Children in the Golden Years

[Russophile]

The advice and insights given to me by the forum on my last question (See ‘RW and their Adult Children’) were most helpful.  Now I would like your help on the pros and cons of another option:

There is a tremendous shortage of husband material in the FSU.  Anyone looking at the statistics will easily see that millions of otherwise deserving RW will never have the opportunity to experience marriage, family and children in their own country.  This fact truly elicits sadness in me.  And since I am in a position to solve that problem for at least one deserving RW I feel a wee bit of an obligation to at least explore the possibilities.

There are thousands of RW on the internet and in agencies that are divorced and have one or more children.  Logically, as stated in my previous thread, I should be looking for one of them.  However, I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for them because they have had a chance to experience the happiness of family and children.

A little about my situation:  I am 57 and I have 8 children ranging in ages from 12 to 33.  Five of them are married and a sixth will tie the knot in February.  I have a stable income but I am not wealthy.  I own a home.  I had my daughter when I was 45 (second marriage) and she is my best buddy.  I have been a better father to her than I ever was with my other 7, and I have enjoyed being a father much more, too.  (comes with maturity).  I enjoy raising babies as much as I enjoy making them.  I wouldn’t mind having one or two more.  My father died when he was 93 and my mother is now 94.  She still plays golf 2-3 times/week, so I expect to be around for quite a while in the future.

The plan I am thinking over is to find a 30-something RW who has never been married and wants children.  She gets a marriage, children and a family.  I get a good wife and the sound of children’s laughter in my home again.  My experience from several trips to the FSU tells me that I won’t have too much trouble finding such a woman who would agree to marry me.

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.  I have tried to be a one or two week-wonder in the past (very painful and expensive).  The next time I make the trip I plan to live in the FSU for at least 6 months to build a solid relationship and gain whatever assurance that I can that it will last.

So I lay this idea before the forum for your comments.  Is the possibility of Children in the Golden Years with a young RW going to fly?  It would be really nice if OlgaS, Elen, and any other RW spouse or fiance would contribute to this discussion.

[Elen]

I can say nothing because behaviour of women who desided to marry abroad (RWDMA) is out of common sence by standarts of just RW

[jb]

Geesh~!, Russ,,,, You need to rethink your whole idea system about poor Russian single women.  I realize much of what you've posted is right out of the MOB Agency manual, but I assure you there are as many opportunities for a divorced RW with children to marry at home as there are for single AW with children to marry here.  Contrary to what you may have read, Russian men are not all alcoholic wife beaters, in fact I personally know many fine Russian men who are good fathers and great husbands.

Don't get the idea, at age 57, that you are going to ride into Russia on a big white horse and rescue at least one poor damsel in distress who wants tie herself to an American passport.  It ain't that way.  If that's what you think is gonna happen, you will be fodder for every GCG in the entire FSU.  Go straight over to Mules-R-Us.com and sign up to have your life ruined.  There may be an outside number of 100,000 women signed up with MOB agencies FSU wide, of that number you don't want to get accquainted with probably 95,000 of them.  It's easy to make a mistake here.  In fact, I think you've mentioned that you already did that.

We at RWD can help you some, but we are not miracle workers, you have to do some reading in the archives and brush up on the habits and culture of the FSU female.  I think a serious attitude adjustment is in order.

[Russophile]

OUCH!!!

[Bruno]

There are thousands of RW on the internet and in agencies that are divorced and have one or more children.  Logically, as stated in my previous thread, I should be looking for one of them.  However, I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for them because they have had a chance to experience the happiness of family and children.


I had my daughter when I was 45 (second marriage) and she is my best buddy.

Funny, and what if RW think like you ? Already two marriage... so, you have already have two "chance to experience the happiness of family and children". Do this mean that RW need to feel two time lower sympathy for you ?

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.

Not yet find a bride and already planning a future divorce ? 

[pitbull]

Russophile, reread what jb has written, and even better-learn his message by heart!
30-something pretty Russian women are NOT as desperate, so that they will be willing to marry a 57-year-old AM, with 8  children, one of them living with him and being just 12! Ask yourself-Will a pretty AW in her early thirties marry me? If the answer is "no"-the answer is true for RW also!
You will probably find several RWs in their early thirties willing to do that-but be ready to be used just as  a Green Card Mule. The women you've described generally have much higher expectations of prospective husbands!
Also, forget the "saviour's" attitude. You'd better treat a RW as an equal partner, not a resqued poor thing, if you want a good relationship!This indeed IS a very bad foundation for marriage!
Judging from what you've written about yourself-you'll be realistic if you pursue a 40-50-smth year-old RW, your equal. If you badly want a wife 20-and more years younger than you are-well, maybe it will work with an RW who already has a couple of kids.
But most importantly-listen to jb-do your homework-learn more about Russia and RW and change your attitude!
Good luck!

[Turboguy]

Russ, you are not alone in your age group with the goal of children.  I have met a number of guys your age or even older who wanted a gal to have kids with.  The difference I see is the guys I have met who are looking for a mother for their child have met have never had children and feel like they have missed something.  You are the first with 8 children that I have met who wanted more.

Most of the advice you have been given has been more that they don't think you can find a gal who would be interested in that.  (They may also think your crazy but they have not really said that).  I read an awful lot of profiles.   Personally, I don't think it would be impossible to find but you would have to work harder in your search.   My thoughts are if that is really the thing that would make you happy go for it.  If it is something you would sorta like then just look for a good woman but watch for some who might want that.  Finding a good woman is probably the most important thing.  One compromise might be finding a gal with a younger child already and playing daddy with that child.

[TexasBoar]

Russ, you are not alone in your age group with the goal of children.  I have met a number of guys your age or even older who wanted a gal to have kids with.  The difference I see is the guys I have met who are looking for a mother for their child have met have never had children and feel like they have missed something. 

One compromise might be finding a gal with a younger child already and playing daddy with that child.

That's pretty much where I'm at, although I'm about 10 years younger---never had kids of my own and lately . . . well, working as a teacher I see the good ones and the bad ones, and the good ones always give me that "coulda woulda shoulda" feeling.  That, and my last long-term GF (an AW), had a five-year old daughter I absolutely adored.  Started me thinking that was something I could do . . . even though realistically, I would be retired by the time I would be sending them off to college, which maybe wouldn't be the brightest thing on earth to do to myself.  I had a sailboat or touring motorcycle more in mind for those years than tuition!

Russ, I'm new at this myself, but I get a threefold impression from your OP: one, that you're seeing this as something you can "offer" an RW to enhance your appeal, two, that you're seeing this whole deal as a mercantile exchange (I get this, she gets that), and three, that you really, really like having kids . . . that's certainly not a bad thing, but maybe it's time to consider a nice hobby, join the Corvette owners club or something. 

~Boar

[Russophile]

TurboGuy and Boar,

Thanks for your input...you are true gentlemen and helpful in the true measure of the comaraderie that this forum should foster.  It is a pleasure to read your constructive comments because it helps me to clarify my thinking.  Admittedly, engaging on this search by doing my own thinking has caused me a lot of emotional and financial loss in the past.

For the rest of you who were confused by my question, let me simplify it:

And by the way, there is no 'Savior Complex' involved here.  I have to earn the trust and the eventual love of any RW I seek.

The question:  Does their exist in the former FSU at least one 30-something woman who has never been married and has no children who would respect and eventually learn to love enough to marry, a man 20+ years her senior who offered her a safe home, children and all the love she could ever hope for?

Think it through now....there is at least one regular contributor to this forum who has found such a woman and has been married to her for several years.  Was she the only one, or is there at least one more?

Everyone gets one vote: Yes or No

[pitbull]

To be able to give an objective  answer...could we look at your picture, please?

[Turboguy]

I think PitBull makes a good point, we would probably be able to judge better if we knew more about you. 

There are many here who have married gals with a pretty good age difference.  Some have had children.  It is not an impossible scenario. 

I see a lot of profiles for gals who are in much the same situation as you are.  They are getting to the now or never point and want a child before the opportunity passes them by.  Many are late thirties.  I saw one yesterday for a gal who was 44.  I thought to myself she had better get busy at that age, her clock is winding down.   They are out there.  I think a lot of the late 30 early 40 gals who want a child would consider someone in your age range.  You may find some in the early 30's but I don't know enough about you to rate the chances.

[jb]

Russophile,

That's not what you stated in the opening post, now you are changing things, putting a "spin" on it, if you will permit that.

There is a tremendous shortage of husband material in the FSU.

This is not true, Russia is a country of approximately 145 million folks, half of 'em are men.

Anyone looking at the statistics will easily see that millions of otherwise deserving RW will never have the opportunity to experience marriage, family and children in their own country.  This fact truly elicits sadness in me.  And since I am in a position to solve that problem for at least one deserving RW I feel a wee bit of an obligation to at least explore the possibilities.

I have no idea where you got your statistics, but it sure sounds like you are of the opinion that you'd be doing some poor girl a favor by marrying her and saving her from a life of spinsterhood. 

There are thousands of RW on the internet and in agencies that are divorced and have one or more children.  However, I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for them because they have had a chance to experience the happiness of family and children.

This statement bothers me a lot and it rather contradicts the previous statement about the husband shortage. 

I am 57 and I have 8 children ranging in ages from 12 to 33.

When are you going to say, "enough is enough" ?  Two marriages and 8 kids ought to be enough for just about any thinking man.  Besides, donating your sperm now at the age of 57 you'd still be paying college tution well into your 80's.  You said you weren't rich, are you planning to still be working then?  All I can ask is; "what's wrong with this picture?"

The plan I am thinking over is to find a 30-something RW who has never been married and wants children.  She gets a marriage, children and a family.  I get a good wife and the sound of children’s laughter in my home again.  My experience from several trips to the FSU tells me that I won’t have too much trouble finding such a woman who would agree to marry me.

There are probably many women who will marry you, but I think you might strike the word "good" from your vocabulary.  You are asking to get burned with this line of thinking.

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.

Naw,, you'll still be working to educate your golden child through those years you had dreamed about retiring in.

Is the possibility of Children in the Golden Years with a young RW going to fly?

Only in your dreams, but what the heck, every man deserves a fantasy.

It would be really nice if OlgaS, Elen, and any other RW spouse or fiance would contribute to this discussion.

OlgaS might cheer you on, but I suspect Elen will be a lot tougher on you than I am, and you certainly don't want to hear what my wife thinks of your plan.

T/G;
Is it your intention to create another P/G story?  If not, then please put the crack pipe down.

[BC]

Russophile,

Seems you want it all, now and with guarantees.

Re children, we had our last child when I was 43.  We do not want more.  For myself, that brick wall of having children with a reasonable assurance of being able to provide support until adulthood is touching my nose.  Genetics also favor longevity in our family but this is something I can only hope for but cannot count on.  I would like for my children to be able to really remember me.  Procreate with responsibility.

For the rest, it seems you are looking for the true MOB.  As you see upthread most do not believe such women exist.  I feel the same.

Mr. Turbo, our official board optimist, provides you with light at the end of a tunnel of undetermined length, but without warning you that just because you see light does not mean you can exit the tunnel.  Even after a very long walk, you may find yourself smack against a steel wall with a very small hole in it!

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.  I have tried to be a one or two week-wonder in the past (very painful and expensive).  The next time I make the trip I plan to live in the FSU for at least 6 months to build a solid relationship and gain whatever assurance that I can that it will last.

These statements affirm that you are fully aware of the risks involved, and the ultimate price of failure.  Reminds me of an old lesson learned.. "If you can't afford the ticket, don't speed!".  Don't gamble your retirement nestegg, especially with a 12 yr old at your side.

My thoughts are if that is really the thing that would make you happy go for it.

Sorry to pick on you Turbo.. this may be applicable for you in your situation but does not mean giving such 'wisdom' is responsible.  You going to pick Russophile up if he has to sell his home chasing folly?

Russ,

I was just posting and saw more recent posts..  It seems you are beginning to listen to what you want to hear.. bad business..

Let me ask you one question: How much are you willing to spend and maybe loose on this venture?

Don't let folks here talk you out of the roof over your head. 


 

[Turboguy]

I think both jb and BC have raised a point that you might want to think long and hard about.  First off I will stand by my opinion that it is possible to find a gal who would want to marry you and have a child with you.   

I think everyone has different ideas about fatherhood and liking kids is nice.  I am assuming with as many kids as you have you have or will have some grandchildren.  It might be smarter to build a good relation ship with you kids so you can get your grandkids a lot and fulfill your need to be around children that way.

Back to the point jb and BC made.  I think you might want to take a good hard look at your financial situation and your plans for your future.  I think you said you were 57 now.  So you have to meet her, do a K-1, marry her and get her pregnant.  You are likely to be 60 by the time you are starting to change diapers.   Even if you are not paying your retirement money to child support you will be paying a lot to support your child.  Kids get particularly expensive in their teen years so that is going to be about the time you are 74-78.   Then at that point you will have college expenses until you are about 82.  Since you talk about retirement, I am assuming you are planning to retire at some point.  If you are sitting on a large net worth and have a generous retirement account then you don't need to worry about that a lot.  Otherwise you might find you have to work until you are 85.   Since your mother plays golf twice a week at 93 your genes may let you do that but is it what you want.  Some people do want it.   I plan to work until I am 80 unless a health problem forces me to do something different.  That is because I like what I do and would be bored to death retired.   I would hate to be that age and working two jobs to put my kid through college and wondering how I was going to get by.  You know your financial situation.   I don't.  Just thought it was something you should look at.

[Wild Orchid*]

After I finished reading your other thread I sent your PM, just ignore it. I was trying to help, but have no such desire any more. You want my input? You disgusted me! You have no sympathy for women with 1 max 2 children? You, who has 8?  If I were woman in my early 30-s I wouldn’t  even look in your
direction.  Too old, too many children, owning a house considered to be an achievement…  OMG
There is many FSU women looking for a husband, but there is no shortage of foreign men looking for a FSU wife… Have you thought about that? Are you competitive enough?

Ps. I might co now and check if I can delete that PM

[groovlstk]

There are thousands of RW on the internet and in agencies that are divorced and have one or more children.  Logically, as stated in my previous thread, I should be looking for one of them.  However, I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for them because they have had a chance to experience the happiness of family and children.

So your sole reason for wanting a childless, 30something woman rather than one who is divorced with a child or two is because you have sympathy for the former? 

[docetae]

The advice and insights given to me by the forum on my last question (See ‘RW and their Adult Children’) were most helpful.  Now I would like your help on the pros and cons of another option:

There is a tremendous shortage of husband material in the FSU.  Anyone looking at the statistics will easily see that millions of otherwise deserving RW will never have the opportunity to experience marriage, family and children in their own country.  This fact truly elicits sadness in me.  And since I am in a position to solve that problem for at least one deserving RW I feel a wee bit of an obligation to at least explore the possibilities.

There are thousands of RW on the internet and in agencies that are divorced and have one or more children.  Logically, as stated in my previous thread, I should be looking for one of them.  However, I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for them because they have had a chance to experience the happiness of family and children.

A little about my situation:  I am 57 and I have 8 children ranging in ages from 12 to 33.  Five of them are married and a sixth will tie the knot in February.  I have a stable income but I am not wealthy.  I own a home.  I had my daughter when I was 45 (second marriage) and she is my best buddy.  I have been a better father to her than I ever was with my other 7, and I have enjoyed being a father much more, too.  (comes with maturity).  I enjoy raising babies as much as I enjoy making them.  I wouldn’t mind having one or two more.  My father died when he was 93 and my mother is now 94.  She still plays golf 2-3 times/week, so I expect to be around for quite a while in the future.

The plan I am thinking over is to find a 30-something RW who has never been married and wants children.  She gets a marriage, children and a family.  I get a good wife and the sound of children’s laughter in my home again.  My experience from several trips to the FSU tells me that I won’t have too much trouble finding such a woman who would agree to marry me.

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.  I have tried to be a one or two week-wonder in the past (very painful and expensive).  The next time I make the trip I plan to live in the FSU for at least 6 months to build a solid relationship and gain whatever assurance that I can that it will last.

So I lay this idea before the forum for your comments.  Is the possibility of Children in the Golden Years with a young RW going to fly?  It would be really nice if OlgaS, Elen, and any other RW spouse or fiance would contribute to this discussion.

Wanting another children after 8 seems to me more a pathological problem than something else. Sorry to be direct, but I'm not sure your number 9 will be happy if your union fails.

Ask you why you were not able to have a stable relation, do not try to find a patch with a RW. And think to your children.

And I know what I'm talking about.

Doc, number 8.

[mike15]

Hey Russ

I admire you, I too love kids and my daughter is my buddy too.  I decided to find a girl with kids for similar reasons as you.  It is great that you have the time to build a relationship in her country.  My only advice is to go in with an open mind and have fun.  Try not to have an agenda and love will take over(boy that sounds corny).

Oh one more thing, try to learn the language before you go.

I wish you all the luck in the world,

Mike

[coco]

Wanting another children after 8 seems to me more a pathological problem than something else. Sorry to be direct, but I'm not sure your number 9 will be happy if your union fails.

Ask you why you were not able to have a stable relation, do not try to find a patch with a RW. And think to your children.

And I know what I'm talking about.

Doc, number 8.

Hmm,seam's familiar this avatar

www.mediares.fr/niemen/

[jb]

Back before the USBCIS/Homeland Security reforms post 9-11, men used to have an unlimited number of K-1s they could apply for, now that the rules have changed, it is a different picture.  I don't know when his last K-1 girlfriend got her visa, but he'll have to wait at least 2 years before appling for another K-1.  By that time he'll be 59 y.o. and probably pushing a serious 60 by the time the visa is actually granted if it's approved.   Plus, Russophile has already used up one of his allotted K-1s, these visas are no longer an unlimited privilege for wife hunters.  Unlike baseball, I think it's 2 strikes and you are out of the game here.  No doubt he will exercise greater caution in the selection process than he did the first time around.   
BTW, this information is applicable to T/G and P/G as well.  No matter if you find your dream girl tomorrow, you'll still have to wait 2 years from the time your last failed K-1 went home before filing another petition on behalf of another woman.

Perhaps Russophile willl reflect on these issues and be of a different mindset before he heads out to the FSU looking for his next victim.  I certainly hope so.

[beattledog]

when a man is in his golden years, this is the  most important betwen him and the woman, if the woman is much younger than him.  I think that it depends upon the relationship.  this should be discussed before marriage.

beattledog

[Turboguy]

Well, jb that is not entirely correct on the K-1.   You can have more than two and you don't have to wait 2 years.  You just have to apply for a waver.  A waver is just writng a letter and explaining the circumstances.   I also think if it came down to a denial and someones 2 K-1's were before IMBRA they would have a hard time not granting a waver.  Sorta like if they reduced the speed on the higway from 70 to 55.  They would have a hard time bothering anyone who did 70 before the reduction.  That is just my optinion and that and 5 bucks may get you something to drink at starbucks if you aren't particular.  I am sure they want people playing by the rules but if the rules didn't exist at the time they played the game..........

The clock keeps ticking jb.  My two years will be up March 1.  That is not that long.  Right now I don't even have a serious prospect except for the gal from Rostov who visted me.......  I do plan to make three trips over the next few months so maybe that will change but with some follow up visits the time frame should not create much of a problem for me.  I sure can't gamble on a trial K-1 as PG did and I did to an extent.  If I would have another failed K-1 and be at my limit I am sure not going to let IMBRA stop me.  When I have a goal, I just focus on it and don't stop till I acheive it. 

[Russophile]

To the members of the forum-both supporters and detractors, I offer my heartfelt thanks.  All of your comments were helpful and will be considered, digested and well thought over in my decisions for the future.

This thread has been beat to death, so let's move on to other topics.

Russophile

[Elen]

The plan I am thinking over is to find a 30-something RW who has never been married and wants children.  She gets a marriage, children and a family.  I get a good wife and the sound of children’s laughter in my home again.  My experience from several trips to the FSU tells me that I won’t have too much trouble finding such a woman who would agree to marry me.

I also understand that I run the risk of being nothing but a sperm donor for a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.  I also don’t want to be paying child support in my retirement years.  I have tried to be a one or two week-wonder in the past (very painful and expensive).  The next time I make the trip I plan to live in the FSU for at least 6 months to build a solid relationship and gain whatever assurance that I can that it will last.

So I lay this idea before the forum for your comments.  Is the possibility of Children in the Golden Years with a young RW going to fly?  It would be really nice if OlgaS, Elen, and any other RW spouse or fiance would contribute to this discussion.

One more old male who tries to return youth with a help of much more younger woman. Nothing new under the skies 

May be you manage to find such a woman. But keep in your mind that a reason because of she would do that would be rather desperation but not  FSU women 's mythical preferences of older males vs those who are close to their own ages. Truth tell you with your 2 marriages, 8 children and your ages are not a "gift" at all.

 So good luck

[jb]

    

Here ya go, Helen, a clue bat of your very own.