Dating Photo Dilemma

[Trenchcoat]

So been looking on a few online dating websites for Ukrainian women. Problem I keep finding is that there is at least one (or possibly more) photos of a real hot looking girl, model like. Any issue of scammers aside for the moment as of course there can be hot looking girls that are legit. Well I tend to find that my mind is only really wanting to write to those girls. The other girls that are average everyday looking just don't appeal to me to write to them. So I only see myself writing to the hot girls but I know there is likely much higher risk there, not talking scammers, but of the girl genuinely being into me and me not running into a whole host of problems with them later, upgrade stuff, etc.

As I've said on here before I'm an everyday average looking guy, about 6ft tall, brown hair, not balding. Admittedly I'm not the best socially but would tend to think not quite the worst though obviously not all that good. My economic situation as is known on here is ok ish but not really wealthy. So while I'm not carrying some stuff women see as negatives I can't help but think I'm probably not well placed enough that these hot girls would not at best play me.

So what do I do? In all good conscience I don't feel like writing to women that don't visually appeal to me but I don't see myself doing well with hot women that appeal to me visually.

[GQBlues]

Best way to determine and help you out TC, is for you go a post a couple pictures of yourself on this thread. Then the members can better give a more objective response.


Pick the best shots you have. Don't be shy.

[Trenchcoat]

Best way to determine and help you out TC, is for you go a post a couple pictures of yourself on this thread. Then the members can better give a more objective response.


Pick the best shots you have. Don't be shy.

Think I'll pass on that one GQ

What I will say is that my best close up photo on Photofeeler is a 5 something after 20 votes which is quite accurate, apparently most people are about that. These girls would rate at least an 8 or more without a shadow of a doubt. One girl on one of these websites looked like Nicole Kidman in her prime lol. So I just can't help but think I wouldn't last long even if it got to her coming with me to the UK.

[Davo]

You have nothing to lose writing to them Trench, but in my experience 95% are email scammers and the legit ones probably won’t reply because they know their worth and won’t date down.

 Spend some time looking at the testimonials from married couples and those in relationships on dating sites, even ppl..... The vast majority of women are girl next door types or average looking.

Don’t fall into the BS you read online, hardly any “average” men like most of us are bringing home Instagram models..... I’d suspect those that do are using $$$ at attract them.

There are so many great women in their mid 30’s - 40’s on fdating that are girl next door types and attractive by western standards, who would make great wives..... forget hot girls!!! trust me from experience it’s a recipe for disappointment and divorce.

[GQBlues]

Maybe it still remains to be seen, but based on my personal experience, much as I’m ugly as sin I have never seen or met a woman whom I felt was above my level. The biggest satisfaction of my bachelor years was never having to ‘settle’ in my social bedsheet companion choices. 2 PB centerfolds, Neutrogena facial model, Ms Hawaiian Tropics, Snap-On Tool Calendar Girl, etc..

I made no exception when I made the decision to live a married life. Wifey is 20+ years my junior. She was a young, tall, runner-up to being Ms Siberia. Bitching smart, too.

We live in coastal westside Los Angeles. You wanna dare and talk about ‘flesh competition’ everyday the sun rises? This is it, baby. It’ll be nuts if I was ever gonna live a life worried she may up and go on a whim with one of these ratz. You can’t worry about things you cannot control.

Yeah, I’m not rich either.

We all deserve to give ourselves the very best we can. Why sell yourself short because of something that hadn’t happened, maybe never will.

Always seize the day!

[Trenchcoat]

Maybe it still remains to be seen, but based on my personal experience, much as I’m ugly as sin I have never seen or met a woman whom I felt was above my level. The biggest satisfaction of my bachelor years was never having to ‘settle’ in my social bedsheet companion choices. 2 PB centerfolds, Neutrogena facial model, Ms Hawaiian Tropics, Snap-On Tool Calendar Girl, etc..

I made no exception when I made the decision to live a married life. Wifey is 20+ years my junior. She was a young, tall, runner-up to being Ms Siberia. Bitching smart, too.

We live in coastal westside Los Angeles. You wanna dare and talk about ‘flesh competition’ everyday the sun rises? This is it, baby. It’ll be nuts if I was ever gonna live a life worried she may up and go on a whim with one of these ratz. You can’t worry about things you cannot control.

Yeah, I’m not rich either.

We all deserve to give ourselves the very best we can. Why sell yourself short because of something that hadn’t happened, maybe never will.

Always seize the day!

I've known the odd girl who has a cracking personality. One in particular did so, she wasn't exactly ugly, in her own way somewhat pretty but not really an 8-10 model type. Anyway she always had plenty of different guys she managed to bring up. For sure she had a magnetic personality, engaging and difficult not not like her. Could never stay with one guy for all that long at all though, think she probably got bored of them and moved on.

So think it's possible for a guy to be the same way, again I think it's rare but sounds like something you have GQ. I would say personality in such a case goes beyond good social skills. I've seen plenty of guys with good social skills before but in addition good traits in charisma and similar come into play. Not many people I believe have several good personality traits, it's doing pretty well to get one, having more than one is pretty rare I reckon.

Possibly you may not be as ugly as you think GQ but either way I think you are probably lucky in being one of these rare people that have good personality traits above most others GQ. The fact that you have dated all those hot ladies at the high end of the model scale means that there is something attracting them to you, you don't just get that many hot girls by dumb luck.

Myself like many others don't have those sort of personality skills to call upon, if anything the opposite, lol. Aside from the girl being magnetically attracted to a guy with such strong personality traits I think if a guy can get a girl to feel like he gets her, is interesting to her and get her feeling a want to be with him then that can go a long way but that isn't always that easy for many guys including myself. Unfortunately my personality traits are likely to be a disadvantage for me more than an advantage. Not saying I'm the worst around but I don't reckon they are enough to do me any favours. I don't really believe there is a whole lot that can be done about that, small improvement may be possible but on the whole we are as we are.

So I'm going to have to accept that personality traits will probably be more of a liability for me especially with a hot looking girl who won't be impressed. Unless there is something else such as wealth etc she most likely wouldn't stick around and even with wealth I don't reckon that would necessarily help that much in that situation.

[Trenchcoat]

You have nothing to lose writing to them Trench, but in my experience 95% are email scammers and the legit ones probably won’t reply because they know their worth and won’t date down.

 Spend some time looking at the testimonials from married couples and those in relationships on dating sites, even ppl..... The vast majority of women are girl next door types or average looking.

Don’t fall into the BS you read online, hardly any “average” men like most of us are bringing home Instagram models..... I’d suspect those that do are using $$$ at attract them.

There are so many great women in their mid 30’s - 40’s on fdating that are girl next door types and attractive by western standards, who would make great wives..... forget hot girls!!! trust me from experience it’s a recipe for disappointment and divorce.

I think you are right Davo, I been looking on dmnotify and like cuteonly they seem to use agencies. I don't necessarily mean dodgy agencies they probably do filter the worst out but the girls look hot to begin with then most of the profiles are professional photography with the girl wearing fairly carefully chosen pieces, posed, etc. To be honest while I might be competing with more guys in Fdate pretty much all the photos are everyday ordinary shots. I kind of prefer that as you can see what you are getting more easily and while the odd more prettier girl can be picked up I get less of a sense that the girl is going to be well up her own a** model type who will immediately see me as an inferior being and seek from the outset to play me.

As you rightly say those model looking girls 'know what they are worth' and are looking for something I don't have so I can't see that ending well for me.

[Trenchcoat]

Think the only thing about not going for a model type girl having said that though is that sometimes I kind of feel that I'm trying to decide between one plain Jane and another so it can be difficult to decide. I would kind of prefer it if they dressed in a distinct style but often it's the same similar stuff they all wear the oh so pedestrian everyday jeans and t shirt type of top. A few wear the odd dress but most of the ones that wear all or mostly dresses or skirts tend to be the agency ones and I very much doubt they dress like that all the time. Again even there the dresses tend to be formal dresses. I just don't seem to find that Ukrainian women often have a different style that much. I think on that front at least western women can do more somewhat.

[GQBlues]

I've known the odd girl who has a cracking personality. One in particular did so, she wasn't exactly ugly, in her own way somewhat pretty but not really an 8-10 model type. Anyway she always had plenty of different guys she managed to bring up. For sure she had a magnetic personality, engaging and difficult not not like her. Could never stay with one guy for all that long at all though, think she probably got bored of them and moved on.

There are two folds that I believe influenced my personal experience, one with greater impact than the other.

The more important of the two is being 'comfortable' with who and what you are. If you subscribe to these silly social barometer to measure yourself, and it rates you either in the median or lower scale of attractiveness - and buy into that wholesale - then you're screwed. The worst thing you can do to yourself is 'believe' you simply don't measure up. I'm not telling you to be delusional. I'm telling you to have a better opinion of yourself. You seem to always be compelled to think lowly of yourself, but then rebel against this attitude and cast aspersion towards the principal subjects of your 'want' - women. It's self defeating.

If you believe you're just not good enough to measure up, who else would convince you that you are? You need to get out of this mindset.

As for 'personality', that's acquired from surrounding yourself with people. Which goes along with having a better of opinion of yourself, thereby projecting confidence. I've previously shared with you that people, especially men, should join or participate in team sports. It not only teaches you how to manage yourself with your peers, but how to better conduct your goals within a social sphere. Don't think at 40s you're too late. It's never too late.

Captain your ship a little better, TC. Show some 'teeth' when its called for it.