fsu dating advice please

[ML]

I know this is off-topic......but I don't know where to begin........discussing TC's attitude towards this MOB adventure.My main observation is for him to do something else. His attitude has him already six feet under......with no ladder to get out. To worry about "cheating and such".......before even meeting someone "first"......demonstrates a huge lack of self-confidence. My wife is a beautiful woman who has been "hit-on). Even she can't stop such a thing from happening. But she can (and has).....shut it down. We can't always control the actions of other people.....but we can control our reaction to the situation. TC's lack of confidence is not a problem that has to do with beautiful FSUW's..........but with women in general (even AW's). Self-confidence needs to be worked on and obtained before any dating.......anywhere.....is practiced. Sorry for being off-topic.......what was the question?

WOW it is amazing how bullies run in packs and love to pile on.

Not surprising where their children pick up such behaviors.

[Gator]

Gator................welcome neighbor! The wife and I just moved to Englewood, Florida (permanently) about four months ago.

Yes, you are a neighbor, about two hours away.  Wifey and I take the occasional day trip that direction, a great opportunity to get together.   

You are near some fantastic fishing.  This March and April, I suggest you try some flats fishing for snook and redfish.   Anyone named "Capt" should have his own boat; if you don't, there should be many flats charters advertised in the Boca Grande and Placida areas, who fish Charlotte Harbor.  For more sport (but not fish to eat, try the Tarpon when the water temp rises). 

Hoping the Red Tide does not return!

[Cameraguy]

USA still has Christian law ,

What, pray tell, is "Christian Law?" Sounds like an actor.

Men are being beaten into the ground by society hence we seek wives from the FSU and hope they stay true to their former cultures than the complete cultural mess of the UK.

James, not to pile on here, but you have no idea what "staying true to their former culture" means. People in the FSU are street-smart survivors because they have to be. From one end of that country to the other, I was told in a friendly way how "naive" they thought Westerners and especially Americans are. A common attitude in the FSU is, if I can scam you, it was really your fault because you weren't clever enough to prevent it.

There are wonderful women over there (like anywhere) and there are others who will happily relieve you of every penny and grind you into pelmeni to serve as zakuska at their next dinner party. Because of your naive attitude and unwillingness to learn from others, you'll never know the difference until you finally learn the hard way. 

So all I can say is Nostrovia!

~CG

[Trenchcoat]

why is it always "society's fault" and never your own?
the world is what it is, it's up to you to adapt to it, and not the other way around...

In the UK a girl wanting a guy is like shooting apples in a barrel - easy life for them. From what you say Krimster it's much the same/probably even more so where you are from.

Its true though not everyone realises it is their environment they can change it may not be them. We are brought up with the saying 'You can't expect the world to change for you its you that have to change'. Truth is though this isn't quite true, we can change the world/environment around us by moving to a different environment that suits us better.

In the UK we are brought up to accept what the situation is and what is on hand. The default state of mind for most guys is to 'pick from that' as it is on hand. Only in more recent years has it gathered pace a little that guys will look abroad. Hell, I even know of a Polish guy that dates an English girl even though the relationship is not great, full of arguments etc. It's simply because it's on hand rather than him trying back in Poland.

[Trenchcoat]

So how do you account for the fact that the vast majority of UK men marry UK women?  Or that the vast majority of those UK men stay married to their UK wives? 

I don't know about the UK, but I do know that in most of North America, men who go to the FSU to find a wife are derided as "losers", "abusers", etc.  That may not be fair, but it's a common perception.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

As I put to Krimster it's generally because that's what's on hand. We take what is put in front of us and are told 'that's all there is' so just accept it. Many guys will just settle for any sort of half reasonable proposition. It's a buyers market here for what women looking for men so making it the men that have to sell/market themselves.

In the FSU it's the opposite way around or at least not nearly so as disadvanteous to the men.

Most UK guys will try to stick with their UK girls especially if kids are involved it's just a pain for then otherwise. Even still broken families are becoming a more and more common phenomenon. Disfunctional situations and mental health issues are becoming quite problematic.

A couple of decades ago UK guys would probably have be seen as 'losers' simply due to there being consternation as to why a guy should need to go that far to deliberately try and find a woman. Also not as many guys were openly known as looking over their back then. Now a days though with all the other issues in society it's tends to be seen on more neutral terms. I don't think people judge as much as they used to. In general I get the impression in the US depending on where you are perhaps some people judge more. Personally I wouldn't care what people think - as I would know I am happy with what I am doing so to hell with what anyone else thinks. In fact if anyone took issue I would be glad of the opportunity to show how preferable my situation is and take joy in it

[ML]

People in the FSU are street-smart survivors because they have to be. From one end of that country to the other, I was told in a friendly way how "naive" they thought Westerners and especially Americans are. A common attitude in the FSU is, if I can scam you, it was really your fault because you weren't clever enough to prevent it.

I think there are more appropriate adjectives to describe the FSU folks and their attitudes that you discuss above.

[Gator]

I don't know about the UK, but I do know that in most of North America, men who go to the FSU to find a wife are derided as "losers", "abusers", etc.  That may not be fair, but it's a common perception.

This is not my experience.  Perhaps it is because my social circles tend to be offbeat, and I avoid negative, derogatory people, especially those who are judgmental about personal decisions.   Life is too precious to waste with small-minded people.

[Boethius]

You may not know what people say behind your back. I’ve had the same said about me, notwithstanding my husband and I are approximately the same age, about equally matched look wise, and I married young with little education and no money. Of course, a lot of those stories made their way back to me, or him.

As to krimster, my point was not about veracity, just general societal perceptions.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

[ML]

I don't know about the UK, but I do know that in most of North America, men who go to the FSU to find a wife are derided as "losers", "abusers", etc.  That may not be fair, but it's a common perception.

I think this is probably true.

However I think there can be a lot of variation from individual to individual based on how the man goes about it and how much he tells.

For instance, if the man has complained to family and friends for many years about his lack of success in finding the 'right' gal in his home country . . . then quite likely that family and friends will consider him a loser who must resort to such strange undertakings.

Others may be famous for having large numbers of local women friends, so their family and friends will have a different attitude toward their foreign endeavors.

There are others, such as myself, who fall into neither of the above categories and are known to travel to many countries for business, etc., . . . so it is not viewed at all strange or surprising that they should end up with a foreign gal.

[Cameraguy]

I think there are more appropriate adjectives to describe the FSU folks and their attitudes that you discuss above.

I'm not suggesting that's the attitude of everyone in the FSU, but it's by no means inappropriate.


For those who are scammers (which is endemic, particularly when it comes to WM seeking FSU women), the "if I can scam you, then it's really your fault" is definitely a common attitude.


It's admittedly been a few years since I've visited the FSU, but I doubt this one has changed.


~CG

[Bee Farmer]

So how do you account for the fact that the vast majority of UK men marry UK women?  Or that the vast majority of those UK men stay married to their UK wives? 

I don't know about the UK, but I do know that in most of North America, men who go to the FSU to find a wife are derided as "losers", "abusers", etc.  That may not be fair, but it's a common perception.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

Why do so many American guys marry fat American women, or girls of low standards?

Convenience.  The girls are easy, or easier than looking abroad.  The guys get what they are looking for (at least in the short term) with a minimum of personal effort.  I've heard it said (and I don't disagree) that for many men, their idea of a relationship/marriage is a one night stand that happens with the same woman every night, and their emotional involvement is about equivalent to what one would expect with a one night stand.

If men are stereotyped as losers and abusers, how are FSU women stereotyped by their cultures?  (In the US, they are often viewed as gold-diggers, or girls looking for a meal ticket.)  I read once that it was estimated that 70% of men in the MOB search have a mental illness of some kind, and something like 40% of the women do.  That's not a very heartening prospect.

I think some men are losers or abusers who search for FSU women.  I've met a few that have married FSU women, and I would consider some to be very low desirability type guys...these guys would have a difficult time getting plain or heavyset girls at church.

I think some guys pursue FSU women because they have wealth, and they want a beautiful FSU wife as a trophy or status symbol, no different than buying a fancy foreign car. 

I think some guys have had painful or bad experiences with American women, and begin to idealize that foreign women will have certain qualities they are looking for.

I have heard it said that men are looking for a nurse, a purse, or a plaything.  Because of the economic disparity between countries, I think we can eliminate purse from why American men pursue FSU girls, but I don't discount nurse or plaything as a reason many men look there.

And I think some men search overseas because the internet makes it easy and convenient to look for women who have traits the men are looking for, especially if the man is looking for physical traits.  In the US, from my experience, it is rather difficult to find women past the age of 30 who have never been married, have no kids, and are physically fit who are remotely what someone would consider marriage material.  (The same may be true of FSU women, but it is easy to only promote our good points online, and hide the bad points, which often results in people idealizing the other.)  It often seems that the good ones are gone by age 30. 

[Bee Farmer]

What, pray tell, is "Christian Law?" Sounds like an actor.

~CG

Christian law usually refers to laws with Judeo-Christian values.

Strong property rights.
Individual accountability.
Do unto others as you would have done unto you, and do not as you would not have done unto you.

[Gator]

You may not know what people say behind your back.

So what!  For small-minded, negative things said behind my back, my Give-a-Shit meter reads "zero." 

For sure it does not affect my happiness.  My life is not defined by where my wife lived 8 years ago.  People who speak this way usually have their own set of difficult issues. 


Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."   

[Boethius]

Not really certain what your point is.  I never mentioned happiness, just general perceptions in society.

Oscar Wilde was a notorious gossip. So was Voltaire. I guess Eleanor Roosevelt wasn’t a fan of either. 

This post was composed without the aid of google.

[Cameraguy]

BeeFarmer, "Christian law" may be a colloquial term, but a Google search turns up nothing except religious and biblical references.

And thanks to the poster who PM'd the following: "Your last post, on taking advantage of foreigners is spot on. There is generally no shame in this in Ukraine. They apply the word "хитрість" to this - loosely translated to "slyness", but meaning more."

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Absolutely true and one of my favorite quotes.

~CG

[SteveInBoston]

You may not know what people say behind your back. I’ve had the same said about me, notwithstanding my husband and I are approximately the same age, about equally matched look wise, and I married young with little education and no money. Of course, a lot of those stories made their way back to me, or him.

As to krimster, my point was not about veracity, just general societal perceptions.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

I think the above may or may not occur depending on your social circles and your relationship pattern.

My friends are from Malaysia, Singapore, Puerto Rico, Vietnam, and exotic Alabama.    I've dated a French Canadian girl originally from New Zealand, a Venezuelan girl in France, and a Greek woman who broke things off to focus on yoga in the Berkshires (Massachusetts).  The wildest and most unusual girlfriend I had was from Kentucky. 


T is one of the most normal relationships I've had.

[ML]

The wildest and most unusual girlfriend I had was from Kentucky. 

Bourbon says it all.

[ML]

Quote from: ML on Today at 06:59:34 PM
I think there are more appropriate adjectives to describe the FSU folks and their attitudes that you discuss above.

I'm not suggesting that's the attitude of everyone in the FSU, but it's by no means inappropriate.

For those who are scammers (which is endemic, particularly when it comes to WM seeking FSU women), the "if I can scam you, then it's really your fault" is definitely a common attitude.
It's admittedly been a few years since I've visited the FSU, but I doubt this one has changed.

Let me clarify.  I agree with your assessment of many FSU folks regarding if they cheat you, it is your fault.

So you should have used more 'nasty' adjectives to describe them.

[msmob]

In the UK a girl wanting a guy is like shooting apples in a barrel - easy life for them.

Trench,

You and James are - once again -  portraying a scenario I do not recognise - both as a male who spend his teenage years to his v.early 40's in the UK and having two daughters who - thankfully - look more like their Ma than me...

In your case - particularly - you come across as a misogynist ...with crack-pot ideas as to courtship

In the UK we are brought up to accept what the situation is and what is on hand.

it's generally because that's what's on hand. We take what is put in front of us and are told 'that's all there is' so just accept it.

  More generalised twaddle ... I was 'taught' no such thing - no-one taught me how to date...

I even know of a Polish guy that dates an English girl even though the relationship is not great, full of arguments etc. It's simply because it's on hand rather than him trying back in Poland.

Lol,  There are approx 500k Polish women to choose from in the UK ....IF that was he reasoning - which I seriously doubt ....   

Most UK guys will try to stick with their UK girls especially if kids are involved it's just a pain for then otherwise. .

UTTER Twaddle

Two questions:

1/ What is the UK divorce rate ?

2/ How many of those divorces involve children ?

'Thank you' ..

A couple of decades ago UK guys would probably have be seen as 'losers' simply due to there being consternation as to why a guy should need to go that far to deliberately try and find a woman. Also not as many guys were openly known as looking over their back then. Now a days though with all the other issues in society it's tends to be seen on more neutral terms. I don't think people judge as much as they used to. In general I get the impression in the US depending on where you are perhaps some people judge more. Personally I wouldn't care what people think - as I would know I am happy with what I am doing so to hell with what anyone else thinks. In fact if anyone took issue I would be glad of the opportunity to show how preferable my situation is and take joy in it

There is no basis in fact or even in the Trench-world for this daft 'theory', either .. You are posting bollox..

STOP making excuses and learn by your mistakes - instead of finding comfort with the occasional loser who might 'agree' with you

If you spent more time dating and less time theorising here ....... 

[Boethius]

I think the above may or may not occur depending on your social circles and your relationship pattern.

My friends are from Malaysia, Singapore, Puerto Rico, Vietnam, and exotic Alabama.    I've dated a French Canadian girl originally from New Zealand, a Venezuelan girl in France, and a Greek woman who broke things off to focus on yoga in the Berkshires (Massachusetts).  The wildest and most unusual girlfriend I had was from Kentucky. 


T is one of the most normal relationships I've had.

I know a lot of people, and I can count on one hand those married to individuals who grew up in another country (unless they both did), or who are of different races. I do live in an area that’s predominantly white.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

[Jamesukjames]

Boethius most of my male UK friendship group envy me and most wish they were in my position.  Although they forget the nasty bitter divorce I went through.  Most are un happy in their marriages.  These are my university  friends and others I've known since my 20s.  A few mean comments from strangers In bars from women and men because my fsu   g f has not followed the UK dress code and so looks sooooo much better.

[Jamesukjames]

Anyone coming to London.  I recommend the rosewood hotel.  Lovely bar

[Boethius]

Boethius most of my male UK friendship group envy me and most wish they were in my position.  Although they forget the nasty bitter divorce I went through.  Most are un happy in their marriages.  These are my university  friends and others I've known since my 20s. 

So why aren't they changing their lives?  Most of the people I know are not unhappy.

A few mean comments from strangers In bars from women and men because my fsu   g f has not followed the UK dress code and so looks sooooo much better.

I think people who "stick out" generally get stares.  It's not that they look better, it's that they look different.  Goths get a lot of stares and mean comments.  It's not because they look better, it's that they stick out for looking different. 

A number of years ago, before the refugee crisis, I read an article by an African American studying in Germany. She was criticizing the police for singling out an African for attention in a park. She yelled at the police, who were perplexed. What she never understood was that he was singled out not because of the colour of his skin, but rather, because his cultural norms and behaviours were not German, and, therefore, stood out as different, thus attracting attention and in this case, suspicion. That’s what I believe is at play. I can always spot an FSU individual, as can the better half and two of our children. The third can, but just doesn’t give two f———.  The kids refer to them as “FOBS”. Similarly, there are behaviours in our multicultural society from “FOBS” that don’t fit here, such as abandoning a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle, or having a conversation with someone they ran into, blocking it for everyone else who can’t pass. That’s what the people in the pub see, and comment on.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

[msmob]

Boethius most of my male UK friendship group envy me and most wish they were in my position.  Although they forget the nasty bitter divorce I went through.  Most are un happy in their marriages.  These are my university  friends and others I've known since my 20s.  A few mean comments from strangers In bars from women and men because my fsu   g f has not followed the UK dress code and so looks sooooo much better.

Some of  MY UK friends that are married prob think I'm crazy - gven things with V and I didn't work out ...  They liked her ... My first wife called my RU g/f's 'prostitutes' ....  but surely all that matters is the two of you being happy ?

V toned down the bright reds she used to wear ( Jackets and high heel boots ) but can still be seen occasionally wearing thigh length boots

SC doesn't give a ... what others think .... 

[Blighty]

Anyone coming to London.  I recommend the rosewood hotel.  Lovely bar

Are you serious? Seen the prices?

http://tinyurl.com/ycxgg2xj