How did you prepare your home for the lady?

[LatinSwede]

When it comes to actually sharing living space with a lady, I'm still very green.  In the past I've had girlfriends, but none of them lived with me.  It's like "date is over, time to take you home".  Now I'm going into a marriage.  This will be the first time ever living with a woman.  A relative suggested that I take some of my things down before she gets here.  IMO, it's better to have the bachelor pad to the very end.  Also the idea, is to give her a sense control when she actually does implement changes.  She wants make our home "family freindly".  Apart from redecorating, do you think it's a good idea  have a welcome home basket?  I figure I'd ger her medly of things like special cosmetics, perfume, and bath products.  It would be on the coffee table waiting for her.  As well, I might even have a bottle of wine or champagne to toast our first night.

My lease expires a the end of the year, and I'm renting month to month throught the rest of the winter.  I figure it would be more practicle.  Just getting adjusted is a task in itself for her, and I didn't want to add the extra burden of moving.  On the brightside, I won't be sad when she shuts down the rock club/horror movie convention hall.  She doesn't realize she's already helping me move. 

[philb]

My thought is let her do the decorating.  I mean if you need to paint, refinish floors, etc. go ahead (let her pick out the colors though ).  But, as far as hanging things on the wall and buying furniture, I think that your wife would enjoy being able to participate in this.  I know that my wife does.

Get ready to spend some money on decorating when she does arrive.  I remember well our first trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Home Depot, American Furniture Warehouse, etc..

I do have an idea in regards to the cosmetics and the like.  What I did was when friends asked me about wedding/house warming gifts and I suggested gift cards to places like Bath and Body Works,  Macy's,  etc..  After all, I told them,  I already had everything I needed and they would be saving me money. 

[jb]

I think much of this depends on where, and how you live.  When I brought my wife over, it was to live in a 3 bedroom private house.  She went nuts sorting out pantries, kitchen, pots and pans, silverware, closets, shelves, cleaning up the laundry room, etc., she was making it her home.  I have no idea how she would have reacted to moving into a rented apartment with a limited lease on it.  She'd probably have given it the old college try, but I doubt her heart would have been in it.  New wives like a sense of permanent, not temporary.  Lots of goodies on the table will make a good impression for a little while, but in the end she will want her own place.

P.S.  And did I mention the bed?  If your bed is old, she will see the ghosts of past girlfriends in it, (those girls you bedded in there before you met her)... Not good,,, get a new bed before she arrives.  She won't even want to cook in pots and pans you might have shared a meal with other women from.  Same goes for the silverware and tablecloths,,,Gawd forbid she might have to share a towel in the bathroom that another old girlfriend might have used.  A lot of this may sound silly, but Russian women starting a new life will want a totally new beginning in all these things that are so personal.

[Zhena]

.S.  And did I mention the bed?  If your bed is old, she will see the ghosts of past girlfriends in it, (those girls you bedded in there before you met her)... Not good,,, get a new bed before she arrives.  She won't even want to cook in pots and pans you might have shared a meal with other women from.  Same goes for the silverware and tablecloths,,,Gawd forbid she might have to share a towel in the bathroom that another old girlfriend might have used.  A lot of this may sound silly, but Russian women starting a new life will want a totally new beginning in all these things that are so personal.

wow,I didnt know the women are so....Seems like I am not picky enough

[Zhena]

Interesting,how many guys seriously prepared their homes before the womans coming? ???

[Vaughn]

I returned home each day to find boxes of items to be tossed out, as I lived a packrat lifestyle before her. While I taught her the difference between true junk and antiques of value, she taught me to live simply, so we could simply live.

Decorating was negotiable; cleanliness was not.

[jb]

a fiancee,

My wife was very serious about our marriage being a new beginning for both of us.  There would be no old stuff around to remind us of our past loves and the life we had before us.  I actually liked the idea.  It's been great for us.

My wife is very old fashioned in a lot of ways.

[ConnerVT]

jb and I like to compare notes.  Let's see, since my wife arrived 2 1/2 years ago:

Every wall and ceiling repainted
New flooring throughout
Kitchen cabinets refinished
New kitchen appliances (range, 'fridge, dishwasher, microwave, range hood)
New faucets (kitchen and bath)
New light fixtures (dining, hall, bath (w/fan and re-routed ducting)
All locksets replaced (entry and passage)
All light switches, AC outlets, telephone and TV outlets.
All thermostats for auxiliary electric heating (2 programmable, 2 standard)
Knocked out one closet door/wall, and refinished as new entry foyer
New double pane glass in all windows.

Thankfully, it's not that big a place.  It was in 'move-in' condition with just a little paint on the walls when I bought it 6 months before they arrived.

Of course, it needed to be refurnished:

Couch and recliner
Dining table w/6 chairs
Computer desk and printer/file table
Children's activity table
Bookcases (3)
(Master bedroom set, bed for son, and living room tables purchased before they arrived)

I tried to pay for as much of this as I could with my Delta Airlines AmEx card.  With double (sometimes triple) mile bonuses, I probably put enough frequent filer miles on account for two RT airline tickets to Russia...  

[jb]

Conner,

Like I said,,, a new beginning...

[Vaughn]

After all the renovations, I'm told how a "new house"
would be very cool. We'll be moving in before Easter.

[jb]

After all the renovations, I'm told how a "new house"
would be very cool. We'll be moving in before Easter.

Does that come under the heading of a "New beginning"?

BTW, cool looking house.

[Vaughn]

Definitely a new beginning. I tell my wife often,
"every day with you is an adventure." When she
arrived I was firmly entrenched in this house since
1987, very emotionally attached to it. Now, I can't
wait to begin again...

[SANDRO43]

... and all those KBs on the walls mean Kompletely Bankrupt ?

[Zhena]

a fiancee,

My wife was very serious about our marriage being a new beginning for both of us.  There would be no old stuff around to remind us of our past loves and the life we had before us.  I actually liked the idea.  It's been great for us.

My wife is very old fashioned in a lot of ways.

Thats cool,guys

[Sohkay]

Vaughn,
The builder wouldn't happen to be Kaufman & Broad, would it? I don't know why, I just get that feeling!

What a good marketing concept...putting the KB on the vapor barrier.

[Vaughn]

The builder wouldn't happen to be Kaufman & Broad, would it?

Da, Sohkay, that's correct. When Sandro guessed
Kompletely Bankrupt, I laughed MAO! My advice
to all anticipating their fiance's arrival: Clean, clean
and then clean some more. Don't bother with paint
or paper - it's all gonna get changed anyway. I'm looking
forward to LatinSwede's "1st month together" report with
great eagerness.

ConnerVT - did you notice an energy cost savings with
the double pane glass? I've replaced all our windows,
even a large bay window, with low-e double pane, and
it's remarkable how on a cold AM the windows feel room
temperature to the touch - same on a hot summer day.
But I'm thinking the big savings are found up there where
the winters are testy...

[ConnerVT]

We just got finished with a mini heat wave up here -- temp reached 70 deg yesterday, and we woke up to low 60's this morning.  certainly not mid-Nov weather for Vermont!

Just had the new glass put in a month or so ago.  The biggest thing was getting rid of the 'always dirty' look the condensation between the glass gives.  So I won't really notice the difference until the real cold returns.

[viking]

Vaugn

Nice house but only you and your bride can make it a home. Good luck.

[viking]

Speaking from a great deal of experience here, how you prepare a house to become a home really depends. When I was first married my wife she and I had lived in separate apartments and then moved in together in a totally different one. But that was mostly because both of our previous places would not really accomodate a couple (studio apartments in the city). When we did move in we put together our collective belongings to make one apartment and then collected the rest of our 'space' together. And there were some things I had that had to go and the same for her. Joint decisions.When we saved enough for a real house, we then moved in with what we had and did it all over again.

I was widowed and years later, I was living in a nice townhouse on the water which was a true bachelor pad. I met my second wife who moved in with me accepting all my stuff. But by then I was more into good stuff rather than crash pad stuff, so it was acceptable. After we were married, yep, along came some changes but it was nice and easy. Of course the bed came first, then some stuff in the living room, then some wall hangings, things like that.

I would definitely change the bed and get some nice linen but keep it plain and simple. She will change it and that stuff will be relegated for guests. Let her see you for what you are/were and let the changes come as she sees what is important to her. Pots and pans may be first on the list or maybe she could care less about that and want new bathroom towels. Enjoy the shopping experience with her. Just let her know that you will work with her to make the changes and if there is something you really like and its gotta stay, then say so and why. Perhaps she may appreciate the sentiment you have attached to something. Of course these were both AWs and I am not an expert on how an RW may view things, but the concept of working together and making joint decisions are most important. I would not make myself crazy trying to second guess what she will view as ok or not. After all, she is going to marry you not the coffee table.

As far as some 'welcome home' items, flowers are a must. Place some nice roses on the bed. With a Victorias Secret bathrobe lying next to it.A bouquet in the living room. Some kind of welcome to your new home sign with maybe some type of collage on it that ties together the things you have done together before, to help the transition. Some of her favorite foods in the fridge? If you can get her parents to secretly give you one of her favorite things and place it in the open someplace would be wonderful. And I would place small gifts in places she will find by herself. A drawer, a cabinet. Let her discover something new every day as she explores her new surroundings. The sound of delight, of discovery can make you feel really good inside. There is a bunch of stuff you can do.

[SANDRO43]

When Sandro guessed Kompletely Bankrupt, I laughed MAO!

Glad you're taking it lightly, here's a less somber photo for you then (had to sacrifice half of the potted plant, though ).

[Vaughn]

Ahhh....Sandro! When you click on that attachment, the
resolution turns to mush.....

I know you were jus' tryin' to get a better looksie at my better 1/2
so have at it...

[SANDRO43]

Ahhh....Sandro! When you click on that attachment, the resolution turns to mush.....

Funny, when I do that, nothing happens (too small to warrant enlargement, it stays absolutely put).

I know you were jus' tryin' to get a better looksie at my better 1/2
so have at it...

Wrong guess, I was jealous of the potted plant, don't want everybody to ogle it .

[jinx13]

 Hey Vaughn,

  Congrats on the new house! Looks almost exactly like my first house I bought a few years back. Mine was 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, looks like the same layout, even stairs in the same place.

 It's fun to watch the building process, and see how it progresses. Than the move in day and everything is so new and clean. Then you realize you still need to buy blinds and curtains for all the windows, cement the side yard and back patio, and landscape the backyard    Still, it will be a lot of fun, and a new start for you and your wife, good luck! - David

 

[Vaughn]

Thanks, jinx. My wife's still trying to convince me that
there'll actually be less work to do, but I know better.
One nice thing - there's an open loft upstairs for which
I have great plans: office/entertainment area, with some
of my vintage jazz LP's on display. Elvira will probably make
the curtains by preference, and will have a ton of fun shopping
for all the blinds and trim. This is her dream, and I'm rather
relieved of the problems that a 35 year old home brings....

Sandro, I'll send you that potted plant if you'll PM your
pochtalnij adres....

[jinx13]

 Vaughn,

  A new home means you better buy new furniture too right? Wouldn't want to bring that old stuff to the new place    It gets expensive, but it is a lot of fun for sure. Kinda like a blank canvas, then you get to add the colors...tile, carpet or hardwood floors? what colors to paint? granite, tile, or marble counters? It's endless 

 I think it's great for your wife, this new home will be part of her making, and she will really feel like it's her own, I'm sure you both can't wait until spring