Is this a scammer?

[Trenchcoat]

That's some absolute top level stuff Pat. RWO that's the kind of thinking at an expert level, it's stuff I take on board as it's useful for me to, it's beyond the rudimentary of this search, some of which has been covered so far.

I've made mistakes on this search, learnt some stuff along the way but it takes a lot to really master FSU dating.

What Pat states is real important as a woman really wanting you is different than her just accepting you. In that I think it's not just about her chasing you but also about how you can be the best guy for that to occur. The better you can make yourself the more she will want you. Being a good earner is a good start but more than that I think is how you come across, your persona, how you dress, your physique, your ambitions, etc, etc.

I've visited a few FSW and a girl who just accepts you, who is willing to walk away from you is not a good place to be. So I think sometimes when communicating with a girl it can be best not to go chasing after her, to try too hard. Better to make the effort in improving yourself and make them want to be with you.

[RussianWomenOnly]

Yes, everything said is true.  This girl needs to show she will love me for me and not money.  Of course, the difficult situation is that I live in US while she is in Moldova.  If I met her 4 months ago, I would visit very easily.  No job commitments.  If I met her 4 months in the future, all I have to wait is 1.5 months so I can visit after I accumulate some vacation time. 

I do not think I will have biological children with her.  She has 1 son, I have a son. 

She is giving me the silent treatment.  She has not send any messages or replied to any of my messages since Sunday.  She viewed the messages so she didn't block me.  I really feel my hands are tied.  Again, the situation is not where she asked for money directly and I said no.  I emailed my potential employer about tentative start date yesterday but they did not respond.  I hope they do soon so maybe I can go out there for 10 days from August 1st to August 10th.  But I do not want to go unless we both are excited for me to go.  Right now, it's silent treatment. 

[Trenchcoat]

Yes, everything said is true.  This girl needs to show she will love me for me and not money.  Of course, the difficult situation is that I live in US while she is in Moldova.  If I met her 4 months ago, I would visit very easily.  No job commitments.  If I met her 4 months in the future, all I have to wait is 1.5 months so I can visit after I accumulate some vacation time. 

I do not think I will have biological children with her.  She has 1 son, I have a son. 

She is giving me the silent treatment.  She has not send any messages or replied to any of my messages since Sunday.  She viewed the messages so she didn't block me.  I really feel my hands are tied.  Again, the situation is not where she asked for money directly and I said no.  I emailed my potential employer about tentative start date yesterday but they did not respond.  I hope they do soon so maybe I can go out there for 10 days from August 1st to August 10th.  But I do not want to go unless we both are excited for me to go.  Right now, it's silent treatment.

My guess is that she wants you to pony up with sending the pressies to show that you are interested and not just another Keyboard Romeo who is wasting her time. She had no doubt come across a lot of them so this is her way to see if you are serious so she doesn't waste any time needlessly.

I'm guessing that if you don't send anything then she will consider that your promise to come is likely meaningless as well and not likely to transpire.

No telling if she will just ask for a once off or expect it pressies periodically between now and when you visit as tribute in lieu of inability to visit. Hence why shooting your bolt too early isn't a good thing as this is the type of stuff that can befall you

With Work in the UK some organisations ask if you have any holiday commitments pre-arranged they may then give you that time off, unpaid of course though. Possibly US organisations may do similar?

[Patagonie]

Yes, everything said is true.  This girl needs to show she will love me for me and not money.  Of course, the difficult situation is that I live in US while she is in Moldova.  If I met her 4 months ago, I would visit very easily.  No job commitments.  If I met her 4 months in the future, all I have to wait is 1.5  months so I can visit after I accumulate some vacation time. 

I do not think I will have biological children with her.  She has 1 son, I have a son. 
 
She is giving me the silent treatment.  She has not send any messages or replied to any of my messages since Sunday.  She viewed the messages so she didn't block me.  I really feel my hands are tied.  Again, the situation is not where she asked for money directly and I said no.  I emailed my potential employer about tentative start date yesterday but they did not respond.  I hope they do soon so maybe I can go out there for 10 days from August 1st to August 10th.  But I do not want to go unless we both are excited for me to go.  Right now, it's silent treatment.

   
Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate.
I was fearing what is happening now. The silent treatment... 
So you can reread all my posts and you will see that everything I told you was already inside.
She is angry or worst she has moved on.
FSU women have a cultural specificity compared to western women, they can decide to move on, and then you are cleaned to the toilets. In fact, a toilet is on the earth. The FSU toilets are in fact located on Saturn, four galaxies away, you are literally vacuumed into a dark hole. You need to know this. 
   
About the dynamics to chase AND to be chased, it changes everything because a woman FEELS it. She feels that she needs to take the extra step to own you. She needs to work to CHASE you, it makes her experience tenfold remarkable and unique, it's what they are craving for. 
When all is given it has not worth. 
 
last advice, as you start to guess,  you have only ONE bullet now. If you are free to go at the beginning of August.

[RussianWomenOnly]

I do not mind sending gifts, even money if I have to.  I may follow the wisdoms bestowed to me; maybe $50 a month along with some other gifts like flowers/clothes. 

With this job, or any job in the US, they don't mind you take vacation if you have vacation time build up.  I think my job is 3.5 hours per pay period.  So, if I start work in August, that's 5 months with 35 hours vacation time so that's perfect for me to visit in January.   

[Boethius]

I went back and read your posts.  You said she indirectly asked for support.  The minute a woman does that, cut her and move on.  She isn't interested in you.  She is interested in your wallet.


I told my husband you were thinking of sending her $1000.  He grew up in the FSU.  He said "Go for it.  Someone will be able to buy a lot of vodka with that."

[RussianWomenOnly]

Boe:  She said on our last video chat that she wanted to meet me.  She said we can meet in Europe.  I said no again because of my job situation.  I would think any woman would want a potential suitor to support them.  She has not asked for money.  In fact, I have been messaging her yesterday and today if I can get her gifts, toy for her son, flowers and she still didn't respond.  I am still holding out hope that this is a real woman that just wants a relationship.  Of course, I will protect myself. 

[Boethius]

Would you be supporting an American woman you had not met, but intended to meet? 

Would you financially support an American woman you're dating?

No, it is unusual to support a woman, unless you are living with her, or she is your wife.

I think the delay in meeting is a bigger issue.  You can't really expect her to hold off while you organize your life.  So, you have to assume she is speaking to other men as well.  If she comes back to communication with you, it's because those haven't panned out.  That's not a bad thing.  You haven't met, and women have a shorter "shelf life" than do men, particularly in that part of the world.  So, if she doesn't communicate back, just text her from time to time.  Her response (or non response) will tell you where she's at.

If it doesn't work with this one, I suggest you hold off on contacting another woman across the world until you are in a position to go and meet her in short order.

[ML]

. . .  I suggest you hold off on contacting another woman across the world until you are in a position to go and meet her in short order.

My modification.

[rwd123]

I do not mind sending gifts, even money if I have to.  I may follow the wisdoms bestowed to me; maybe $50 a month along with some other gifts like flowers/clothes. 

I guess providing any advice is like... 

Instead I'm going to open a book.

How long before RWO says he has been 'cheated' by this woman?
1-3 months, 5/1
3-6 months, 3/1
12 months, 1/2

How much money is he going to send to a complete stranger only to be 'scammed'?
< $1k, 3/1
$1-5k, 4/1
$5-10k, 5/1
$10k+, 7/1


Place yer bets, place yer bets!

[krimster2]

RWO,

it’s a bad idea, to start planning a family BEFORE you get your financial house “in order”
you are NOT even CLOSE to doing this,
in fact you’re probably YEARS away from doing so…

if you try and start a family, before you are financially ready
then you are gonna face some major stress

I know you’re hornier than a 2-peckered billy-goat…
but chill…
do things in the correct sequence
ask rwd123, for incel advice on handling horniness
i’m sure you can find “a solution”  for your sex problem just like him!!!
and get a grip on "things"

[Trenchcoat]

RWO, I think the providing 'support' depends on whether she meant it once in a relationship with her, which is fine provided you are actually in a relationship (after you meet and her & your life become one) or whether she means support now which of course is very bad. If she is asking for support in the here and now then that indicates that she is pressing you for money and consequently has a low opinion of you on the respect front and is money hungry herself. I hope I don't need to tell you that sending money will not end well for you, it won't end you up in a relationship with her.

I think all the way through it sounds like you have made a series of faux pas in your communication with this lady. I'm not saying she wouldn't try it in anyway assuming she is asking for support literally now and not what her future requirements are when in a relationship. Anyhow, by committing mistake after mistake in communicating it can quickly lead to her thinking of you as a dumb ass. Even one mistake alone can wreak your chances with a FSW but many tends to be often very difficult if not impossible to recover from. Often with FSW mistake made recovery not often possible. So getting to know what and what not to say with a FSW is important as I'm sure you're now realising, at least I hope so.

Many of us have made mistakes early on with FSW, I have so you're not alone, often it can be just one mistake but enough to torpedo the relationship. If it's several mistakes often that's a ship with many torpedo holes in it and sinking fast. What's important is to realise not to make the same mistakes over, i.e, cut the talk of 'friends', don't send money, etc.

Possibly this situation might still be recoverable, if you don't send money be seen to break to her silent treatment and haven't said you would send money then she may respect you more. Whether it is good to go with this woman long term I'm not so sure. My guess is as others have said she has found a better prospect either for a relationship or to fleece money for in the short term so you've been given the back seat, maybe permanently, but that may turn out to not such a bad thing if she's a bad girl.

[Patagonie]

Would you be supporting an American woman you had not met, but intended to meet? 

Would you financially support an American woman you're dating?

No, it is unusual to support a woman, unless you are living with her, or she is your wife.

I think the delay in meeting is a bigger issue.  You can't really expect her to hold off while you organize your life.  So, you have to assume she is speaking to other men as well.  If she comes back to communication with you, it's because those haven't panned out.  That's not a bad thing.  You haven't met, and women have a shorter "shelf life" than do men, particularly in that part of the world.  So, if she doesn't communicate back, just text her from time to time.  Her response (or non response) will tell you where she's at.

If it doesn't work with this one, I suggest you hold off on contacting another woman across the world until you are in a position to go and meet her in short order.

+1
I have read thousands or dozens of thousands of FSU profiles. More and more are specifying "don't write me if you are NOT IN MY CITY".
I think that's clear enough.
 
Some other comments: 
You should avoid any woman from Transsinitria because you cannot visit this part of Moldovia. 
 
She has proposed you travel to Europe. The budget for a trip to Europe (she will ask to have her own bedroom) is likely to be a $500 note per day.(I live in France and have gone to the neighboring countries).     
 
The first rule is you visit her in her country, and for those who had had to leave, where they are "refugees" right now (Poland, Hungary, Roumanie especially and all over Europe and all over the world). The other ones, IMHO are not visitable due to the war. Even in Belarus I will be cautious.
 
You will have a Federal job. Maybe a little bit "sensitive", it's not because your balls touch the floor that you have to risk serious troubles. We are in wartime guy, it's not only about a lovely pussy.
 

[Trenchcoat]

I have read thousands or dozens of thousands of FSU profiles. More and more are specifying "don't write me if you are NOT IN MY CITY".
I think that's clear enough.

Interesting development Pat, they never used to say that, as you know it used to be, 'only write if you plan to come soon' type of phrase. So the fact that they have moved to don't write if you are not in my city shows how cheesed off they are with guys who write, promise to visit but never do, i.e Keyboard Romeo's, guys who procrastinate and possibly guys who just choose to visit some other girl.

I haven't seen but am sure you are right as I haven't bothered to look up girls profiles of recent, seemed no point unless at a stage when I can visit. In any case I personally prefer to be over there preferably for a while and just call them up there and then, gets rid of a lot of all these awkward Video chat sessions and talk, get to see the girl in the flesh and see whether there is any chemistry there straight away, but then not as long a journey for us as the US guys

[2tallbill]

Very good information thanks to all the gentlemen.  With my new job, (Offer was already made) I do not know when my first day of work is.  They told me maybe end of July, maybe mid-August during the interview process.  I emailed them today asking if there is a firm start date.  I know that if I go to Moldova it will be a $3000-$4000 usd trip depending on when I go.  If I go in the next few days, it will be $4000 ($1500 plane ticket, $500 hotel, and the rest of the $2000 will be food/shopping/gifts and whatever is left, I will give to her).  It's not about the money, it's just the timing with my job and once my job starts, I will not be able to go until I build up some vacation time.  I can't send her money just because I will not know if she is a scammer or is she a real woman looking for relationship.  I want to buy/send her a birthday gift but then again, sometimes cash money is the best because she may need clothes, or she may need food, or she wants to save some money just in case if Russians invades and she needs to leave Moldova.  I rather give her the flexibility because you never know.  I am someone that if someone wants to get me something, I rather just get cash so I can do whatever I want with it.

From what I can tell in the last 3 weeks since I met her and texting and video chatting, I think she is a real woman looking for relationship.  Of course, I do believe I am not the only man she is talking to.  But, I do want to send her some money (She has not ask for money) just in case of the last reason I posted above:  What if she needs to leave Moldova if the war spill over into Moldova.  I am thinking $500-$1000 usd.  Yes, there will be lots of posts from you guys saying "NO".  Let's say she is scammer, but if that money can save her and her family or at least get them to somewhere safe, I will just chalk it up to being a good christian.  But if she is real, then this gesture will speak volumes to her about me.  I mean, honestly, if it weren't for my job, I was going to spend at least $3000 to $4000 visiting.  By sending her $1000, I am showing her I'm serious. Furthermore, she will be very happy and if she is real, when I do visit her in January, I know I can win her heart and soul.  Yes, $1000 and that's it.  No more until I visit AND we have great chemistry AND we are committed to each other, etc. However, if she receives the $1000 and wants more money before I visit then of course I will say no. 

I just see it as spend $4000 right now or just $1000.  If she is scammer and ask for more money then yes, I will not pursue her anymore.  If she is real, I hope this shows her I'm serious.  If she declines the money, then I will really know she's real and I will do everything I can to meet and marry this girl.

Good lord,

I have never read such a mish mash of bad ideas and reasoning in years.
I don't have time to itemize everything at this time. I have a job and posting
on the forum is a hobby.

[Boethius]

I think Bill is suggesting sending money is a bad idea.


Are you aware, RWO, that Ukrainian refugees are returning to Ukraine?  Many are displaced internally, particularly if they're from regions with active combat.  But even IN a country at war, people are returning.


There is little chance that anyone in Moldova doesn't have money for food. 

[BC]

Are you aware, RWO, that Ukrainian refugees are returning to Ukraine?  Many are displaced internally, particularly if they're from regions with active combat.  But even IN a country at war, people are returning.

Indeed.  Of 14 UA folks that came to our little town after the war started, 10 already returned weeks ago.  Those that remain are from the Donbas area.

[Patagonie]

Interesting development Pat, they never used to say that, as you know it used to be, 'only write if you plan to come soon' type of phrase. So the fact that they have moved to don't write if you are not in my city shows how cheesed off they are with guys who write, promise to visit but never do, i.e Keyboard Romeo's, guys who procrastinate and possibly guys who just choose to visit some other girl.

I haven't seen but am sure you are right as I haven't bothered to look up girls profiles of recent, seemed no point unless at a stage when I can visit. In any case I personally prefer to be over there preferably for a while and just call them up there and then, gets rid of a lot of all these awkward Video chat sessions and talk, get to see the girl in the flesh and see whether there is any chemistry there straight away, but then not as long a journey for us as the US guys

I read many profiles in Russian, it's probably why you didn't notice it, because in some dating applications you cannot use the translation applications therefore if you cannot read in Russian you cannot get the message.

[Patagonie]

Indeed.  Of 14 UA folks that came to our little town after the war started, 10 already returned weeks ago.  Those that remain are from the Donbas area.

I have the same information around me about Ukrainian people returning, a lot. +1

[Trenchcoat]

Good lord,

I have never read such a mish mash of bad ideas and reasoning in years.
I don't have time to itemize everything at this time. I have a job and posting
on the forum is a hobby.

You mean someone has surpassed me Bill

That's one accolade I don't mind passing on lol.

[Trenchcoat]

I think Bill is suggesting sending money is a bad idea.


Are you aware, RWO, that Ukrainian refugees are returning to Ukraine?  Many are displaced internally, particularly if they're from regions with active combat.  But even IN a country at war, people are returning.


There is little chance that anyone in Moldova doesn't have money for food.

That's very interesting info Boe (& BC) it kind of shows how people are often attached to the place they live. My guess is that they would rather be somewhere with a familiar language, culture, family & friends/people around. I think one way or another (missiles, bullets & war aside) that they all find some way to survive and get by. I think the few women that try international dating are either on the make, genuinely want a better more comfortable/prosperous life or just not aware of how much of a big cultural difference it would entail.

[Trenchcoat]

Still demand for homes for Refugees here it seems, Lincolnshire county has recently appealed for more people able to offer homes. In Ireland they have apparently run out of housing so bad that they are putting them up in tents now. Some refugees are apparently wanting to sit our the war until returning. Guess it's a bit of a mixed picture depending on how people feel about how things are.

[BC]

http://data.unhcr.org/en/situations/ukraine

Up to date migration statistics.

[Trenchcoat]

http://data.unhcr.org/en/situations/ukraine

Up to date migration statistics.

Interesting statistics BC, looks like the enemy, Russia is the preferred destination for many Ukrainians lol. Guessing they've already decided who will win in their mind and decided to make the move already!

What can I say, we're very selective here, don't just let in anyone

[Trenchcoat]

RWO, back to you, I think in the meantime between now and when you're ready to meet a FSW the best use of free time is to read up on FSU culture and relationship stuff. There's loads here and this is a good place to read through. There's stickies at the top with useful info. Bill usually posts up links to the essentials for newbies as well. Definitely read up on all the conventions for dating in the FSU. A lot has been said in this thread but the more comprehensive idea you get then hopefully the less faux pas you'll make. Like said I made a fair number of mistakes out in the FSU and some are unfortunately next to impossible to recover a relationship from out there. That's a real bummer when you find out you find out had you known how things work a relationship with a girl you liked that could have worked went south often just because of one silky mistake you didn't know about and wouldn't have thought off. So I would say don't give up, learn from your mistakes so far, learn to avoid other mistakes and move forward.