IMBRA and My giving up

[Maxx2]

Today, August 2nd, 2006 I have officially given up any thought or effort to find a wife in the FSU. I put in my resignation.

I am not sure why I joined Kevin Hayes Khersonsgirls agency. Maybe it was just to look around. I know that Kevin's agency is one of the best out there. I know the same of Marc Dayton's LTP, Jack Braggs First Dream and Richards "Rvwinds" Tverangels. All these guys would do their best to watch your back. I only wish met them 6 years ago when I started my quest.

I have been contacted at Kevin's agency by a widow near my age. She has sent me a few nice letters to which I have not responded to. Or to any of the other letters I have gotten. I thought of writing her and sent word to the ladies at the agency that I will. However I see the form I have to fill out about my past and it throws a big chill over this for me. BTW my record is spotless except for the "Elvira incident". I have NO desire to explain this in my first letter. She commits a Federal felony called 'Visa Fraud by Sham marriage' and I get the rap for being HER victim. Sorry but I am not playing this game or putting up with the cr@p the US government through the USCIS will put me though. It is THEY who should be explaining THEIR criminal neglect in not protecting their own citizens and THEIR making us targets of this kind of fraud and deceit.

If I every marry a woman from the FSU it will be one that is already here.

Maxx   

[BillyB]

WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN!!!!!!

Just kidding Maxx. You're man enough to decide the international scene is not for you after the blemish on your record. YOu can go to Bride.ru or freepersonals to look for RW in the States but you know the chances go up that these women got divorced from a previous marriage because they were abused by their sponsor or falsely claimed it against their sponsor.

[Bruno]

Today, August 2nd, 2006 I have officially given up any thought or effort to find a wife in the FSU. I put in my resignation.
...
I have NO desire to explain this in my first letter.

If i have give up so easy, i will be alone now and i have not find my futur wife...

In my first letter, i send already some information about my past... usual, women don't show great interest in it... for some, i have send a copy of my divorce act who show that i am really divorced and i have not some alimentory to pay... once they understand that the past is the past, that i am without real bagage, it is not more a problem.

Of course, here in Belgium, we have not the IMBRA... but it is not a problem for speak about my past... She don't like it, next women is waiting...

[BC]

If I every marry a woman from the FSU it will be one that is already here.

Maxx,

Never say never, but I think you are doing the right thing.  If your heart isn't in it at this time then open doors to other paths.

When one really thinks about it concentrating on the FSU MOB route really does restrict your playing field. Sitting at home posting away, corresponding, planning and saving for that next trip really deprives you of the greatest asset when it comes to relationships - EXPOSURE!

Diversify your exposure and things WILL happen.  99.9% of happily married couples met doing things that normal people do, not clicking 'send & receive" every 5 minutes into wee hours of the night.

I'm not saying that chasing FSU women is totally worthless, but that you can make the most out of it by treating this venture as an extracurricular activity instead of a primary effort as many seem to do.

The next woman in your life may be from Italy, Greece, Spain, Turkey, and a zillion other places.. just have to get your butt out on the playing field and keep your eyes open for those nuggets that WILL cross your path.

Life has a funny way of giving you exactly what you need when you least expect it.

Never underestimate what you already have going for you.

Cheers!

[Maxx2]

Thanks BC. You are right a person has to get off their duff and opportunities will be all over the place.

In regard to IMBRA. I can't help but think this will have a chilling effect in this industry. Up front revelation at the very first letter is a poor way to start things out with a RW. They are a cautious lot to begin with and who blames them for that? Not me.
 
Maxx

[Turboguy]

Maxx, I hope the day comes that you are willing to throw your hat back into the ring.   I gave it up myself for a year and a half.  I really am sad to see IMBRA be a factor in your decision becuase I like that law just about as much as you do.   Maybe some day it will be history but I doubt it. 

There are getting to be a lot of available RW in the USA.  I hope you find a good one.

[Maxx2]

It was Photoguy's thread and Jet's comment that pushed me in this direction. Photoguy and I have but one more chance. What if I a brought a RW over here and she did to me what Larisa did to him? I would be SOL if I found someone here on a temporary work or visitors visa and who needed to go back and wait for our K visa to go through. No dice because I had shot my load. It seems like I better reserve my last shot on a surer thing. That is some woman I can spend allot of time with here in my own environment.

Maxx

[Bruno]

It was Photoguy's thread and Jet's comment that pushed me in this direction. Photoguy and I have but one more chance. What if I a brought a RW over here and she did to me what Larisa did to him?

Ok i understand... but what is the more crazy ? Use these last chance and try... or not use it ?

[groovlstk]

Maxx,

There are tons of FSU girls living in the US legally. I used this website to meet some before I met my Moscow girl:

http://www.missingheart.ru/

Most came here on OWW K1s and then divorced after a few years. I was shocked to learn that the OWW phenomenon isn't in the minority--it seems to be the norm for most guys searching in the FSU.

I wouldn't hold it against the women, most seem to be decent girls who were desperate for a better life and when they found what they thought was a decent guy, agreed to marry. But without love... what relationship stands a chance?

[catzenmouse]

Ok i understand... but what is the more crazy ? Use these last chance and try... or not use it ?

 I'd say more crazy to use it before you are totally sure. This is more like a baseball spin off. Only this time it is Two Strikes and you are out. In Maxx's case, and in many others as well, you should not waste that second strike until you are sure.

 If you had the same rule in Belgium you might be more gunshy as well. Just a thought.

Ken

[Phil dAmore]

Maxx:

I remember well the lurid details you wrote regarding the Elvira incident.  I said it then and I'll say it again:

How you were able go through all of that and NOT end up sitting in a dimly-lit room with bottle of booze in one hand and a loaded pistol in the other is a major testament to your resolve. 

As far as finding an FSU woman who is already in the states, it is possible.  Read a tale of someone who found success... when they stopped looking:

Elwood is a good man who had made many, many trips to various parts of the FSU seeking his bride. He had much to offer: a good job, a nice home in central Virginia, lots of love and security. But he always came away empty-handed and frustrated.

Many of the women he did meet were not nearly as serious as he was.  At one point he was communicating exclusively with one girl, but when it became apparent that the she was only interested in him as long as his checkbook held out, he wisely moved on.

At the conclusion of his last trip to Russia he commented to me that he was giving up the search.  With a heavy heart (and heavier suitcase!) he returned to the states.

Not much was heard from Elwood for some time, until one day an email arrived with the information that Elwood had found his bride... a lovely Ukrainian girl... almost right in his own back yard! She had been living and working in the neighboring city and met quite by accident.  They have now been happily married almost 2 years.

Sometimes when you stop looking, the thing you want finds you!

Inspiring quote:

After Thomas Edison, through intensive trial and error finally developed a working incandescent lamp, a newspaper reporter asked him how it felt to fail 5,000 times before finding success.

Edison replied: " I did not fail 5,000 times.  The light bulb was simply an invention with 5,001 steps."

Don't quit trying  Maxx.  Move on to the next step.

[Bruno]

If you had the same rule in Belgium you might be more gunshy as well. Just a thought.

Maybe... but we have not so rule in Belgium and a lot of other method exist... Is it the IMBRA apply in case of marriage in FSU ?

About not waste a opportunity, i agree with you... but why wait the last opportunity... i think that it is better to be sure at the first time... maybe young people like me or Maxx can loose some year of own life but what about of the majority of people who are over 50 year old or maybe over 60 yo... losing a opportunity for older guy can mean miss the last chance to find a partner...

[Turboguy]

I am not saying that something like "Sometimes when you stop looking, the thing you want finds you!" can't happen but the reality of it is we get in life what we want the most and that we work hard to get.   

As far as IMBRA, there are ways you don't have to disclose any information that you think might turn them off before you ever get to know them.  Free sites for one and agency's that are not complying for another.  You do need to be extra careful not to rush into something and not to persue a K-1 with a gal who is not as serious as you are.  Lightning can strike twice but the odds are in your favor.

Your other choice of course is a gal already in the USA and of course if you are into pain and suffering there are always American Gals.

I have seen the talk about the lifetime allowance of two fiancees.  Perhaps I am wrong but I had the impression that was removed from the bill and replaced with a fiancee every two years and a waver needed after two fiancees or if applying for one within two years of the last one or something to that effect.  I think you can have more than two, you just have to kiss their ass a little.  You still could go with a K-3 after two failed K-1's as well.

[BC]

I am not saying that something like "Sometimes when you stop looking, the thing you want finds you!" can't happen but the reality of it is we get in life what we want the most and that we work hard to get.   

(bold added for emphasis)

Turbo,

I may be the oddball around, but when it comes to relationships with women this has NEVER worked for me (not talking one nighters).

If you add 'except women' at the tail end of your statement I would agree wholeheartedly.

[jb]

Forgive my ignorance, but IIRC, Maxx'd first marriage was a K-3, I think he's still ok for two K-1's  since he hasn't ever filed for a K-1. 

Further, I've seen nothing in the rule book to make me think this IMBRA law is retroactive, that was then, this is now.  I believe Maxx has a good chance of finding a nice woman wherever he looks.  I certainly wish him good fortune, nobody deserves it more.

[BC]

jb,

Not real sure, but when I was digging through the Act I think I remember some wording like 'K type visas' not really specifying K1,2,3 etc..  may have been a particular section though.. am not going to dig through it again.

IIRC, maybe it was DCF that was sort of excluded.

In any case there is a lot concerning how the Act is interpreted and implemented that is still really fuzzy.

[Admin]

jb,

Not real sure, but when I was digging through the Act I think I remember some wording like 'K type visas' not really specifying K1,2,3 etc..  may have been a particular section though.. am not going to dig through it again.

IIRC, maybe it was DCF that was sort of excluded.

In any case there is a lot concerning how the Act is interpreted and implemented that is still really fuzzy.

I'll attach the latest USCIS interoffice memo on the topic. It looks clearly as if K-3 are excluded and it is only K-1's which are affected.

- Dan

[jb]

Yeah, I was pretty sure that K-3s were excluded from the filing limitations, I just didn't want to appear to be a "Puffed Up Authoritarian".   

[Admin]

Yeah, I was pretty sure that K-3s were excluded from the filing limitations, I just didn't want to appear to be a "Puffed Up Authoritarian".   

K-3's and DCF are both excluded - that seems clear.

What is NOT clear is the "Lifetime" limitation of 2 K-1 applications. Does "Lifetime" begin with date of passage of the law - or does it reach back to prior to the passage of IMBRA legislation ?? I don't think anyone can say for certain.

Also - the latest limitation which was passed under the IMBRA umbrella adds additional restrictions. While I feel certain most will agree with the new limitations, there are some potentially chilling implications for FUTURE limitations which could be added using IMBRA as the foundation. Anyway, the new limitations say that no-one who has ever been convicted of sex offenses against minors may file for a K-1 or K-3 visa. Attached is the interoffice memo on the topic.

- Dan

[BC]

Yeah Dan.. and jb (now you can puff up) 

You're both right.

I found interesting:

IMBRA requires USCIS to track repeated petitions for K visas. Upon approval of a second petition for a K-1 or K-3 visa filed by the same U.S. citizen petitioner, USCIS must notify the petitioner that information concerning the petitioner has been entered into a multiple visa petition tracking database. Once a petitioner has two petitions for a K-1 or K-3 visa approved, if he or she files a third petition less than ten years after the date the first petition was filed, USCIS must notify both the petitioner and the beneficiary of the number of previously approved fiancé(e) or spousal petitions. The numerical limitation and waiver provisions described in Section II, paragraph B of this memorandum, however, only apply to individuals filing a petition on behalf of a fiancé(e) (seeking a K-1 visa). Guidance regarding these notification requirements will be issued separately.

[/size]

I guess one could file K3's forever but might have difficulty with a K1 after a couple of K3's.  Don't you love how they make the *real* rules as they go along.

[KenC]

OK, Maxx,
Now that you know your basis for quitting is in error, now what you going to do?

You have made yourself into the poster boy for the all time GCG victim.  I told you this years ago and it is still true today.  But it is your choice whether to allow one demented RW's actions ruin a few years of your life or the rest of your life.  What's it gonna be champ?

There are so many ways around your problem that it doesn't even warrent explanation.  (Like none of the agency owners you mentioned wouldn't personally introduce you and explane your situation?)  But that never was the real problem now, was it Maxx? You WANT to give up because it furthers your infamy of being the ultimate victim.  That is so sick that it turns my stomach.  Get some therapy like I told you years ago because you really need to get your sh!t together. 

Everyone that has ever posted to a RW forum any where knows about your sh!tty story.  And it is certainly a sad tale of woe.  But the real tragedy is that you continue to be the victim long after that story has ended.  My God, now that your story has lost some of it's interest as everyone knows every intimate detail, you have begun to be the story teller for other victims.  Yeah, Maxx, you got f'cked over by Elvira.  We got it.  Many of us got f'cked over by our ex wives in many different ways.  Sure, we all cried on someone's shoulder for a time.  BUT THEN WE GOT OVER IT AND BEGAN TO LIVE THE REST OF OUR LIVES!  Maybe you should try it.
KenC

[jb]

Damn, KenC~!

And everyone thinks I'm the bastard around here.....

[Turboguy]

Usually when KenC or jb jumps in with the blunt act I am there saying they need to show more compassion and understanding.  This time I won't.   Ken is right.  You need to put it behind you.  Nobody deserves the treatment you got.  No one deserves the betrayal and abuse you suffered.  It is a very traumatic thing to go through.  She basically tried to ruin your life to satisfy her greed and selfishness.  if you give up and throw in the towel, then she won and you lost.  If you pull your dreams back togther and go on and find a good woman then you won.  

There is a saying.  The things we go through either kill us or make us stronger.  You have gone through something.  The choice is yours if you are going to let it kill you or if you are going to let it make you stronger.

PS jb, I don't think you or Ken are a bastard.  Sometimes I don't agree with you.  Sometimes I don't agree with the way you come off in your posts.  This time I agree with Ken.

Maxx, You have sort of become the poster child and rallying point for abused and betrayed men.   You have helped many in your efforts.  Maybe, just maybe, you need to stop and put everyhing out of your life that reminds you of the past.  Perhaps you need to take a few months and try to block out every thought of what you have been through.  Chill our, clear your brain and then forget anything about helping anyone else or thinking and living in the past.  Make a new and happy life.  Have dreams and chase them.  Find a good woman who will make your life happy.  

[jb]

I have long advocated to Maxx that he put this behind him, I've said as much to his face, (well, on the phone anyway), based on my conversations with him, I am absolutely certain that he has.  He's long since over Elvira, Maxx is not the crippled duck he is made out to be here.  He only continues his crusade in an effort to help newbies understand the pitfalls that await the stupid and the uninformed.

Maxx knows he has my continued support and friendship, I just wish my wife had a good RW friend in the right age bracket we could introduce him to.  Unfortunately all her friends are in happy marriages, or are the *too young daughters* of those happy marriages.

[Maxx2]

I sure like you guys. I really I do.

There are basically two points of focus on who caused MY problem.

1) ME

2) The DV laws of the USCIS that make marriage fraud an attractive sure fire way to get a green card without conditions.  

In regard to #1, I'll let KenC expand on that if he wishes.

In regard to #2, that is my job.

You guys might be surprised but there are other "Maxxs'" out there. I don't just mean guys who got taken advantage of by their lack of street smarts and dating skills and a bunch of other missing parts. But guys who feel betrayed by the system and want to battle this and have spent months and years doing so. They see this as their patriotic duty and in some cases their Christian duty. There is a bunch of us in contact with each other e-mailing, phone calls, visits and so on. We are organizing. To date there has been 4 television broadcasts favorable to men caught in these situations. These are a direct result of the efforts of these men and women. Yes there are Russian women involved as well. As example

I was contacted by the producer of FOX 5 (2/15/06) in Washington DC about doing my story. Elvira last I heard lived in that area. I did not use this opportunity to 'stick it to her' but gave my recomendation for a story to Gary in Iowa.
 
2/11/06

So Elena (Garrett) I was just thinking about Gary's case an hour ago. I
thought he might like some publicity that could help him get some justice from the INS. Then I came here and read this e-mail from you. Perhaps Fox5 news might like a current story with a "smoking gun" (her diary) for evidence of this kind of fraud? Also they have Elena's cousin who lives in Des Moines, Iowa in an affidavit saying how Elena told her of the scam and false charges. Elena's cousin is being subpoenaed. It will be up to Gary and his attorney on how they want (if they want) to play it. Perhaps Fox5 would be more interested in a more current story than mine. Gary's attorney says that there is no chance Elena will be deported. He knows the USCIS handling of immigration law quite well in my opinion. Anyway the lack of justice from the INS in this so transparent case could be rather revealing about them and embarrass them to take action. Gary is real stand up kind of guy and not some guy who only looks out for his own interests all the time. Perhaps this is the combination we need?

This is a small fraction of what goes on. Yesterday it was a guy contacting me about his Russian wife hitting him and whether he should have called the police.

In regard to me and finding a wife. That will be for later. Better to find one around here that is not going to face Photoguy's Larisa's problem of homesickness and culture shock.  

Maxx