"Generous, not greedy" on so many women's profiles

[LiveFromUkraine]

His point is nevertheless valid.

Not if we are talking about attitude/mentality.

Signed, poster in a first marriage.

Irrelevant.

[Boethius]

I disagree on attitude/mentality.  But since you've made the assertion, explain how so.


No, it it is relevant, if the number of marriages a poster has had is the basis for your dismissal.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I disagree on attitude/mentality.  But since you've made the assertion, explain how so.

How the hell can moby have the right attitude when he has repeatedly failed at marriage? 


I would be surprised if you didn't think it was peculiar that his fiancee couldn't find a worthy man to marry at her age.  I can't imagine people not screaming red flag if some newbie came here with a similar story.

No, it it is relevant, if the number of marriages a poster has had is the basis for your dismissal.

Yes, in this instance, I believe it is irrelevant.  There is a lot we all can learn from you and I am glad that you share as much as you do.  That also doesn't mean your experience is the end-all to all matters of fsu.


For instance, GQ's marriage sounds to be quite different to what you and moby say is the right way.  I'd say that you and moby would have claimed some of GQ's decisions weren't the right attitude (when it comes to finances which is what we are talking about).  He seems to be doing well.

[msmob]

Probably early on so that neither of us waste our time. Why, do you have a problem with it? Oh wait it's none of your business and I don't give rats-rear what you think. Have a nice day and a better divorce.

RK..

You should tell them on the first date.. THEN you'll not waste their time.. 


My FSUW - eventually - signed a pre Divorce Financial Separation Agreement stating we weren't interested in each others' assets ... no Lawyers - other than the fee for the agreement..   

FAR more classy .. than saying, '' Marry me, move to my country, leave your friends and family, but I don't trust you, really"

[fathertime]

The problem with everything that pitbull has said is that it was based on the mistaken belief that I am looking for a model 20 years younger. This is not true, I'm looking for an attractive fit women 10 years younger.

However, Pitbull saying that FSUW see their beauty as their most valuable attribute is disturbing. I have a daughter, I teach her that her brain, her personality and the way she treats others is her most important attribute. Not her beauty. I hope there are women in Ukraine that do not believe their "most valuable attribute" is their looks. On my profiles, I stressed wanting a woman that was intelligent and educated with a degree. I didn't say I was looking for a model. I want a women who takes care of herself and is healthy yes, but not a women whose life and self-worth revolve around her looks. I know myself well enough and an honest enough to admit that a marriage with a pre-Madonna/beauty queen would not work for me no matter how attractive I found her.

I haven't read all your posts, but if indeed you are looking to keep the age range lower that probably bodes well for the longevity of your potential future marriage. 


Insofar as being a bit tight with the pocketbook, I'd consider lightening up just a bit on that...unless you really have bills/expenses that warrant it.  Going after a younger, attractive lady is going to be fun, and spending money helps facilitate fun mutual experiences, which can foster the relationship.  It may not always be like that years later (and you can make her aware of that if need be), but for the courting phase, and early marriage, I say why the hell not! 


Fathertime! 

[Boethius]

How the hell can moby have the right attitude when he has repeatedly failed at marriage?

If that's the test, then less than five posters have the right attitude to comment.

I would be surprised if you didn't think it was peculiar that his fiancee couldn't find a worthy man to marry at her age.  I can't imagine people not screaming red flag if some newbie came here with a similar story.

Then be shocked.  She is over 40.  FSUM are not interested in a woman of that age, for the most part.  They are largely destined to die alone.

Yes, in this instance, I believe it is irrelevant.  There is a lot we all can learn from you and I am glad that you share as much as you do.  That also doesn't mean your experience is the end-all to all matters of fsu. I would be surprised if you didn't think it was peculiar that his fiancee couldn't find a worthy man to marry at her age.  I can't imagine people not screaming red flag if some newbie came here with a similar story.For instance, GQ's marriage sounds to be quite different to what you and moby say is the right way.  I'd say that you and moby would have claimed some of GQ's decisions weren't the right attitude (when it comes to finances which is what we are talking about).  He seems to be doing well.

GQ's attitude is 180 degrees that of the OP.  He did it the right way in a way that almost no other man here did.  He put his wife through school.  I would bet he does not have a prenup. 


I have never said there is one "right way".  But I can tell if a poster has an attitude that is not compatible with that of FSU individuals.  Yes, he will be able to find someone.  But she will marry him for the wrong reasons, and, when he is no longer of use to her, she will find someone she wants.

[msmob]

How the hell can moby have the right attitude when he has repeatedly failed at marriage?

I'm speaking from experience and the mistakes I've made..

[LiveFromUkraine]

I was about to respond to my own post.      Thanks for cleaning it up.

If that's the test, then less than five posters have the right attitude to comment.

I'd say it is probably a good thing not to comment on these matters if marriage tends to be a casual relationship.  Myself included.

Then be shocked.  She is over 40.  FSUM are not interested in a woman of that age, for the most part.  They are largely destined to die alone.

She wasn't always 40, though, which was my point.

GQ's attitude is 180 degrees that of the OP.  He did it the right way in a way that almost no other man here did.  He put his wife through school.  I would bet he does not have a prenup.I have never said there is one "right way".  But I can tell if a poster has an attitude that is not compatible with that of FSU individuals.  Yes, he will be able to find someone.  But she will marry him for the wrong reasons, and, when he is no longer of use to her, she will find someone she wants.

I'm not trying to put GQ in the same category as redking.  I'm saying GQ is in control of the finances which would be a red flag for you and moby.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Yeah, sorry about that.  My fault.

No biggie. I knew it was just a accident.   I got a chuckle at how it was going to look when I quoted myself and responded.  haha

But is it casual?  We can't know that.  I don't think most people enter into marriage thinking it won't last.

I try to give the benefit of doubt about intentions.  The actions seem to show a different story. 

We don't know if she was partnered in the past.  Most of the women I know of her age are divorced, because their husbands were alcoholics.

Right, all we know is she never married because she couldn't find anyone good enough.  I am paraphrasing moby but that was pretty much the gist.  Never being married would send off red flags.

Is he?  I don't know.

Yes, GQ mentioned it in another thread.

I never stated who controls the finances is a red flag.

My apologies.  I tend to see a common response to men who say they want to control the finances.  I shouldn't have specifically said you.

[Gator]

Thank you for the compliment. I don't look at the FSU and see much positive that I would want to emulate. It is socialistic, poverty stricken, corrupt, alcoholism and drug use is rampant.

Why would you ever want to marry someone with such cultural roots?  If your words described the extent of the FSU, the FSU people would be rotten to the core.

FSUW are proud of their culture, and they would consider your words very insulting.  There is much good to be found in the FSU.  If you ever make a trip for the purpose of discovery, you should experience this.   

[Gator]

Don't forget, Moby is going on his 3rd marriage.  Second marriage to a fsu woman.

Moby is following Trump's path.    So why does he dislike The Donald?

[msmob]

Then be shocked.  She is over 40.  FSUM are not interested in a woman of that age, for the most part.  They are largely destined to die alone

I'm not sure I agree..  I know plenty of attractive plus 40 yrs plus FSU W who get plenty of attention from FSU men - some to whom they could be Mums

OK. Marriage may not be their ( FSU M) 'goal' ... !

I know one FSU lady who is 52, practices Yoga and looks 35 - figure and face..  She is a Grandma

Her attitude is 'all or nothing' and would rather stay single than marry to be 'rescued' ..

For sure, I don't know any FSU W who'd sign a pre-nup and would get to date #2 - if the guy brought up his trust issues on date #1

[LiveFromUkraine]

Moby is following Trump's path.    So why does he dislike The Donald?

haha  Moby is jealous of Donald's hair.     

[Gator]

haha  Moby is jealous of Donald's hair. 

 

BTW, Moby, I am not being critical since I am also following that same highway.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'm not sure I agree..  I know plenty of attractive plus 40 yrs plus FSU W who get plenty of attention from FSU men - some to whom they could be Mums

OK. Marriage may not be their ( FSU M) 'goal' ... !

I know one FSU lady who is 52, practices Yoga and looks 35 - figure and face..  She is a Grandma

Her attitude is 'all or nothing' and would rather stay single than marry to be 'rescued' ..

Those comments go against what is normally said here.  If a woman or man isn't married by a certain age there is something wrong with them. 

For sure, I don't know any FSU W who'd sign a pre-nup and would get to date #2 - if the guy brought up his trust issues on date #1

Well, I don't know of any woman who would go on a date after a man told her about his herpes.  Apparently anything is possible, eh?

[Gator]

 She is over 40.  FSUM are not interested in a woman of that age, for the most part.  They are largely destined to die alone.

I am not so sure about this.  I had heard this from different RW, yet I learned later the opposite from my wife. 

She never lacked for RM suitors.  Before claiming the men were not interested in marriage, one wealthy RM had known her for years, adored her, and proposed marriage in a very public way when she was 45.  She turned him down.   She also turned down my proposal, yet a long time later we somehow found each other again.

Proves once again that there are no sweeping stereotypes to describe RW. 

[msmob]

BTW, Moby, I am not being critical since I am also following that same highway.

A few little corrections necessary..

1/ I have no wish to be POTUS - or a politician any where -  even if I was an American !

2/ Loss of follicles isn't an issue, yet - nor the need to dye ( paint ) my hair .. or paint myself orange

Be careful about following LFU's opinions of me ... they have a tendency to be 'wishful thinking' on his part - rather than reflecting reality ...

[msmob]

  If a woman or man isn't married by a certain age there is something wrong with them. 

 

It is noted ..that you subscribe to this ..'opinion'

I have sibling that never married - let alone a fiancée..

They both have their reasons and had / have no shortage of suitors ..   

Both own their own places and are set for life and don't NEED to be rescued

Well, I don't know of any woman who would go on a date after a man told her about his herpes.  Apparently anything is possible, eh?

Once again - your need to get 'personal' - comments bearing no relation to the threads - is evident .. 

But as you brought it up ..

Why not start a thread on STDs and dating - honesty, if you like  - you have a fixation about it and you might learn something ...

[pitbull]

The problem with everything that pitbull has said is that it was based on the mistaken belief that I am looking for a model 20 years younger. This is not true, I'm looking for an attractive fit women 10 years younger.

However, Pitbull saying that FSUW see their beauty as their most valuable attribute is disturbing. I have a daughter, I teach her that her brain, her personality and the way she treats others is her most important attribute. Not her beauty. I hope there are women in Ukraine that do not believe their "most valuable attribute" is their looks. On my profiles, I stressed wanting a woman that was intelligent and educated with a degree. I didn't say I was looking for a model. I want a women who takes care of herself and is healthy yes, but not a women whose life and self-worth revolve around her looks. I know myself well enough and an honest enough to admit that a marriage with a pre-Madonna/beauty queen would not work for me no matter how attractive I found her.

Disturbing? How is it disturbing if your whole intro thread approaches FSU wife endeavor as a search for a cheap Stepford wife? You wrote that first and foremost you want a 25 year old model, a trophy wife. But a trophy wife on cheapskate budget. And if you cannot get one in the FSU it is not worth the trouble. You think you can get one in the FSU because people are so poor and life is so horrible that just your passport and a modest lifestyle will buy you a trophy wife.


Well just like you these women want the biggest bang for their buck (as in the most well-off man who is not greedy and willing to spoil a trophy wife)


Just quit being a hypocrite.

[pitbull]

2. In the thread "Is this for me" I said I would like a 9 but also pointed out that a 9 in my eyes is probably more like a 7-8 in the eyes of the guy I was talking to.

3. In the same thread, I never said I wanted a woman 20 years my junior, that was assumed by others simply because I said I wanted a younger women. A younger woman in my eyes is 8-15 and closer to 10.

4. I would like to find a relationship based on true love and affection even if she is 10 years my junior, I hope it is possible.

So you are willing to settle for a woman in her early to mid-thirties who is a 7 or an 8  as long as she has a nice personality and treats people nicely?
Why is it you cannot meet a woman like that in the US ?

[Boethius]

I am not so sure about this.  I had heard this from different RW, yet I learned later the opposite from my wife. 

She never lacked for RM suitors.  Before claiming the men were not interested in marriage, one wealthy RM had known her for years, adored her, and proposed marriage in a very public way when she was 45.  She turned him down.   She also turned down my proposal, yet a long time later we somehow found each other again.

Proves once again that there are no sweeping stereotypes to describe RW.

I said most.  I think if you looked at stats, you would find this is the case.

[GQBlues]

Man, this thread really got way blown out there, likely far more than what redking bargained for (no pun intended). 

All I can say in this is, know who you are, your boundary, and understand your life's choices well. If you pursue adding 'someone' into your world - best you appreciate and embrace the added dimension/s of your decision. The less you control your world, the more comfortable it becomes.

[GQBlues]

...Is he?  I don't know.
I never stated who controls the finances is a red flag.

LFU is right in that I 'manage' our finances, etc.. *Control* likely is not the best term to use for it as my wife have all the means and access as I do regarding all facets of our life.

I started this when we got married for no other reason than I was more fit to do it than she was considering everything was pretty new to her in the beginning. I also reiterated in that subject post that, today, my wife is far more qualified to mind our finances than I since she not only is fully aware of our state, it's also within the principle of her current profession. But she'd rather have things stay the way it's always been.

FTR, no. I do not have a pre-nup. I only had $1.25 to begin with and wifey can have all of that plus ten cents if anything ever happens to us. After all, 13 years of bliss and counting was more than worth it for me... she's been Priceless! Her life and continued security - if I'm ever gone in her life - is tantamount in my current aspiration.

[BillyB]

So many FSUW's profiles say they are looking for men that are "generous, not greedy" I'm not sure what to think about this considering you don't see American women using this phrase on American dating sites. Doing so would labele a woman as a gold digger and men would avoid her. Is being straight forward about wanting a man with ample money to lavish on you not looked down on in the FSU or is it something else?

I wouldn't be scared if a FSU woman said they are looking for a generous man, not greedy although gold diggers would definitely say those things. Some men are stingy and can't afford a woman because they are lacking money. Other men have money and are stingy not wanting to spend a dime on their family. Some women just want to be loved more than a man loves himself. Guys can be stingy with women on a date but spend crazy money on his toys.

Part of being a quality man with these women is being able to take care of family which includes wife and kids. Taking care of them means spending money on them. None of these women dream of their man being so cheap requiring wife and kids to shop at Walmart for all their needs or live in a trailer home.

[Gator]

I said most.  I think if you looked at stats, you would find this is the case.

And American stats would say the same. 

Nevertheless, there are exceptions, so exceptional to influence me to marry again. 

I looked quickly for stats and found nothing scientifically reliable. 

Snopes examined the question   "Does a woman over 40 have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married?"  and found it to be false, as one would expect.  Yet Snopes gave no stats. 

http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/terrorist.asp