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Author Topic: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?  (Read 8002 times)

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Offline MarinaSirena

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #50 on: September 10, 2018, 10:50:59 PM »
i like these movies! I am 30. So its a part of my culture.Nowdays most of russians watch @ирония судьбы@ every year on their NY holidays. I am not exception)
« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 10:53:19 PM by MarinaSirena »

Online rwd123

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #51 on: September 10, 2018, 10:55:09 PM »
Tongue was planted very firmly in cheek
I had a travel romance years ago. Met a girl, fell for her and tried a long-distance relationship. When it was faltering decided to visit her for a month. Got my visa, booked my apartment and flew to see her. Two days in it was clear she had moved on, so had four weeks of partying and chasing skirt. And the skirt was good. To be young again...

No engagement rings were involved though, so as always context matters.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 10:58:54 PM by rwd123 »

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #52 on: September 10, 2018, 11:20:10 PM »
I also think Nikolos should do break up by email. Words can be carefully chosen in Email and can be put in a sensitive way so as not to humiliate the receiver. There is also less likelyhood for the woman in others knowing about it - what about neighbours finding out about it if it turns into a shouting match if only on her part. This type if fallout is often given as a reason women don't want a guy to visit in her hometown. The fact that Nikolos is from the US not western Europe is another reason it's ridiculous to make the journey.

I think a lot of guys aren't great on social skills doing this venture (yes like myself) but learn along the way. They get the relationships out in the FSU that they wouldn't get at home. Sure some of this social inepetness mat make give some women a certain negative view on WM and may tell others. However, I think the damage is minimal if you consider the vast numbers of women out there in the FSU. Younger girls move up in age into International dating territory each year, other girls find a local guy or give up on dating, other girls break up with a local guy, gets divorced or he dies through alcolism and they start looking at WM. So I think the selection of FSW looking for a WM is refreshed quite often. Some places where a lot of WM visit might gain a reputation amount local women but to say one relationship here or there is going to make it harder for those that follow I don't think is always true unless it's a very well trodden location in a small city.

Te way I see it this woman has little to complain about. She has been supported for quite some time on 1k a month which even in Moscow is probably pretty decent money which she is probably living pretty well off perhaps even banking some of it if she has any sense. On this front I would say to Nikolos to just send her one extra month on top of this month's payment in advance and explain that will be it, there will be no further money. He should explain that he is giving the extra month payment in case she had already committed herself to anything in expectation of that money. Any further problems or issues of a financial matter are not of his concern. Three months more would just drag it out and is too much. Like has been said she survived before so she will do again.

I think Nikolos muffed it up in the beginning by being too generous too early. As I have found in this venture as a newbie you make mistakes through lacking experience. At each mistake it's a case of 'return to Go' on the great FSU dating board game and start over. Over time guus get more experience and get it more right so long as they learn from the mistakes. The fact that inexperienced guys make mistakes on a game they are unfamiliar with is to be expected.

I think they quicker Nikolos can end this now by email so that everyone can move on with the minimum of disturbane possible the best for all concerned.

Online msmob

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #53 on: September 11, 2018, 12:01:11 AM »
I also think Nikolos should do break up by email.

Well now, going by Trench's expertise on the dating front - Nikolos knows what to do for the best ;)


Online jone

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #54 on: September 11, 2018, 12:04:55 AM »
i like these movies! I am 30. So its a part of my culture.Nowdays most of russians watch @ирония судьбы@ every year on their NY holidays. I am not exception)

One of my favorites..... 

One should always watch the classics.  Just so you don't follow Zhenya's drinking habits.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online msmob

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #55 on: September 11, 2018, 12:20:02 AM »
I think it was Mendy that posted la link to watch classic MosFilms with understandable subtitles..

Here's the starting point:

http://www.youtube.com/user/mosfilm

I must thank rwd123 - for the links - I've never watched "Ирония судьбы, или С легким паром"..


Online rwd123

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #56 on: September 11, 2018, 01:45:58 AM »
I think it was Mendy that posted la link to watch classic MosFilms with understandable subtitles..

Here's the starting point:

http://www.youtube.com/user/mosfilm

I must thank rwd123 - for the links - I've never watched "Ирония судьбы, или С легким паром"..
I normally don't like romance films, but these are good. As was the style at the time, many are in two parts.

I'm just trying to think how you'd pen an email to break up with a fiancée:

Здравствуй, моя любовь!
Кароткие до свидания.
Конец

I mean that has to be romantic because every romance film ends with "Конец". I'm sure Marina has something more poetic.

Online Maxx2

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #57 on: September 11, 2018, 03:46:43 AM »
Maybe you should write a screenplay Marina...



I was thinking before I read your post Rwd123 that Marina can be my co-writer. I write the generalized story, and she puts the polish on it.

Offline MarinaSirena

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #58 on: September 11, 2018, 04:15:04 AM »
I normally don't like romance films, but these are good. As was the style at the time, many are in two parts.

I'm just trying to think how you'd pen an email to break up with a fiancée:

Здравствуй, моя любовь!
Кароткие до свидания.
Конец

I mean that has to be romantic because every romance film ends with "Конец". I'm sure Marina has something more poetic.

 Voila! :-*

Здравствуй, моя любовь!
В длинной нашей истории-
короткие «до свиданья»
Больно от собственных слов…
И я не ищу оправданья
Я-не подонок, не лжец!
Я,как и все- человек,
И мне свойственно ошибаться
Свет наших чувств померк.
Нам время пришло прощаться.
Прощай и... прости, любовь!
Тебя не свожу под венец.
Мне сложно, но я готов
Признать, что это КОНЕЦ.


Online John Gaunt

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #59 on: September 11, 2018, 04:38:43 AM »
I also think Nikolos should do break up by email. Words can be carefully chosen in Email and can be put in a sensitive way so as not to humiliate the receiver. There is also less likelyhood for the woman in others knowing about it - what about neighbours finding out about it if it turns into a shouting match if only on her part. This type if fallout is often given as a reason women don't want a guy to visit in her hometown. The fact that Nikolos is from the US not western Europe is another reason it's ridiculous to make the journey.

I think a lot of guys aren't great on social skills doing this venture (yes like myself) but learn along the way. They get the relationships out in the FSU that they wouldn't get at home. Sure some of this social inepetness mat make give some women a certain negative view on WM and may tell others. However, I think the damage is minimal if you consider the vast numbers of women out there in the FSU. Younger girls move up in age into International dating territory each year, other girls find a local guy or give up on dating, other girls break up with a local guy, gets divorced or he dies through alcolism and they start looking at WM. So I think the selection of FSW looking for a WM is refreshed quite often. Some places where a lot of WM visit might gain a reputation amount local women but to say one relationship here or there is going to make it harder for those that follow I don't think is always true unless it's a very well trodden location in a small city.

Te way I see it this woman has little to complain about. She has been supported for quite some time on 1k a month which even in Moscow is probably pretty decent money which she is probably living pretty well off perhaps even banking some of it if she has any sense. On this front I would say to Nikolos to just send her one extra month on top of this month's payment in advance and explain that will be it, there will be no further money. He should explain that he is giving the extra month payment in case she had already committed herself to anything in expectation of that money. Any further problems or issues of a financial matter are not of his concern. Three months more would just drag it out and is too much. Like has been said she survived before so she will do again.

I think Nikolos muffed it up in the beginning by being too generous too early. As I have found in this venture as a newbie you make mistakes through lacking experience. At each mistake it's a case of 'return to Go' on the great FSU dating board game and start over. Over time guus get more experience and get it more right so long as they learn from the mistakes. The fact that inexperienced guys make mistakes on a game they are unfamiliar with is to be expected.

I think they quicker Nikolos can end this now by email so that everyone can move on with the minimum of disturbane possible the best for all concerned.
Ah, Trench offering up his misers advice again.
The poor man doth spake.

Online msmob

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #60 on: September 11, 2018, 05:19:04 AM »
Voila! :-*

Здравствуй, моя любовь!
В длинной нашей истории-
короткие «до свиданья»
Больно от собственных слов…
И я не ищу оправданья
Я-не подонок, не лжец!
Я,как и все- человек,
И мне свойственно ошибаться
Свет наших чувств померк.
Нам время пришло прощаться.
Прощай и... прости, любовь!
Тебя не свожу под венец.
Мне сложно, но я готов
Признать, что это КОНЕЦ.

I'll bet we see that template used a few times over the years ((

Online Nightwish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #61 on: September 11, 2018, 05:27:16 AM »
I also think Nikolos should do break up by email. Words can be carefully chosen in Email and can be put in a sensitive way so as not to humiliate the receiver. There is also less likelyhood for the woman in others knowing about it - what about neighbours finding out about it if it turns into a shouting match if only on her part. This type if fallout is often given as a reason women don't want a guy to visit in her hometown. The fact that Nikolos is from the US not western Europe is another reason it's ridiculous to make the journey.


No what is ridiculous is that you - and a couple of other social misfits here - say that he should do it by distance.

He asked her to marry him  and started a K1 Visa - that is reason enough.
Quote
2 weeks into the trip, I asked her to Marry me, she accepted...
Without this commitment, I would say - drop her a message and move on, no promised made, you have no obligations. But THIS is just taking it too far to just send a "Deer John" letter.

He seems to have already before his trip home decided - this is not going to work
Quote
Needless to say it was a disaster and I couldn't wait to get back on the plane.
Quote
I just don't have the heart and courage to break it off.

So if he has to spend a whole weekend and a couple of thousand dollars to correct the error he did when he was present in her country, so be it.. being a coward should cost you.

Any other "advice" is plain rubbish.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Online rwd123

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #62 on: September 11, 2018, 06:03:17 AM »
I'll bet we see that template used a few times over the years ((
That's quite possibly the funniest thing I have read on this forum.

But you know, Marina whipped that out fairly quickly, so maybe she's dug that out of an old email sent to Boris or Ivan...  :P

Online jone

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #63 on: September 11, 2018, 10:34:43 AM »
No what is ridiculous is that you - and a couple of other social misfits here - say that he should do it by distance.

He asked her to marry him  and started a K1 Visa - that is reason enough.
Without this commitment, I would say - drop her a message and move on, no promised made, you have no obligations. But THIS is just taking it too far to just send a "Deer John" letter.

He seems to have already before his trip home decided - this is not going to work
So if he has to spend a whole weekend and a couple of thousand dollars to correct the error he did when he was present in her country, so be it.. being a coward should cost you.

Any other "advice" is plain rubbish.

I'm just curious.  Do you think that by traveling around the globe just to tell a woman that you don't want to marry her is going to make her feel better about it?
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online 2tallbill

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #64 on: September 11, 2018, 10:50:55 AM »
i like these movies! I am 30. So its a part of my culture.Nowdays most of russians watch @ирония судьбы@ every year on their NY holidays. I am not exception)

I have a 3 year old now. Of his shows I like Masha i Medved and Pin Code.
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FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online mhr7

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #65 on: September 11, 2018, 11:11:10 AM »
I'm just curious.  Do you think that by traveling around the globe just to tell a woman that you don't want to marry her is going to make her feel better about it?

I've had the same curiosity.
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Online Nightwish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #66 on: September 11, 2018, 11:18:18 AM »
I'm just curious.  Do you think that by traveling around the globe just to tell a woman that you don't want to marry her is going to make her feel better about it?

Nope, but she will probably - in time - see the value in this, and that is - maybe - something she will carry with her when she talks about this with her all her friends, something that they then tell their friends.. you see where this is going.

And maybe that will be a good thing for the "next" guy that comes to Russia to ask a woman to marry her.

If there is one thing men seeking women abroad don't need, it's more bad reputation.

and the other upside, an expensive lesson to someone who ask a woman to marry her after knowing her only two weeks.  He wont probable do that again...
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Online jone

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #67 on: September 11, 2018, 11:38:59 AM »
Nope, but she will probably - in time - see the value in this, and that is - maybe - something she will carry with her when she talks about this with her all her friends, something that they then tell their friends.. you see where this is going.

And maybe that will be a good thing for the "next" guy that comes to Russia to ask a woman to marry her.

If there is one thing men seeking women abroad don't need, it's more bad reputation.

and the other upside, an expensive lesson to someone who ask a woman to marry her after knowing her only two weeks.  He wont probable do that again...

Ahh,  an optimist.

He's already done more than most guys would. 

You live in Sweden.  You're already in Europe.  The flight time is not inconsequential but certainly less than flying across the big pond.  I live in Los Angeles.  It is one hellishly long flight.

While I agree that it was wrong of the guy to ask her to marry him so early, strategically these women have no idea what a task it is to present oneself on their doorstep. 

My personal opinion is that by waiting to fly to Russiya, it is prolonging something that should be done quickly, but with grace and tact.  You imbue qualities in the woman that may not necessarily exist.  Done from a perspective of chivalry, a quality few share with you.   But, ultimately, I think that the breakup should occur immediately, once the decision is made.  So that both may get on with their lives.

Do you think if the roles were reversed, the Russian woman would not tell the man over a Skype connection?  She would. 

So you endorse a self inflicted punishment on the man for deciding too early that he wanted to marry the woman and then, upon finding they had nothing in common, changed his mind.

I have favorable thoughts about some of the women who have broken up with me.   And none of them were particularly tactful about the way they went about it.  The world is a big world.  Who can say how this breakup will impact the future of the woman's or the man's life?   I can't.  And neither can you. 

So, this whole idea of flying to Russia to explain to the lady why you can't marry her in my mind is superflous.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online Nightwish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #68 on: September 11, 2018, 11:58:24 AM »
Ahh,  an optimist.

He's already done more than most guys would. 

You live in Sweden.  You're already in Europe.  The flight time is not inconsequential but certainly less than flying across the big pond.  I live in Los Angeles.  It is one hellishly long flight.

While I agree that it was wrong of the guy to ask her to marry him so early, strategically these women have no idea what a task it is to present oneself on their doorstep. 

My personal opinion is that by waiting to fly to Russiya, it is prolonging something that should be done quickly, but with grace and tact.  You imbue qualities in the woman that may not necessarily exist.  Done from a perspective of chivalry, a quality few share with you.   But, ultimately, I think that the breakup should occur immediately, once the decision is made.  So that both may get on with their lives.

Do you think if the roles were reversed, the Russian woman would not tell the man over a Skype connection?  She would. 

So you endorse a self inflicted punishment on the man for deciding too early that he wanted to marry the woman and then, upon finding they had nothing in common, changed his mind.

I have favorable thoughts about some of the women who have broken up with me.   And none of them were particularly tactful about the way they went about it.  The world is a big world.  Who can say how this breakup will impact the future of the woman's or the man's life?   I can't.  And neither can you. 

So, this whole idea of flying to Russia to explain to the lady why you can't marry her in my mind is superflous.

I could agree with your opinion if it wasn't for that small fact that he had decided about this before he even left her in Russia, now he is just being a selfish coward seeking approval to end this in distance, and I wont give that to him.

I really don't care where is he from, if he has 1 hour flight or 100 hours of flight, he put himself in this situation.

Lets say I had met and engaged a Filipina (which I almost did a few years ago) and  then decided on a trip there, naah I don't want this because of this and that reason... no way in hell I would keep on endure the time with her there, just waiting for the flight home, and then go and ponder how I will tell her it's off.

I would do it while I was still there - as he had the chance to do - or go back and do the honorable thing.

but yes, that is my own opinion, it just happens to be the only right opinion also  :)
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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #69 on: September 11, 2018, 12:09:29 PM »
Yeah.  Well.  You can have your opinion, but just because you have it doesn't make it right. 

I know many Russian women.   They are quite matter-of-fact as a whole.  Some would consider that to be less sensitive.  I happen to view it as pragmatic.   

The pragmatic thing to do is to end the relationship.  Quickly.   Before more time passes. 

So, we have two opinions here.  Mine and yours.   Yours costs the guy thousands of dollars.  But you advocate it that because he didn't tell her that he wanted to break up with her when he was there.  I can tell you, from experience, that such decisions are arrived at, not decided.  While he may have had the thoughts while he was in Russia, it is quite possible that they didn't coalesce until he was making the trip back.

But, by all means, tell the guy to spend the money.  Fly to Russia.  He gets there.  Tells her that he doesn't want to marry her.  She looks at him and says; "Why did you fly all the way to Russia to tell me that?"  He says; "Because it was the honorable thing to do."   She says; "You are wasting my time here."

That scenario above is very likely.   Time you learned about Russian women.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #70 on: September 11, 2018, 12:24:20 PM »
Yeah.  Well.  You can have your opinion, but just because you have it doesn't make it right. 

I know many Russian women.   They are quite matter-of-fact as a whole.  Some would consider that to be less sensitive.  I happen to view it as pragmatic.   

The pragmatic thing to do is to end the relationship.  Quickly.   Before more time passes. 

So, we have two opinions here.  Mine and yours.   Yours costs the guy thousands of dollars.  But you advocate it that because he didn't tell her that he wanted to break up with her when he was there.  I can tell you, from experience, that such decisions are arrived at, not decided.  While he may have had the thoughts while he was in Russia, it is quite possible that they didn't coalesce until he was making the trip back.

But, by all means, tell the guy to spend the money.  Fly to Russia.  He gets there.  Tells her that he doesn't want to marry her.  She looks at him and says; "Why did you fly all the way to Russia to tell me that?"  He says; "Because it was the honorable thing to do."   She says; "You are wasting my time here."

That scenario above is very likely.   Time you learned about Russian women.

 :cheesy: and you don't think I know? I am engaged to one.

And your scenario is most likely what will happen, but that is beside the point I am making.
I don't give his discomfort or expenses any consideration.

I am saying this for "the next one out there".
Am I an optimist - yes, do I consider doing the honorable thing triumphs everything else - yes.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #71 on: September 11, 2018, 12:25:45 PM »
:cheesy: and you don't think I know? I am engaged to one.

And your scenario is most likely what will happen, but that is beside the point I am making.
I don't give his discomfort or expenses any consideration.

I am saying this for "the next one out there".
Am I an optimist - yes, do I consider doing the honorable thing triumphs everything else - yes.

I tip my hat to you, my friend.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #72 on: September 11, 2018, 01:08:18 PM »
I tip my hat to you, my friend.


I'm with Jone on this one. End it now and move on. Next time, don't be in such a hurry to propose to a complete stranger..... :rolleyes:
every ship can be a minesweeper at least once...

Online mhr7

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #73 on: September 11, 2018, 01:32:22 PM »
Do you think if the roles were reversed, the Russian woman would not tell the man over a Skype connection?  She would. 

She'd do it in a heartbeat. I agree with you, there's no reason to go through the time and expense to do this in person. There's absolutely no dis-honor in doing this by distance at all.
"We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." - Louis Brandeis

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #74 on: September 11, 2018, 02:20:17 PM »
Ah, Trench offering up his misers advice again.
The poor man doth spake.

I don't consider it poor man's advice it's advice I would follow even as a rich man. I've seen that bringing money into a dating situation with a FSW rarely seems to work out well. Krimster is a guy that knows how to use he's wealth in the FSU. Most guys, particularly newbies don't know how to use it. I know this because I have misused using wealth and as a result know that you don't have to be taken (or give) much out there for it to start working against you. In the FSU a little wealth is a lot if wealth. That's not to say they are  all dirt poor, some are but more about how you will be perceived by being generous to be nice. Being nice to be generous ra rely seems to be rewarded out there.

Nightwish:
I think this woman has done well enough in receiving 1k a month just on the basis of a marriage proposal/engagement. So she has nothing to complain or badmouth WM over, she did well enough out of it. Relationships end all the time at various stages by various means. Would a woman pay 1k to a man a month if the situation was reversed? Would she travel on a 15 hour plus journey to break it off? or would she just email? Or would she just cut communication altogether as some posters have found on here - the woman just deletes them of her phone and moves on. What about WM that get treated badly by FSW or who get dumped after engagement or whatever? Why do we always berate the actions of us men on here and overlook women. A women many posters on her will say 'She's allowed to do that because...' or 'Its up to her how she choses...' - Boethius perhaps. When it comes to the man though apparently the same does not apply to him???

I say if Nikolos wants to break up by a polite, decent and thoughtful email that is an entirely proper thing for him to do. There is no shame in that or need to run the gauntlet of pain and frustration by going all the way there. Aside from it being entirely unnecessary it is wasting good resources after something that is done and has no mileage left in it, a totally pointless affair. Just let it be done with and move on I say.


 

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