IMBRA and My giving up

[BC]

Maxx,

I hope you don't mind the injection of humor but the mental picture that popped up in my mind just now reading your post is one of you wearing a t-shirt with a big print:  "I'LL BE BACK!"

Good luck friend, we're only a PM away.

[Turboguy]

Maxx,

I have locked horns many a time with KenC, jb, Leslie and sometimes BC or Andrewfin over what they fell is their direct, blunt, shove it in your face style of trying to help people.   Personally I think it does far more harm than good.   I have actually never seen a good result from their advice and I think the mannor in which they go about helping people is demeaning, insulting and hurtful.  They are the way they are and they are not going to change.  I too will fight them on this issue doing my best to make RWD a place where people get help and advice and not hurt and insulted.

I think you probably are hurting a little in the self esteem department.   After what you have gone though anyone would be.  I had an episode in my life long ago that destroyed my self esteem for a while but as they say, time cures all ills and I am fine now and you will be too.

I also gave up my search for a Russian woman about 5 years ago.  I considered it perminant.   I was not writing anyone or looking at any web sites or anything.  A quirk of fate changed my mind and brought me back to my search.

Maxx, you need to do what you feel in your heart what is right for you.  If that is give up the search for a RW abroad then that is what you should do.  If you are meant to resume your search, you will have your own personal quirk of fate that will bring you back to it.  

I too hate IMBRA.   To me persuit of life liberty and happiness is not aided by telling me what I can and can not do in my search for happiness.   If anyone ever does mount a serious and promising effort to fight the law, I would be happy to kick in $ 5,000 or $ 10,000 into the cause even though it may never affect me.  I think it is a shame that you are branded by the government and your former wife without doing anything wrong.  There is not justice in that.  

When you think of RWD, just remember that there are a handful of jerks here and a bunch of nice guys.  I hope KenC's posts don't deter you from participating here.   Virtually everyone here respects you and admires you for the efforts you have made to make this a better world and to help others in desperate need of help.   Thanks for all you have done.

[BC]

Maxx,

I have locked horns many a time with KenC, jb, Leslie and sometimes BC or Andrewfin over what they fell is their direct, blunt, shove it in your face style of trying to help people.   Personally I think it does far more harm than good. I have actually never seen a good result from their advice and I think the mannor in which they go about helping people is demeaning, insulting and hurtful.  They are the way they are and they are not going to change.  I too will fight them on this issue doing my best to make RWD a place where people get help and advice and not hurt and insulted.

Turbo,

You're singing that same 'ol tune again with absolutely nothing to back it up except with subjective impressions.

I say: 'Where's the beef?'

[Gator]

No one here is perfect.  Everyone has their flaws.  While the style of JB, KenC, et al  may rub some people wrong, their observations and advice consistently provide something that should be considered and not ignored.  A bitter pill can still be good therapy.

Maxx, you do protest too much, particularly since you are preaching to the choir here.  RWD is not the place to fight your crusade.  You need to go to Jerusalem and face the infidels.  Somehow you have to get the ear of politically oriented women.  How you do that and how you convince them, I have no idea.

I do have the name of a RW married 7 years and living a 100 miles from you, and she is being abused by her husband.  The abuse is real and harsh, but not violent.   She will not seek help nor see a lawyer.  Maybe you can get a woman’s group to rescue her and open a bridge to them.

BTW, where is the 10-point strategy for preemptive steps to take if someone’s RW is scheming?   

[Leslie]

TG,

As a member of the crew you villify I can tell you this; we have helped 100s of guys over the years.  You have not even been able to help yourself....

I like Maxx. In the past I have supported him. He has helped many guys in dire circumstances.   However I do think it is time for him to move on.  If he choses to continue then I won't comment further.

[Turboguy]

Leslie,   I am not trying to vilify you or anyone of the ones I mentioned.  I think you all are trying to help people.  I think you have good intentions.  I just think you are going about it in the wrong way.  My hopes are not that you will all vanish into the abyss, they are that you will think a little harder about the impact of your words.  I am sure some who just observed gained from your posts, but others have been hurt.   I see still others that are afraid to post because of some of the comments.  I just don't see RWD as a place that should install fear of participating that should send people to other places where the are treated with dignity and helpfullness.

[KenC]

Turbo,
I got the feeling that I was caught in the fairy tale "the Emperor has no clothes" and I was the only one to admit Maxx was naked.  Truthfully, I think most everyone was caught up in all the good that Maxx has done to help guys in similar positions to his, that they ignored what was good for Maxx.  His crusade, although worthy, and in a way these forums have given Maxx an avenue to perpetuate his own misery.  Think about it.  Maxx' divorce was over 3 years ago and yet it is still on his mind every day.  It is time for him to get a life.  One that is a lot better than wallowing in his own self pity.  I am trying to help him.
KenC

[ConnerVT]

No, you're not, Ken.

I keep seeing the strong parallel between Maxx's actions and the guys who come around time to time saying they have a new plan on getting back at the scammer that wrote to them.  We always give them the advice to move on, for the scammers keep on winning until you no longer give them your time.

Don't shoot the messenger, Maxx.  Move on.

[Turboguy]

Ken, I agree that Maxx may be better off if he could put this behind him and move on to try to make a happy life for himself.  I see in Maxx a guy who is exceptional in his efforts to make this a better world.   I think that Maxx is not ready to do that at this time.  I hope the day comes because I would like to see Maxx happy.  Earlier in this thread I was supporting your view that the best thing Maxx could do is to distance himself from his efforts to help others and to start thinking about his own happiness.

My problem with it was later when you were making comments like "Maxx (my poor delusional hero)," followed by very negative comments.   It just really seemed to me you were trying harder to put Maxx down than you were to try to help him solve his woes.   I really do see you as a pretty good person Ken.  Someone reading your posts might think you were one of those people who try to make themselves feel important by making others feel like they are nothing.  I know that is not what you were doing.   I know you were trying to help Maxx.  I just think you would help him more by listenting to what he is saying and giving him suggestions and ideas and not criticism and put downs.

[ConnerVT]

(meant to fix a spelling mistake...)

[KenC]

Sorry Turbo,
You had better re-read the post you refer to.  In it I point out that Maxx' life is more valuable than his cause.  How is that a negative?  His entire self worth is now tied to his crusade to change the DV laws and the IMBRA without any regard to his personal happiness.  He is a hero to that cause.  Where the "delusional" part comes in is that there seems to be no balance in his quest.  Rather than use some spare time to promote his ideas, he appears to be consumed by it.  It is funny that you break my balls for being insulting, negative, demeaning and hurtful and yet say not a word when Maxx attacks me.  The message I presented to Maxx was hurtful, but that alone doesn't make any the less accurate.  Have you noticed that Maxx doesn't really refute what I said, but instead chooses to attack me?  That also tells a lot.
KenC

[Maxx2]

Hey I am doing OK. More than OK. My daughters have just came back into my life after about 6 years. It seems like I am an interesting person to them now. Oddly enough the crash and burn helped. Then a few weeks ago I talked with a RW who is eager to line me up with RW that are already here. There seems to be scads of them out there. I sure hope she doesn't set me up with a blind date with Elvira. That would be my luck.   

My plans are to set up a website on GCGs. My daughter, her fiance and her girlfriend want to assist. I also have the support of an immigration/criminal defence attorney and a retired INS District director. I figure once I get this launched with all the good stuff (streaming videos) I can retire from the GCG crusade and contact the RW. BTW this website will get me out there. This RW has the documented evidence and the story of the RW who committed identity theft with another RW yet still got her green card. And there are other wilder stories of the USCIS incompetents. The media I have been in contact with seems very interested in these types of stories and want me to contact them once I get everything organized for them. I can only imagine the USCIS will not be real happy about that.

There is a time and place for everything. A RW for me right now is not the time. I need to first put my efforts into this other thing. Then the other will follow.

Maxx 

[Turboguy]

Ken,   I don't want this to turn into pages and pages of us picking at each other.  I going to try to say everything I have to say on the subject for now, answer if you want but lets try to get back on topic after this.

Ken, my argument was never about the message.  I agreed with you that Maxx might be better off getting away from the whole thing and concentrating on his happiness.  I think Maxx feels he has a mission and truthfully doing good things for the world can give a lot of satisfaction and he seems like he is not giving up on women or finding a gal so it is his decision.

I spent the first have of my business life working with people.  I read a ton of books on motivating people and understanding how they think.   I took the Dale Carnegie course,  I read a lot of his books.   I probably read his most famous book, "How to win friends and influence people.   At least 6 times.

Personally I don't believe you influence people by attacking them or making "hurtful" comments.  I think just as it did with PG you put them on the defensive and convince them to do the exact opposite of what you want.

Ken, I think you are a very good guy with the best of intentions.  I am not disagreeing with what you say, I just think you could do more good if you said it differently.

As far as your comment that I am not criticizing Maxx for his comments.  If I walked up to you in the street and kicked you in the shins and they you belted me a good one would you criticize me for kicking you in the shins or you for belting me or both.  Personally I would blame me in that situation. 

MAXX,  It sounds like you have a good plan.  I wish you the best of luck with it.  I hope you don't totally put your own happiness on a back burner but having tackled the impossible a few times myself with success I can understand priorities and the importance of following the necessary steps to accomplish what you want.  You are a good guy.  We all admire you and wish you the best.  The truth of it is that Ken said the things he did because he cares about you.  I think you were upset with him for a bit, don't be.  He meant well.  I hope you have some success.  You are tackling a very difficult problem that exists in our country.  It needs to be done and I hope you are the one who can do it.   I don't know of anything I can do to help you but if there is ever a way, let me know.  If I see any good RW around looking for a good guy, I will send them your way.  I think you are right.  There are a lot of them and you will find yours.

[beattledog]

keep looking, never give up

beattledog

[KenC]

Maxx,
Good luck and God bless.  I hope you find happiness some day.
KenC

[Maxx2]

Thank you Ken it will happen.

Maxx

[Maxx2]

Thank you Turboguy. Your post on Luda's late night PC adventures was a classic. I copied to my hard drive on my business computer. It's those little gems like your story that tell so much. Just think Turboguy all you would have had to do is marry her and another GCG would be born.

Maxx                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

[Turboguy]

Thanks Maxx.   There are a lot of things that I have never said here about my experience with Luda.   One of them was that about two or three weeks after she arrived she asked me if I could help her get a green card but without being together.  Basically she wanted me to be a partner in her green card fraud.  Of course I told her no.  I was a little surprised by that because she had a lot of hesitation in coming to America.  I was totally in love with the gal but I agree, the worst thing I could have done was marry her.  I still miss her every day but I know it was never meant to be and could never have worked.  If it ever benefits what you are trying to do, I am pretty sure I have some of her correspondence including the jerk she was writing in Las Vegas where they were trying to figure out who to do a K-1 without ever having met.

[Maxx2]

Yes, that could be quite useful. Please gather that together for me. The immigration/women's advocate websites that support these ladies and there are many never admit that kind of fraud is possible.

About Luda. I think you had said she had a gentle soft nature and that you couldn't imagine her going the DV route. Actually it is quite possible. I know of other guys wives that had a nature that seemed impossible for them to go the DV route yet they did. Some will cry in court and hang their heads in shame yet they let the prosecution go on. 

Maxx

[Maxx2]

Turboguy, the other real value of your story is the lesson of never give a treacherous woman a second chance. You were almost going to use up your last remaining K-1 on her for a second K-1 filing. Yet with the 007 keylogger you had placed on her computer now back in in Russia you seen that she was writing to a man from Germany and setting up a meeting with him. The lesson was to you that despite her tears of regret and confessed love you needed to let your no mean no.

Maxx

[Turboguy]

Luda was strange enough I would not rule anything out.  She did in a way have a strong value system and yet in other ways it was totally haywire.  I bought a new computer right after she left and her stuff is on the old one.  I will have to hook it back up but when I have time I will do that and try to print out some of her stuff.  I will also give you a more complete story of my experiences with her.  I think prior to this it has been bits and pieces scattered through my posts.  If it helps you any then two good things came from it, not one.  I learned a lot and it will have helped you.  I may make some mistakes in the future but mostly it will not be the same ones.

[beattledog]

Just keep on trucking.  It is always most bleak, before a postive outcome so says Beattledog

[Rentvent]

Would the result of the GCG crusade be some feel-good legislation like IMBRA that slows down the immigration process for legitimate couples but really doesn't have any positive outcome?

[Jet]

For sure it would

Conversely, if those in charge of the current system would actually use the laws already on the books, in the manner they were intended, it would solve a good 75% of the problem IMHO.