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Author Topic: Did I Screw Up?  (Read 23548 times)

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Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2019, 11:54:05 AM »
Scarface-

So many dudes have come and gone with the same story as yours - here, and in other forums. First things many guys do that went through the trail is they immediately abandon their wits and instincts. They start doing things outside of their personal belief and comfort zone. Secondly, within their deepest physiological fabric, and within the spectrum of their heterosexual gender traits, women are women. Differences in culture are superficial and shouldn't be a qualifier in what makes a woman.

So I'll cut through the chase and tell you what I easily saw in your situation...

I'm certain that segment had been discussed and expressed during the period you two talked. I'm inclined to believe you may have expressed and expanded on this subject as much as most do when they search for women in the MOB. Typically, I'm inclined to believe based solely on the obvious, the default subject will always be about a *pseudo-white-knight-in-shining-armor-rescuing-a-damsel-in-distress*. For most of these men, what else is there to discuss from their vantage point?

Trips, gifts, wine-dine, support, etc...are all showered during these times. Make no mistake about that. As though these men have no other redeeming value about them other than those that require pulling out their wallets.

Knowingly, willingly, begrudgingly. Makes no different.

Reap...sow...lather, rinse, repeat. Guys goes off to fish for a specific fish, specifically equipped with specific tools and bait hoping to land that specific fish. But when they catch exactly what they came to fish for, guess what happens?

Like it or not, from most of the women of the MOB's POV - WMs are simply Disneyland suitors because that's exactly what men portray themselves to be from the get go. They come in droves with a promise of giving them an eTicket ride to easy street. You were the perfect prototype of that description. I'm surprised you're shocked at the inevitability of your 'catch'. This is not about 'fault'. It just 'is'.

Read this board's T/R section, or any other board's T/R section, and you'll generally read the same story repeating itself. Trips, gifts, wine-dine, support, etc..lather, rinse, repeat..

If not now, you'll see it later.

I'm someone from the internet you do not know. Hence, I don't want to give you any advise how to live your life. You'll be a bigger buffoon if you do that. The only thing I can say to you now is, exercise introspection and be honest to yourself. Trust your own instinct and judgment.

There are a lot os assumptions here. But I never wined and dined her never gave her a gift only flowers a couple of times. There is no MOB. I met her online not through any agency or service. As far as I can tell she has never been on any other site. If so she used a completely different set of images. According to her, she has never been on any other site.

As far as having no redeeming value other than money. I guess that is possible. But I can tell you what she told me. She told me in no uncertain terms on many many occasions what she liked about my character. And it had to do with things like wisdom, work ethic, desire to succeed, self-reliance. This was told to me over and over. Maybe she was lying? I guess it's possible. But if she was what a good con.

Also, I never expected nor portrayed myself as a white knight or any type of Disneyland suitor. I never tried to indicate or show wealth or mention my money. I never offered anything that would be akin to easy street other than a relationship with me. I think that shock is an appropriate reaction to this situation. And I would appreciate more constructive comments rather than criticism.

This is unpleasant enough without you piling on safely in your armchair.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 12:05:02 PM by scarface816 »

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2019, 12:02:44 PM »
if you get ambushed, then you didn't talk enough
you should never get ambushed like this...

so darlink, let's talk about 'kapusta
I would open with $500 monthly support for her to quit work...
and THAT'S IT!!!
tell her, this is her budget...
until she gets her visa

then buy her a couple of gifts you'd think she'd like
all women have "cravings" my wife's and daughters is diamond jewelry...

even another negative note I gotta relay to you
a Russian teenager in America ain't gonna be like any of your American ones
and will introduce a TON of problems into your relationship....
if you get into a conflict with your stepdaughter, guess whose side your wife will be on?
ALSO...
when this all blows up in your face a year from now, guess who gets the child support bill?

you can easily pull a late 30s, early 40s childless woman in Ukraine
I'm about the same age as you,
I was "hit on" by a gazillion 40ish year olds last month in Moscva and even some who were younger
a couple were REALLY HOT!!!
I think you can do better than you think, and don't have to accept a woman with a child
honestly, I wouldn't because it doubles the risk
remember that calculus I mentioned earlier
ya gotta think pretty hard what failure will mean to you here...
and your odds don't look good....
that's why I'd fold this hand....
and use what ya learned next time ya play

« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 12:06:23 PM by krimster2 »

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2019, 12:41:09 PM »

if you get into a conflict with your stepdaughter, guess whose side your wife will be on?

True, but conflicts with my stepdaughter were trivial. She was already over 21 when marrying her mama,  and a serious adult determined to educate herself and work..  In contrast, my wife takes my side with the younger son.  Both are a joy, and welcomed additions to my sense of family. 

The relationship with the child is important.  16-yo is a difficult age because they are hormone-imbalanced.     How is it going?   I suggest you make time to talk with her.   She will have to make new friends, new everything and maybe has some reservations,  which you could address.   

Quote
when this all blows up in your face a year from now, guess who gets the child support bill?

For a short marriage, the obligation in my state for step children is nil unless you have adopted them.  Also, in less than 2 years, the daughter will be an adult (18-yo) in the eyes of the many states.  As such, you will have no obligation to support her. 

Quote
you can easily pull a late 30s, early 40s childless woman in Ukraine
I'm about the same age as you,

A RW common expression  - there is something wrong with a man who has never been married.

From my perspective there is something wrong with a 30s- 40s FSUW who has never been married. I dated a few.   Fun, but conflicting.  Even more concerning if she  says she does not date local FSUM, especially saying they are "bad."

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #28 on: September 25, 2019, 12:56:56 PM »
"16-yo is a difficult age because they are hormone-imbalanced. "

understatement of the year!!!!
and I have one of em' that age right now!!! OMG!!!

but she's also a good daughter, and does most of the cooking
and makes me exercise every day by beating me at tennis
I can barely remember the last time I won a game...
maybe I should play doubles now with people my own age...

the good news about 16 yr olds, is once they get past the hump
they tend to straighten out around the end of high school, start of college, like my oldest daughter did...

but in "m'man's situation here, this 16 yr old is a HUGE risk
that I'm gonna guess he really doesn't know much about either...

I remember what it was like for my daughters coming to an American school from a Russian one...
I spent a lot of "one on one" with them particularly reading English
because they were switching from being instructed in Russian....
you would have to do the same...
16 yr olds have awful personalities, oh the joy of anticipation the first time you have a fight or argument with your 16 yr old...

man, you sure you can handle this?
cuz if you think it's hard managin an older Russian woman
wait'll see ya what it's like with a teenager
and you will have TWO to teach how to drive at the same time...





« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 02:41:46 PM by krimster2 »

Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2019, 12:57:12 PM »
Thanks for the advice guys. There was a lot of good information in here overall. Particularly Krimster spelling some things out for me. Let me ask you how would you approach a pursuit nowadays Krimster?

From your perspective. Would you do an online approach and line up several to go visit. Or would go there and spend an extended period of time there like a few weeks or even months and just meet as many as you can on the ground? I have been to both Russia and Ukraine and a few other countries in the East and I never experienced women hitting on me. Let alone a gazillion. And I dress well I am in good shape, and have been told I am good looking.

What would your approach be?

Also, my buddy here at home said I should not contact her and just wait and see what she does next. Does she contact me? How does she contact me? Is she cold? Is she vindictive? Does she want to discuss the money issue more? Etc. This would be option 1.

Option 2 would be to run and never look back and cut my losses. Learn from my "ambush" (lesson learned I will not get ambushed again) and keep a closer eye out for next time. Potentially swearing off FSU women completely.

Option 3 is to go back to her and act as if there is not a problem. And set up an allowance until the K1 work is done. Then bring them over with a prenup and my assets protected by a trust.

I am leaning toward option 1 or 2 at this point.

What a fucking fiasco. SMH
« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 01:00:03 PM by scarface816 »

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #30 on: September 25, 2019, 01:19:00 PM »
ultimately, go with your gut as has been advised...
but also THINK as well...
you deserve some fault for this...
from my REMOTE position I can't see what you can see
but I think your're thinking more now than you were

"back in the day" I did a sabbatical in Kyiv and was WILDLY successful meeting women in markets, etc, so I know this works!!!!
but NOW I'd go with VK VKontact which is Russian social media....

my wife and I own a small Russian cosmetics company and we have fanpages for our company on VK
I have thousands of female contacts in Russia and Ukraine because of this business...
so based on this experience, what I'd do if'n I were you
would be this:

take some interest/hobby of yours and hire someone to make a web site about it...
put lots of pictures of yourself
translate it into Russian
give it some kind of Russian angle
and hire someone to promote it on VK

a year later, you should have at least 1,000 contacts from wimmin
interested in whatever your hobby is...
with their pics (some nude even!) and personal info
contact the ones that are prettiest....and go visit em
don't visit ones with children
cuz honestly you can easily score a 35-40 yr old childless woman
and ML and I both knew a guy named Art who was your age and married a 28 yr old natural redhead!

but if you're asking about your current conundrum
I'd pick door #2 but NOT swear off Russian women...

when you fall off the horse
you get back up again
and next time you ride that muther!!!
c'mon you kiddin me....
you saw the super models over there, you can TOTALLY snag one
lotta guys on this board did, I did...
so can you...
just, get back up, and keep learning, keep trying,
you got closer on your first shot than a lotta guys did
I fired so many shots I had to reload
so don't sweat it, this is the way it works sometimes...
and if you learned this time, I doubt you'll repeat this
and next time, might be the one...
sometime the journey is the destination
never forget that aspect as well
this is one hell of an adventure!!!!
why do you want it to end?








« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 01:34:02 PM by krimster2 »

Online jone

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2019, 01:37:34 PM »
I don't think you're in a fiasco.   You are just in the period of the relationship where trust is formed, where you two become a couple.   

Two thoughts immediately come to mind:

1.  The couple of months office rent is trivial.   You can afford to discover what your 'investment' buys you.   It is absolutely minimal when compared to the amount of future money you will spend on your relationship.

2.  The nature of these requests and your ability to resolve them will be the framework for your future relationship with your woman.

Hopefully you can get to a point of stability whereby these types of fears on your part are already resolved.  I am concerned at the lack of time you have spent together.   If the chemistry is there, you'll have the ability to grow into a couple.  If not, little differences will continue to separate you until you break apart.   But only time spent together will determine your success.   Remember that if she is coming to live with you, the risk on your part is monetary.   The risk on her part is EVERYTHING.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online tfcrew

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #32 on: September 25, 2019, 01:54:36 PM »
Maybe I did not make it very clear in my original post but I did have sex with her a lot of very enthusiastic wild sex.   
And so will the next guy.
Facts do not cease to exist just because they are ignored.  -Aldous Huxley

Online jone

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #33 on: September 25, 2019, 02:03:00 PM »
Sex is an important part of the relationship.  It serves to bring you together as a couple.   But the day to day living is the real issue.   And this couple has not experienced any of that.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2019, 02:32:42 PM »

Also, my buddy here at home said I should not contact her and just wait and see what she does next. Does she contact me? How does she contact me? Is she cold? Is she vindictive? Does she want to discuss the money issue more? Etc. This would be option 1.

Reverse it.  How would you feel if she did this to you?    If you marry, will you use the silent treatment again and again to resolve conflicts.   I hope not. 
 

Quote
Option 2 would be to run and never look back and cut my losses. Learn from my "ambush" (lesson learned I will not get ambushed again) and keep a closer eye out for next time. Potentially swearing off FSU women completely.

These words reveal you do not have the necessary commitment to make marriage work with a FSUW, at least not with this particular woman. 

How about other FSUW?  First, decide what your goal should be.  Dating FSUW is fun.  Marrying a FSUW requires a huge amount of work during their adjustment  (they are strangers in a strange land), and it requires commitment.  Requiring even more commitment is building and maintaining a loving, enduring relationship. 


Quote
Option 3 is to go back to her and act as if there is not a problem. And set up an allowance until the K1 work is done. Then bring them over with a prenup and my assets protected by a trust.

This is not an option.  Clearly, you are not feeling what you should be feeling in your heart to continue with the present woman.   To be honorable, call her up and say goodbye.  She will survive. 

If still interested in FSUW, others can help you with various ways to meet them. Let us know what you decide. 

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #35 on: September 25, 2019, 02:44:30 PM »
So I have to ask for more details. It is the second or third date and how does this conversation go?

So tell me, Russian Woman, I really like you but I need to know more about you.

How much do you make?

What are your expenses?

Do you have any serious financial issues you are dealing with?

Do you have to support anyone or have any health issues?

On and on.

Like this?

I am a bit sceptical.

Hi Scarface :welcome:

Yes you screwed up, but don't worry I have done similar to you, the expenses weren't as much as you, perhaps 1-1.5k overall cost for her including shopping trips for mid range price fashion brands & holiday trip.

In my opinion the screw up happens once you agree to paying for something she asks for, normally clothes items or similar. Best thing is to 'hold the line', say to her that buying her stuff like clothes and anything outside taxi, flowers and chocolate are only for when you are living together.

Then change the subject and most likely the location also. Keep away from all shops like the plague, find attractions to visit or anything else to do to take talk of her wanting stuff. Otherwise she'll keep on and coming up with one thing after another for you to buy her. If she  walks at this then you'll know she was no good.

One of the problems I found with giving into such women to be 'nice', 'generous', 'not stingy', decent guy or whatever is this - you never really know for certain if she is really into you. Had you not paid for all of that stuff you would have your answer pretty up front. You did well not paying for the shoes but you should have stuck to your guns.

I would say getting angry and arguments are not the way to go. Look at Putin, as cool and calm as a cucumber. An argument can seriously make a relationship go south or you later feeling that you overreacted as you did then wanting to be easier going.

The main thing I think is that once you cross the Rubicon there is no going back. One demand leads into another and another, it becomes like a game to the woman. You've proven to her that you can be taken once so she'll see what else she can get. Once she sees you as weak then it's a done thing, it can't be regained. Hence things are unlikely to be fixable.

The money you gave her is worth 'a lot' in Ukraine. If she is in a low paid job she would be earning probably around $100-150 or so a month. The money sums are scammer like but she might just be a materialistic girl and unable to help herself, hence her single status. I think you would also need to know about such a girl, if she really is single, her day to day life, etc with first hand experience of it. What I've learned is if she's not willing to let you into her life (within reason as her workplace etc may be sensitive areas so fair enough there) then she should not be asking for you to buy her stuff.

I think Krimster has a real good take on the situation.

A monthly sum of a stipend can solve the can you buy me this or that issue but I wouldn't do it until near a move in together situation. Otherwise you could look weak and easily taken again.

At this stage I would just refuse all other demands for money or stuff no matter how pressing she makes them out to be. Just tell her to sort the situation as she usually would. Even still I think it might be difficult if not impossible for you to recover this relationship. It might have we'll have been that she was into you but I think you'll only find out by not giving into what she wants.

No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #36 on: September 25, 2019, 03:00:19 PM »
Just to add to the above, I think your girl is manipulative, the girl I had was and was similar to yours. Time over again on this I would call her out on this. You could have done this to the pneumonia cost. It would be better than saying she is lying/don't trust her and would show her your clever enough to be onto her. Then she likely would know not to try it on.
No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2019, 03:21:48 PM »
And so will the next guy.

What is the purpose of this?

Offline BC

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #38 on: September 25, 2019, 03:36:10 PM »
What is the purpose of this?

trolling...  Ignore it.

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #39 on: September 25, 2019, 04:26:59 PM »
so what city did you go to in UA, tell us of your experience there...

you'll laugh, but my foolproof method for meeting women is my sketchbook

Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #40 on: September 25, 2019, 04:47:09 PM »
Sketchbook?

You sit in a cafe and do sketches to arouse the unsuspecting FSU woman's curiosity until she falls for your charm and wit?

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #41 on: September 25, 2019, 06:46:49 PM »
Scarface   ---- What city is she from?
What  age are you? Her?
What sort of resources do you have? Do you think $10000 is a lot of money?

Did you screw up -- yes -- being paranoid did not and is not helping you.

NOTE -- most of the people who posted "advice" above were doing this a long time ago -- and -- and -- out of touch with today's life situation.

Even so -- some offer real common sense  thoughts -- eg  Steve,  BC, Gator> Faux Pas, Jone .BillyB  a plus also !!  Even Krimster manages more sense than usual in part of his posts .

More-- the amounts of money she asked for are NOT excessive in themselves eg Medical can easily make the figure mentioned - shoes were not excessive etc .
I do not agree with delving into her finances prematurely -- the info will come in due course.Having a broad idea is sufficient.My qualifier here would be if she has well above average lifestyle already-then I would want to know how.

Now my big point -- if you really want her in your life -- you need to accept responsibility for her and her life-- and that means totally .If you cannot afford to "invest" money in your collective futures then you should not have gone this far.

Generalising --taking care of her is a total -- not a piece here and there .

PS   -- a btw  imo--   15 days is far too short to be together  before marriage -- it may be ok -but here you are   knowing no where near enough
PS 2 afterthought -- you were happy enough to "use" her -- but -- make no commitment in return -- and all after holding out the carrot of a long term future with her.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 07:04:12 PM by JayH »
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Online msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #42 on: September 25, 2019, 07:06:57 PM »
Hi Scarface

None of us know you or her or have been flies on the wall. It is v.hard to advise either way.

The shoes episode is done and dusted.

You have 'paid up on demand' and seem to have suggested that you are an item,by suggesting you will support their visas.

You say you did not wine and dine her, so may I ask the total number of days you have spent together? How many times have you met the daughter? How many times have you visted.?

I am using a small screen and may have missed such info, so please excuse a Q you may have covered.

You WILL be paying out much more if she comes to the US ..while she finds her feet.

There is a 'test' element on her part, too..! Can this man be relied on?

All I can go on is your side, your perceptions and her side might be 'different'.  I am not judging or a using you of misleading us.  FSU W have an expectation that a guy asking them to give up their lives and ability to earn is serious.

There is no hard and fast rule about sex and how quickly it should transpire. It is a powerful tool in a lady's arsenal and it is not a bad thing to wait until you both know you really want to confirm your potential. There are gifts that any one of you might have from previous partners to consider and you can make it part of the fun to know you are free of 'impediments'

I was alarmed at how you say she left you alone and no explanation..but we do not know the circumstances.

Only you can judge if you are being used.

I may be wrong, but I am wondering if you know this woman well enough?










We'll be back, EU ..and NEVER trust someone who 'quotes'  what you've never said or wrote !))

Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #43 on: September 25, 2019, 07:18:15 PM »
Scarface   ---- What city is she from?
What  age are you? Her?
What sort of resources do you have? Do you think $10000 is a lot of money?

Did you screw up -- yes -- being paranoid did not and is not helping you.

NOTE -- most of the people who posted "advice" above were doing this a long time ago -- and -- and -- out of touch with today's life situation.

Even so -- some offer real common sense  thoughts -- eg  Steve,  BC, Gator> Faux Pas, Jone .BillyB  a plus also !!  Even Krimster manages more sense than usual in part of his posts .

More-- the amounts of money she asked for are NOT excessive in themselves eg Medical can easily make the figure mentioned - shoes were not excessive etc .
I do not agree with delving into her finances prematurely -- the info will come in due course.Having a broad idea is sufficient.My qualifier here would be if she has well above average lifestyle already-then I would want to know how.

Now my big point -- if you really want her in your life -- you need to accept responsibility for her and her life-- and that means totally .If you cannot afford to "invest" money in your collective futures then you should not have gone this far.

Generalising --taking care of her is a total -- not a piece here and there .

PS   -- a btw  imo--   15 days is far too short to be together  before marriage -- it may be ok -but here you are   knowing no where near enough
PS 2 afterthought -- you were happy enough to "use" her -- but -- make no commitment in return -- and all after holding out the carrot of a long term future with her.

Thanks for the information. How has your journey been. Do you date a FSU woman and then take over her finances? If so how long before you do this? If you could give me more specifics, please.

I have enough resources and yes I do think $10,000 dollars is a lot of money. But that depends on what for. For a lifetime together no its not. For a short period of time maybe.

Be specific on how you think I screwed up? Where was I paranoid? Do you think she should be asking for money and gifts? Should that not set off my radar?

She lives a modest lifestyle with her daughter.

I have been taking care of other people all of my life. And I never intended to do anything else. I have already invested quite a bit and the money is not the issue. It is her asking for money so early into the relationship. What would you have done? Please tell me. And how would you know that would be the right thing to do?

I agree 15 days is not enough. We had other trips planned but work got in the way and the VISA process in the US is long about 9 months nowadays so I started the process.

I am not sure what your PS2 means. I never used her or anyone else for that matter. If anything she used me. I have voiced my commitment to her in no uncertain terms repeatedly and with my actions with VISA process. And I never held out any carrot to her either.

Please explain in detail how you would do it differently.

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #44 on: September 25, 2019, 07:20:18 PM »
wow! civil posts, sage words...
just what the hell is going on here?

yes, my man needs to go and get some more experience under his belt...
climb back up on the horse...
I see no shame in what happened to him for a first timer!
I've actually had worse things happen to me with women over there...
but each time I fell down, I got back up again, but smarter than I was before...


BTW, my OLD approach still works!!!
last month I set up my easel in a big park in Moscow
and was sketching all the birds

I attracted a gazillion women's attention this way...
it still works!!

I once did an art show about roadkill in Ukraine!

totally trivial thing, to get a Ukrainian woman into my painting
and show her an already matted and framed picture
then she OOHs AND AAHs over it
so you give it to her as a gift
and then ask if you can paint her portrait with clothes on in your apartment....

the rest is EASY!!!  simple as hell!!!



« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 07:26:59 PM by krimster2 »

Online msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #45 on: September 25, 2019, 07:21:20 PM »
Scarface,

JsyH seems to indicate you have agreed to sponsor her visa after 15 days.

You were premature and now you  have 'doubts' ...?

It was too fast and now she expects you to behave like a sponsor.

It is hard to advise, other than to spend more time together.

I think the advice all members have been giving you have merit and I would suggest those in longstanding relations have just as much valid input as those who have been dating FSU W for years.)

I am afraid that Trench is the LAST person to listen to as he has near zip clue about women and relationships  thinks they are all 'scammers'

Do not make the lady sit and wait...The only way to know each other is to spend time together.. You have made a rod for your own back as you have made a committment and she expects you to start delivering )

She will expect 'progress' and think you are using her.

Not easy..

 

We'll be back, EU ..and NEVER trust someone who 'quotes'  what you've never said or wrote !))

Offline scarface816

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #46 on: September 25, 2019, 07:26:15 PM »
Hi Scarface

None of us know you or her or have been flies on the wall. It is v.hard to advise either way.

The shoes episode is done and dusted.

You have 'paid up on demand' and seem to have suggested that you are an item,by suggesting you will support their visas.

You say you did not wine and dine her, so may I ask the total number of days you have spent together? How many times have you met the daughter? How many times have you visted.?

I am using a small screen and may have missed such info, so please excuse a Q you may have covered.

You WILL be paying out much more if she comes to the US ..while she finds her feet.

There is a 'test' element on her part, too..! Can this man be relied on?

All I can go on is your side, your perceptions and her side might be 'different'.  I am not judging or a using you of misleading us.  FSU W have an expectation that a guy asking them to give up their lives and ability to earn is serious.

There is no hard and fast rule about sex and how quickly it should transpire. It is a powerful tool in a lady's arsenal and it is not a bad thing to wait until you both know you really want to confirm your potential. There are gifts that any one of you might have from previous partners to consider and you can make it part of the fun to know you are free of 'impediments'

I was alarmed at how you say she left you alone and no explanation..but we do not know the circumstances.

Only you can judge if you are being used.

I may be wrong, but I am wondering if you know this woman well enough?

Thanks for the comments. When she left me alone for the day I covered that with her. And she apologized.

I think you are right that I do not know her well enough.

I have not met her daughter face to face. But planned that and her other family on another trip. I have spent 15 days with her total. And planned more visits between now and the visa interview.

Honestly, I think she is a good woman and did not "use me" I think she truly cares for me and is into me. But I also think she tries to get what she can maybe as a test. Maybe she really needs the money that bad. I think she believes the man is supposed to support her fully like you said.

Offline krimster2

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2019, 07:33:23 PM »
bad sign, you haven't met the daughter or other family - this is NOT normal!!!!
WHY NOT!!!!  WHAT WAS THE REASON!!!!
IT'S ACTUALLY A RED FLAG, UNLESS THERE'S A DAMNED GOOD EXPLANATION!!!!

you know kids...
you need to get some kind of feel for this girl and how well she'll adapt, and how much you're going to have to support her well as her mother...
and you haven't even met her????
WTF???

OK, think for a minute now....
what other weird little details like this are there about this relationship?
things "out of the ordinary" besides that and the money!!!
cuz, I have a feeling there's more...
and if there is...
RUN FOREST RUN!!!!!

« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 07:36:59 PM by krimster2 »

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #48 on: September 25, 2019, 07:39:48 PM »
Thanks for the prompt response.

My advice is based on you wanting to try

You have made mistakes and committments to early..

But..

Despite you doubts you like her. So, my advice is to keep meeting and be straight with her.

I like you and have made a committment, but let's get to know each other better and see if our initial good thoughts towards each other were correct..


That means investing time and money.

She has a job and probably cannot stop working, you would need to find out if she has holiday time available.

If she has meet her in an European city like Prague and spend exclusive time together.

Better to find out comparability, now.
We'll be back, EU ..and NEVER trust someone who 'quotes'  what you've never said or wrote !))

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #49 on: September 25, 2019, 07:41:08 PM »
Scarface,

JsyH seems to indicate you have agreed to sponsor her visa after 15 days.

You were premature and now you  have 'doubts' ...?

It was too fast and now she expects you to behave like a sponsor.

It is hard to advise, other than to spend more time together.

I think the advice all members have been giving you have merit and I would suggest those in longstanding relations have just as much valid input as those who have been dating FSU W for years.)

I am afraid that Trench is the LAST person to listen to as he has near zip clue about women and relationships  thinks they are all 'scammers'

Do not make the lady sit and wait...The only way to know each other is to spend time together.. You have made a rod for your own back as you have made a committment and she expects you to start delivering )

She will expect 'progress' and think you are using her.

Not easy..

Mobe, I have actually been in a very similar position to Scarface so there is no need to diss what I say for the sake of our disagreements.

However I do think you are right in what you say. If anything it is important to cool off a relationship in the early stages. Forget the visa/marriage/spouse stuff until the guy gets to really know the girl. SF seems to have been eager to get her in the sack and while there is nothing wrong with that again it may have prompted a more serious setting early on for the relationship than would have been helpful.

So I agree on all of that. Had she come up with medical bill etc then it could easily be seen that it was not his responsibility for such a casual getting to know you relationship. I personally still think that and the business stuff is BS and the guy should have held firm rather than risk torpedoing his own relationship.

All the stuff about him being left alone for a while shows needyness on his part and not a good trait. A FSW would want to see that he can survive on his own happily in a different environment as otherwise how could she rely upon him to take care of her.

Overall SF should have set her right from the get go and let her know it was just a casual relationship and only could be in such an early stage after having just met. It's what I should have done also.
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