Are You The One For Me? Negotiable vs. Non-Negotiable Qualities

[dostogirl]

2) no MacDonalds ever; as little fast food as possible

You killed me right there  How about Burger King? Is it negotiable? 

[prince_alfie]

Burger King is alright but mediocre still. Fast food is the bane of American society. I'm glad that it doesn't exist in many countries seriously.

I prefer my mom's cooking. Geewhiz, I need to go visit my parents... haven' t seen them in ages.

[Durk]

Burger King is alright but mediocre still. Fast food is the bane of American society. I'm glad that it doesn't exist in many countries seriously.

I prefer my mom's cooking. Geewhiz, I need to go visit my parents... haven' t seen them in ages.

        I really do not think fast food is to blame. I think our lifestyles are the
cause. TO MUCH RWD   not enough outdoor exercise. WE just sit to much
and talk about our problems including our health. We also drive everywhere!!
         Growing up on a farm I can tell you we do not eat as good as we could.
If the YOUNG WOMAN new how to cook today it would greatly help the USA families health. Our family put up all our fruit, jams, jellies, bacon, ham, veggies, and some things you never heard of. You can have your TV dinners
 and I will have a fresh garden salad, sweet corn, fresh grilled chicken and
 for desert homemade Apple Pie with homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.

[dostogirl]

I prefer my mom's cooking.

Lots of moms do not cook healthy. Not saying it's the case with you, but sometimes it's healthier to get a salad at Wendy's than meat and potatoes at home. 

[andrewfi]

jb ~ Whilst I am pretty much in the 'bumping along' category - after all, I am not lonely, under time or money pressures (except in so far as demands on my wallet for flowers, gifts, dating etc go.) There will still be some things that are non-negotiable, things that one can know would be a relationship killer NO MATTER HOW I FELT in other aspects of the relationship. Let us take an example we can relate to...
Yourself.
If you were a woman of the same generation as I, I might find you physically attractive, intelligent, and generally good company - but, no matter how loved by you I knew myself to be - certain aspects of your belief system would have me running for the hills! Friends can choose to mask, ignore or simply not discuss certain things. Husband and wife can not really do this for the rest of ther lives, not if discourse is a prt of the matrix of the relationship.

See what I mean?

OK, we both also know that most gus here will not be able to have such conversations, will not discover these things for a long time, simply because they are outwith the shared ability to communicate. They are a relationship mindfield. IMHO this increases the need for making lists, knowing one's own boundaries and specifically questioning those of one's interlocutor - there may not be another chance until just before the divorce!

[Jooky]

Andrew,

I'm a bit disappointed that you are reading articles on 'know how to date', but the article does seem to bring up an interesting discussion. Did the article suggest what should be non-negotiable qualities or are these left to the individual? From the quote you posted the first thing that popped into mind is that this article would advocate a matchmaker of sorts.

(The link to the article prompted me to sign in. I didn't want to, and I've only skimmed the rest of this thread, including the frightening thought 'if jb was woman')

[Turboguy]

jb,  you have made some great posts but that is among your best.

Boar,  Same here on the kissing lasting.  As far as the cooking part, I would be happy to do all the cooking myself.  There are some great things in Russian cuisine but I will take good old American food anytime.

Alfie,  no MickeyD's  I sure have been glad they have a lot of those in the FSU.  I am happy to just enjoy one of the meals there for a change.  I would be happy to hook you up with the gal I dated in January who would not spit on a McD or even eat in an average restaurant.   I posted something about her before.  $ 250 for the first dinner with her and over $ 500.00 for the second.  Want her e-mail?

[jb]

See what I mean?

Andrew,

I know exactly what you mean, and because my wife and I shared a common language we were able to sort out all the issues before we decided to become a dating pair, not after.  The problems arise when the man arrives to meet a MOB agency woman he cannot talk to and has to make decisions about whether to pursue her or not based on highly filtered information.  Add in the factor than most men will not know how, or feel comfortable, conversing in reverse, and the minefield just got bigger.

[Bruno]

The problems arise when the man arrives to meet a MOB agency woman he cannot talk to and has to make decisions about whether to pursue her or not based on highly filtered information.

Not sure that it is the WM who pursue RW... once the RW wish you, she hunt you...



 

[prince_alfie]

Wow, that video is scary. Now let's hope no RW wrestlers exist. I will lose every single time. Whew!

[andrewfi]

Jooky ~ there is nothing to sign up for. The article should just appear, although for some reason that page is loading dreadfully slowly.

I don't make a habit of reading dating articles but I was reviewing the submission for acceptance on the site and it caught my eye as they sometimes do.

The article has no answers as, after all, we are individuals. It does make the point that we should not be too demanding.

[Turboguy]

Wow, that video is scary. Now let's hope no RW wrestlers exist. I will lose every single time. Whew!

If you think that is scary I will send you contact info for a few of the gals I have met.

[Durk]

        In the country we just let em win

[Durk]

         Turbo what the H*** did she order that was $500.00. This girl
 ever go out to eat before? I hope you taught her some good old manners.
 Like walk the check!! Let her pay for both of you!!

[Turboguy]

I don't know what she ate that was that price.  My dinner was about $ 40.00 after dinner she asked me if I wanted to go listen to some music and the place she took me had a $ 250.00 admission charge.  Fortunately we arrived a little late for one show and a lot too early for the next.  I said I was tired, sent her home and dropped her like a hot coal.

[prince_alfie]

Sounds good. Feel free to PM me with the 411, Turboguy.

Of course, $500 is a lot of dough for a restaurant. But then I'm placing reservations for my $300 lunch at Masa in NYC when November rolls around.

[Jooky]

My mistake Andrew, the page just took forever to load and it appeared I need to sign in, but I didn't. Great excuse about reviewing the article! ;-)

I agree with the article, it's basic stuff. I think the biggest problem is that most people are not wise enough to determine the non-negotiable qualities that are best for them in the long run.

We can be too demanding of the wrong qualities and not demanding enough of the right ones. Maybe that's why people resorted to matchmakers and arranged marriages in the past. It sure makes things simpler.

[Turboguy]

To get back into the subject, here is a quick list I threw together of what I consider my desirable and non negotiable qualites.   This is with 2 minutes of thought so I may be missing some.

Desirable Qualities,

Nice figure,
Pretty,
Good English
Located somewhere at least moderately accessible
Would like to travel


Non Negotiable qualities,

Not an extravagant spender
Romantic
Not too into animals (pets)
Honest
Really sincerely wants to build a life with me
Not overweight
Not Lazy
No red flags

[PeeWee]

Why not save the negotiating for the eventual divorce that will occur because you spent so much of your early time together trying to determine what was acceptable to you and what was not. For me, everything is open for discussion and consideration.

Peewee

[TexasBoar]

Not sure that it is the WM who pursue RW... once the RW wish you, she hunt you...



 

I want her. 

~Boar

[Turboguy]

I agree with you Boar,  With her by your side you could walk down the darkest of alleys in the worst of neighborhoods and feel safe.

I think you make a good point PeeVee.   I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what I can accept and what my criteria are.   Mostly if I make contact with someone I really seem to enjoy writing too, I try to meet them and if we seem right for each other the details will fall into place.   There may be some criteria that I use to decide who I want to meet such as I might avoid a gal who was 5'2 and 225 pounds or one with 10 kids.  I do write a few gals that are an armfull and one that has three kids.  Perhaps if I ever learn to be perfect, I will look for a girl that is perfect too.

[TexasBoar]

I agree with you Boar,  With her by your side you could walk down the darkest of alleys in the worst of neighborhoods and feel safe.

Mostly I already can, lol.  I'm a big ol' Viking boy and still look a bit like the biker I used to be.  That, and Texas is a CHP state. I just really, really like strong, physical women.  Dated a few dancers, some martial artists, even a bodybuilder or two in my time.

Like you, my criteria are pretty fluid . . . but there has to be chemistry.  I've been around long enough to understand the pitfalls of infatuation, limerance, and all that, but my gut feeling is a woman who doesn't light me up like a pinball machine probably never will.

~Boar

[Turboguy]

I agree with you about the chemistry.  Just remember that if you have chemistry that lights you up like a Christmas tree is is more often Lust than Love and that too will pass with time.  Make sure that it is the inner person who is providing some of the spark and not just the outer package.   It is also important to not let the chemistry that lights you up like a Christmas tree overrule your common sense and logic. 

Never dated martial artists or body builders.  I have dated a few who could sit on anyone and make them cry uncle.

[Turboguy]

         Turbo what the H*** did she order that was $500.00. This girl
 ever go out to eat before? I hope you taught her some good old manners.
 Like walk the check!! Let her pay for both of you!!

Just remember when you can't figure out what it is that they are eating the check is not going to be small.  I was just glad the timing was bad for the place we went to listen to music or my tab for the night would have come to close to $ 1000.00 for one date.   The offer is still open to send you her e-mail address.   Just for extra enticement here is her pic.  Hard to think a gal that skinny coule eat up that much $$$$$$.

[TexasBoar]

Is that the one? LOLOL! I was just looking at her profile on freepersonals.ru . . . the "have lots of $$$" signals were subtle, but yeah . . . they were definitely there.

~Boar