Am I crazy?

[TexasBoar]

. . . or is this a normal part of the journey? 

I'm corresponding with a 29 yo RW (I'm 47) for a couple weeks now, and . . . we sure seem well matched.  I'm 6'2" to her 5'7", we like the same kinds of things---IOW, she would, I think, be comfortable and happy with my lifestyle and hobbies---I find her VERY attractive physically but she's not "supermodel material" or "out of my league" or anything like that.

She comes from a good family; her parents are together and her mother is a teacher, like me (her father works at the auto factory in Ulyanovsk). I think she would be willing to relocate to America, and able to handle it.

I like her. And our correspondence is . . . really nice.

She's also the first RW I've written to, at any length, anyway.  I don't want to "project" or pin my hopes on anything this early, but . . . damn.  I like her.

Play it as it lays, or diversify?  My instincts at this point say I got damn lucky my first time out.  But I don't want to be an idiot about it.

~Boar

[PeeWee]

. . . or is this a normal part of the journey? 

I'm corresponding with a 29 yo RW (I'm 47) for a couple weeks now, and . . . we sure seem well matched.  I'm 6'2" to her 5'7", we like the same kinds of things---IOW, she would, I think, be comfortable and happy with my lifestyle and hobbies---I find her VERY attractive physically but she's not "supermodel material" or "out of my league" or anything like that.

She comes from a good family; her parents are together and her mother is a teacher, like me (her father works at the auto factory in Ulyanovsk). I think she would be willing to relocate to America, and able to handle it.

I like her. And our correspondence is . . . really nice.

She's also the first RW I've written to, at any length, anyway.  I don't want to "project" or pin my hopes on anything this early, but . . . damn.  I like her.

Play it as it lays, or diversify?  My instincts at this point say I got damn lucky my first time out.  But I don't want to be an idiot about it.

~Boar

I write to only one at a time but others write to many. I do not have the time to write to a lot of women so I tend to find one that I think is a good candidate and stick with her until it becomes evident that she is or is not the one I want to continue communicating with. Mine is a time constraint consideration but it seems to work for me.

I suspect that any RW will correspond with many until one cream rises to the top. So you might not feel guilty if you choose to write to two or three until you find your direction.

Peevee

[Michelangelo]

. . . or is this a normal part of the journey? 

She's also the first RW I've written to, at any length, anyway.  I don't want to "project" or pin my hopes on anything this early, but . . . damn.  I like her.

Play it as it lays, or diversify?  My instincts at this point say I got damn lucky my first time out.  But I don't want to be an idiot about it.

~Boar

Diversify, Boar.  I had the experience twice of great email "soulmates."  In the first case,  the chemistry was not there in real life.  And yes, it was the same girl and yes, she had actually written to me.  But her personality was not the same in person, and we were not drawn in the flesh as we were by the pen (or keyboard).  The second case was the same.  I wrote a TR about this one--Zany Days in Zhitomir

 http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=972.0 in case you want to read how fast a hot email romance can turn cold in the eyes of the guy when he meets the girl in real life.

By all means, develop this relationship and go see her.  But have backup plans in case you need to move on after a day or so.

[KenC]

TB,
Keep writing others as it is too early in the game to settle and you have nothing else to compare her too other than AW.  She may be the love of your life, but so what?  Maintain your email correspondence with her and keep looking for others.  Something better may come along or not.  All you have to loose is the next 8 months of your time until you can actually go over and verify things.

This is your first serious email correspondence and you have to have something to compare it too.  You can bet your sweet azz that she is continuing to accept new letters from others too.  Wrap your mind around that too.
KenC

[Shadow]

  All you have to loose is the next 8 months of your time until you can actually go over and verify things.

If this is your true situation then please explain it to her as well. If you find a way to go, visit her as soon a possible.
Until you meet in person and find out there is chemistry in real life as in the letters, the best way is to write others, just to compare the writing and as backup should your first choice disappear on you.
This comes from a WSVO man 

[TexasBoar]

Thanks, all . . . excellent advice from everyone!

But Ken nailed it right down for me with this:

This is your first serious email correspondence and you have to have something to compare it too.

You're absolutely right.  Good point, and point taken!

~Boar

[KenC]

TB,
No matter how serious you things can be via email, it is only the very tip of the iceberg.  You will only have a very small fraction of knowledge until you actually go there.  Keep that in perspective please.  You do not want to make any decisions based on such little knowledge, now do you?  I love what DKMM wrote after his first trip:
In any case I'm ruined as far as AW go, there is no comparison.  I feel bad for AW and the poor guys that marry them.

When I went to meet my wife for the first time, we had established a very strong relationship via daily phone calls.  I still met other women and she knew it too.  The odds against striking gold on the first try has to be astronomical!  I did, but not too many others have.  I still don't regret meeting the other ladies tho.  It gave me a reference point to know just how good my wife was.  It helped me not to be overwhelmed by RW in general.
KenC

[Michelangelo]

The odds against striking gold on the first try has to be astronomical! 

Very true.  For example, my search took 3 years and more than 12 visits.  I met more than 50 girls and was somewhat serious with 3, before I found the perfect girl for me one year ago this month.

You know, I liked some of those girls a lot.  But you have to have comparative data to see that they do not compare with the girl who will be best for you. That's why it's important to visit lots of girls.  Someday, you'll be glad you did.

[TexasBoar]

Yeah, I hear ya.

Y'know, I've done my fair share of internet dating here and the preliminary emailing that goes on with that, sometimes there's great chemistry, sometimes there isn't, sometimes you go buy 'em a drink to see if they're any more articulate in person . . .  

For all that, I've never gotten emails like hers in my life.  She's not professing her undying love or anything scammish like that, she's just . . . damn.  You're right, I really do need something to compare it to.

If they've ALL got souls as wide and deep as hers . . . what took me so long?  

~Boar

[Michelangelo]

Yeah, I hear ya.

If they've ALL got souls as wide and deep as hers . . . what took me so long?  

~Boar

Yes, TB-- but my point is that they can write great letters but when you meet them you are not attracted to them the way you need to be attracted to a life-long mate.  That's why I recommend that you only write letters for a few weeks and then meet them. Otherwise, you can waste a lot of time.

I know, it's happend to me. 

Perfect on paper, no chemisty in real life...

[KenC]

Yeah, I hear ya.

Y'know, I've done my fair share of internet dating here and the preliminary emailing that goes on with that, sometimes there's great chemistry, sometimes there isn't, sometimes you go buy 'em a drink to see if they're any more articulate in person . . .  

For all that, I've never gotten emails like hers in my life.  She's not professing her undying love or anything scammish like that, she's just . . . damn.  You're right, I really do need something to compare it to.

If they've ALL got souls as wide and deep as hers . . . what took me so long?  

~Boar

Boar,
Having experience with Internet dating is a good thing.  You should always prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best.
KenC

[BillyB]

TB,

I agree with KenC, you're on cloud 9 with one experience and your judgement of this woman could be magnified by your emotions. You need other women to compare this woman too. Are you calling this woman on a regular basis? If you find that she is worth visiting, then you should make some plans soon.

[KenC]

I have always told  my kids that if something seems too good to be it usually is not true.  I am typically an optimistic person, but in this process I think it pays to be pessimistic.  At least have your pessimistic outlook in the back of your mind at all times.  Maybe it is self preservation?

Again, going back to when I was courting my wife, I have to say everything was perfect between us.  We had daily phone conversations that were from another world.  We genuinely liked each other.  Sure there were sexual undertones, but we just clicked as two people.  I was very guarded when I went to meet her.  Yes, I put forth all the right efforts to enable success, but I was well prepared to come home as just friends with her.  Face to face chemistry is something that you can never predict, until, well, you are face to face.  Be prepared for there to be zero chemistry in person and all your emails/phone calls to be just a fantasy.  If it turns out different, it will be a pleasant surprise.
KenC

[TexasBoar]

I agree with KenC, you're on cloud 9 with one experience and your judgement of this woman could be magnified by your emotions.

Heh . . . that's why I brought the question here: so y'all could "talk me down!" 

Seriously, I do have the brakes applied and my heart kept out of it for now, however much I enjoy her emails and photos.  It IS a little tough not to go all schoolboy, but this is not, after all, my first rodeo.  Just my first RW penpal. 

I had no idea.

~Boar

[KenC]

TB,
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but it is much too early to start relationship development when you are not going to be able to go meet them until next summer.
KenC

[Voyageur]

TB,

I agree with what KenC said - a trip next summer is almost always too long for any FSU woman to wait. In previous posts you detailed good reasons that you had to wait that long, but you should try to see her sooner - around Christmas or Thanksgiving when you might have some days off.

And yes, I can relate to feeling that "this is too good to be true."  I felt (and still feel that way  ) with my wife's correspondences.  The way that I felt then, is that I had to pull every string and finagle every aspect financially and with my job to see her as soon as I could, because, really, nothing should be as important to finding your other half. At the time I had spent allot of vacation time and money on my search, but a meeting like this certainly couldn't wait until it was convenient. As in everything in life, the best women are always highly sought after and someone may come along that can visit more sooner.

On the other hand, before I met my wife, i did have great (and real, not agency-written letters  ) correspondences that did not turn out like I expected either, when finally meeting face-to-face.

To paraphrase another thread "Just get on an airplace and go!"(after you are reasonably sure) is great advice.

[jb]

Boar,

KenC is absolutely correct, as I told you in my e-mail to you, there is no point in getting started on the road to romance at this juncture since you are not even close to being ready to travel yet.  I am also fearful that when you do decide to go, you will blow your wad in one trip since you mentioned some financial restrictions delaying your plans till next summer.  Over the years we have written reams on how much this endeavor will end up costing a man, start to finish.  In fact we have something in the FAQ secton that you sould review.   I'd rather see you quit this whole business now, than to see you make a trip and get some girl's hopes up and not be able to follow through with all the necessary expenses to get her here and set up in an American household complete with all the trimmings.  Remember, while the courtship trips are needed, are just the tip of the iceberg in the overall scheme of things.  If you haven't got at least $10K disposable cash stashed away in savings before you start, I'd recomend you give this idea of a RW bride some more serious thought.

For another dose of reality, all women, regardless of where they come from, come with a *Mission Statement* when they marry, that is the continued improvement of their husband.  So you have to understand that the lovely girl you fall in love with will not be the same woman in 3 to 5 years after marriage.  Nor will you be the same man, because she will have embarked on a complete "make over" on you. 

'sway it is.

[TexasBoar]

I don't mean to rain on your parade

No worries, you haven't.  

I process most things this way . . . think, write, question, reflect. The long lead time issue works both for and against me---I'm an "overpreparer" by nature to begin with, and it gives me time to research and learn the ropes.  OTOH, of course . . . it puts the "next level" too far in the future for most RW to take me seriously at this point.

But hey, it's not like all the good ones will be taken by then or anything!  

I think her being where she is, off the "circuit," works to my advantage in that regard, or at least ameliorates the drawbacks of my scheduling a bit . . . OTOH (how many hands is that now?  ) what I'm more sensitive to at this stage is the very real possibility SHE is likely to be getting her hopes too far up---that she'll fall in love with an image and a self-projected dream I couldn't possibly live up to.  Small town girl and all that.

~Boar

[KenC]

No worries, you haven't.  

I process most things this way . . . think, write, question, reflect. The long lead time issue works both for and against me---I'm an "overpreparer" by nature to begin with, and it gives me time to research and learn the ropes.  OTOH, of course . . . it puts the "next level" too far in the future for most RW to take me seriously at this point.

But hey, it's not like all the good ones will be taken by then or anything!  

I think her being where she is, off the "circuit," works to my advantage in that regard, or at least ameliorates the drawbacks of my scheduling a bit . . . OTOH (how many hands is that now?  ) what I'm more sensitive to at this stage is the very real possibility SHE is likely to be getting her hopes too far up---that she'll fall in love with an image and a self-projected dream I couldn't possibly live up to.  Small town girl and all that.

~Boar

I don't know what to tell ya, Boar.  On one hand, writing and communication now is good practice, but not too many gals are going to be will to wait for 8 months to see your dead azz.  (Just the facts)  In fact, prepare yourself for any girl you write to now will move on with a guy that has the finances in place to visit them sooner than you.  If you are willing to go through all that, then continue to write women now.  If you are not prepared for it, wait.

For another dose of reality, all women, regardless of where they come from, come with a *Mission Statement* when they marry, that is the continued improvement of their husband.  So you have to understand that the lovely girl you fall in love with will not be the same woman in 3 to 5 years after marriage.  Nor will you be the same man, because she will have embarked on a complete "make over" on you. 

'sway it is.

jb,
 Gawd, aint that the truth!!  Whodathunk I would be living in San Diego? (Go Detroit Tigers!)
KenC

[BillyB]

TB,

There is Christmas and Spring vacation coming up and with the availability substitute teachers, you shouldn't worry about your students missing you too much. Have you told your lady the earliest you could arrive to the FSU? She should be able to decide if the wait is too long or acceptable too.

As far as finances go, do you own a home? With the recent value in housing going up, a homeowner should have a good chunk of equity to use. If you aren't a homeowner, how's your credit rating? You could get a bank loan. Just don't dig a hole you can't climb out of.

[TexasBoar]

TB,

There is Christmas and Spring vacation coming up and with the availability substitute teachers, you shouldn't worry about your students missing you too much. Have you told your lady the earliest you could arrive to the FSU? She should be able to decide if the wait is too long or acceptable too.

No, BB, I neither CAN nor WOULD leave my students in the hands of a substitute while I go wife-hunting in the FSU. LOLOL!

It doesn't work like that, bro.

As far as my proposed travel schedule, she knows, accepts and understands it.  Whether that'll still be true in 8 months is anyone's guess, but for now, it's not a problem.

As far as finances go, do you own a home? With the recent value in housing going up, a homeowner should have a good chunk of equity to use. If you aren't a homeowner, how's your credit rating? You could get a bank loan. Just don't dig a hole you can't climb out of.

Oh, yeah.  Let me just borrow some money . . . 

I rent an apartment in a nice complex, but should be a homeowner within two years.  I'm expecting a dip in prices and a rise in supply due to a recent base closure here, and am waiting to see which way the housing market trends. In the meantime, my rent has only gone up once in 7 years and is currently about $200 a month below market rate.  I'm staying put until I've a good reason to do otherwise, like the right deal presenting itself.

As far as cash flow goes, that's really not anyone's business.  I can quite easily devote 8-10K per year to something like this, however. Not necessarily going to . . . but could.

Again, thanks for all the advice, gents. 

Now that the naysayers and cautionaries have held forth, I await the cheerleaders.  Anyone got a rah rah for me? 

~Boar

[BillyB]

 I await the cheerleaders.  Anyone got a rah rah for me? 

I have been cheerleading! I've been trying to get you to leave your students to a substitute. Here's a rah rah: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

[Gator]

You mention a concern about your correspondent falling in love.  You have a conscience.  Rah Rah!!!

Yes, RW get their hopes up, but they do not fall in love before a meeting.  Only men do that.   Unlike American culture, Russian history and society have made most of these women so pessimistic that they expect failure, or at least plan around failure.   Superstition prevents some from verbalizing their hopes because it guarantees failure.


Sorry, no other rah rahs.  Your comments describe a “keyboard Romeo” rather than a serious searcher of a Russian wife.  In 8 months you may meet an American woman who changes your life.  Other things could happen.   Rumor says 80% of the men who write never get on a plane.  To write someone for 9 months before making the trip is demanding too much, even for a WOVO relationship.  Remember it is much easier for you to write than for her. 

Are you a WOVO man?  If not, withhold writing until 3 months prior to your departure.  Send a few letters to each of a few “choice” women and then get on the plane (with a backup plan).

If you are a teacher, it would seem that you could go at Christmas.  New Year’s is the Russian biggest holiday and women will be able to meet you anytime (provided you have scheduled ahead of time).

[TexasBoar]

In 8 months you may meet an American woman who changes your life.

    

Yeah.  And purple polka-dotted monkeys may just fly out my butt, too, but I'm not holding my breath.

Some of y'all are seriously misreading my OP. Or projecting. Or . . . I dunno.  Maybe I just need more coffee.  Or more clarity.  Or to type slower.  But I repeat . . . this AIN'T my first rodeo.  I've kissed a girl before and everything, lol.   

~Boar

[catzenmouse]

If they've ALL got souls as wide and deep as hers . . . what took me so long? 

Don't worry Boar. We won't hold it against you that it took you awhile to figure it out... 

So far I'd say you've got a pretty good chance of being successful in this grand adventure. Don't forget to enjoy the adventure itself! Even if you can't make a trip to see this lady over the holidays maybe you could "get your feet wet" with a quick trip to someplace like Ukraine for New Years. If you can you will truly not forget it!

Ken