Turboguy & Turbodude's First Dream tour

[Michelangelo]

Michael, take a look at http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2694.msg51085#msg51085

The more funny is that Turbo have reply to "vwrw"... without know that she was the lady that he will visit later... the world is very little on RWD 

Great memory and detective work, Bruno.  Amazing... :-)

[vwrw]

Thanks Michelangelo, Bruno for advices. The age difference is not a problem. Simply, it makes my desire to spend the rest of my life with Turbo to be impossible. I also want to know what next…what a decision we should do.
 

[Michelangelo]

Thanks Michelangelo, Bruno for advices. The age difference is not a problem. Simply, it makes my desire to spend the rest of my life with Turbo to be impossible. I also want to know what next…what a decision we should do.
 

Thanks, VWRW.

You asked advice on what to do next?  I'd say you should see him again, and get to know him better.  I know you have written him many letters and spent a great week with him in Siberia.  But you need to see him again, and get to know him even more.

I say my girl many times in different places before we decided to get married.  But every couple is different, and you must follow your heart.  Good luck to both of you :-)

[groovlstk]

Thanks Michelangelo, Bruno for advices. The age difference is not a problem. Simply, it makes my desire to spend the rest of my life with Turbo to be impossible. I also want to know what next…what a decision we should do.

Michael's correct, why do you feel you must make a decision now? Enjoy your time together, when he returns home you'll have plenty of time to think about your situation. Invite him to visit you again, spend more time together... There's no rush to make such important decisions, take your time!

[SANDRO43]

And what next... Do you think that you will be able to find a man like Turbo who is younger ? And if you don't find these younger version of turbo, what will be the next move ?

Turbo's son ?

[viking]

Sandro. I heard of keeping it in the family, but.........

[Voyageur]

Privet vwrw,

I will add my encouragement for you to think very hard about any  relationship you have with Turboguy. I have "known" him on these forums for about two years and he seems like a terrific guy.  You only get one chance in life to find your happiness and I urge you to consider everything (all the positives and the negatives) before you make any quick decision. Best of luck to you!

[Bruce]

It seems quite evident in two posts that this woman is not into Turboguy and yet many of you are asking her to feign interest or admit lukewarm interest at best and make Turboguy haul back to Siberia to meet a girl who is not really into him.  That is absolutely ridiculous.  This girl is not into Turboguy, probably for reasons she is not saying ie. first age, now something else.................there is no reason for Turboguy (who seems to me like a nice man who is finally getting educated in what it takes to find and keep a RW) to waste his time.  Turbo, her loss.  Move on to next.  You will find a girl who is really into you physically from the moment you meet, is a good social mesh and who shares common goals with you.  That girl is out there, and she is will be younger, prettier and just as intelligent (if you can bridge cultural differences) in the FSU than here if you do your homework, make the effort (which you definitely are doing) and get a little lucky.  Do not worry, keep up your search and you will make your luck over the next few years  . 

As far as the girl posting here..............you need to contact your next man and hope he shows up.

[BC]

What I think vwrw is saying is:

"I want a good chance of spending the rest of my life with one person.  Although the age different itself is not that troubling realistically speaking, this is an impossibility."

In more simple words maybe "I don't want to go into a relationship knowing I will be a young widow".

A realistic and reasonable view imho.



 

[Bruno]

In more simple words maybe "I don't want to go into a relationship knowing I will be a young widow".
A realistic and reasonable view imho.

Yep, it is what i have understand... but the age of Turbo was know before the meeting so why it become a problem now...

Turbo is able to make a lot of trip all year... but imagine the situation of a usual worker like me who use all his holiday for a trip... So, he meet the girl, she find him good but say that he is to old... What the hell, the age is the same that on the advert... and now, he need to wait one more year for the next holiday...

Age problem is something who is coming in the early stage of communication... people here are seeking a wife... it ask time and a lot of money... it is not our function to developpe the tourism sector in FSU... in some way, i agree with the Bruce post...

[BC]

Yep, it is what i have understand... but the age of Turbo was know before the meeting so why it become a problem now...

She said this was her first experience with such a large age difference.  Have to try to find out..

This was likely a good experience for both of them.

[Sohkay]

vwrw,

I made it a point to speak with a good friend of mine regarding the age difference issue. I too think about this as I find myself communicating with FSU women 10-15 years younger than me. My friend is a 50 year old American woman who is married to a man who is now 80. They have been married for 30 years. She made the following points.

1) Her biggest fear at this point, is that she will be alone in her old age. As we talked, she explained that in all honesty, when she thinks about, she has a good network of friends and family that will be there for her in her older years.

2) She reminded me that there are no guarantees in life, and it could it end up being her that dies before her husband, and then her husband is left alone (but again, with friends and family).

3) She swears that this is the only issue that she thinks about in relation to the age difference with her husband. She has always loved this man and continues to do so.

4) She wouldn't have done it any differently...she still would have married her husband, knowing what she knows now.

I know that many times, particularly when we are in our 20's and 30's, we seek the perfect situation. This is only normal. But the truly perfect thing about life, is its imperfection!

My point is this. While it may be ideal that we would be so in sync with our partners life that we would die at the same moment they do, it frequently does not happen that way. So what do we have left? We do the best we can with the life we have. If you think that you may be able to achieve the deepest love of your life with Turbo, then perhaps you should pursue this, spend time with him, and he with you, to see if this dream can be realized. It's entirely possible that the wonderful love that you may be able to develop with him, and the deep and fond memories you would carry with you for the rest of your life, after his passing (if he goes before you!), would be worth it. Also remember something else...keep Turbo in mind as you make your decisions, as statistically, his time on earth is most likely shorter than yours. Don't allow him to linger in a relationship that you know is not going to work. If it's not going to, then communicate this with him so he can move on in pursuit of his happiness, and you in pursuit of yours. On the other hand, if you and he do think this is going to work good between you, then go for it! Carpe diem! (seize the day, take advantage of what life is offering you!)

However this turns out, I wish you and Turbo happiness and the fulfillment of your dreams.

Sohkay

[Albert]

I agree with Bruce.  Further, I am appalled that this woman would let Turbo spend his time, money and effort to come to her when she already knew it wouldn't work for her.

Sure, you can say she hadn't experience with large age differences and wanted to check it out, but her words indicate that she already had criteria that would be impossible to overcome.  e.g. Her words, clarified by someone:  "I want a good chance of spending the rest of my life with one person.  Although the age different itself is not that troubling realistically speaking, this is an impossibility."

Just one other example of why a man should never make a first visit to a woman on a WOVO trip.

[BC]

I agree with Bruce.  Further, I am appalled that this woman would let Turbo spend his time, money and effort to come to her when she already knew it wouldn't work for her.

I think it is quite likely they discussed this aspect.  Maybe Turbo decided to go anyway.

[viking]

The time issue is most interesting. When we are in our 20's or 30' spending a few more years looking, searching or just being with one woman for awhile does not seem so much a time crunch as when you are older, say 50's when every year seems too important to lose.

Also when a guy is say 30-35 he has many options open to him and when he is 40 most of those options are still there. Not so with an older man. When you are posting your age at 55 there are still many female profiles to choose from. Put in 61, for example, and your choices drop by 60%. So, IMHO, a man in his 50's needs to work a bit differently and cannot 'waste' a lot of time where the potential for a mate is small.

Additionally, when two people are older, most of the changes that life may bring have come and gone and their personality and life styles are pretty stable. Sort of what you see is what you get now and later. And sometimes the companionship and intimacy of a good solid, reliable woman, may overcome the 'true love' ( passion) a younger person might seek. Its all about compromise and any who tells me that they never compromise in a relationship, doesn't know what a relationship is.

I think Turbo needs to have a real honest talk with this woman, assuming he wants her and feels she will be good for him, and tell her to fish or cut bait, now.

[Michelangelo]

Thanks Michelangelo, Bruno for advices. The age difference is not a problem. Simply, it makes my desire to spend the rest of my life with Turbo to be impossible. I also want to know what next…what a decision we should do.
 

What are you guys reading? 

She IS interested in Turbo (see above), but regrets that she will not be able to spend all HER life with  him cuz he likely will be gone first.  But does desire the years they can have together.

That's my interpretation of the meaning behind her words...

[Michelangelo]

vwrw,

I made it a point to speak with a good friend of mine regarding the age difference issue. I too think about this as I find myself communicating with FSU women 10-15 years younger than me. My friend is a 50 year old American woman who is married to a man who is now 80. They have been married for 30 years. She made the following points.

1) Her biggest fear at this point, is that she will be alone in her old age. As we talked, she explained that in all honesty, when she thinks about, she has a good network of friends and family that will be there for her in her older years.

2) She reminded me that there are no guarantees in life, and it could it end up being her that dies before her husband, and then her husband is left alone (but again, with friends and family).

3) She swears that this is the only issue that she thinks about in relation to the age difference with her husband. She has always loved this man and continues to do so.

4) She wouldn't have done it any differently...she still would have married her husband, knowing what she knows now.

I know that many times, particularly when we are in our 20's and 30's, we seek the perfect situation. This is only normal. But the truly perfect thing about life, is its imperfection!

My point is this. While it may be ideal that we would be so in sync with our partners life that we would die at the same moment they do, it frequently does not happen that way. So what do we have left? We do the best we can with the life we have. If you think that you may be able to achieve the deepest love of your life with Turbo, then perhaps you should pursue this, spend time with him, and he with you, to see if this dream can be realized. It's entirely possible that the wonderful love that you may be able to develop with him, and the deep and fond memories you would carry with you for the rest of your life, after his passing (if he goes before you!), would be worth it. Also remember something else...keep Turbo in mind as you make your decisions, as statistically, his time on earth is most likely shorter than yours. Don't allow him to linger in a relationship that you know is not going to work. If it's not going to, then communicate this with him so he can move on in pursuit of his happiness, and you in pursuit of yours. On the other hand, if you and he do think this is going to work good between you, then go for it! Carpe diem! (seize the day, take advantage of what life is offering you!)

However this turns out, I wish you and Turbo happiness and the fulfillment of your dreams.

Sohkay

Excellent insights and advice, Sohkay.   

[Bruce]

"The story was miraculous! During 5 days we had experienced a lot of various emotions. I think Turbo enjoyed being in Siberia, especially last day when we discuss about this forum. He is the best man I have ever met on Internet! I would like to spend with him the rest of my life but it is impossible…there is too large age difference between us. And that is pity. In other case, I could not think of a happier choice I could have ever made than Turbo."

The above was her first post after the Turbo visit.  Impossible is a pretty strong word.  Perhaps I am not interpreting her English correctly.  It is in the realm of possibility.  Her second post since the visit was:

"Thanks Michelangelo, Bruno for advices. The age difference is not a problem. Simply, it makes my desire to spend the rest of my life with Turbo to be impossible. I also want to know what next…what a decision we should do."

I am not sure what she means.  Now the age difference is "not a problem."  The problem appears to be her desire to to spend the rest of her life with a husband as old as Turbo?  Anything can happen at any age, which was already explained to her above.......................but this girl is Russian and an adult.  You would think she already knows this.  Therefore, I believe she is just fabricating an excuse, albeit politely.

Michael, you could be right and I am misreading, but until I read otherwise I believe she really is hiding something behind the age card. 



       

[BC]

This is an age old debate lol.. I guess pun intended...

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=32.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=909.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=152.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=156.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2575.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=321.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=977.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=19.0

Not to mention a hundred other threads where age difference is a secondary topic.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=search2;params=YWR2YW5jZWR8J3wwfCJ8YnJkfCd8MSwyNiwyNCwyMyw1MywyNyw0MSwzLDQsNSw2LDU1LDcsMTEsOCw5LDI4LDI5LDMwLDMxLDMyLDMzLDQyLDQzLDQ0LDQ1LDQ2LDUxLDQ3LDQ4LDQ5LDUyLDUwLDEwLDM2LDM3LDM4LDM5LDQwLDE5LDIwLDIxLDIyLDEyLDE4fCJ8c2hvd19jb21wbGV0ZXwnfHwifHN1YmplY3Rfb25seXwnfHwifHNvcnR8J3xyZWxldmFuY2V8Inxzb3J0X2RpcnwnfGRlc2N8InxzZWFyY2h8J3xcImFnZSBkaWZmZXJlbmNlXCI=;start=0

[Bruno]

She IS interested in Turbo (see above), but regrets that she will not be able to spend all HER life with  him cuz he likely will be gone first.

Hmmm... seriously, age difference and life expectancy...

Let imagine that wvrw choice a local man who is 35 year old... the life expectency was 52.8 years in 2002 ( a little more now )... this mean a middle of 18 year happiness before become widow... USA was 67.2 in 2002 ( a little more now too )... these parameter relative a little the "chance" to become widow...

Other parameter... Is it Turbo smoking ?... if not, add a few year... Is it Turbo overweight ?... if not, add a few year... Is it Turbo in good shape?... If yes, add a few year...

And same so, nobody really know when it will be the last hour... these thuesday, at my work ( rest house ), a man have reach his 103 year old... his wife is only 78 year old... he smoke, he drink, he run after the nurse ( maybe this keep him in good shape )... he is in better state that his younger wife...

Do i advice a older man with a young lady... certainly not... but when all seem perfect, only age i problem, why not give a try...

What decision ? i don't know... it is your life wvrw, it is your call and your choice... break up and the life go on... continue and you will know several difficulty... only you can say if the reward compensate the problem... Your have a relation with Turbo, you know him... Here, we can only tell story or give our meaning... but certainly not decise for you, it is your life !

In any case, don't worry too much about what is write here... Age difference was always a very hot topic... simply take a look at http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=32.0 ... 42 page about "large age difference"... the top one topic ( i think ) with 20535 view...

PS : like always, BC was more fast that me 

[vwrw]

Bruce, absolutely ridiculous is that you made your opinion I am not into Turbo when you can base only on two my posts. Yes, maybe I am not sure in a few things. But I am completely sure I am really into him physically from the moment we meet. And I am sure Turbo knows it.
BC, you are very understanding as it is always; a wise man.
Albert, when I send my first post I thought we will be able to overcome our large age difference. Simply, I wanted to have Turbot’s advice how he would like me to act during our future meeting. I did as he advised me. I can certainly say overcoming the age difference is possibility. Now I spend all of my free time to think very hard about how large is my potential to be a good partner for Turbo.
Sohkay, thank you very much. I will print your post and reread each day. Your post gave to me strengths to believe I have the potential!     

[BC]

PS : like always, BC was more fast that me 

Bruno.. it's simple.. I didn't 'go on the internets to the google' LOL (also a pun)

I read a few weeks back that average life expectancy has increased dramatically in some countries.. unfortunately invalidity also also increased in direct proportion, almost negating any perceived advantage.  Living longer is one thing, living a quality lifestyle for a longer period is quite another.

Discourse over life expectancy and such is simply another method to try and justify or rationalize aspects we know are uncertain or dubious.  We do too much of that in this sphere.

Being 'THE' exception cannot be wished, granted, prayed for or bought.. 

[Michelangelo]

As I said earlier, no one knows how many days any of us have.

Thus, it makes sense to me, that given a choice of many years with someone you are not crazy about, or fewer years with someone you adore, go with the partner you are crazy about.

Good luck to vwrw and turbo 

[Bruno]

Bruno.. it's simple.. I didn't 'go on the internets to the google' LOL (also a pun)

Yep, i have google... and i have not yet find what i wish... recent data show that Russian man have a expectancy around 59 year old in 2006... become better... but for the American side, too much data and not the time/wish to find the more recent one

I read a few weeks back that average life expectancy has increased dramatically in some countries.. unfortunately invalidity also also increased in direct proportion, almost negating any perceived advantage.  Living longer is one thing, living a quality lifestyle for a longer period is quite another.

And it is why i try to enjoy the life every day... My father have die from cancer in september after two year of agonie... I have realise that so medical "progress" have only prolong his life in a painfull way... It have change me a lot, i have learn to enjoy the present day...

How it is related to the wvrw and Turbo story... if i follow my actual feeling, i will say "let's go and enjoy the present day" but in some way, it will be irresponsible when think about the futur... i am myself at a stage where my mind is changing... in some time, i will say "fµck the future, enjoy the present day like it is the last"... when i will reach these stage, i will say to wvrw : "Don't care about the difference of age... better be happy today that hope for a hapiness in the futur who will maybe never come... time loosing to find the perfect hapiness cannot be taken back and you are not sure of the result in the future... take what you have now, and enjoy it".... Yeah... no i am sure that some other here will kill me... it is the oposite of what i have think and say one year ago...

Discourse over life expectancy and such is simply another method to try and justify or rationalize aspects we know are uncertain or dubious.  We do too much of that in this sphere.
Being 'THE' exception cannot be wished, granted, prayed for or bought.

Yes, rationalize, exception are word used in statistic... be the norm is not really interesting... simply by the fact of seeking a foreign wife, we are already not in the norm... don't foul yourself... by seeking a foreign bride, we are already 'THE' exception... beeing the exception is not specialy bad... a lot of artist, inventor, etc... are the exception... people who are a exception make the world go on, other are only candidat for stagnation... evolution of people is make from exception... exception is the key to revolution, to evolution...

BC,is your case the norm ? A American choosing too immigrate to Italy for the simple goal to be with the FSU women that a love... yes, all here, we are exception, not the norm... and maybe we have know a lot of problem to follow these way but the final result is our hapiness...

[/quote]

[BC]

vwrw,

My parents married with an 11 year difference, I am now married with a 17 year difference (at that time 42/25).  When we broke the news to my parents the first thing my mother said regarding our age difference is: "it's ok as long as she is mature enough to know what she is getting in to".

Honestly, I was a bit skeptical about the idea and we had long discussions about many things that we wanted and faced in the future.. Examples: our views on kids (we both wanted and have a 3 year old now) and even the probability of my prior demise.. including wiping my butt at some stage.  These decisions were done within reason and not haste.

The deciding factors for me were that she had past rellationships with older men, that chances are good that I can watch our child grow into manhood and that their future after my demise was reasonably assured.

This is only my experience and should not project upon yours.

The answer to your question will not be found here in this forum but instead somewhere between your heart and mind.. In the best of circumstances, what should happen will not be decided in haste, but will instead evolve.