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Author Topic: Views on Marriage  (Read 113 times)

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Online msmob

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Views on Marriage
« on: June 06, 2019, 03:58:39 AM »
I personally know a LOT of people who have gone through a divorce
to me they ALL had this one thing in common
they were antagonistic to their spouse (before the divorce)

You didn't know me ;)

I rarely raised my voice to V and if I did - she would not talk to me for days ! 

Our issue was a sudden DRASTIC drop in income, followed by disgruntled clients and finally the Police calling to ask where I was - ( took a second job to try to plug the bucket of error ridden double, triple and many times more simultaneous charges to a credit card that went on for 13 months )

Even SHE though  I was doing something 'crooked' ..  THEN . 


To me, TRUST is the thing that goes in a marriage going wrong then lack of respect on one or both of the partners' parts..


My first wife thought I was playing the field - while I was earning good money working away .. I REALLY wasn't - even when I ended up sharing a room with a lady we knew who simply couldn't get a hotel room during the German IT show CeBit


So, isn't trust ( lack of )  - what goes first in a relationship that dies ?



Offline iolanik

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Views on Marriage
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2019, 03:59:36 PM »
I personally know a LOT of people who have gone through a divorce
to me they ALL had this one thing in common
they were antagonistic to their spouse (before the divorce)
this antagonism escalated to mutual hostility and then divorce
I saw this play out over and over
so keep in mind being antagonistic to your spouse, may be the first step in you splitting up

OTOH, if you feel deep love for your spouse
then your actions should ALWAYS reflect this feeling
I put my wife’s interests FAR above my own
if there’s ever a conflict
then I put my thumb on the scale on my wife’s side
I never feel I have to “stand up for myself”
when I’m the one who makes this choice
to be a pater familias
you must remove all selfishness

Krimster, you make an assumption that bc those of us who are divorced have an untold part of our story that we are leaving out (whetehr it be character flaws or negative actions). Of course there are always 2 sides to a story but the statement you make about putting aside selfishness in order to make your wife happy does not work when only one person is "selfless" and the other party is "Selfish"  Perhaps it is a successful recipe for some to have a 1 way relationship where one gives constantly and the other party "takes" constantly. Unfortunately for me, a one way street does not make for good 2 way traffic. This is NOT the Hawaiian way and what I have learned about the main cultural difference between Russians and Hawaiians is the delineation between "SELFLESS" and "SELFISH" As a whole, compare the 2 peoples/cultures and see if my assertion is incorrect. I am not saying one is better than the other, but the difference is a MAJOR obstacle..as it was in my case.

Online krimster2

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Views on Marriage
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2019, 05:12:03 PM »
sorry my man
my comments weren't directed towards you, I had some others in mind...
no with you, I can kinda see it the way you're calling it...
I have had relationships like that in my past, and felt exactly the same way you did about it...
no differences there, except I wasn't married to them, and could just walk away and say s'long!

I don't know the circumstances of how you met your wife
what that experience was like for you
about my wife, whom I've been with with going on 20 years now I can say this
we are as different as black is from white
yet we are ying and yang to each other
why is it one man can be so fortunate
and another not
in the end is it just luck or fate
Shakespeare said no
that the fault always lies within us


 
вы думаете, что любой из этих людей, даже российских, подозревает, что я русский?

 

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