Status Failure

[Trenchcoat]

Ok guys I don't care to admit it but my strategy was seriously flawed. Here I am in the FSU and the girl I was supposed to see I have met and there was zero chemistry. The idea of going of a picture and reading there is chemistry is seriously flawed. All that bother Emailing back and forth for nothing save for the experience gained from a failed situation, I hope. The girl in question was nice enough but she was not into me as hoped/thought off. Just goes to show that how many profile pictures you have and I have many that it actually amounts to zero. Skyke? Who knows. Maybe,  better than profile pics at any rate. Don't bother with profile pics guys, they are off little help at all, that is the lesson I have learned from this debacle. I will continue, I am stuck in the Ukraine as I write to you, hand on heart. The girls here are beautiful, genetic perfection personified, all seem to be brought up from cradle to model. For me though I just want someone chemically attracted to me and this has not occurred. The chemistry with this one was less than the last one, I will try to perceivre but I need to pursue a different strategy as this one has not worked out and on that front, RWD crowd you were right, it was a flawed strategy to pursue. I hopefully will learn for this mistake and progress I  the future, kind regards.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Ok guys I don't care to admit it but my strategy was seriously flawed. Here I am in the FSU and the girl I was supposed to see I have met and there was zero chemistry. The idea of going of a picture and reading there is chemistry is seriously flawed. All that bother Emailing back and forth for nothing save for the experience gained from a failed situation, I hope. The girl in question was nice enough but she was not into me as hoped/thought off. Just goes to show that how many profile pictures you have and I have many that it actually amounts to zero. Skyke? Who knows. Maybe,  better than profile pics at any rate. Don't bother with profile pics guys, they are off little help at all, that is the lesson I have learned from this debacle. I will continue, I am stuck in the Ukraine as I write to you, hand on heart. The girls here are beautiful, genetic perfection personified, all seem to be brought up from cradle to model. For me though I just want someone chemically attracted to me and this has not occurred. The chemistry with this one was less than the last one, I will try to perceive but I need to pursue a different strategy as this one has not worked out and on that front, RWD crowd you were right, it was a flawed strategy to pursue. I hopefully will learn for this mistake and progress I  the future, kind regards.

Don't beat yourself up over it.  You went there and learned something. 


Hopefully you won't let this setback deter you from enjoying yourself there.  I'm sure you could find some more dates to keep you occupied and possibly find one with chemistry.

[dragonkid]

Bro, this is what you are going to do. Join ukrainedate, VIPdating,fdating, and spam as many women as you can. IDGAF, go out with a 75 year old nigerian woman if you have to. Date everyone and see how it goes.

[Slumba]

You are still there, can still try to meet others. Go on Mamba.Ru, pay the few dollars for the VIP upgrade feature which lets you do better searches, and go from there.  It's OK to ask for a coffee meeting from the outset - tell them you are in their beautiful city and would like to get to know them better.

[Larry1]

Always talk to the girl in skype before visiting her.

As the others have advised, while you are there use every avenue to meet girls. Your actually being there will cause more girls to take you seriously and perhaps meet you. You're definitely not the keyboard romeo that so many guys they talk to are.

[jone]

What city are you in?

[BillyB]

I just want someone chemically attracted to me

You're going to have to drug a woman up for that to happen.

RWD crowd you were right,

We can't guarantee perfection but we can greatly increase your chances of success if you follow solid advice. We have saved men lots of time, emotions, and thousands of dollars by pointing out the right direction. It's up to the individuals if they want to stay on the path. Next girl, do your homework before deciding to visit.

What do you have for a backup plan? Meet women on the streets and cafes? Get their phone numbers and go on dates? Use dating sites to get dates? Whatever you do, don't stay in your hotel room and cry.

[msmobyone]

Ok guys I don't care to admit it but my strategy was seriously flawed.

Trench

We take no pleasure from pointing out that you were doomed before you left ... no testing the chemistry via skype - beforehand

Do your  due diligence BEFORE you get on the plane

BUT..

As you are there, put yourself about and be honest about your'failure' ...remember  the likes of 2tallbill...they met their wife having failed to gel with the 'first choice'.

[Gator]

Trenchcoat,

Keep your chin up! 

All of us have struck out.  Some of us have spent years meeting dozens of wrong women.  My "Russian flower" walked into my life 3 1/2 years after my first trip. Then she walked out, walked back in............but that is another story. 

Do go to bat again (an American expression for trying again) while you are there.

When you return home, start a new topic about defining your goals and refocusing your search.

[Trenchcoat]

Thanks guys, much appreicate your help. Well the hotel I'm in is quite nice so not too bad. I'm out of my room though  Will take it as it comes, will look up on Mamba and consider but kind of planned to work a bit of holiday in anyway. Skype will be a sure thing from now on. Thinking of doing a short vid of myself to post of to girls beforehand, about me, where I live. A not unusual for me perhaps but think it may cut down on the amount of skyping with the wrong women, well hope fully as I find it can be a bit of a pain as othetwise it might be a fair few girls to get through. So if they see me beforehand then they can decide if interested.

[BC]

Trench,

Really just getting out and about gives you just as many chances or more than those home on the couch.  In your shoes I'd look in areas where there might be some common interests like hobby, sport, music etc..  Haven't a clue where you are or your interests so can't really help point you in any general direction.  Just google and start meeting people.

If you are a bit of an introvert, no better place to try just talking to folks.. one topic leads to another and all contacts can lead to others.. so basically anyone will do to get your foot in the door..  Cafe's, grocery stores playing helpless shopper, parks asking directions.  Heck even ask your hotel clerk for someone that might give you some Russian lessons..  walking around town learning new words is a fun way to learn.

Most of all get to know the people, language and lifestyle a bit better.. that will surely help you down the road.. and above all, just have fun, try to forget wife hunting and see where life leads you.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench,

Really just getting out and about gives you just as many chances or more than those home on the couch.  In your shoes I'd look in areas where there might be some common interests like hobby, sport, music etc..  Haven't a clue where you are or your interests so can't really help point you in any general direction.  Just google and start meeting people.

If you are a bit of an introvert, no better place to try just talking to folks.. one topic leads to another and all contacts can lead to others.. so basically anyone will do to get your foot in the door..  Cafe's, grocery stores playing helpless shopper, parks asking directions.  Heck even ask your hotel clerk for someone that might give you some Russian lessons..  walking around town learning new words is a fun way to learn.

Most of all get to know the people, language and lifestyle a bit better.. that will surely help you down the road.. and above all, just have fun, try to forget wife hunting and see where life leads you.

I think this is great advice! Thank you very much for it. I think it would suit me best in present situation. I can look into my interest and see what there is around it. Partly this trip was to gain experience in any case of the environment/culture over here and the way things are, it's quite a culture shock from the UK in places, even though they have done more modern buildings in recent times, stuff is also quite far from each other here travelling around.

Well I'm currently in Nikolaev  (Mykolaiv) so I have to watch the sort of girls I may pick up on Mamba on the hoof. The one I had met was sound, no scamming there so my intuition was at leastright on that front, but there was unfortunately no chemistry there. To be honest although J have met only 2 women so far on this search through online dating sites I'm thinking that similar tothe UK the 'dater' type of girl pperhaps just doesn't gel easily with me that you tend to get from these sites I think (not talking pro dater here). Thinking perhaps I need someone with  different outlook, we shall see how it goes, but I think taking the pressure off from a wife search is the right way to go as you suggest. Many thanks.

[jone]

A bit of fun advice.  Go sit on the corner where the McDonalds is at Prospekt Lenin and what used to be Sovietskaya.  It is a blast to watch the world go by. 

Many of us have met women in Mykolaiv.  However, to really do it on the fly, you might try AJ's way.  He went into an agency, pulled out the book of women, and asked who might be available.  I believe his wife was working at the agency at the time.  I have another friend who also did that in Niko.

There is a fellow who teaches English in Mykolaiv.  His username on one of the two forums was Bubba Gump.  His wife would be happy to set you up with some of her friends.  He's a fun guy.  Went out to dinner with him a couple of times when I lived there.  You would more easily find him on the ex-pat forum these days.

Udachi

[Jumper]

You have great advice above.
Follow it.

 Don't think twice, don't beat yourself up, its best to skype first as you've been told a thousand times lol  but that is still zero guarantee you'd have had chemistry in person regardless.

  Yes my wife was at an agency in Niko.. but in that case I had vid chatted and talked to her on the phone and in skype many times before I visited.
  Now in my distant past, I had visited a city, and things were going ok, but nothing great- so a bit bored i went to an agency (in kharkov)- the office manager showed me their book of profiles,
 I just closed it and told the manager just to set up a blind date ,with who she thought I might click, as a pretty picture tells me nothing useful. That caught her attention, and I ended up going out with the manager  (who was smart , great English,and beautiful) and we did have a great time.   She's married to a guy in Florida by the way..and has been since 2003? If that gives you an idea of time frame lol.
  So as BC said , getting out there is what increases your chances, no matter what you do. Maybe you'll hit it off with a waitress ot woman at a shop you ask for advise or directions, ,maybe the flower shop girl.
I once bought a couple flowers then just gave them to her.. anything can spark a conversation.
 Things you are truly interested in is probably the best route, but be open to anything.
Not sure how long you are there, Nikoleav in the center has a sidewalk display of art /sculpture , crafts on sat or sun? a lot of people mill around.
PM me your info, age/ etc as my wife might have a interpreter friend there that might want to meet you.She's really truly fluent,an optimistic fun person, regardless any chemistry between you, and might lead to other connections.
(she might be unavailable, its not like i keep tabs, single girls don't stay that way all the time)
 

[HoundDaddyLee]

A bit of fun advice.  Go sit on the corner where the McDonalds is at Prospekt Lenin and what used to be Sovietskaya.  It is a blast to watch the world go by. 

Many of us have met women in Mykolaiv.  However, to really do it on the fly, you might try AJ's way.  He went into an agency, pulled out the book of women, and asked who might be available.  I believe his wife was working at the agency at the time.  I have another friend who also did that in Niko.

There is a fellow who teaches English in Mykolaiv.  His username on one of the two forums was Bubba Gump.  His wife would be happy to set you up with some of her friends.  He's a fun guy.  Went out to dinner with him a couple of times when I lived there.  You would more easily find him on the ex-pat forum these days.

Udachi

I agree with Jon. Nikolaev is a fun place. Hang out on the former Sovietskya. There used to be a nice restaurant there called "Provence" with outdoor seating. Go, eat, drink have fun. Meet people. Chances are if someone hears you speaking English they will come up to you to practice their English with you.


The key is, you are there, take advantage of it.


HDL

[Jumper]

TC, it just occurred to me you also very likely need a haircut, or at least it trimmed.
The local hair salon is likely to have a number of attractive women
that can practice English on you while you get shaped up for dating.

[Trenchcoat]

Hanging out Is good I will do. Aren't the agencies supposed to be dodgy? Agree that photo book often doesn't help a lot. Just here for another day and bit, so not long now. Will look for a women with good predisposition towards me if I can. Hair I got cut before I came, damn, missed that one.

[dragonkid]

Truth is you need to lower your standards. The first girl you dated didn't sound like a scammer, this girl in your own words wasn't a scammer. I think you lack charm. Reduce your standards or forget about this endeavor all together, you are wasting your money, and you haven't even begun. If you are struggling to get a woman interested, imagine the struggles when you bring her back to the UK, then the struggles of keeping her entertained.

Download this playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoLvrD0_S10Ki3f9oYxrZAV-ZVjIWX9xn

Pop it into your ear, go around the streets, get in the zone and just approach women. Any woman. Just remember PUA stuff don't work, saying "hey....." does, just get in the zone, and the belief that it is that easy. Especially a british guy in FSU.

you were doomed before you left

Like your two marriages.

[jone]

Truth is you need to lower your standards. The first girl you dated didn't sound like a scammer, this girl in your own words wasn't a scammer. I think you lack charm. Reduce your standards or forget about this endeavor all together, you are wasting your money, and you haven't even begun. If you are struggling to get a woman interested, imagine the struggles when you bring her back to the UK, then the struggles of keeping her entertained.

Download this playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoLvrD0_S10Ki3f9oYxrZAV-ZVjIWX9xn

Pop it into your ear, go around the streets, get in the zone and just approach women. Any woman. Just remember PUA stuff don't work, saying "hey....." does, just get in the zone, and the belief that it is that easy. Especially a british guy in FSU.

Like your two marriages.

Wow.  Did he just say that? 

[dragonkid]

Wow.  Did he just say that?

Oh please.... He said in his own words he is a shy type of guy. It happens a lot more than people care to admit.

[jone]

Some people who don't say much are very charming.  I think you are missing the definition. 

Rather than tell him of his personality flaws, why don't you tell him what he can do and where he can go in Mykolaiv to meet someone?  Then you might actually set the example for charming.

Trench,  go down to the (Reikhartz) River Hotel, and see if they are playing music tomorrow evening.  Usually there are plenty of women there on a Friday night when local bands play..... and looking over the Bug river, it is a fun event, even if you don't meet anyone.  But, from my experience, there were always a bunch of tables of women hanging out together.   You can figure out the rest.  In my experience, such women love to meet foreigners.

[dragonkid]

Some people who don't say much are very charming.  I think you are missing the definition. 

Rather than tell him of his personality flaws, why don't you tell him what he can do and where he can go in Mykolaiv to meet someone? Then you might actually set the example for charming.

Trench,  go down to the (Reikhartz) River Hotel, and see if they are playing music tomorrow evening.  Usually there are plenty of women there on a Friday night when local bands play..... and looking over the Bug river, it is a fun event, even if you don't meet anyone.  But, from my experience, there were always a bunch of tables of women hanging out together.   You can figure out the rest.  In my experience, such women love to meet foreigners.

I done that, he has approach anxiety, he is scared of making moves. His best move is getting in the zone to approach, it will be nearly impossible for him to go approach without a wingman to kick his backside, atleast some audio may give him courage. Going to hotspots won't do much, unless he makes a move. 0 x any number equals 0, he needs to make moves. He won't find an ideal hotspot where the women come to him, he needs to go to them, make a fool out of himself if needs be. He is thinking he is physically lacking, if that was the case he wouldn't get any dates in the first place. He may need to go back to basics, and just be able to charm a girl, yes i said charm, he skyped the first time with a few girls, even sent flowers to one, but it falls through.

[jone]

Glad you could give personality advice to a guy who has feet on the ground in a city you've never been in, nor have any idea about when he is there only for another day and a half.

[LAman]

I don't know why you stuck around in Nikolaev. Not much to do there, you can only sit in an outdoor café and watch the pretty girls walk by the main street only so long. I don't mind Jone's suggestion of going to concert, something to stay busy and out in the limelight. I would never stick around Nikolaev if I wasn't already with a girl. Did you know that Nikolaev is known for having the most agencies in any city of Ukraine? As far as speaking to girls just out and about, very few speak any type of English........ can be frustrating trying to communicate. Agency 'dates' can be $40-$50 a pop and interpreter $10-$15 an hour.

You would have had more fun in Odessa canvasing the beaches!!! But many here think Odessa is to be avoided.

[BillyB]

Aren't the agencies supposed to be dodgy? Agree that photo book often doesn't help a lot.

They can be. If you don't know the reputation of the agency, don't use them. Some men have walked into random agencies and asked for recommendations on who the good girls are to date and agency employees can get a cut from the pro daters they hook guys up with. They can get a cut if they pick out girls that need translators. There are good people working in agencies but the industry is flooded with shady people it's hard to know who to trust. If you decide to use an agency, google info about them or ask questions here. It's best you get out and talk to people. Even if you don't find a woman to come back to, the experience of improving your communication skills with ladies now may help you out on your next trip. When I was in the FSU, I could easily get 3 phone numbers a day meeting women out in public. I could get more but didn't have time since I'd have to get back to the hotel room and get ready to date.