Best of Intentions meet the Worst of Intentions

[Maxx2]

Gary, age 39 recently divorced from a long term marriage finds himself alone at age 39. Where he is from is not swinging California but a little town in Northwest Iowa. It is a very stable community and doesn't have much of a dating scene especially for a man who is almost 40. BTW here are the stats on his town with a population of 1960

For population 15 years and over
Never married: 17.4%
Now married: 71.6%
Separated: 0.6%
Widowed: 8.1%
Divorced: 2.2%

So what this divorcee does is join Match.com. He neglects to limit of miles he is willing to accept letters from. Soon he is getting letters from women from Russia. This sparks his interest and he joins an agency. The letters start coming in from Smokinhotkovas in their early twenties. To which he spends the "tokens" he has purchased answering their letters with a kind "No thank you" explaining he is looking for a woman closer to his own age. After a month of this and allot of tokens spent saying "No thank you" he is contacted by a woman close to his own age. Here is her profile with her age fudged two years lower that what it was.... It was at that time he first notices her profile..



Her letters are divine! And best yet she is fluent in English. After a month communicating with letters through the agency she maneuvers him off this site saving him money which good deed he does notice..... They send 2 letters a day each on average. He wakes up to her letters in the morning and goes to sleep with her letters at night. And boy could she write. Then there was the phone calls. After a few months of this she invites him to Moscow. it is not where she is from but according to her he doesn't want to come to her home city as it is industrial and there is nothing to do there..... So he gets a passport and just in case an engagement ring and off to Moscow he goes to meet her and her daughter. She is at the SVO airport waiting for him dressed in a full length mink fur coat. It was January.

The three of them tour Moscow together. On the 5th day he proposes marriage to her. She squeals "YES!" gives him a big hug and kiss and rushes out of the room and down the hotel hallway tell her daughter staying in their room, her's and the daughter's. All very proper.  

Two days later he is getting ready to leave. She says she has something to tell him as the diamond engagement ring is sparkles on her finger.... She tells him that she works for the marriage agency that he was using...... That the reason she contacted him was that she seen by his kind "no thank you's" to these other women he was the kind of man she wanted for a husband and as a father for her daughter....... He then said to her that the only reason he wrote those other women was that he felt obligated to let them down gently. This made her laugh. She then told him that she doesn't want to do it but she was forced by her employer to send out those letters herself to men. He gets angry with the agency and protective of her with them. But she sooths him down as she lets him know how it is in Russia for a divorced woman with a 12 year old daughter...... As a gentleman he accepts all of this as he is convinced about her love for him.

At the airport they give each other their last kiss for a long time. He passes through the screening and gets in line at customs control. He looks back to get one more glimpse of her only she had left.....  

Back in America the letters and phone calls keep coming. He files the paperwork at his service center, the slowest service center in America, the NSC. He knows it's going to be a long wait so he schedules another trip to see her. He wants to visit her home city but she nixes that..... Moscow according to her is an unpleasant place to visit in June.... She suggests Barcelona, Spain. So Spain it is. Together the three of them (Yes, the daughter too) do the family vacation thing, amusement park, beach, museum, 3D theater, aquarium etc. After a week he leaves. He kisses her goodbye and alone he catches a taxi to the airport......

Back in America the letters keep coming. All told a stack 12 inches (30 cm) high. He in the meantime is getting ready for her. He sends pictures of his house
http://i5.tinypic.com/20idpo0.jpg buys her a car and gets her a satellite dish for Russian programs.

After 9 months her visa get approved by the NSC. Three months later she passes her interview at the Moscow embassy. She and her daughter soon enter America at O'Hara airport. He is waiting for them. The three of them fly to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. From there it's an hours drive to his home.  

Life in America
The first thing Gary notices is that Elena was not as thrilled as he expected. Jet lag and culture shock could be the reason. She definitely didn't care for his furniture and that was replaced with leather sofas and with it the carpeting. The phones had to go as they were the old fashioned left overs from his business. The daughter demanded that her room be redecorated. In short order everything was done. So far everything was about usual.

The next step for Elena was to get 13 year old Sasha's modeling career going. This is two weeks after they arrive. So Gary is off driving them to Omaha, Nebraska to get a model portfolio started for Sasha. While the agency and the mother doll up the little girl with makeup and clothes Gary waits in the car.

A few days later Gary and Elena get married.



But soon Elena was getting upset. He hadn't done their AOS or gotten Sasha's EAD (Work) and SSA cards yet. It has been two whole weeks since they were married. Gary snaps to. How's a guy supposed to know all these things? But she knew in a "professional immigrants" sort of way. In short order she has everything except her drivers license. Gary teaches her how to drive his car in his business parking lot until he thinks she can take the road test. Her car a newer one waits for her for when she gets her licence. She got everything going in what Gary now thinks was her order of importance, modeling career started for Sasha, marriage for AOS, EAD, SSA and finally the drivers license. All this within 3 months of her arrival and with her car she had her independence. 

Gary was getting know his new family. The Fung Sway (sp) had him amused with the writings on most of the windows of the house, not bringing money into the bathroom or not whistling in the house and so on. At one point Elena told Gary that she had a girlfriend who believed in Black magic. She asked him if he believed in Black magic. He said "No, I believe in God" to which she said "Well if you don't believe in it it cannot harm you...." This conversation took on a whole other meaning for Gary in the future.   

The daughter for the most part got along well with Gary. She didn't take him too serious especially his cautionary advice about her career. All very typical for a 13 year old. She was a character and had an outrageous sense of humor. Gary noticed his wife acted like a sister to her daughter. They related to each other as equals. Sasha did not like Gary sitting too close to her mother and would insert herself between them if they did. At night Elena and Sasha slept together. 



Modeling for Sasha took over everything. When a Victoria Secrets commercial came on TV everyone had to stay silent. The daughter would study every detail. Her ambition was to be a Victoria Secret model and marry Johnny Depp. She would practice her model strut with the half spin and the "look". Gary and his two kids (boy 12, girl 16 then) he has on the weekends would wonder what was this that came into their peaceful Iowa lives....

Elena at that time was still working for the agency. Gary had bought her a laptop computer and she worked it in the rollup desk in the living room. Her work was but a few hours a day and her pay not regular. Most of the time she spent on the computer was writing friends. Gary was glad that she had people she could write to. Little did he know at that time what she was saying about him and their future. Here is a letter from a Irina a Russian woman to Elena. This was sent to her 2 months to the day of her arrival in America.





Gary or “Harry” as Irina mistakenly called him was oblivious to his wife’s communication to Irina, Svetlana and Vera. He had just finished all their AOS and was teaching his wife how to drive a car in his business parking lot. He had his head down and was working away like a mule helping Elena adjust.

Meanwhile his wife is being told Gary is just a “springboard”, the “first step” and it’s just “2 years before you can leave him”. Nice friends.

Elena’s friends never met Gary so her description of him before she left Russia and before she married him must not have been complimentary. Back in Russia Gary never misrepresented himself to Elena. He dressed like some do here with his white sport shoes and chain attached to his keys.





Sometimes he wore his “West Coast bikers” tee shirt which he told me is the top of the line for these kinds of shirts. Elena wore what we suspect was a borrowed mink fur coat. Perhaps from her girlfriend whose husband launders money for the Russian mafia.... (what a friend to have!) Gary resisted her advice to wear “Hugo Boss”.

Before she arrived Gary had sent pictures of his house, 1500 square feet with 2 bedrooms upstairs and 2 bedrooms in the finished basement. I’ve been in it and it is comfortable middle class house.





One other thing about Gary that might not have set well with Elena was his walk. Gary had an accident 13 years ago that put him in a wheelchair for a year and a half. He has recovered fully but now walks with a certain gait. He doesn’t walk with a smooth slide but more like what one looks when they wear winter boots in snow a few inches deep.

So if Elena was looking for a Euro GQ Hugo Boss wearing slick man she wasn’t getting it in Gary. Gary is just a hard working decent man with no airs about him.

Elena has a 2nd cousin living in Des Moines, Iowa named Alexandra. Alexandra was 33 at that time and living with her America husband Greg. Elena made the complaint to Alexandra that Gary misrepresented himself to her. This was not something she could say to her friends back in Russia as she was critical of him with them from the beginning. But with Alexandra she said Gary’s house was a “shack”, his kids “Retarded pigs”, his town a “sh_t hole” and his community “overly religious, stupid and old fashioned”. Gary was unaware of the depths of her true feelings.

Elena was having Gary run them to one photograph session for Sasha’s portfolio to another. Nothing was ever good enough. Soon the money was going out faster than it was coming in. Gary slowed it some by saying his business was not making enough money. He gave Elena a credit card through his bank with a maximum limit of $1000. That was soon maxed out.

Sasha at the meantime was not making any friends. According to Gary her attitude was that everyone hated her because she was beautiful and she didn’t care to have them as friends anyway. One boy asked her out but she did not even answer him back. 

Lots of cracks were begining to show. Gary was miffed that Elena would call him to drive Sasha to school. School was only a few blocks away and Elena didn’t want to drive her herself as she wanted to sleep until 10 AM. Their disagreements were without anger. No loud arguments or yelling.

 It was stressful for Gary as he could see he was doing most of the work and Elena seemed driven only to help her daughter’s career. Gary’s blood pressure had risen to high levels. He felt sick allot of the time. He had suspected he was being used and thought the stress of thinking this was the cause for how he was feeling. But like most he kept hoping for the best.

March 16th, 2005 came. Gary asked Elena what day it was. She said she didn’t know. Gary said it’s my birthday. She had some excuse for not remembering and then drove up to the drugstore and bought him a bottle of cologne. He didn’t say anything about the next important day.

March 20th, 2005 came. Gary asked Elena what day it was. She said she didn’t know. Gary said “It’s our 1 year anniversary”. She told him that “those things don’t matter to Russian women.”

Springtime had arrived and Elena did not do one of the things she loved to do, plant flowers around the house.

Elena finally got as job at the cosmetics counter in a shopping mall. This worked out well for Sasha as she could now go to modeling school  there in Sioux Falls. But Sioux Falls was a 60 mile drive from Gary’s house and took over an hour to get there then the hour to get back.

While working there Elena got to make friends with various people in the Russian community. Gary was glad. He would suggest he could meet her friends perhaps as couples but Elena always offered an excuse much like she did when he wanted to go to her home city in Russia.

Sasha was still getting her model portfolios done. Gary had run Elena and Sasha to Des Moines once, Sioux City twice, Sioux Falls many times because of the model school there, Omaha three times and once to Minneapolis.






On Gary’s 2nd trip to Minneapolis Gary decided to expand this trip and turn it into a family vacation and bring along his two children Kayla 17 and Zach 13. After the photo shoot for the model portfolio they would go to ValleyFair amusement park and the Mall of America. Instead most of the vacation was spent on doing the photography for Sasha. Gary’s children were getting frustrated and Shasha according to Gary didn’t help matters with her complaining about their choice of where to eat. “Culvers” is fast food but it is the high end of fast food. You order at the counter and they bring the food to you. Then there was the motel a “Super 8” not good enough. Finally Gary had his fill. He went to Sasha and Elena’s room (they had a separate room from Gary and his children) and told them they better shape up. They rode the rest of the way home in silence.

When Gary got home he went up to Elena and Sasha said “I would like to talk with your mother alone” Sasha said “No” and stayed. Gary said “Alright. Look you better have Sasha treat me and my children with respect and you better start contributing to this family. This cannot go on. Or ..... I will be getting a divorce”. They looked scared. 

Gary had at that point made Elena realise that Elena’s friend Irina’s plan and advise to her that she wait 2 years before leaving Gary might not have a chance to happen. A divorce before she gets her green card? Did she know that according to Federal law she would be given just 30 days from the time the divorce was final to leave America or they would be accruing illegal presence and not be able to get work cards. What were they going to do? What would happen to Sasha’s future modeling career?   

[PeeWee]

Maxx, what is Gary doing these days? Has he remarried, burnout, recooperating, building up his energy for another search? He seems like a decent guy and I like to hear that those types come out on top in the end.

Peewee

[andrewfi]

Is this the same guy whose tale you are currently regaling us on another thread on this very same board?

Does he need all this publicity?

[Turboguy]

I wonder if Maxx could post Elena's contact info in case someone on this board thinks she is cute and a sweet Russian gal and wants to ask her out.  LOL

[Maxx2]

Andrew, I decided that thread could fall off and this one in the scam section could be the one for this story. Gary and I wanted it to start out clean so that it might be read. I am in daily contact with Gary about the details for this story. He feels I could write this story better than he could. Too much editorializing

Gary is a real stand up guy. He wants his story known to this board so that it can help others. When I finish it I will review all the mistakes and mistaken notions he had as these mistakes are common with most new to this whole affair. Or they are common with most when everything goes crazy. That will be in my next post.

Also how Gary is doing I will post that at the conclusion.

Maxx

[jb]

Maxx,

Unfortunately, most of us have already formed an opinion of Gary's approach to marrying a RW.  He may very well be the decent stand up guy you say he is, and one who I'd be proud to stand for a round of drinks.  I'd probably enjoy doing business with him.

However, he pulled the trigger too quickly with his GCG wife and her egocentric daughter.  Beautifully crafted e-mails are not a replacement for a well fashioned courtship.  It needs more than 5 days.  If he'd been a member of the RWD and started posting his story and told of his intentions to marry after only 5 days of face time, I'd have coldcocked him with the clue bat just the same as I did with Photoguy. 

Being a good and nice guy does not excuse one's moronic behavior.  I'm very happy for him that he's shut of her now, and hopefully moving on with his life.  However, this should not be a story about what a b!tch she is, it should be a story about what not to do when going about finding a decent woman to marry.  The onus is always on the man to make the right decisions about when to file an I-129F.  He's the one who will have to bear the responsibility for the mistakes in judgement in the end.

[catzenmouse]

jb,

 Elena had a similar comment about Gary when she read the story.

Ken

[jb]

Ken,

I have read somewhere that the measure of anyone's intelligence depends entirely on how much they agree with you.

You are married to a very smart woman.   

[Bruce]

Maxx - thanks for posting Gary's story.  The more reminders of what can happen the better for the board.  I agree Gary pulled the trigger too quickly but I suspect Gary is not unlike most Americans, and if it can happen to Gary it could happen to alot of guys.  Not every guy is smart enough or has enough time to properly investigate the process and have a firm understanding of pitfalls without falling into something before it being too late.

[catzenmouse]

jb,
 Yes she is. Both her, and our 6 year old are way smarter than I am. Hell, so are the cats!

Bruce,
 That is very true. Many, if not most, men who get (or fall) into this do not realize how to go about this correctly or how to use the resources, like RWD, that are at their disposal. Partly due to naievity, partly to believing what they hear from the industry, and partly out of arrogance in that they feel that they are "different" than any horror stories they may have heard.

 The more information we, and those like us involved in an international relationship, can provide the better chance they have of not becomming another casualty. I feel for guys like Gary and am glad that he and Maxx are willing to make this information public for the benefit of others.

Ken

Ken,

I have read somewhere that the measure of anyone's intelligence depends entirely on how much they agree with you.

You are married to a very smart woman.   

[Maxx2]

JB, Gary would agree with you 100%. Besides being a good guy he has enough nobility if that is the word for it, to be open about his mistakes so others can learn from them.

Several months ago Dan and KenC wanted me to post my story. I tried to write but I knew that when posting it I would be accused of making excuses for myself and not what I was really trying to do. That is to show my faulty thinking and ignorance of the correct way of going about this.

JB, Andrew etc. there are guys willing to take the heat if it means helping others.

Maxx

[jb]

Maxx, be sure to give Gary my very best regards, and be sure to tell him there was nothing personal meant in my remarks.  He just did something dumb this time and had to pay the butcher's bill because of it. 

At one time or another everyone of us has done something in life which might be judged equally stupid, just in another catagory. Hot rod cars, fast boats, and a couple of airplanes have been my screwups.  I finally learned but not without paying for it.

[Turboguy]

Everyone makes mistakes.   For you, jb it was Hot rod cars, fast boats, and a couple of airplanes.  for many of the guys it is hot women, fast women and a couple of high flyers.

[jb]

Yeah, T/G,,,, maybe.   But I've been a multi-member of the mile-high club for a very long time.  Can you say the same without regrets?

[Maxx2]

Gary's reading this thread and has exchanged some pleasant PMs with Ellen and RussianGal getting their perspective. Ellen is spending the week at her Dacha.

What I find interesting with Gary's story is how his support came from unexpected sources. That is other RW willing to come forward to help him. But that's for later in the story.

Maxx

[jb]

That is other RW willing to come forward to help him.

That's just the "traditional" maternal instincts coming forward.  "Poor baby, you've been hurt, let me kiss it and make it better". 

It doesn't mean anything except that the women do understand the brutality of what can play out here.  Does that mean they might even do the same thing to another man if faced with similar circumstances?   Trust me, they would do it if nesessary.  That is not important, preservation of the offspring is the key here.  "My Baby Girl needs a mule for her modeling career, and you'll do just dandy for packing the freight".  However other RWs do recognize an injustice when they see one.

Forgive me for being the eternal cynic.  Women are just women, being a Russian woman is not the important issue here, being a woman with a child in need of a way to a better future is what it's all about.

[Maxx2]

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
 
Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other's tale —
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
 
Man, a bear in most relations — worm and savage otherwise —
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise,
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.
 
Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue—to the scandal of The Sex!
 
But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

[calcowboy1]

Maxx, lets hear some more!!!!  

I want to hear how this story ends.....

I know it is easy to sit on the side lines and say how nuts Gary was for marrying so quickly and to fall into this horrible nightmare, however, it is not like it hasn't happened before, nor will it not happen again.

Hopefully guys will read this and learn from this, and hopefully Gary is doing well.  

Cheers!!
Calcowboy

P.S. Maxx, how in the hell do you end up running into all the guys who have had these train wrecks.  I have never run across anyone who has the stories you have.

[Maxx2]

I am a magnet for disaster I am afraid.

Maxx

[Maxx2]

It was mid August when Gary had “laid down the law”. He worked and she worked 60 miles away at the mall. Her daughter took her modeling classes while Elena worked her new job in the clothing department. She complained that she had to put fat peoples clothes away and the clothes were so heavy to lift. Her day was 4 to 6 hours long and she was exhausted when she came home at night. He seen she was becoming more and more distant.

Gary was not the kind of guy to pay attention all to the strangeness around him and look for clues to her motives and ‘what’s next’. There was such strangeness. She left notes in Russian with “10,000,000 $” written on them and drafted her daughter a check for $1,000,000, the lipstick writings on the windows and the porcelain dish with her lucky coins in it. He didn’t secretly copy her notes left about the house and get them translated. He didn’t stick a key-logger on her computer or tape record her calls. 



1) Your own business = your own income
2) Sasha career
3) Comfortable and financially secure life in the New York or Boston area
4) Lucky and happy marriage

1. Your own income and business
1.1 Svetlana’s - in 2 months the salary will become USD 2,000 per month
1.2 In 6 months - earning USD 1,000,000
1.3 Developing ideas of your own business - 6 months - year
2. In 2 months - start of work
2.1 A serious contract - In 0.5 years
4. Studying and understanding the world and business laws. Intensive studies for 1 - 2 years.
5. Moving to New York and buying a house - 6 months - 1 year
6. Sasha!

Elena had a Russian woman friend were she worked. She mentioned to Gary that this friend had an arrangement with her Russian husband. He set her up in her own apartment and would visit her a few times a week. Gary knew what she was getting at.

It was September 14th, 2005 and Elena’s talking with Gary. He is sitting on the chase lounge. She tells him that she doesn’t want to drive 120 miles everyday in the winter. That she would like that he get her an apartment in Sioux Falls (about $750 a month).

He says to her “You knew what the weather was like here in the winter. Why didn’t you look for a job closer to here? If you want your own apartment you will have to pay for it yourself. I am not paying for it.”

She says “it will take all my money I make every month”.
 
 “I’m not paying for it” says Gary.

Then she says “Give me $10,000 instead” She knew he had money in his retirement account.

He says “I’m not giving you that money”.

At this point she starts screaming at him in Russian acting like a wild woman. Gary can’t help it he starts to laugh.... The next thing happened he could hardly believe...

She jumps up and lunges at him like a tigress. She got her hands around his throat and is trying to choke him as he is seated in the chase lounge. He’s 6’ 4”  and she’s 5’ 3” and like he said to me “she could do that all day long and it wouldn’t hurt me” but he knows he’s got to do something so he goes for the phone. She bats the phone out  of his hands. It goes flying across the room. He goes for the next phone while she’s got her finger nails dug into his wrist. He drags her along and reaches for the phone. She grabs it and twists it away and it goes flying.

Gary sees the cell phone on top of the TV cabinet. He heads for that. She then spins him around and pushes him over the coffee table. As he somersaults over the table his back lands on her porceline lucky money dish causing him great pain. Gary is legally handicapped as a result of his accident 13 years ago. He has a poor sense of balance so she had an easy time pushing him over the table.
   


Gary gets up takes a few steps and grabs his cell phone.

As he heads out the house he yells to his son Zach (13) “Elena tried to choke me. Go to the car”. Out in the car he dials 911.

About that time Elena comes out of the house with Sasha. She yells “NEIGHBORS HELP! NEIGHBORS HELP!” but no one hears her.

Gary roles down the window of his car and says “Go to Casey's”. So they take off to Casey's passing between Garys’ business buildings.



A few minutes later the Sheriff’s deputy arrives. He asks Gary what happened.

Gary says “My wife tried to choke me”

The deputy looks at Gary’s neck and sees no marks. He does see scratches on his wrist and photographs those. While this is going on Gary hears over the radio dispatch that there is a woman up at Casey's who has dialed 911. Gary says “I know who that is”.

Gary is filing out his statement when the deputy that went to Casey's arrives. The deputy that was with Gary then goes to Caseys.

This deputy says to Gary “Your wife has scratches on her throat”.

Gary says “I have no idea how that happened”

To which the deputy says “You are under arrest”.

Gary says “No I am not!”

“Yes you are” and spins Gary around and handcuffs him.

Gary is arguing with deputy all the way to the county jail 12 miles away. He goes through the process of being stripped seached, fingerprinted and photographed. This is the first and only time Gary has been arrested. He is put in a cell to wait for his hearing the next day.

Maxx

[Maxx2]

"a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE incident"

The very mention of this causes most people to recoil into silence. Much like the silence of this board these past 24 hours. It is an ugly subject few really want to touch. Especially with the details. As civilians you have that luxury. The police, the courts, the emergency services, the shelters don't. A man accused is processed by people having a single shared emotion, mild contempt. They process these cases in a procedural step by step manner.

Elena went through the process. Written statements by her, Sasha and the clerks at the store as to what happened. Then followed by photographs of her wounds. The scratches on her neck. Before being taken to the hospital for examination she complained of chest pains. An ambulance from Emergency services rushed her to the hospital but they found nothing wrong with her. They were then taken to the women's shelter.

Hull is a typical small town as in everybody knows everybody and their business. As example Gary knew during his arraignment at noon the next day about the hospital incident and their staying the night at the shelter. He knew his wife was going to go live with her Russian woman cousin who lives in Des Moines 200 miles away. The judge gave Gary a restraining order and forbid him to go near his home. Gary told the judge his wife's plans were to live with her cousin so that part of the restriction was lifted. Gary was brought to his house by the Sheriff. When they got there Elena and Sasha were there with a deputy hurriedly packed their things. Gary waited outside until they left under deputy escort. 

The house that just 24 hours ago that contained his family had changed. Their closets were empty of clothes. The laptop he bought her gone. Left scattered about were items of their's they had no concern for. He noticed she took most of the photos of them together. He wondered why she wanted those.... The lipstick writing on the windows was still there. She was there after all to clean out not clean up.

As he sat there it suddenly hit him. They were gone. Three years of his life, ten's of thousands of miles traveled, ten's of thousands of dollars spent and with more worry and emotion over them than he could imagine and their gone? He felt sadness and loss until hit him that they didn't just leave a disheveled house behind. His life was next on the list.

Maxx

[Daknack]

This honestly makes me want to get a posse together for an old-style hanging.

[Maxx2]

Gary, his friends and family were at the start of the learning curve on this process. His brother-in-law and friend went to the women's shelter. They had printed out several articles from this site and some others about the use of false DV (Domestic Violence) charges to get a Green Card. They hoped to educate the ladies at the shelter to what Elena's true intent for being there was. They knocked on the shelter door.

Over the intercom came "What do you want".
They told her what they had.
  "We don't want it".
The brother-in-law said "Oh yes you do".
  "Alright leave it on the step".
They did and left.

Later when Gary was at the deposition he met one of these shelter workers. In a courtroom full of many empty seat she and two other shelter workers sat directly behind him. One behind him and the other two at each shoulder.  

As they began to read the instructions on how to support the abuse self petition with documentation it answered their questions why certain things happened such as the shelter when the cousin was available or the hospital incident.

    Ways to Show Abuse
 
Petitioners are required to show that they were subjected by the abuser "battery or
extreme cruelty," a term which includes a wide range of physical, mental and emotional
abuse and cruelty.

Petitioners and their advocates have many options for demonstrating abuse. These steps,
however, might be more confusing and difficult for the petitioner because they require
extensive contact with public officials and law enforcement agencies. If the advocate is
able to devote some time to document gathering on behalf of the petitioner, his or her
time might best be used by assisting the petitioner in documenting abuse.

* Restraining, stay away, or exclusion orders, plus accompanying
documents
* Police reports
* Statements, notes or declarations from a police officer with knowledge
of the situation
* 911 transcripts
* Criminal court records if abuser was arrested or convicted
* Medical records, even if petitioner didn't say true reason for injuries
* Domestic violence shelter records
* Counseling/mental health records
* Photographs of injuries or damaged property
* Letters or notes from the abuser
* School records containing comments by child about abuse
* Declarations:
From self-petitioner telling her own story
From person who saw abuse or was told about it by petitioner
From staff or volunteer at domestic violence shelter
From mental health worker/counselor
* Evidence of abuser's history of drug or alcohol abuse or mental illness
               
Restraining, stay away, or exclusion orders
Restraining orders are public records in California and many other states, so petitioners
should have fairly easy access to them.

Police Reports
Police reports of visits to the petitioner's home are excellent evidence of domestic abuse.
Victims of domestic violence have legal access to any police report in which their names
are listed. The petitioner should locate the phone number of the local police department
and explain that she is trying to obtain a copy of the police report for an incidence of
domestic abuse.

Police Statements and Declarations
If the police visited the petitioner's residence for a domestic violence issue fairly recently
and the petitioner is able to directly contact that police officer, then she should ask the
officer if he would be willing to write a declaration about the incident and the abuse he
witnessed. The officer can go into more detail than he might in a regular police report,
which would be good evidence of abuse for the petitioner.

911 transcripts
Each police department has a different procedure regarding 911 transcripts. The easiest
way to find out how to get 911 transcripts is to call the local police department and ask.
The petitioner should explain that she is submitting a petition to INS under the Violence
Against Women Act and needs to show evidence that she has suffered abuse. The police
department can direct the petitioner to the appropriate department or division to obtain
her 911 transcripts.

Medical Records
If the petitioner went to a clinic, doctor or emergency room for injuries resulting from
domestic abuse, she can use the medical records to demonstrate abuse. It is not necessary
that the petitioner reported the true reasons for injuries. If, for example, the petitioner
went to the emergency room after an incident of domestic violence and claimed she had
fallen down the stairs, she could still submit the medical records along with a declaration
explaining that she felt afraid to report the true cause of the injury.


Shelter Records
If the petitioner ever went to a domestic violence shelter or even consulted a shelter
worker as a result of domestic abuse, the shelter will probably have records of the visit
and of the general facts of the situation. Shelters are often sensitive about releasing
information, so it important for the petitioner to explain why she needs records of her
visits and for what purpose they will be used.
If the petitioner worked with a specific individual who is familiar with her case, she
should consider asking the individual to write a declaration to help prove that the
petitioner suffered domestic abuse.

Counseling/Mental Health Records
If the petitioner has seen a counselor or mental health worker, records of her visits can
serve as evidence of abuse and related emotional strain. If the counselor knows the
petitioner’s case well enough to write a declaration to support the petitioner's claim that
she suffered domestic abuse, see the section on declarations below.

School Records
Schools usually keep records of comments made by children about abuse in the family
and teachers' concerns about domestic abuse. If the petitioner suspects that her child
might have made such a comment or that one of the child's teachers is concerned about
violence in the family, she can go to the school to find out if there are records on file and
if she can obtain copies of them.
The petitioner might also contact her children's teachers directly for help on this issue.
The teacher might be willing to write an affidavit or assist the petitioner in looking for
school records

Photographs
Some petitioners may have photographs of bodily injury or property damage resulting
from their spouse's abusive behavior. Photographs are good evidence of abuse and should
be included along with explanations of the photograph's content.

Letters or notes from the abuser
Letters or notes from the abuser may reveal aggressive, violent, jealous, or threatening
behavior and treatment. Even an apology note can show that mistreatment and abuse have
taken place.

Declarations
Declarations supporting the petitioner's claim that she has been abused can come from a
wide range of people. The most important declaration is the one the petitioner writes
herself. See page 37 for tips on writing the declaration.
Declarations from friends, family members, neighbors, coworkers, etc.
Friends, family members, neighbors, coworkers and other acquaintances might be helpful
if they either witnessed the abuse directly or were told about it by the petitioner. If these
people directly witnessed the abusive behavior, their declaration can describe the actions
and behaviors. Even if they did not witness the behavior, their declarations can describe
the abuse as the petitioner reported it to them.
Declarations from shelter workers, counselors, clergy & other social service providers
Declarations can also come from shelter workers,mental health workers and clergy with
whom the petitioner has consulted. If you're asking for a declaration from a social service
provider like a priest, shelter worker, mental health worker, social worker, teacher or
doctor, see Appendix 14 for a sample letter to give them when you ask for the
declaration. The letter includes directions and tips for writing the declaration.

It doesn't take allot of imagination to realize that a good share of the above could be fabricated. Would the women at the women's shelter have any qualms about giving her a declaration that she was abused? Gary had learned that Elena and Sasha were both attending consuling services for sex abuse and verbal sex abuse in Des Moines.

Gary was in a tough spot and he knew it.

[Maxx2]

Two months go by. The time to the trial is getting short. Gary has little in his corner for his defense. Elena appears to be holding all the cards. One Gary's answering machine is a message he gets when he returned home from work.

Hello Gary this is Alex (Alexandra, Elena's cousin in Des Moines). It is OK to call me. They left. I need to talk with you"

Gary calls her back. She tells him this restated here in her deposition.

[Maxx2]

putting up a string of images is a chore