Greetings from Poland

[chaffery]

Hello Folks,

I have been recently joined the forum and having a Belorussian girlfriend. I am currently living in Warsaw and working. In close time, I would like to offer a marriage to my girlfriend.

Let me tell you my story, I have been dating with my girlfriend close to 4 years with some break ups and recovery times. Currently I feel pretty confident and pleasant from our relationship. But there are still some doubts, I am a Turkish guy and I am not so religious person. I afraid from my girlfriends family will have some issues because of my nationality.

If I will tell how I met with my girlfriend.On Facebook I saw some Tandem Meeting for Language and eventually attended.  She was my Russian teacher and I am glad to have her.

I don't know how it works here, It might take some time to get use to it how RWD works.
My reason to come here, get your advice and have a successful marriage in future for any topics.
All of you quite important for me as human-being. Thank you for accepting on forums.

Hopefully you fellas will be quite helpful to getting warmed up and breaking ices.

Cheers!

Hope to talk you soon!

[SANDRO43]

I don't know how it works here, It might take some time to get use to it how RWD works.!

Welcome chaffery.

If you have problems with the inner workings of RWD, have a look at its Help Page here:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=48

[chaffery]

Welcome chaffery.

If you have problems with the inner workings of RWD, have a look at its Help Page here:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=48

Thanks! Much appreciated 

[BillyB]

I afraid from my girlfriends family will have some issues because of my nationality.

Welcome to the forum Chaffery,


If your girlfriend doesn't have a problem with your nationality and won't let it become a problem, then there will be no problem if you two marry. If you're a good man, her family should judge you on your merits, not on where you were born. If they judge you based on where you were born, it's their problem.


I do know it a lot of FSUW profiles, they specifically state they don't want Turkish or Muslim men writing them. A lot of Turkish men went to the FSU for sex tourism. There could be a stereotype about Turkish men but your girlfriend has been with you 4 years and she should be able to tell her family with confidence you're not a bad man.

[ML]

If your girlfriend doesn't have a problem with your nationality and won't let it become a problem, then there will be no problem if you two marry. If you're a good man, her family should judge you on your merits, not on where you were born. If they judge you based on where you were born, it's their problem.

Billy, Billy, Billy . . . such naivety.

It will be a huge problem.
You are telling what  the parents should do, not what they will do.
And it won't be their problem as much as it will be his problem.
In-laws, even in the best of situations are one of the primary causes of divorce.

You are reading your own situation into this, when your situation is an outlier.

[BillyB]

You are telling what  the parents should do, not what they will do.

What will the parents do? Speculation is fine as long as chaffey is prepared to deal with whatever transpires.

In-laws, even in the best of situations are one of the primary causes of divorce.
 

I thought money issues were the primary cause of divorce. We all know bad in-laws exist. If two good people get together, good things happen. They won't allow people outside their marriage destroy their marriage.


Why worry about the marriage chaffery wants to get into if he's not married yet? He's been with the girl 4 years and should know all about her family. No sense throwing away a 4 year relationship with a woman over what may or may not be a problem.

You are reading your own situation into this, when your situation is an outlier.
 

How do you know what my situation is? You think my wife's family is racist free? Of course she has family that doesn't approve of me because of where I was born. It's not a problem for us because WE don't let it become a problem. ANYBODY, including my own mother, that wants to sabotage my marriage is going to get removed from my life. I don't keep problems around to deal with on a daily basis, I get rid of them.


It doesn't matter what my situation is or what Chaffey's situation is going to be, it's not that difficult to handle this kind of situation if two people want to be together.

[msmob]

Welcome, Chaffrey !

As you've pointed out - there is extreme prejudice against TR guys. 

Some ( most?) of this is based on ignorance - some on the reputation many TR guys ( guys from the Levant in general)  have for 'not being loyal' husbands - once the chase phase is completed and marriage has occurred.

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not saying the reputation is justified ... I've lived in the Levant for nine years ... I see VERY happy marriages that neither family approved of.

If you truly love this lass and she's into you  - and you are prepared  ( working as a team) to rise above the crap that goes with inter-racial marriages - go for it.

My partner is quite dark and her father was from a mainly Islamic former republic of the Soviet Union .. Isn't it bizarre that it isn't considered so unusual for guys to 'chase' dark skinned women  - but a white lass liking a guy who isn't practising follower of the Prophet is 'bad' ?

Good luck to you, mate ! 

[Boethius]

If you've already broken up several times, she probably, long term, is not the one for you.

Why are you in a rush to marry?  You're young.  Wait until you're 30.

[calmissile]

If you've already broken up four times, she probably, long term, is not the one for you.


Why are you in a rush to marry?  You're young.  Wait until you're 30.

 

Wait until you are 40+ 

[chaffery]

If you've already broken up several times, she probably, long term, is not the one for you.

Why are you in a rush to marry?  You're young.  Wait until you're 30.

Thank you for welcome
Not having personal space made us break up. We were living in same flat together. Actually she offered to me live together and pay rent to her. It was her mothers flat. After long discussion and approval from my family we finally made it. Reason for breaking ups were her family was visiting flat in the last minute.Basically they were letting her know when they took bus from Minsk or when they are close to Warsaw. Her family are buying clothes in Poland and selling in Belarus. Problem starts here when their supply finish, immediately they take bus and come to Warsaw. It causes to not have private life and many fights. That's reason we broke up.

Let me sum up all, currently I live alone in flat I rented and everything turned absolutely okay again. Problem was not having private life. Still it keeps me worry about family issues in future.

As you've pointed out - there is extreme prejudice against TR guys. 

Some ( most?) of this is based on ignorance - some on the reputation many TR guys ( guys from the Levant in general)  have for 'not being loyal' husbands - once the chase phase is completed and marriage has occurred.

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not saying the reputation is justified ... I've lived in the Levant for nine years ... I see VERY happy marriages that neither family approved of.

Good luck to you, mate ! 

I do know it a lot of FSUW profiles, they specifically state they don't want Turkish or Muslim men writing them. A lot of Turkish men went to the FSU for sex tourism. There could be a stereotype about Turkish men but your girlfriend has been with you 4 years and she should be able to tell her family with confidence you're not a bad man.

Thank you for welcome first. That's the bias I afraid of. My girlfriend rarely talks how her family thinks about me. We met many times in Warsaw (when I lived with her) , their behavior was nice towards to me. Before seeing me first time, they afraid a lot because I am Turkish that's what my girlfriend said . After meeting according to my girlfriend they stop worrying about it. Still I keeps me wonder how it is going to be worked out.

[Boethius]

If it was family yes, this may be an issue in the future but perhaps not insurmountable.

You said you're not religious. However would you want your children raised as Muslims, even nominally?  If yes, have you discussed this with your girlfriend?  Most people don't discuss this and it then becomes an issue when they have children.

[chaffery]

If it was family yes, this may be an issue in the future but perhaps not insurmountable.

You said you're not religious. However would you want your children raised as Muslims, even nominally?  If yes, have you discussed this with your girlfriend?  Most people don't discuss this and it then becomes an issue when they have children.

To be honest I don't want they will grow up muslim or christian , we don't have issue with this. Me and my girlfriend decided to our children will choose their own religion. I am an agnostic actually.

[BillyB]

Before seeing me first time, they afraid a lot because I am Turkish that's what my girlfriend said . After meeting according to my girlfriend they stop worrying about it. Still I keeps me wonder how it is going to be worked out.

Your girlfriend said her family stopped worrying about you. Trust her. Worrying about problems that aren't there is going to hurt your relationship and shorten your life.