So Quick Question/Sanity Check

[ML]

Jumper, Whynotme is your wife right?

I seriously doubt that.

[Anotherkiwi]

Jumper, Whynotme is your wife right?

OMG!    Wash your mouth out with soap!

On a slightly more sane note, how do YOU define "village?"  You cannot possibly be serious when you're comparing Vladivostok to Scottsdale - the populations are respectively 600,000 and 238,000, so you must have some other criteria.  Just because Scottsdale is not far from Phoenix doesn't automatically make it "large."  And one thing Vladivostok (and even Nadhodka) has going for it which Scottsdale doesn't (and nor does Phoenix, for that matter) - its location and scenery.

Also, I really hope that you didn't express any of these sentiments to the lady in question:

...Regardless, travel isn't cheap and not trips 1 month apart from May to Sept for anyone normal.  So somehow she's augmenting her income, and my take on it was that she's earning considerably more doing something in Busan (korea), her dad's in the mob, she gets guys to pay for trips, or she's just taken someone else's photos off IG and made a little life up that she wishes she had.

Have you actually looked at a map to see where Vladivostok is in relation to South Korea?  You can fly direct from Vladivostok to Busan in 2 hours, and a return flight costs about $US 350.  Whatever work she's doing in South Korea will pay more than she earns in Russia and, if she's staying with friends, her costs will still be far less than they would be for someone on holiday.

Don't be too quick to dismiss things simply because they are outside your own experience.

[gaspar227]

Yeah, don't really know what to say to all of that.  I mean a metro of 4M vs a port town of 160K? 

of course I looked at a map as I've said numerous times I get that it's close, and Japan.  And I've also acknowledged my own inexperience.  And that I just might not understand what's going on, but it seems weird to go get a job in another country for 2 months if it's not seasonal.  So maybe it IS for the Olympics and that makes sense.  There are ties to Korea in her home town, so maybe that makes sense.

There's just so many scammers, it's hard to tell the real ones, and I think she's legit, but probably goofed around too much because I was all excited.  I think she had some exceptional circumstances from other women I've met and it was very strange.  As everyone else has said, it's pretty much moot anyway cuz the likelihood of anything happening is slight. 

So maybe next time I'll not be so paranoid and can keep things on track better.  And probably not bring it up here LOL. 

So move on, no need to talk sh**. 

[kynrazor]

She's asked me to come visit her in the spring, when she is back from Bosan, in Vladivostok.  I think the only part that trips me out, being a dumb american, is that it's so close to North Korea, China and so isolated.  I can't think they get any tourists from USA there in March.  I would be very on my own, if she ended up being something else, there's no backup plan, and like you said in the commandments, have a backup plan.

Interesting. No one girl has ever asked me to visit them before. Usually it is me who tells them I'm visiting. 

Then I ask her for her IG account.  She says OK, but I have a lot of followers.  I figure OK, that's cool.  Then she requests to follow me from this account, i followback great.  But she's basically got 34K followers and many of the pictures were on her profile. She's even prettier on her IG, in otherwords she downplayed on dmnotify.  But she's not Airbrush Pamela Anderson.  She's wholesome, pretty, and she's obviously in a variety of settings, BUT most of her pictures seem taken...like not selfies.

It's possible she's just stringing more people along trying to get more followers. Usually, I have found these women (those with thousands of followers) to have an over-inflated ego and sense of self-worth. I personally avoid them as I do not see them to be worth the emotional commitment but to each their own.

As mentioned by fellow poster ML above, don't settle for anyone who gives you concerns (stress ). Personally, if I catch even the slightest sniff of the fact that the girl's a slut, in she goes to the very BACK of the drawer, or I just outright DROP HER and KEEP LOOKING!

There are millions of FSU girls and we only need one, (unless you want a harem ) No point wasting too much time on girls that are not really serious or that do not quite meet your criteria. Next!

PS: Yes Harems do still exist in the modern day.  I have a Malaysian high-roller uncle who has fathered children with women from the Philippines, Hong Kong, Malaysia, China, Taiwan, not to mention the unnamed illegal mistresses. I thought the Filipino women looked the most gorgeous of the lot, with their mixed blood, just IMO of course.    Don't ask how he got rich. Heard he had some shady business dealings in the past 

Really, the overwhelming majority of women over there especially in Southeast Asia are really usually frank with their requirements in the future spouse. If you have a decent income, house, car and are willing to provide a decent standard of living etc, then you suddenly become extremely good looking in the eyes of the women

[Trenchcoat]

Interesting. No one girl has ever asked me to visit them before. Usually it is me who tells them I'm visiting. 

It's possible she's just stringing more people along trying to get more followers. Usually, I have found these women (those with thousands of followers) to have an over-inflated ego and sense of self-worth. I personally avoid them as I do not see them to be worth the emotional commitment but to each their own.

As mentioned by fellow poster ML above, don't settle for anyone who gives you concerns (stress ). Personally, if I catch even the slightest sniff of the fact that the girl's a slut, in she goes to the very BACK of the drawer, or I just outright DROP HER and KEEP LOOKING!

There are millions of FSU girls and we only need one, (unless you want a harem ) No point wasting too much time on girls that are not really serious or that do not quite meet your criteria. Next!

PS: Yes Harems do still exist in the modern day.  I have a Malaysian high-roller uncle who has fathered children with women from the Philippines, Hong Kong, Malaysia, China, Taiwan, not to mention the unnamed illegal mistresses. I thought the Filipino women looked the most gorgeous of the lot, with their mixed blood, just IMO of course.    Don't ask how he got rich. Heard he had some shady business dealings in the past 

Really, the overwhelming majority of women over there especially in Southeast Asia are really usually frank with their requirements in the future spouse. If you have a decent income, house, car and are willing to provide a decent standard of living etc, then you suddenly become extremely good looking in the eyes of the women

I think that is good advice Kyn, you seem to be getting good at this

[Trenchcoat]

What I'm looking for more & more as the search has progressed is more normal and authentic looking girls. Ones who are naturally attractive but not in the model looking way, more everyday attractive, not stunning but pleasant looking, authentic looking. I look at their photos and think is this the type of girl I could see myself with, as 2tallbill says could she be a 'Mrs Trench'. Theoretically many girls could fit the bill at this stage as I am just dealing with photos so I am casting a wide net. I know though just by looking at photos what sort of girls are highly unlikely to be the type of girl that would fit with me, those I pass over on. I can't of course tell if there would be anything there of the girls that make the shortlist from the photos but I'm hoping that among one of them there will be.   

[kynrazor]

I think that is good advice Kyn, you seem to be getting good at this

Life experience helps, and I still need lots of it.  I suggest the OP try to read the Trip Reports which I've found enlightening. For me, they'll have to suffice for now before my next trip

Off topic: Any serious considerations for the Philippines Trench? No language barrier problem over there and largely fertile wife-picking ground assuming you do not get involved with the mobsters

[Trenchcoat]

Life experience helps, and I still need lots of it.  I suggest the OP try to read the Trip Reports which I've found enlightening. For me, they'll have to suffice for now before my next trip

Off topic: Any serious considerations for the Philippines Trench? No language barrier problem over there and largely fertile wife-picking ground assuming you do not get involved with the mobsters

I know what you mean, its winter now so its the down season for FSU dating as in most parts its too cold unless you fancy a winter venture. I'm busy preparing myself for the start of the dating season again come Spring

Well, you meaning those areas has made me curious. Used to know of an old Uni Prof who used to go around with a Thai bride type, they seemed happy together, especially him, he was a nice chap, a lot older than her but I thought good on him. I think the women in the Philippines like you say have a nice complexion to them more so than Thai I think. Its a long way from us in the UK but who knows if the Russian scene doesn't turn up much I may just do so as a last resort. I tend to find the women out than direction a lot more placid going than Russian girls (well those that I have come across over here, never been to the Philippines). I kind of find Russian girls spirited & direct which can be nice but it can cause problems as they can take up positions on subjects and be stubborn to back down. I get the impression Philippine girls are a lot more on the subservient side.

[Trenchcoat]

Also Gaspar I too have been trying dmnotify, its not bad a lot of the girls seem the more normal type, not the glamourzons that exist on some of the dating sites but still attractive good quality women. The search function is strange though for Russia I put in city and it just comes up with profiles that says 'Russia' not the city - I presume they will be all from the chosen city area even though it does not say this, have you found this? I'm not looking to venture out to anywhere randomly in Russia so hoping this is the case.

[gaspar227]

I was actually not searching in an area on that one. So that's how I found the girl I've been talking with.

I signed up for several before that one, So I'm focusing on them actually, then after those subscriptions run out, I'm hoping to use what I learn on dmnotify, as I agree it seems the most sincere.

Like Ukrainedate, I find a lot of glamour girls or older girls. I don't find a lot of top quality mid 30s there.  Cuteonly, is maybe a little better, but still it's difficult because the chat window doesn't tell you when things are read our not.

I'm taking to a couple in each, but nothing like the girl from dmnotify. I'm going to try add hit that hard in spring too.

And as far as stress, it's not so much red flags from her, she's very genuine, but just me being suspicious I think, and that's because I'm not used to this yet. She's not model pretty, her pics could be from almost any girl in her 20s ig. I mean she's hot af, but things aren't posed and not updated much really.

I really think her followers are bought.  Lots of Malaysian and Indians. Very few comments, likes etc.

So I'm not going to bail, but certainly back off a bit, see if she cares, or even notices. That's always the best way to tell imo.

I looked at Asia, but I'd rather have a little more backbone I think. I mean people are people, but I need to be challenged or I'll get bored.

[2tallbill]

Jumper, Whynotme is your wife right? I'm curious about something hinted at and also extolled by GQBlues

"...or local. There's hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of FSUW already living inside the US. heck, meet one who may have a friend/relative,etc...that can match him up with."

are there resources that can help to access these women?  I mean I've met a few on the local sites, Match.com etc, but everything is so difficult on these to get attention.  You really have to be a PUA to work those women, and although I can play that game, it's tiresome. 

And yes, I hear you on this about the one girl, and I'm sure I messed it up a little and there is damage control going on, but it's good to understand how I've messed up. But it's not THAT bad, I mean I was just more trying to show her that she wouldn't be stranded here, that I would want her to be a part of what's going on in the city, have transport, have the ability to see things and not just sit and wait for me like my dogs do when I'm at work!  I really want to meet someone that embraces life here, that's the 'soccer mom' and/or has a good job. 

I know it's hard to even consider uprooting your whole life to come some where and marry some guy.  I want her to be reassured that she would be a part of things and important to have her independence.  Maybe that's just again, my western mentality about equality and all that, I mean is that the wrong approach?  There's genuine generosity and then there's douchey money flashing.  I don't have enough for the second, but how do you show the first without at least being a little shady?

You asked two main things here.

How to meet a Russian girl locally and how to show that you can 
provide security without flashing money/buying the girl/being a douche

Local Russian Girls
There is a large Russian community in Phoenix. A small amount of work
with Google and you can find them. I dated a few local Russian girls back
when I was single.   

There are Russian markets like Misha’s Russian & European Food Market,
Russian restuarants like Yasha from Russia, a Russian Yellow Pages for
Arizona, the Russian Orthodox Church, Translators, etc. 

How to show that you will provide security
When you start writing girls, have a plan to get on a plane within 2-3
months. Keep your promises, under promise and over deliver. How can
you do this before meeting her in person? You can't, but the way to show
that you are trustworthy is by being trustworthy as you develop the
relationship she will trust you more and more as you show yourself to be
trustworthy.

There is only a limited amount of trust that you will get before you meet
her face to face. There is no reason to talk about income or money before
you meet face to face and decide that you like each other.

[msmob]

I know what you mean, its winter now so its the down season for FSU dating as in most parts its too cold unless you fancy a winter venture. I'm busy preparing myself for the start of the dating season again come Spring

More 'Trench Twaddle'

It's warmer in Moscow than many parts of the UK, today..   Restaurants do not close, nor do the theatres, museums, etc.,

Nothing more cozy than returning to a warm room and removing LAYERS of clothes ....   

While Trench is banging away on his keyboard .... intrepid explorers are 'winning'

Newbies - ignore this clueless troll's advice and get to Siberia !

[kynrazor]

So I'm not going to bail, but certainly back off a bit, see if she cares, or even notices. That's always the best way to tell imo.

I doubt that works on FSU women much. They're not that desperate.

[2tallbill]

More 'Trench Twaddle'
While Trench is banging away on his keyboard .... intrepid explorers are 'winning'

I went to the FSU for New Years 5 times. You haven't celebrated New Year until
you have. Who wants to delay potentially meeting the Future Mrs _____________
(your name here?) because it's frosty out? Boo hoo!

What happens when the girl you are writing mushy letters to gets visited by
a guy like me? Does the girl say "Oh Beel, I can't wrap my long sexy legs
around you while screaming your name because I am receiving the
sweetest notes from a man afraid of the cold!?" 

I can't remember hearing any girl make that comment.

Women and FSUW in particular want a man of action, be a man of action!

[2tallbill]

I doubt that works on FSU women much.

+1

If you want an FSUW then pursue her, don't play games or send
her mixed messages. FSUW don't do vague and they don't do
mixed messages.

[mhr7]

I know what you mean, its winter now so its the down season for FSU dating as in most parts its too cold unless you fancy a winter venture.

There is no down season and the holidays are an amazing time to be in the FSU.

[Trenchcoat]

I went to the FSU for New Years 5 times. You haven't celebrated New Year until
you have. Who wants to delay potentially meeting the Future Mrs _____________
(your name here?) because it's frosty out? Boo hoo!

What happens when the girl you are writing mushy letters to gets visited by
a guy like me? Does the girl say "Oh Beel, I can't wrap my long sexy legs
around you while screaming your name because I am receiving the
sweetest notes from a man afraid of the cold!?" 

I can't remember hearing any girl make that comment.

Women and FSUW in particular want a man of action, be a man of action!

Lol that's funny Bill

Seriously though its the case that while I could go around Christmas time/New Years I should be in a much better position come early Spring. I should by then have an Independent income which means I can conceivably go to the FSU and remain their until I have completed my mission. The work I am doing now should set me up well for this.

Warm weather is good as you can see the girl in more skimpy gear unless of course you mange to go all the way during winter as in your example of course

Still an early trip out sounds enticing will have to see how if I get a chance I think.

[Trenchcoat]

So I'm not going to bail, but certainly back off a bit, see if she cares, or even notices. That's always the best way to tell imo.

Someone gave me the advice to back off with last girl and see if she comes on. That was for a girl that I had met though and had a relationship (all be it short lived) with. I think if you haven't actually met the girl then she is likely to have not enough connection for this strategy off 'back off and see if she shows interest' to work because your just another guy writing letters at the moment. Have you Skyped with her yet?

[dlinetackle]

Women and FSUW in particular want a man of action, be a man of action!

Not going to lie, I like the sound of that. lol.

But, in all seriousness, what do you have to lose? A few dollars, and maybe a kidney. (I kid, I kid). If you're in a position to visit. Then visit.

[mhr7]

+1

FSUW don't do vague and they don't do
mixed messages.

"Do or don't do", "want or don't want", "don't want, don't do" Are all phrases I've heard from my fiancee more than once.

[gaspar227]

Just to be clear:

I would visit anytime.  I'm not chickenshit.  I've already said it's an adventure regardless.  I think it would be cool to see Siberia in winter as long as I avoid the Goulag!

As far as backing off, all I mean is that our timezones are all messed up.  There's like literally 3-4 hours where it's comfortable to chat.  So I've been typically initiating contact on the daily, typically I'll check whatsapp and when she's online I'll say something.  Sometimes she's busy, so I say ok, just let me know when you're not busy. And sometimes she will, but mostly it just slips to the next day or a while later when I'm offline.   

If I press the conversation, just lightly, like show her a pic or make a comment she jumps back in, but sometimes you can tell she's out and can't give it attention.  So I'm feeling like this would be annoying if it was me so I'm saying just back off a little.  I mean we're getting into some weird nuances right, i'm not saying freeze her out, but just see if she wants to talk to me instead of me always initiating. 

Regarding directness, I've been pretty much straight up.  She's like I want to get married.  You want to get married? OK, She says she wants kids.  I say you want kids, OK, how many?  She says 2, I say OK.  If I like you and things go well those are both on the table for sure.  And that's honest for me, i like kids, never quite thought I was done with em. 

She told me she's not talking to other guys of her own volition, I don't know man.  Maybe right?  I'm typically good at sussing this stuff out, but when you add all of these factors, I'm in uncharted waters, which is why I brought it up in the first place.  It's all very uncomfortable.  We all grew up thinking the USSR was gonna bomb us and hot Nikitas were always spies trying to kill 007 right?  LOL....seriously though it's cool, i like it.   I'm not complaining, and yes, I would throw a couple gs at it just to experience it.  Not gonna lie though, the though of 5 nights by myself in a cold ass hotel in Siberia cuz she's fucking with me is pretty uncomfortable. 

I've looked through the sites and the backup girls I can find from Vladivostok are either very aged in their profiles (like no activity for 12 months) or just not my speed.

 I guess i could try russiancupid in a pinch.

[JayH]

+1

If you want an FSUW then pursue her, don't play games or send
her mixed messages. FSUW don't do vague and they don't do
mixed messages.

"Do or don't do", "want or don't want", "don't want, don't do" Are all phrases I've heard from my fiancee more than once.

I often think of the words of a famous football coach here who was trailing  on the scoreboard at 3/4 time in the Grand Final in address the team screamed

" DO SOMETHING" - don't be a spectator!

It applies to life  -- but never more so than in the pursuit of an fsuw.

The 2 posts above completely accord with my experiences -- and it makes me laugh when I see others quoting words   I have heard myself !
When I start an explanation with a " I was thinking of doing "xyz" --it can get met with a "are you doing or not doing"? My conclusion is that the nuances of English that can make a fsuw seem blunt in translation are in the way we use language differently -- so the comments above in the 2 quoted posts  need to be heeded.

[Boethius]

My conclusion is that the nuances of English that can make a fsuw seem blunt in translation are in the way we use language differently -- so the comments above in the 2 quoted posts  need to be heeded.

No, it is the culture created by replacing manners with the proletariat.  It is not the language.

[GQBlues]

FWIW:

After all these years, reading through all the "FSUWs are like this, are like that, etc...", I've to be frank and confess I haven't the slightest idea what these members are describing, nor are any of the mannerisms, behavior, etc. described are anything I had encountered, met, or knew of these women. Damn all these 'rules'. That just needlessly confuses many of you even more.

In a nutshell, they're just like any other women the world over.

True, FSUWs are more inclined to be superstitious..maybe a bit more nationalistic, compared to their western sisters...but when it comes to the basic gender inter-relations, what is mostly true with your experiences at home, in general, will transcend with your experiences anywhere, including FSU (not just Russia/Ukraine), Asia, South America, or the west at large. Admittedly, I never dated an Eskimo, but methinks they'll be the same except for some cultural nuances. So no thanks on the salted whale fat.

Every single FSUWs I've contacted online during my pursuit let me know if they were interested or not with little to no second-guessing. If you find yourself second-guessing yourself with a woman during ANY stage of dating - MOVE ON. You can't lose what you never had.

Many of you guys make this so much more laborious than it is. The more you think you know, the less you really understand.

[Trenchcoat]

"Do or don't do", "want or don't want", "don't want, don't do" Are all phrases I've heard from my fiancee more than once.

You're engaged to Yoda!