Interested to Chat and Learn More About Dating FSUW

[Boethius]

Sorry, but a woman who would leave a child under 2 years of age, under any circumstances, to travel abroad to meet with a man is not a good mother and hence, not good wife material.

[jone]

One comment I would like to make on any thread is that without actual consent by the forum member, it is only polite not to disclose names; first or last.  The individual may have shared their name with you in private, or you may have obtained it from other sources, but it is a breech of etiquette to disclose it without permission or previous history of having it been disclosed on this forum.

For those who are wondering, my first name is Herbert, thus my user name.

[Bounder]

That would be your call but everything posted in the form of TRs is he said/she said.  There's his story, her story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. AFAIK Abashka has a pretty solid reputation and have not known her for half truths or mis-speaking. Quite the opposite.

Tell your side of the story and let the reader make up their mind.

Hi Faux Pas, thanks for your comment.  I've been doing a lot of reading on the site and have appreciated the perspective you bring on numerous occasions.  I agree with you about Abashka and my impression of her has also been positive.

The problem here is that she seems to have been sold a bill of goods and decided to "go public" with what amounts to an attempt at character assassination without any fact-checking.  To me, that is a reckless and irresponsible approach to take.

Abashka knows how to contact me, but at no point did she elect to do so.  Worse, she sits on information (that she accepts as truth without bothering to raise it with me) that is over a year old and waits til now to raise it and in a public forum, no less.  To me this seems timed and intended to inflict maximum personal damage.  I find Abashka's choices in dealing with this to be highly questionable and I strongly suspect ulterior motives.

I decided to take a chronological approach in my storytelling.  While my focus is on the present and the future, I had made an editorial decision to start at the beginning and to do so with full disclosure.  I would also have briefly discussed the important journey I have been on over the past year that allows me to recognize my mistakes and also to assess my readiness for this challenge at the present.  I was looking forward to telling an honest story on my own terms.  Now, however, I am forced into a position where I am telling it on someone else's terms, and that someone does not have my best interests at heart.  That is no way to tell one's own story.

Please keep in mind that the reason why any of this particular personal information (twisted as it is) has come out now on someone else's schedule and rather than on my own and as I see fit, is because of my full disclosure to the lady from Moscow (who I will refer to as MH from here), who was also still married at that time.

In the end, MH became erratic, irrational, blamed me for all of her own problems, and kicked me to the curb with the utmost cruelty.  Some of the things she said to me were the most vicious things I have ever been told in my life and could only come from a heart-filled with hate.  She said things that were completely out-of-line, even concerning the death of family members.  And I thought that would be enough for her to move on, but apparently that is not the case.

After a while, I became grateful that this very ugly part of her nature had come out when it did, rather than later when we both would have had much more invested in the relationship already.

I have been at times naive and made mistakes.  However, I think it would be the height of naivety and possibly my biggest mistake yet, to continue a story with candour and disclosure, that touches upon my current situation as well as my plans, hopes, and excitement for the future, when the agents of a vindictive and mentally unstable woman are present and watching on this forum.

[Bounder]

Bounder,
I am not going to discuss this subject or reply you anymore, so you can keep your explanations for other RWD members, all I wanted to say was that things usually were not what they seemed to be if you looked from another side 

Anyway, the girl never said any single bad word about you, do not worry about it.  And she did not provide any private details but Gucci glasses you bought for a Kiev girl, that is how I recognized you:)

Her story was just a good lesson for her and other girls who are in search. And for the guys too - solve your problems, please, before you start searching.

Now I finished.

Abashka, I have no idea what moral code you subscribe to.  MH (lady from Moscow) providing you with information, all of which contains a kernel of truth, but then twisted to inflict maximum damage qualifies as MUCH MORE THAN A SINGLE BAD WORD.

Furthermore, what PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION I have had at any point in my life, is PERSONAL INFORMATION.  Your CHOICE to disclose that publicly is at best unethical.

[Faux Pas]

Hi Faux Pas, thanks for your comment.  I've been doing a lot of reading on the site and have appreciated the perspective you bring on numerous occasions.  I agree with you about Abashka and my impression of her has also been positive.

The problem here is that she seems to have been sold a bill of goods and decided to "go public" with what amounts to an attempt at character assassination without any fact-checking.  To me, that is a reckless and irresponsible approach to take.

I don't know what Abashka's dog is exactly in this hunt. She could be one of the women you met for all I know. If she's not she obviously has some information on your travels. It appears she hit you with something accurate but again, it doesn't matter. I would recommend you tell the story exactly as you would have prior only now you do it with the knowledge that others with some degree of knowledge is watching.

If you were looking to tell the story with some injected fiction and fantasy please don't bother. We get enough of that already. If Abashka isn't a woman you visited it's highly likely she doesn't know the truth either. There are numerous forums for FSUW that date WM where she may have found the story and made the connection. It's all relative. Everyone tends to tell their story from their own perspective which may or may not dovetail with someone else who was there also. Just the way it is.

[Anotherkiwi]

One comment I would like to make on any thread is that without actual consent by the forum member, it is only polite not to disclose names; first or last.  The individual may have shared their name with you in private, or you may have obtained it from other sources, but it is a breech of etiquette to disclose it without permission or previous history of having it been disclosed on this forum.

Totally agree.

For those who are wondering, my first name is Herbert, thus my user name.

Huh?  Is this some American thing?

[jone]

Sorry, AK,

Just a little humor.

[Anotherkiwi]

Sorry, AK,

Just a little humor.

Obviously of the insular type...

[Bounder]

It just seemed to me Anya thought there were a few details you left out that were important to the story.  She asked you some questions that certainly in my mind made a difference in the story.  I don't know whether her interest are personal as you say, or just more in line with feeling there should be full disclosure.

It would seem then that her contribution may be a good thing.  I think your story is important, but it will be better told if you realize there should be some constraints.  I don't think most people here are looking for a villain on either end.  But most would like a honest and balanced accounting.

Hi MW, thank you for your comments and for your interest in my story.  I need to respectfully suggest, however, that you reread my posts.  But in the event I haven't been entirely clear, let me reiterate - my story up until this point has covered TWO different girls.  One I met in Kiev.  One I met later from Moscow.  Abashka's posted questions concern MH (the girl I met from MOSCOW).  At the time that Abashka contributed to this thread, I had just finished retelling my experience with meeting girl #1 in KIEV.  I had not yet begun telling the story with MH.  I have NEVER written about MH anywhere.

What this means is that Abashka was NOT filling in missing and relevant details to the story.  I had not yet begun to tell the story and there were no details yet presented.  I was not being dishonest, engaging in selective recollection, leaving out details, or anything else.  I had not yet begun to tell the story.  What Abashka did was launch a pre-emptive strike designed to inflict maximum damage.  She likely knew that the next part of my story concerned MH, but did not wait to see how fair and honest my story would be.  For reasons known to Abashka, she decided that it would be preferable to launch a pre-emptive strike that would serve to undermine my character instead.

But yet you just did by that two line comment.  If you didn't want to stoop to that level, why did you?  I imagine there are unflattering things that can be said about everyone.  But if you are going to imply them, don't act like you are above it.

I did not know whether or not this was going to escalate, and I felt it was important to make it clear that I am prepared to defend myself, including lobbing a few bombs of my own, if absolutely necessary.

This was a key detail I am glad to see come up.  I was surprised to read you were still married and think it was an important detail.

This key detail would have come up in due course.  I was narrating my own story and had not yet got to the right point to introduce this aspect.  As I said, all the points Abashka raised related to MH, the story of whom I had not yet begin to tell.

If I were a Russian, I would have been divorced a long time ago (at least a year and a half ago).  Under Canadian law, one year of separation must pass before a divorce can be granted.  Once a year had passed, I needed to proceed very carefully as my ex had decided that she wanted to make this process as difficult as possible.  A contested divorce would cost us both tens of thousands of dollars and made absolutely no sense, yet she would have been prepared to do so if I had filed for a divorce without first arranging things in a way that she would also be in agreement and ready to proceed.  It has taken many many many long months of lawyers trying to speak sense to her as well as many more months of her ignoring all correspondence from her own lawyers and from me.

We are, I truly hope, on the cusp of finalizing things.  I expect that she is going to sign the paperwork next week or the week after.  Then an (uncontested) divorce application can finally come in front of a judge for decision.  I am guardedly optimistic that the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight.  It has been two years already....

My divorce has dragged on and this is through no fault of mine.  I was the one who decided to walk.  I very much want to have a family, and this was the reason I walked out of my marriage.

I don't think Anya was attacking you.  I think she just felt some important details were not disclosed.  I hope you will finish your story.  But I also hope you will take more time now and disclose items that could make a difference.

As I said earlier, I was not given any opportunity to disclose any details about my relationship and time with MH.  Abashka made her move before this.  While I would very much love to finish my story and continue to be an active member here, although given what's happened, I am extremely concerned that MH and her agents representing her at RWD have an agenda that involves sabotaging any future relationships and plans I may have.  This is a big problem at this point in time.

   
I don't think the lady was a scammer.  But I do think it was a case where there was not chance of chemistry.  But I also think the right one is out there for you, and her.  I hope you both find them.

Again, you are confusing two different ladies.  I had raised the possibility that the girl from Kiev was a scammer.  I'm on the fence about it, but lean towards no she wasn't a scammer.  I have never suggested that MH from Moscow is scammer.  She wasn't.  She was sincere.

Thank you for your closing words of encouragement.  I greatly appreciate it.

[jone]

Okay,

Let me understand something:  It appears that you went to Kyiv and spent time with a woman.  It didn't work out.  Then you paid for your new squeeze from Moscow to come over to Canada.  You paid for her trip with your money.  You then entertained her the entire time she was there, without asking any funds or sharing expenses, again with your money.  If true, that is a manly thing to do, especially knowing that you're going through a divorce.  When your new woman found out that you had spent all of your money on her, she gave you $600 to offset your contributions.  Then, you realized that you wanted her good graces and did not want to be shown as greedy, so you refunded her the money.

Both of you are somewhat destitute as you are going through divorces.  Sounds to me like you were a standup guy.

[Bounder]

I don't know what Abashka's dog is exactly in this hunt. She could be one of the women you met for all I know. If she's not she obviously has some information on your travels. It appears she hit you with something accurate but again, it doesn't matter. I would recommend you tell the story exactly as you would have prior only now you do it with the knowledge that others with some degree of knowledge is watching.

If you were looking to tell the story with some injected fiction and fantasy please don't bother. We get enough of that already. If Abashka isn't a woman you visited it's highly likely she doesn't know the truth either. There are numerous forums for FSUW that date WM where she may have found the story and made the connection. It's all relative. Everyone tends to tell their story from their own perspective which may or may not dovetail with someone else who was there also. Just the way it is.

Faux Pas, let me clarify for the readers that MH from Moscow provided Abashka with the information she used to publicly attack me.  MH and Abashka are not, to my knowledge, the same person.  I had a romantic connection with MH, but not Abashka.  I cannot say conclusively that they are not the same person as I have never met Abashka face-to-face, but my assumption is that they are two different women.  I have no idea why or how Abashka came to be in touch with MH or what her motives are for proceeding in the way she has chosen to.

All of Abashka's questions, which were actually innuendoes, contained a kernel of truth to them.  However, with nearly all of her innuendoes, the small kernel of truth has been twisted into something that no longer reflects reality.

On your sentiments regarding fictitious story telling, I couldn't agree more.  I am a busy person and would consider it to be a colossal waste of my time to come over here and write you make believe stories about my experiences.  Perhaps I'll write some fiction at some point in the future, but my purpose here is to learn and establish myself as a respected member of the forum.  Honesty is my nature and any details missing from my narrative are either the result of oversight (I did not take notes and these events occurred a year and half ago) or because I have deemed the detail to irrelevant to the situation.  To repeat, I had not begun to tell my story of my experience with MH and so Abashka was not filling in blanks where I had willfully left out details.  There were not any details yet on the table.

I appreciate having a fuller awareness of my audience.  However, I doubt Abashka's approach was good for the story.  I said much more about MH's negative features than I otherwise would have, and I also kept very to the point with a view to addressing Abashka's innuendoes.  Not knowing what else may be used against me, I left out many details of my relationship with MH which will now never be known.  One person commented that this is a good thing.  I'll leave you to be the judge.

I would very much appreciate Abashka explaining to the forum what exactly her role is in all this and how she comes to be in possession of my personal information.  As I have said, based on how this has unfolded, I fear that Abashka has been put up to this by a vindictive and mentally unstable MH who apparently has nothing better to do than try to sabotage my future.

[Bounder]

Okay,

Let me understand something:  It appears that you went to Kyiv and spent time with a woman.  It didn't work out.  Then you paid for your new squeeze from Moscow to come over to Canada.  You paid for her trip with your money.  You then entertained her the entire time she was there, without asking any funds or sharing expenses, again with your money.  If true, that is a manly thing to do, especially knowing that you're going through a divorce.  When your new woman found out that you had spent all of your money on her, she gave you $600 to offset your contributions.  Then, you realized that you wanted her good graces and did not want to be shown as greedy, so you refunded her the money.

Both of you are somewhat destitute as you are going through divorces.  Sounds to me like you were a standup guy.

Jone, thank you for your assessment. 

Your summation is accurate, mostly - at the end of MH's visit to Canada, she had $600 CAD that she had not used.  She wanted to give it to me and as we discussed this, it became clear that "no" was not an answer she was going to accept.  So I took the money and later refunded it electronically.

[ML]

Bounder, so you are saying that you did not previously tell your stories about the gals from Kyiv and Moscow on another forum ?

[ML]

For those who are wondering, my first name is Herbert, thus my user name.

To follow up; it should be clear that my real name is Lester Maddox.

[Larry1]

To follow up; it should be clear that my real name is Lester Maddox.

You've aged REALLY well, Guvnor

[ML]

You've aged REALLY well, Guvnor

Grits and gravy.

[Miquel Westano]

Thank you for your closing words of encouragement.  I greatly appreciate it.

First you are welcome.  Second I did misunderstand.  And, third I am glad you were gracious rather than hostile, in pointing that out.  I do wish you well and will now read more and comment less.   

MW

[Bounder]

Bounder, so you are saying that you did not previously tell your stories about the gals from Kyiv and Moscow on another forum ?

Hi ML - no not quite right. I've never written about the Moscow girl. Seems Abashka wanted to make sure I did, even though that is what I was just about to do.

I DID write about the Kiev girl previously over on the other forum. This time I retold it with the advantage of hindsight, lessons learned, and more experience.

Hope that clarifies!

[ML]

Hi ML - no not quite right. I've never written about the Moscow girl. Seems Abashka wanted to make sure I did, even though that is what I was just about to do.

Interesting then how Abashka knew anything about her.
She must know the gal for sure . . . or you told things to others via private email, etc., and those persons in turn told Abashka.

Really very hard to find anyone who can keep from broadcasting things that you tell them in confidence.  Perhaps only our parents can be trusted in this regard.

I remember back in junior high that I immediately dropped my best friend when he told someone else something that I had told him in confidence.  It was just a silly junior high thing . . . but I am pretty touchy about such betrayals of trust.

Anyway I never spoke to him for over 40 years (although not much of a chance as I left our hometown) . . . but in last few years I had thought about recontacting him.  Alas . . . found out he just died of cancer.

[Faux Pas]

Hi ML - no not quite right. I've never written about the Moscow girl. Seems Abashka wanted to make sure I did, even though that is what I was just about to do.

I DID write about the Kiev girl previously over on the other forum. This time I retold it with the advantage of hindsight, lessons learned, and more experience.

Hope that clarifies!

Bounder your experience is just that, yours. It your experience involved someone else then they have their experience. Even though it could be seen as the same experience because you were both there sharing an experience it isn't the same. You have yours and she has hers.

Some of those FSUW are pretty crafty. They write about their experiences on forums, too. Do you think it impossible that MH might have done that and Abashka read it?

This goes back to the point I was trying to make initially MH may not have had the wonderful experience you expected that she should have have because of you spending your time with her. Kind of like you were the Kiev girl and she was you. Thus, she told her forum buddies one of which may or may not have been Abashka. Complete with details about your prescription meds and living arrangements.

There's an old saying. Well probably not that old but it does go at least back to Aunt Ester on Stanford and Son "The truth shall set you free!"

There is your story and you should tell it from your perspective . You can't stop anyone else from stretching the truth or outright lying all you have is your side. Make sense?Tell it the way it is and let the readers decide.

You are welcome to join, post, fraternize and be a respected member but that generally comes with how you conduct yourself. I don't know that Abashka was looking to attack you, you perceived a threat I get that but, it doesn't change the experience/story does it?

[Boethius]

There's an old saying. Well probably not that old but it does go at least back to Aunt Ester on Stanford and Son "The truth shall set you free!"

I thought all you Southern boys grew up thumping Bibles.


::Read John 8:32::

[Larry1]

I thought all you Southern boys grew up thumping Bibles.


::Read John 8:32::

I don't know what John 8:32 says, but one of my favorites is First Timothy 5:13. I hate to rely on my distant memory but I think it's something like this: And take not only water but also wine, for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments.

[Faux Pas]

I thought all you Southern boys grew up thumping Bibles.


::Read John 8:32::

FTR I have never thumped one single bible  But I do revere every one I see

[Bounder]

There is one more chapter to establish my history to date in venture.  I'm honestly not sure if I want to share it, so I'm going to keep it very brief.

Met a very nice Russian lady online.  Very true, straight forward and authentic.  A gentle and caring soul.  We carried on a relationship for several months and met twice.  Ultimately, we mutually and amicably agreed not to continue a romantic form of relationship.  She is a really wonderful girl and I wish her nothing but the best, hoping sincerely that she will find what she's looking for.

Looking back in time my life was a bit of a mess.  Probably not as big a mess as some of you may have been led to believe here, but really it is just a matter of degrees.

Each of us are on our own journey.  I don't have any regrets about any part of the past, because I am very happy with where I am and who I am at the present.  And everything I have done and everything that has happened has been part of the journey leading to today.  And I wouldn't switch it for anything.

Peace.