The ONE question you forgot to ask?

[aikorob]

This is directed to the married guys.

After 2 years of visits, letters and phone calls; N. and I are down to waiting for the interview. We have discussed and re-discussed all sorts of topics-family, children, work, marriage, etc,
To me it seems like we have delved into everything very thoroughly; but of course that isn't true.

What is the ONE thing that, in hindsight; you should have asked her  (or she should have asked you) before her arrival?

[Sohkay]

aikorob,
While I'm not married to an FSU woman at this point, a very relevant subject is children. Does N have a child? If so, have you discussed the process and formulated a plan for bringing the child to your country.
From what I'm learning from my own experience, this is a situation that can be full of potential roadblocks and hurdles.

[Maxx2]

I would ask her her plans for work once she got here. I have noticed some of the good wives work out this detail with their husbands' before they come. It is a Green flag when they do this. The others seem to me to be in the marriage on a trial bases. That is to see how it works out. Or they have no intention of sticking around. If you ask them a question about a 'long term involved with the marriage issue' (child, job, business) and they are indifferent I would see that as a Red Flag.   

Of course there are many exceptions to all of this.

Maxx 

[Bruce]

No matter how many you ask there will be suprises.  Go over your important questions and answers.  Ask deeper questions when you realize specifics probably are not addressed.  If you plan on having children ask her how many she expects to have and when she expects to have them.  Ask her how she expects you two will take care of them.  Is she signing a prenuptual agreement?  Have you thought this through with her and without her?  Is she expecting you to guy your house and buy new furniture or move to a bigger house?  Does she expect to live in a condominium by the water or a house in the forest?  Does she know how she will get around your city, town etc.  Do both of you know what you are getting into?  I think it is tough because alot of it is how she will react to an alien environment and lifestyle.  Be supportive and friendly and things will work out fine.  Best of luck and I am sure you'll do fine.  By the way, the toughest thing for me is child care.  We have a very hard time agreeing on who is qualified to look after our baby if we are away.  My wife is used to family doing this sort of thing and my family is used to being very independent with each other - so that is a tough bridge to get over, but luckily I have one Aunt who is helpful and my wife is becomming more trusting of non-family help.

[jb]

Quite frankly, the questions that matter most will mean nothing to the typical RW because she has no experience with the things in your life that matter most to you.

i.e... Would you mind if I take a week off in November to go deer hunting and drink whiskey and beer with my old buddies?  How about bird hunting?  Do you know how to cook wild game?  How do you feel about sharing my life with a big black Labrador retreiver, after all, she's my best friend in the world?   Does it matter to you if I spend Sundays perched on the sofa drinking beer and watching NFL?

etc.,etc., these girls know nothing about what is important to an American man,,, you are wasting your time with worries about what you didn't ask, it will all change when she gets here anyway.

[Jet]

To me it seems like we have delved into everything very thoroughly....

What is the ONE thing that, in hindsight; you should have asked her  (or she should have asked you) before her arrival?

The one thing I learned after the fact is that while Lil and I discussed all these things at length too, and both were confident in the other's stance on the important issues... It turned out that in many coversations one would give an example - speaking in general illustrative terms, and the other would formulate an answer based on that *specific* scenario, which did not always apply to the more general situation (or vice versa). Both of us were a little suprised that the other didn't really stand exactly where we were so sure they did  . There is no way I can think of to combat this, only be aware it might happen to you two also. 

[Phil dAmore]

Find out if your core beliefs and life goals are compatible with hers.

[solomon]

Ask her what the meaning of life is. Not in a religious sense. Are we here only to exist? Even assuming that you have everything and you feel happy, what is the meaning of life? To get married and have children? To make money and consume? There must be some deeper meaning.

[SANDRO43]

Ask her what the meaning of life is. Not in a religious sense.

[aikorob]

OK guys-- with the exception of jb and Jet; y'all are missing my point.
Most of the other subjects brought up are things that would be covered BEFORE I would even start the K1.

Sandro--thanks for reminding me of the Meaning of Life

BTW-I already know the answer---42

[solomon]

LOL

[Rim]

It turned out that in many coversations one would give an example - speaking in general illustrative terms, and the other would formulate an answer based on that *specific* scenario, which did not always apply to the more general situation (or vice versa). Both of us were a little surprised that the other didn't really stand exactly where we were so sure they did  . There is no way I can think of to combat this, only be aware it might happen to you two also. 

This has been my experience with Russian women who are almost fluent in English. I tend to think that we're talking and understand things in the same we, but we have completely different points of reference in our lives. Our perceptions of the conversation are often based upon completely different points of view, hence, we come away from conversations with different understandings of what has been said.

My suggestion is to write in complete detail what you think is important to you, and have your ideas translated by someone who is truly fluent in both languages.

I think that the two most important and volatile things to completely understand are money, and your relationship with her child.

[Marc Dayton]

One good question you should ask. How to you see the day to day life as husband and wife!!!!

The best question never asked by men who bring a RW for marriage is if she has a child. Men never ask her how do you see me in the roll as father of your child. If your child is bad, and I am as his father can I set him strait or is that only for you to do!!!

[Jet]

Men never ask her how do you see me in the roll as father of your child. If your child is bad, and I am as his father can I set him strait or is that only for you to do!!!

Please see my earlier reply upthread about understanding what you are being told!
For us, it's all good now, but for some others I've met 

[ConnerVT]

Ask if she is afraid of flying...