IMBRA and My giving up

[BC]

Maxx,

Always try to remember that you are Nr. 1 in this world.  With a schedule as you described you're probably overdoing yourself.  Take some time for yourself.. 'carrying the weight of the world' on your shoulders is not very healthy.

[KenC]

Maxx,
Of course there is some honor in what you do, but at what personal cost to you?  You seem to be hell bent on throwing yourself on the sword for the benifit of others.  Quite a few months ago I suggested to you to memorialize your story for one last time in a complete chronological beginning to end telling of your saga.  I thought it would help scare the hell out of newbies and therefore help them to be more careful in their selection process.  But more than that, I thought it might help you, Maxx, to turn the page and move forward with your own life in a more positive fashion.  I see now that that is never going to happen.  You are bound and determined to be the martar for your cause.  I am sure that you will help some guys by disregarding your own personal mental happiness.  God bless you Maxx, but I sure wouldn't do it.
KenC

[Maxx2]

Ken, you and others take what is right for one's self as the highest goal we should seek. When I do that I feel shame. There would be nothing Nobel in our American civilization if our forefathers felt as you do. You need to learn from me not me from you.

Maxx

[BC]

Ken, you and others take what is right for one's self as the highest goal we should seek. When I do that I feel shame. There would be nothing Nobel in our American civilization if our forefathers felt as you do. You need to learn from me not me from you.

(bold added for emphasis)


Maxx,

Maybe from 'here' we're getting a skewed picture of your life.  I do hope your life contains more than what you post here, that you do get out and enjoy a summer bbq with friends, a baseball game, walk in the mountains, on the beach, enjoy a hobby or whatever else floats your boat.

I can imagine running a 24/7 hotline alone can be quite stressful.  I also think that your deep and shocking experience may lead you to build heavy emotional chains with the folks that revert to you.. sort of like a psychologist that absorbs the pain and ails of his patients but later has trouble himself wringing out the sponge on his shoulder, or the doctor that gets too emotionaly attached to patients, suffering great pain when a patient doesn't make it.  Such folks tend to burn out quickly, even making their further efforts useless.

There is absolutely nothing shameful about taking care of yourself first and foremost.. In fact to be in the best postition to help others it is essential that you are in the best state of mind and body.

What you see here from Ken and others imho is brotherly concern, albeit from a distance.

[Leslie]

Maxx,

Over a year ago I chided you for being obsessed with GCG's and suggested the next story you should post was a trip report 

Your heart has not been in finding a wife in FSU for a long while has it?  You are well aware of how to organise an effective search and you have the time and money but you chose not to do this.  Maybe IMBRA is the final straw but it is hardly the whole story is it?  If you chose to dedicate your life to campaigning against USCIS and VAWA act etc.  That is your choice.  In some ways it is admirable and laudable, in others it is creepy.

IMHO you will never build any lasting relationship whilst you are in the grip of this obsession.  You need to put ALL of this behind you before you can begin to rebuild your life.  I understand that you don't want to do this.  I hope you find fulfillment and happiness by your social advocacy.

[Elen]

Agree . Better to forget anything or that nightmare would never end

[Bruno]

Agree . Better to forget anything or that nightmare would never end

I agree with Elen... the past is the past and nothing can change it... but it is our duty to make all is needed for build a bright future...

I was "victim" of a GCG too... but all i have never give up, always seek... i have know some other mistake in my new quest, but after two year, i have finally find someone...

Giving up on RW is not the big problem... i think that your past baggage will be a problem for any relationship, same a local one... Erase everything and start a new life will be a smart move...

In any case, good luck...

[andrewfi]

This whole Russian Woman thing is a fine hobby isn't it? Something for everyone.

At the end of the day though, your country is full of millions of women who will not attempt to steal from you, scam you or deceive you.

Why not go for one of them?
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Ah, its the hobby though isn't it!

Sometimes our pastimes are just a way of escaping from the real world. Some guys escape by building model railways, some of us by writing words on discussion boards. Really though, time to move on, put the track and trains back in the box and go find your other half. She speaks American and if she has a passport, it is blue.

The other gyus at the model railway club will miss you for about five minutes, the members will miss the guy who organised the competitions and the club magazine, for about five minutes. And the guy who played model railways won't miss them at all!

[KenC]

Ken, you and others take what is right for one's self as the highest goal we should seek. When I do that I feel shame. There would be nothing Nobel in our American civilization if our forefathers felt as you do. You need to learn from me not me from you.

Maxx

Maxx (my poor delusional hero),
That you can equate your current crusade to heroic acts of our forefathers is an indication of just how low your self esteem has fallen.  They risked their life and limb to protect their homeland and families and you do it for what?  To correct a glitch in the system that RW take advantage of?  Is that reason enough to flush your life down a toilet?  If you were of stable mind (and I don't think you are), you should be able to have a life and still continue your crusade in a less possessed manner.  But you have allowed this crusade to dominate your own mental well being.  Your value system is out of whack.  Because you do not see the value of "Maxx" as a person, it is of little cost to you to throw your life away for such a petty cause.  Sorry, but I do value my life and happiness too much to do such a thing.  You have crossed the line between being passionate and being fanatical.  Get some therapy, get a life, find some happiness and then maybe sometime in the future you can help bring about a change in the system in a much more controlled and less possessed manner.  Try to remember the "Maxx" that first went to Russia full of hopes and dreams and bring him back.  Only you can do it.  Being a hero for such a minor cause is not worth continuing to live your life in such misery.
KenC

[Bruno]

This whole Russian Woman thing is a fine hobby isn't it? Something for everyone.

At the end of the day though, your country is full of millions of women who will not attempt to steal from you, scam you or deceive you.

Why not go for one of them?

Let see... population from Belgium is 10364000 citizen... where only 707224 women are in my range age (30-39 year old )...

Seem a big choose... but :
45% of the women don't speak the language from my regio ( Dutch )
12% of the women are Lesbian
71% of my age range are already married ( 1.1% are Lesbian marriage )

So lets count... 707224 -  (69.9% married + 12% Lebian ) = 128007 women ... where 70404 speak the language or my regio...

Remove the ugly, the lazy, the bitch, etc... and you have not a lot of choice... why limit myself to my country when i can find millard of women around the earth...

I know that you find that people involve in foreign marriage are looser... but who are the real looser... the men who have not the courage to seek abroad and marry a local women that he don't really love for not stay alone... or the men who seek everywhere for try to find the perfect wife for him ?

At a other level, why the hell a english men will choice the difficult way to live in a other country ( Estonian )... Why have you not stay in UK... If you are lucky in your actual life, no regret about you move in Estonia, you have make the right move for YOURSELF... the same logic way apply to men who seek a foreign women... why limit your choice when you have the full earth for hunting ground...

For shoping, do you go to your little own street shop of do you go more far in some supermarket where you have a large choice of product from all type of quality? Lazy people will choose the nextdoor shop... can be lower quality and highter price but it is so easy... adventurous people will seek more far, until they find the wished jewel...

If a country like America exist today, it is not because of the winny-men who fear to move but because of courageous and adventurous men who don't fear explore the unknow in the hope to find a better life... And since America is now the first world power, it seem that these method is working !

[Maxx2]

Perhaps when I am finished with what I got to do you will get it.

Maxx

[Elen]

Perhaps when I am finished with what I got to do you will get it.

Maxx

I missed what did you got ??? to do?

[KenC]

Perhaps when I am finished with what I got to do you will get it.

Maxx

OK Maxx,
But maybe you should spend a week on that Carribean island with all the 19 year old Russian hookers that they import.  Maybe that is all the "therapy" you need?!
KenC

[Maxx2]

There are certain things that should never be said to another whether you believe them to be true or not. These things do not help. They only have the possiblity of hurting. I am glad Dan took away the large fonts.

Andrew you are right. This is a hobby and we mean little to each other. But there is some warmth even during a heated exchange.    

Yes Leslie it is creepy hobby but I am having fun with it.

I like allot of what Bruno is saying in his last post. Sort of like choosing the road less traveled.  

Maxx

[Maxx2]

I missed what did you got ??? to do?

If I told you that you would tell me that I should listen carefully to Ken 

I am laughing. Damn it! I can't help myself. I like you people!

Maxx 

[Bruce]

"If a country like America exist today, it is not because of the winny-men who fear to move but because of courageous and adventurous men who don't fear explore the unknow in the hope to find a better life... And since America is now the first world power, it seem that these method is working !"

Take that all you USA haters!!!

[Bruno]

"If a country like America exist today, it is not because of the winny-men who fear to move but because of courageous and adventurous men who don't fear explore the unknow in the hope to find a better life... And since America is now the first world power, it seem that these method is working !"

Take that all you USA haters!!!

I was speaking about American from 50 year ago, these who have build the actual USA...

But the actual generation who will build the USA from tomorrow are not make from the same wood... and europa follow the same bad way... more drugs, more crime, more insecurity, lower moral, lower respect, etc ...

And usually, educated foreign people don't hate USA, they only hate the foreign policy of USA... two thing very different...

About the topic itself, i have always consider the USA like the country of liberty... everywhere in the world, citizen have more and more right... but it seem that in USA, american citizen have lower and lower right... some of your liberty was taken away after the 9/11, some other with the IMBRA... what will be the next step ? USA become more and more isolationist... the result after 60 year for USSR what not great...

PS: i have write what you have quote from my post because i think it... but never forget that it was posted by me and since some think that i am anti-american, now imagine what can be posted by a pro-american 

Now, about Maxx, we can make nothing... this is called "natural selection"... when people are victim of virus, some die and some build antibodies who destroy the virus... these antibodies allow to resit at the virus for all the rest of life... of course, some people are more intelligent, they take a vaccine ( good dosis of RWD ) before... these become resistant to virus without know the problem of a first illness... Post from Maxx are a component of these RWD vaccine... that himself don't survive the initial infection of virus is not important for the forum...he will allow other to survive... but at the level of friendship, it is a pitty that he give up...

[Gator]

Maxx’s story has been in my face ever since I returned from my first RW hunting trip 4 years ago.  Personally, Maxx has my gratitude for alerting us to the problem, giving all of some insight into its dimensions, and providing a strategy if the same is about to happen to us.  [Where is that strategy – buried on RWG?]

I have never been an advocate of hiding in the woods and licking my wounds.   And I do not think this is what Maxx is doing.  Maxx is not trying to “get even” as many mean-spirited people would do.  Nor is he whining (he did the first year, but not now).  He is leading a crusade, albeit a small one, to rectify what is clearly an injustice.  He is doing it his way. 

I can not say if Maxx is obsessive because that term has psychological parameters.  The duration perhaps suggests such, yet he seems driven by principle rather than purpose – a key difference.  None of us can say because I know only what he writes here, and we do not know how this has affected his personal and professional life.

I am rankled by aggrieving acts, and I imagine most of you are too.  Injustice is not American.  This was a major injustice when you think about it – criminal record, $$$, psychological wringer, and ultimately prohibited from pursuing a RW (which may be doing Maxx a favor).   

I hope Maxx succeeds with his crusade, and people on this board should support him.  If not, find some compassion please.

Maxx, I wish you well.  There are woman out there who will think you are magnificent, provided you never volunteer this story.  No woman will think better of you after hearing it.  It is not right, but that is the way it is.  So, mum please.   

[Maxx2]

Giving up means for me giving up on the idea of going the MOB route via a K visa. I was trying to show the chilling effect of the IMBRA laws. As Gator pointed out it is best not to explain my past to a woman as it would not be understood or taken well. IMBRA necessitates doing just that though. I would rather not. Can you imagine me explaining to a RW how a judge found me guilty of "pushing and shoving" in a 'he said/SHE SAID!!" civil trial. With the laws being what they are that the woman's argument is to carry more weight. Then explaining the differences between civil and criminal charges. Why the ruling of "pushing and shoving" was so that we could not sue each other (the charge suggest it was mutual and we were both guilty of the same). That ruling was more a CYA for the judge. Then tell her about the 2 year protective order and me having to stay 100 yards away from the Russian wife.   Imagine that conversation with a RW.   IMBRA is the big chill.

Getting your name blackened by the "justice" system is the new America. Get into a traffic accident and the police come not to help but give you a summons to court $$$. Then it is to plead guilty to a petty misdemeanor and pay a small fine or fight it and risk a misdemeanor, a huge fine and possible jail time. THAT is the new America. American men getting entered into Federal files for life as an "abuser" by foreign women wanting green cards and they are given no opportunity or means to exonerate themselves. THAT is the new America. So why would KenC call fighting this as a "petty cause"?   

Maxx

[KenC]

Maxx,
Now you are really becoming a drama queen.  First you say that you are giving up because you can't get another K-1 visa.  That was proved wrong.  Now you say that you are quitting because "it would not be understood or taken well" by a RW.  You know what?  Bullsh!t.  If anyone knows what RW are capable of, it is another RW.  They know better than we do how devious their peers can be.  As I said in a previous post, any one of the agency owners you mentioned would be happy to introduce you and even promote you to the women in their agency.  So don't give us this crap, please.

If you want to quit, then friggen quite.  But don't come on here all melodramatic with your "I am forced to quite because....."  Don't you see that you are still playing the role of a victim?  First you were the victim of Elvira.  Then it was her evil agency. Then it was the court system.  Then it was USCIS.  Then it was IMBRA.  You want to know who's victim you really are?  You are Maxx's victim.  You are the only thing standing between you and living a normal happy life.  Come to think of it, what RW would want such a man for a husband?  Maybe you are right.  Just quit.  But quit crying about it too because it is your choice to live your life as a victim.
KenC

[Maxx2]

Ken, you didn't answer my question. Your choice of words to explain what I am doing as a "petty cause". I'll edit the rest out even though the original is in Ken's quote below. These are things I shouldn't have said. Ken's an alright guy. I will put the rest in another post a bit later.

Maxx

[BC]

Maxx,

Hate to say it but even after looking at Ken's rather bold replies, I don't think he deserves your last response.  You're getting too emotional, even quite resentful and it is showing in a bad way, harming yourself more than anyone else.

Cool off a bit.

[KenC]

Ken, you didn't answer my question. Your choice of words to explain what I am doing as a "petty cause".

Actually, I said "minor cause" not "petty."  I was going to use "petty" but I thought it was more important than that.  But your point really is that I was trying to trivialize your crusade, and in that case you are correct.  You see, Maxx, I have gotten to know you over the years through our postings here and on other forums and through a few phone calls.  I think it is a pity that you cannot shake the funk you are in and get on with your life.  I was sincere when I said before that I thought you should seek therapy.  You have gone through two bitter and devastating divorces almost back to back.  Truth of the matter is that you probably were not in any psychological condition for you second marriage to Elvira.  You had not yet recovered from your first marriage/divorce.  When that too blew up on you, it additionally damaged your own self image which was already low from the first divorce.  Marrying a hot young RW didn't "cure" your problem but made it much worse.  It completely destroyed any self worth you had.  That being said, it is because I think you, Maxx, are more valuable than your cause that I call it "minor."  I would prefer a mentally stable and healthy and happy Maxx over any change to the system you may or may not bring about.

Yes, there are some cracks in the system.  It isn't perfect.  But it isn't all as bad as you make it out to be either.  You cannot be a fair judge of it because those "cracks" have caused you a personal injustice.  But the DV laws and even IMBRA are in place to help those women that are being abused and in some ways they are successful.  Let us not forget that too.

 

Ken in all my years I have never met a man more narcissistic than you.

Maybe you are right, but with the current state of your self worth, anyone that has a healthy self image would appear to be narcissistic to you.  BTW, how can trying to help you be considered narcissistic?

Heck you would deny your own wife a child because it would inconvenience you.

Now where did that come from Maxx?  Having children is a lot more than an inconvenience.  It is a lifetime commitment, if done properly.  It is also a personal choice of the couple involved.  Even though I have commented on this subject in this public forum before, it really is a personal choice that is really none of your business.

You should crawl before me you pathetic excuse for a man. You are without honor, decency or kindness.

I guess I must have cut too close to a nerve somewhere in my previous post.  Needless to say there are many others that might disagree with your assessment.  But you are entitled to your opinion, I guess.

You never admit to a mistake or a weakness, you are ALWAYS right (who could believes that?). It is YOU who is full of sh!t.

It may look like that to you based on where your own self esteem is at the moment, but others may call it "confident."
 

You are a wretch to be pittied by all.

Maxx

Unlike you, Maxx, I really don't want or need to be pitied by others. Also unlike you, I still value Maxx.
KenC

[Maxx2]

Ken I have held this belief about you since we first crossed words more than 3 years ago. My belief is that my drawing attention to bad RW some how offends you. (Could you be perhaps a feminist liberal? Or is it your Russian heritage?) I ask this because I have no memory of you ever condemning the actions of a RW other than the ones on this board that may have offended you. You have been involved with RW for quite a few years now. Where are the stories about the bad ones? JB's got them. I have heard tales from quite a few others on this board but none from you.

If I write an explanation of each and everyone one of your accusations towards me it would be like me trying to explain my past to a RW. It's a useless waste of time.

I would like to leave this board. I have got some pressing things I want to get done. I was hoping to leave it under good conditions. I tried to get a GCG identifier list going but that fell flat. Tell a story of a classic GCG victim and this thread about "IMBRA being the straw that broke my back so watch out you might be next". But Ken would rather anounce in bold type that I am nuts and in need of help. Thanks Ken.

Maxx

[KenC]

You're welcome, Maxx.  I hope you seek the help you desperately need.  Best of luck to you.
KenC