do we really change with age?

[Son of Clyde]

I am thinking that at the age of 56 I am still feeling like I did 30 years ago. My needs have changed and I have matured and learned about responsibility. But do we really change mentally with age or only physically? Are we attracted to a different type of woman at 56?

I have posted this because a very wise older woman once said that even though her body had aged she was still thinking like a 20 year old. So I don't think the mind ages at all.

When an older guy looks for a wife the one advantage is that the age range will vary. If this guy is lucky enought to find a younger woman should it really matter to anyone but him and the woman?

I don't think we should be making a big deal about the age thing.

[BillyB]

 But do we really change mentally with age or only physically? Are we attracted to a different type of woman at 56?

We are definitely changing with age. If we aren't growing and maturing along the same lines as our spouse, it could lead to divorce. If you are focused raising a family and your spouse is still stuck on the teenage party scene, things are going to go sour real fast. The key is growing and maturing together without forcing your spouse to change. I'd say when I'm at the age of 56, I will be attracted to a different woman, hopefully I'll be attracted to the same but ever changinf woman I'm about to marry and she to me. Something is wrong if our love and respect for each doesn't grow.

Here's a video of a guy that has his photo taken everyday for 6 years. Physically we do change, that's a given. Can a woman be attracted to this man in the beginning and be turned off by his appearance in six years? How about it ladies?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvDxUoadG6A&search=everyday%20timelapse%20noah%20noahk%20every%20day%20original%20music%20by%20carly%20comando

[Bruno]

I have posted this because a very wise older woman once said that even though her body had aged she was still thinking like a 20 year old.

Let say that it is true...

A old women from 60 who think like when she was 20... it mean that she think like a girl who have 20 year old in 1966... compare how think a 20 year old in 1966 and a 20 year old in 2006... the difference is huge...

Now you how case, 56 yo, thinking like 30 year ago... compare yourself when you was 26 yo with a actual young man from 26 yo... you see my point... society change... same if yourself don't change, the externe world change... some value dissappear, new one appear... mentality of people are influenced by the society...

See the young RW below 20 year old... nothing in common with the RW who was 20 year old a half century ago...

[Son of Clyde]

I am saying I still like the same music and some of the activities I liked 30 years ago to a certain extent. Getting stoned and passing out is not my idea of fun at 56 but we all did it at 22. I was a musician.
I always liked music, festivals and travel. I know it is not good to be attracted to a 20 year old woman at my age as more than a friendship. Plus I am happily married and have no reason to be seeking a young woman. I see younger women at work and at dances. It would be rude to ignore someone because they are much younger, so I try to be sociable.
I am saying mentally we do not age as quickly as physically. I can show a picture of me at 22 and people thought I looked over 40 because of the extremely long hair, the suit I was wearing and because it was a sunny day and I was squinting.
Maybe because the body ages and people slow down after a certain age it does not mean they are brain dead.

[TexasBoar]

I think that on a certain level, all of us are 16 inside pretty much forever.  

On the other hand, during my early 20's, an older mentor told me that "at 30, things just get more clear." I had no idea, then, what he meant by that, but at 30 I sure did: I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted, but I darn sure knew what I didn't want, and my whole life did a much-needed 180 as a result.

At 40 . . . I moved into a realm of confidence in myself, my beliefs, and my abilities that I hadn't experienced before, simply because everything I thought I knew at 20 had undergone two decades of "road testing" and "real world application" by that point, and only what WORKED remained.

Friends of mine in their 50's say they feel much more free, simply because they've come to realize life's too short to put up with useless BS, endure boredom, or put off fulfilling their dreams any longer.  And at 48, I can see that beginning to happen already.

But I'm still 16 in at least one corner of my soul.  

However, in regards to the specific focus of this board and thread, I'm reminded of the Sex & The City episode where Kim Catrall (no spring chicken herself) considers taking on a much older, wealthy gentleman who showers her with expensive gifts as a lover . . . until she sees his sagging old man's buttocks sans Armani suit!  

~Boar

[Jack]

Do we really change with age?

I'm sure with everyone it's different. In my case, for 100% sure, I have changed with age.

As Boar touched on a little, I think many of us still feel like we are 18-19 inside and we feel this way all our life. I still feel I am young inside.

One thing the pursuit (and capture) for a Russian bride for a few thousand clients and myself has shown me is that this is as close to the discovery of the fountain of youth I think one can find.

[viking]

Think about this.

If we could truly forget when we were born, no clue, and there were no mirrors to see our physical self, and others just treated us with respect as we would treat them, how old would you be?

Can you still dance? Make love? Eat a good meal? Enjoy a nice sunset? Make a sand castle on the beach? Ride a bike? Appreciate art? Appreciate a nice long legged woman? Laugh at silly things? Do some stupid things?  Is this person 20? Or 30? or 40? or 50? Or 90?

Just a thought

[Son of Clyde]

When we reach a certain age reality sets in. We cannot continue to behave as 20 year olds because of added responsibilities that occur with age and maturity. But inside I still feel like going to a rock or jazz concert and going somewhere different on a whim. I now have to think about economics family and our neighbors. This may be an American stigma, to care about what others think. When I was 20 I couldn't have cared less. Now I am in a community where we are concerned with maintaining our properties, outside crime from people passing through and a sense of giving back to to the community.

[Gator]

As Billy said, we all change with time.  Part of it is hormonal, but much of it is the combination of experience and introspection, if we have the cognitive competence to reflect upon what we have done and what has happened.  For sure our interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence improves.

BTW, when I say we all change, we do not change IMO as much as women.  They do not call it changing - they call it growing.

[Gator]

Boar, I remember that Sex in City episode.  Hilarious scene.  The man was in his early 70s, very dynamic and wealthy, with a Paul Newman look.  Great - except his ass had melted away (as happens to many older men if they do not work out).

[Son of Clyde]

I posted this as a result of many age related threads in the past.
Maybe it is possible that we older guys have the same taste in women as we did 30 years ago. With age is also a wider age range of women to choose from. I can't see a 60 year old man wanting to meet an 18 year old woman, but a woman of 28 or 35 is within reason if the woman is mature. It is really up to the couple and not us to judge them. We are here to advise, and if we feel the age gap is a problem we can voice an opinion, but ultimately the couple need to resolve the age related issue. In many instances it is not a problem, as some may see it to be, because the couple work very hard at making the marriage work. There are several marriages on the board that are happy ones with a 15 year age difference. It may not be the norm in American society but these marriages are different because one partner is a Russian woman.

[viking]

SOC

I was at Woodstock. Nuff said? I understand what you are experiencing. 50's looking at the big 60 looming ahead does give one some pause for reflections. Lets do some Coronas in Baltimore and talk about it.

[vwrw]

Dear Son of Clyde, I believe a lot of men are attracted to the same type of woman in during their life. And if a man chooses for example an ugly but faithful woman to be his wife at his young age; at his old age he will be looking for the same type of woman to be his wife as he preferred before if it happens so that he needs other wife. Of course, the man will pay and maybe a lot of attention to the different type. But will he ask the different type of woman to be his wife?... I believe the answer is “no, he will not”.
I believe that women are acting similarly as men do in this field. I think if a man wants to know his chances for success to get a woman’s love he should ask her which is kind of man she was attracted when she was 16-23 y.o. 
The ugly but faithful woman is only a example here.

[Admin]

Dear Son of Clyde, I believe a lot of men are attracted to the same type of woman in during their life. And if a man chooses for example an ugly but faithful woman to be his wife at his young age; at his old age he will be looking for the same type of woman to be his wife as he preferred before if it happens so that he needs other wife. Of course, the man will pay and maybe a lot of attention to the different type. But will he ask the different type of woman to be his wife?... I believe the answer is “no, he will not”.
I believe that women are acting similarly as men do in this field. I think if a man wants to know his chances for success to get a woman’s love he should ask her which is kind of man she was attracted when she was 16-23 y.o. 
The ugly but faithful woman is only a example here.

VWRW,

 

My daughter is absolutely captivated by your avatar. We know about Cherubashka, but your avatar looks a bit different. Is that avatar character a doll or toy? I'd like to see if we can track down a doll like that for her.

Attached are a couple of photos of the 'baby' (not such a baby any more though). She was a sunflower for Halloween, in case you were wondering.

- Dan

[Sohkay]

Dan,

What a beautiful child! What a heart-warming smile she has.
You're a lucky man.

Sohkay

[vwrw]

I absolutely agree with Sohkay! Dan, your daughter is a very beautiful princess!!!  My avatar is just a picture. I have never seen a doll or toy which is similar the picture :-(. I chose this avatar because of this monkey looks like I do when I am on this forum.

[BC]

There's a zillion ways to justify whatever you want in life..  My experience? 17 year difference and it's not an issue.. yet.. (I'm 46). This will change though and we both are fully aware of this fact. Age related issues will arise one day or the other.  I've seen some of these 60's+ folks believing they look and feel 20 or 30 years younger.. as I said there are a million ways to justify whatever you want to hear - but I'm not going to BS myself.

Knowing what I know today vs what I thought when we met?.. I am even more convinced we pushed the envelope to it's limit, bit off all we could chew, however you want to describe it.  If our relationship were to end tomorrow, I would probably feel more comfortable looking somewhere within a 10 year difference.. absolute max.  Ask me in 10 years and I'll probably tell you 5.

One of the critical aspects I see in these discussions is that there is a world of difference between simply meeting someone, falling in love and carrying on a relationship than targeting a specific age group thinking one can get away with it..

The day you first saw an agency website and selected or entered the min and max age of the women you would like to meet is probably the first day you started fooling yourself. 

[mspanky]

  I think saying a mature 28-35 year old would be a good prospect for a 60 year old man is sort of being short sighted. I saw that "Sex and the City" episode with the old guy. Looked good in a suit, but his body was OLD!!! Your body does change a lot as you get older. Health wise also. I would say no matter how mature a woman of 28-35 marrying a much older man is probably more financial reasons than love or lust.

   Men and women need to be physically attracted to a partner. I can imagine in 10 years the woman being 38-45 and husband now 70 ,with no muscle tone, sagging wrinkled skin,thickening waistline,losing hair and health issues can't be a very sexually stimulating sight for these women. Especially when men 10-15 years younger are seeking their attention.There are a lot of younger men who are digging older women .

   I have seen women married to much older men become widowed. One thing they have in common is if they do remarry, they usually stick within their age range this time. This especially happens with young women who marry rich older men. Soon as the divorce is settled and the young woman now has a lot of asset$(his money) she runs off to get a young guy this time.

     Reality is young people are rarely physically attracted to old folks with failing health and unattractive body, just like young men are not attracted to old ladies with saggy boobs and wrinkled skin.

[jb]

I'm just constantly amazed by the naivety of both the young and the old in this.  Who do they think they are foolin'?  Certainly they have fooled themselves.

Making a decent marriage relationship is hard enough without making life totally impossible by being stupid.  IIRC, T/G has been through this with another young woman before, I really thought he had learned something the last time around.  Apparently not.

T/G, I hold no malice towards you, trust me on this, but I do have reservations about your basic intelligence, you have done some strange things and don't seem to learn your lessons very well.  In short, I don't think you are doing a really smart thing in pursuing a 27 y.o. girl who is approximately half your age.  She's a nice girl, but she isn't in your league. 

I see nothing but trouble in this.

[vwrw]

   Men and women need to be physically attracted to a partner. I can imagine in 10 years the woman being 38-45 and husband now 70 ,with no muscle tone, sagging wrinkled skin,thickening waistline,losing hair and health issues can't be a very sexually stimulating sight for these women. 

Mspanky, I suppose you think so because of you are a guy.  Gals usually pay less attention to guy’s appearance than guys do to gal’s appearance. Maybe because of that there are many more couples where man is 60 y.o. and his wife is 28-35 y.o. than couples where man is 28-35 y.o. and his wife is 60 y.o. Gals differ from guys. For example- has anybody seen a woman which falls in love with man only due to he has good legs and a pretty face? I have not seen. But I saw a lot of guys who do so.

[TexasBoar]

Mspanky, I suppose you think so because of you are a guy.  Gals usually pay less attention to guy’s appearance than guys do to gal’s appearance. Maybe because of that there are many more couples where man is 60 y.o. and his wife is 28-35 y.o. than couples where man is 28-35 y.o. and his wife is 60 y.o. Gals differ from guys. For example- has anybody seen a woman which falls in love with man only due to he has good legs and a pretty face? I have not seen. But I saw a lot of guys who do so.

Indeed.

I had wanted to say something in reply to that myself, but I'm glad a woman did first!   

As Bill Maher once riposted, if an older man with a younger woman is such a bad thing, how come all of them still want to "do" Sean Connery?

Visual stimuli are part of the package for everyone, sure.  But for women, generally speaking, a much smaller part . . . look who the porn industry caters to, overwhelmingly. Us, not them.

Romance novels are the female version of porn, a phenomenon that observant men should find very instructive.  Romance has fewer age restrictions than swimsuit modeling.

~Boar

[BC]

Romance novels are the female version of porn, a phenomenon that observant men should find very instructive.  Romance has fewer age restrictions than swimsuit modeling.

~Boar

Wonder if any of the womens' romance novels have the back room of a MOB agency as the meeting venue or an internet dating storyline that didn't include murder and deceit..

Don't confuse reality with fiction.  If life were truly similar these books would not sell.

[groovlstk]

I sometimes can't understand why guys whine when they are chastised here for getting involved with women who are significantly younger. I'd guess that almost all the members of this forum wouldn't bat an eye when another guy posts that his wife or girlfriend is 10-12 years younger than he is. But what about the perception of this same guy's neighbors, family, and co-workers? I'm willing to bet they will cut him a lot less slack than we do yet would do backflips to avoid saying it to his face. And that same acrimony can only get worse for couples with 15+ years difference.

If anything, you should be happy someone is willing to speak the truth to you here, even if it's only to strengthen your resolve.

FWIW, my fiancee is 15 years younger than I am, and far more than any other aspect of our relationship, the most worrysome to me. I don't mind the snickers and barbs from other people, but I dread seeing her called a Mail Order Bride or other such nonsense. I can only hope I deal with such situations with the grace of KenC and some of you other married old meanies.

 

[Son of Clyde]

I am 56 and look younger, like maybe 55 and 10 months. 
Have you ever thought that most women are attracted to a certain type of man? Some women like fat men, some like bald men, and some like older men. Some like Tom Cruise and some like Sean Connery. If you fit into a category that attracts a good woman, why fight it?

[mspanky]

I had wanted to say something in reply to that myself, but I'm glad a woman did first!   

As Bill Maher once riposted, if an older man with a younger woman is such a bad thing, how come all of them still want to "do" Sean Connery?



  Sean Connery is an exception to the rule. His GOOD LOOKS have kept up in his years.How many aging guys do you know look like Connery?? I hear women saying how old and creepy Michael Douglas has become.I don't hear women talking about how sexy Andy Rooney or Ed Asner are. They're older.

   Most of the younger women I know don't talk about Sean Connery at all. But that guy on Grey's anatomy Patrick Dempsey seems to be a favorite, Orlando Bloom and Julian Mcmanhon on Nip/Tuck are what the majority want.. All are good looking. Studios know that women respond to good looks no matter what they say,so they try to throw in good looking guys, especially in women's shows or movies.

   Dan, you may say women are not looking for attraction in a male, but I have seen many women respond well to good looking men. Wonder why the myth of young gorgeous women married to older guy but doing the poolboy or her trainer comes from? They want something their husband is not.

   Talking about romance novels. Look at the cover. The guy is usually ripped,tall,dark with chiseled features and a head full of hair. I wonder how well romance novels would sell if they replaced the young guys on the cover with average looking(not ripped) graying haired,slight stomach,  older guys. I bet sales would plummet.