all honesty I do find girls towards that age direction eyeing me up sometimes more than girls around my age and I find them attractive. I don't know why they do though, though I am not really graying at all I realise that of course age tends to show sooner or later so would Not wish to claim the 'don't look my age' as no doubt I look somewhere towards my age I would have thought. Anyway she seems serious about meeting someone - while the sex might be a nice thought she doesn't seem that way inclined at the moment, she seems quite serious type.

I am not saying you shouldn't go for it, but think 10 years ahead -  you are 48 she is 33 - and then you 58 she is 43
Are you a "young" 38 or is she an old 23? What do you have in common?
A relationship has very little to do with looks, attraction and interest yes, relationship not so much..

She might very well be seriously interested in you, in the idea of getting married, starting a family, but then you must think 10-15 years ahead...

I have the same issue myself, I am 47 and I am very attracted to a 32 year old woman, we have a blast talking on skype and we both think the world about the other.. but this age gap in some ways bother me, she is in her prime and me, well I am going downhill 
I have talked to her about it several times and she just calls me a fool.. now she is mature enough to make her own choice knowing my concern and I would be lying if I didn't say I am entertaining the idea  But this feeling I have that she is just a little to young could become a problem even if I dont want it to.

Now I should mention I haven't met her, so everything can change when we see eachother, but we have logged about 100 skype hours in the last month 
The bottom line is..
If you feel it - go see her, its a vacation your going on - with the upside to have a date with a desirable woman planned, if nothing works out, you still have the vacation, and Nikolaev - "city of brides", must be an agency in every streetcorner you can check if things go south.

[treadmilldude]

Trenchcoat, I am the same age as you. I have had plenty of girls from my gym, friends of friends, at clubs, on Mamba, Charming Brides and VK show interest in me that were 21-23. After reading their messages to me in which they claimed they liked my profile, liked my pictures, and were interested, I politely declined EVERY ONE of these girls that age. I was very nice (not rude) about it, but just said no thank you, I am trying to find a woman much closer to my age. I would not feel comfortable dating a woman younger than 29 right now. Too many extremely beautiful women in Belarus and Ukraine that are between the ages of 29-33 for me to even mess around with a girl younger than 29. A 9 year age gap is PLENTY big enough for me, I don't want anything bigger than 9 years.

What do I, a 38 year-old man, have in common with a 23 year-old woman? Absolutely nothing. I have a completely different set of life experiences as a 38 year-old man relative to a 23 year-old FSU girl.

I do not think 23 year-old girls, for the most part (there are exceptions of course) are mature enough to get married and have children. And I do not think a 23 year-old girl is mature enough to be with a 38 year-old man. If you and I were best buddies, hanging out sometime, and you popped this question to me wanting my honest advice Trenchcoat, my honest advice to you would be do NOT mess with the 23 year-old. Leave her alone, let her be a kid, let her do fun things that kids like to do, and let her date other men close to her age.

But we do have freedom of choice, so if you think my advice is wrong, I completely understand Trenchcoat. Either way, best of luck to you and I am praying for you to meet a wonderful girl in the FSU Trenchcoat. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers Trench.

[Trenchcoat]

I am not saying you shouldn't go for it, but think 10 years ahead -  you are 48 she is 33 - and then you 58 she is 43
Are you a "young" 38 or is she an old 23? What do you have in common?
A relationship has very little to do with looks, attraction and interest yes, relationship not so much..

She might very well be seriously interested in you, in the idea of getting married, starting a family, but then you must think 10-15 years ahead...

I have the same issue myself, I am 47 and I am very attracted to a 32 year old woman, we have a blast talking on skype and we both think the world about the other.. but this age gap in some ways bother me, she is in her prime and me, well I am going downhill 
I have talked to her about it several times and she just calls me a fool.. now she is mature enough to make her own choice knowing my concern and I would be lying if I didn't say I am entertaining the idea  But this feeling I have that she is just a little to young could become a problem even if I dont want it to.

Now I should mention I haven't met her, so everything can change when we see eachother, but we have logged about 100 skype hours in the last month 
The bottom line is..
If you feel it - go see her, its a vacation your going on - with the upside to have a date with a desirable woman planned, if nothing works out, you still have the vacation, and Nikolaev - "city of brides", must be an agency in every streetcorner you can check if things go south.

Thanks Nightwish that helps a lot knowing someone else has the same/similar situation. The age difference doesn't bother me much at this moment in time. I guess although I'm not really a party type I always had a kind of outlook where I've wanted to do stuff so I don't see that age group as real distant from me. In some ways the age dynamic has often seemed to work better than the dynamic of women around my age. I don't know but it sometimes feels in the UK at least that women around my age are too serious in outlook so there's nothing to bounce of in a way. End of the day I want to find someone and this search can feel difficult at times when I just what it to happen, I think Gators ad ice us good though so will proceed and see how it goes I guess.

[BillyB]

Trenchcoat, if the woman is willing to share her life in photos, and dedicate massive amounts of time to speak to you on the phone and Skype, there is a very good chance her interest in you is real. I suggest spending more time on the phone and/or Skype to get a better read on her before your decision to visit. No matter how much pressure she puts on you to visit right away, remind her you are serious but need to make sure you have similar goals and beliefs before making your decision. A good woman would actually respect you for having standards and not being quick to jump on a plane for any pretty face.

[dragonkid]

  Really young girls are not interested in getting married now.  They would enjoy meeting an interesting foreign man for a long date.

Where did you hear that from? Most of the women wanted to get married to me, i could feel the urge, and they tried to feel me out to see if marriage was on my mind. The difference between a young woman and an older one is that a young woman has been sheltered in life. She hasn't gone through working for minimal pay for years, she is not desperate, she dates guys she has an attraction for. I turned down an 18-year-old who i had a feeling lacked sexual experience, she was very eager to meet a guy that was interested in more than just fucking, too much for me to handle.i didn't want to do the drama again twice with a girl that lacked sexual experience. I have a feeling the guys moaning that young women are not serious, probably are referring to scammers, and not actual genuine young women .

[Gator]

What do I, a 38 year-old man, have in common with a 23 year-old woman? Absolutely nothing. I have a completely different set of life experiences as a 38 year-old man relative to a 23 year-old FSU girl.

It could be much.  That is why we go meet the women and discover if there are connections on different levels. 

Trenchcoat said he is not a party type, and if he discovers this 23-yo dyev enjoys night clubs, he should not make the trip.  However, if both are somewhat introverted and enjoy PBS subjects, then age is not so much a factor. 

I have known several happy couples with the same disparity.  One couple enjoyed antiques and Porsche rallies, and they were soulmates, particularly in conversation, both being loquacious.  When he died, she was devastated for over a year.  It was true love, and there was no children other than his adult kids.     

Speaking of that, an important common ingredient would be both wanting a child.  Even so, it is important that they still are compatible in most ways. 

[Gator]

Where did you hear that from?

All over the world for 50 years of talking with women, including my own Russian stepdaughter.   She married but not until she was 26, and she was somewhat influenced by immigration rules.  She would have referred to establish a career and marry after that.  Now she must balance her career choices with those of her husband.  He is a successful businessman and a good provider, so he brings to the dynamic some really good points. 

My ex-wife married me when she was 31, her first marriage, and was very happy in her younger years.  She decided she wanted a baby.  She had enough experience to know she was certain. 

When I wrote what you quoted,  Trenchcoat had disclosed only that she was a uni student.  I was thinking 19-21 yo.  23-yo is different from 19-21.