She's bored, help!

[Mir]

Jeez and I thought I was the only unpopular git down here 

[jb]

William,

I'm all for cutting slack to those who deserve it.

However, the Green Card Lottery, otherwise known as the "Diversity Visa Lottery" is limited to possible emigrants from  those countries which have less than 10,000 emigrants per year for the past 5 years,

From the USBCIS handbook: Each year, the Diversity Lottery (DV) Program makes 55,000 immigrant visas available through a lottery to people who come from countries with low rates of immigration to the United States. Of such visas, 5,000 are allocated for use under NACARA beginning with DV '99. The State Department (DOS) holds the lottery every year, and randomly selects approximately 110,000 applicants from all qualified entries. The DOS selects the approximately 110,000 applications since many will not complete the visa process. However once 55,000 are issued or the fiscal year ends, the DV program is closed. If you receive a visa through the Diversity Visa Lottery Program you will be authorized to live and work permanently in the United States. You will also be allowed to bring your spouse and any unmarried children under the age of 21 to the United States.

I have quoted the above for the sake of clarity.

BTW, the FSU has been exempted from participation in the Diversity Visa Lottery for quite some years, I guess white folks need not apply.

[BillyB]

I see a little over reaction too. Jinx, as av8tor over reacted to your post in his trip report thread, I think you over reacted to jb's. Even though some people's opinions come across harsher than others, they have spent their time typing away to help a person out. Their advice or opinions may not help you but just take it with a grain of salt. I think jb is trying to get you to think the boredom could be one issue coming from a more serious problem and if so, you need to focus on that problem. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but it's you alone that absorbs the advice you want and get to apply it as necessary. Most guys here want to see good people succeed even if it's giving them advice that they may not want to hear.
Best Wishes,
Billy

[jinx13]

 First let me address JB's rediculous comments. If he actually read "the facts" all he would need to do is look in the first post of this thread, Nataly is from Ukraine, not Russia, and yes Ukraine does have the visa lottery in effect, even now she is helping a friend from back home fill out the needed paperwork to do it.

 She moved here not for a man, but for the American Dream, she speaks excellent English and was hoping to come here and make some money, and have a better quality of life. She took a job as a live in nanny in California, but soon realized she didn't want to stay with this family, and they were paying her squat. She had an aquaintance that she had met in Ukraine as his translator, he had a room to rent in San Jose, she took it. She also met another Ukraine girl, they became friends, she moved in too. Yeah the guy was weird, but completely harmless, her friend still lives with him and pays rent.

 She and I have been dating throughout all of this, I have helped her when I can, but I'm not her rescuer, she is a strong girl, how many 20 year olds do you know that would move to a foreign country with no family to help them? She's 21 now, we have talked about living together for some time, and now the time was right, so here we are. I asked for a little help because it was difficult for her without friends in her new city (my home) and I get this crap from JB, and a lot of relationship advice when really we are very happy, believe it or not. I don't know why this thread turned into this, but it pisses me off when people just spout off complete crap with no knowledge of actual circumstances, and then call my girlfriend shallow, and an empty vessel, wtf? I'm supposed to take that? I don't think so. I don't care if JB is a grizzled vet and thinks he's seen and done it all, I've lost respect for him, and his advice.
 

[jinx13]

 BillyB

 I'm all for getting advice that is helpful, even if it's not what i want to hear, but in this case there really wasn't any real problem. Honestly I kind of posted it just to have some ideas thrown at me, which I got (good ones)

 How my relationship, her intelligence, and her visa status got thrown into this, I have no clue. I guess it started with Kuna, Calcowboy1, vwrw and others speculating there might be other reasons for her boredom, but I kept trying to say (not defend) that there was NO ISSUE, it was just a simple matter of girl in new town, and boyfriend at work all day.

 Billy, what if when your girl finally gets here, and your out working, and she's home alone, you want a little advice, do you expect to get this kinda crap i'm getting? What if somebody says your girl is shallow, has no goals or direction in life, blah blah blah. Is that neccessary? What was the point of all that? Sometimes people just analyze too much here, and a simple problem can be just that, SIMPLE

 
 

[jb]

jinx13,

I'll try to be plain spoken here.

I suggest you take a few classes in writing acumen, take some notes so you don't forget what you said yesterday.  Your stories do not wash.  You venture first that she has a Green Card, via the Diversity Visa Program,  but needs a sponsor,,, guess what,,, holders of the Green Card do not need a sponsor, they are legal permanent residents, no sponsor required.  (First lie).  Then you tell us she is a nanny, which suggests a work visa, she quits that job because it only pays $200.00 a month, (if true, at that point she needs to go back home because she is no longer in status).  (2nd lie).  Then she moves in with El Nerd,  http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2705.msg51516#msg51516 and that's when you don the White Knight's Armor, mount the big white horse, and rescue her.  (3rd lie???)  What's her status now?  I just don't know what to believe from you now. 

I have followed your posting with some attention because your courtship appeared to be out of the ordinary, but I guess you are just blowing smoke up our collective fannies.

I just hate being lied to, mostly because it assumes we are more stupid than not, and I think you are doing a poor job of it.  Get back to us when you have your story straight.  But I doubt anyone will believe you.

[jinx13]

 Jb,

  Wow, you really should read a little closer, and work on your reading comprehension. Nataly applied for and received a visa via the lottery system, she applied for a nanny job not on a workers visa, but just to have a job when she arrived. How else would she be able to quit after one week there?  The people that hired her didn't take in account that she didn't need the job to keep her legal status, otherwise they would have been smarter to hire somebody else that had no choice but to take their measly $200 a month.

 You do need a sponsor on this type visa, and she does have a full green card and social security card. She has worked a few jobs and has taxes taken out like everyone else, so I guess your theory of her visa expiring, and that she is here illegally now is pretty stupid don't you think? I wrote a few posts back that she has an interview with a local school next week, how could they hire her if she wasn't legal? Her nerd friend was her sponsor, only in the legal sense of the word, I don't know all the details about what sponsors do, but I know he was required to sign a few documents and provide his income. Am I a white knight? Not really, just a guy that loves my girlfriend, I have helped her, and will continue to, she helps me a lot too, that's what life is about.

 She has lived here since June of 2005, she is a fully legal resident, believe what you want JB, you are living in a fantasy world full of conspiracy theories. Maybe you can let us all know who REALLY shot JFK, who killed Marilyn, and who among us are aliens from another planet too?

[jinx13]

 I've never changed my story, I understand it's unorthodox, but it's how we met, and how we are together now. Anyone can read back through my posts and read the whole story, about how we met on Lucky Lovers , how we hit it off in real life when she came to live in California, and now where we are today, living together. I think it's kind of a romantic story to tell the truth, and I don't appreciate being called a liar by anyone JB. Why the hell would someone make this stuff up?  ???

[jb]

I don't know all the details about what sponsors do, but I know he was required to sign a few documents and provide his income.

She has lived here since June of 2005, she is a fully legal resident,

These two statements are in basic conflict.

If the guy who sponsored her in the first statement committed his income as a guarantee for support, then she is, at least to some extent bound to that agreement.  He folds,,, she goes.  If he signed anything he prolly signed a I-864, Affidavit of Support, thinking she'd be around for awhile, 10 years at least.  What a fool he was.  How did she talk him into signing up to support her if she's gonna be a nanny?  A real cupcake you have there.

If your second statement is correct then she doesn't need a sponsor at all.

Don't try to fool an old guy who has studied the immigration law front to back, in this case you don't have a clue about what you are talking about.  Why can't you just admit it?  You don't know what her actual status is.  If you do indeed marry this woman, I suggest you hire a competent immigration attorney to sort out all that legal stuff you don't know anything about.

about how we met on Lucky Lovers

how we hit it off in real life when she came to live in California, and now where we are today, living together. I think it's kind of a romantic story to tell the truth, and I don't appreciate being called a liar by anyone JB. Why the hell would someone make this stuff up?

So you met through an on-line dating service before she arrived in the USA, but didn't sponsor her yourself,,, how romantic...

What??? Me call you a liar?  I've never used that word, but if the shoe fits...

[William3rd]

WInners of the green card lottery have to show the consulate that they have the means to support themselves when they get to the US. The typical term is for the first year. They can do that by showing their own assets(most have little), by showing employment guarantee (job offers) or by an affidavit of support-usually not the I864 bc that is for petitioners and a select few other categories. Usually a 134.

WHich raises other questions but I am sure that JB would like to address those issues.

[jinx13]

 He doesn't support her JB, basically he is there as a back up, if she needed his support, that's all


 William said it all here

WInners of the green card lottery have to show the consulate that they have the means to support themselves when they get to the US. The typical term is for the first year. They can do that by showing their own assets(most have little), by showing employment guarantee (job offers) or by an affidavit of support-usually not the I864 bc that is for petitioners and a select few other categories. Usually a 134.

 She had a job offer, and an affadavit of support, so maybe it's you that doesn't know what the hell your talking about JB. Nataly is a member here, so I will have her explain it to you. This girl is not a liar, or scammer, she is about as normal as it gets, and I know everything about her, my relationship with her is the same as it would be with an American girl. I understand many people have had bad experiences (me included) but I know exactly what I'm talking about JB, and I am right 100%

 You are the type that can never admit you are wrong, I feel sorry for your wife.

[jinx13]

So you met through an on-line dating service before she arrived in the USA, but didn't sponsor her yourself,,, how romantic.

 If you read my story, which i thought you were an expert on, you would know we were just friends on LL, and it was brief because her plans for coming to the U.S. were already set in motion, she never asked for my help. I would have given it if she did.

 

[Nataly2202]

 JB,

  It is Nataly here. I see you have posted a lot of "nice" things about me on the board. First of all you are the one, who doesnt know any facts and you are mixing up your facts. I dont know how long you studied your immigration laws, but I guess you need to learn them for a few more years because you dont know the simple immigration rules.

So lets make it clear for you and others who have complications understanding a simple story my bf posted on here. I am a permanent resident now, what assumes that I have Green Card, social security number and Alien number on my green card. And if you have hard time beliving it I can scan a copy specially for you.

First of all I am Ukrainian, so I can participate in Green Card Lottery, unlike Russians.
My sposnor signed form I-134, and it lasts only for 3 years... and it is a proof for goverment that if things go wrong I can have some back up from the person who signed the form. I would ask my bf to sign it, but when I was making the documents ready for interview I had not met David yet. After I got my entry visa I went to USA and in 2 mounth I got my green card by post here. I went to Santa Rosa to work as nanny because I did not want to live with THE NERD even though he was my official sponsor. I did not want to keep nanny job because it paid nothing, so I decided to move back to San Jose. I thought it was too early to live with David because we were just friends back than and I knew him just for 2 weeks, so I ended up renting a room from my sponsor. It was not so bad because I had a Ukrainian friend in San Jose and she end up renting a room in the same hause with me.

In the summer I went to visit my family in Ukraine ( how could I do it JB if I would not have legal documents, heh?) And after coming back in October I decided to move in with David since I date him for one year, and driving from San Jose to Brentwood every weekend was very tiresome.

Ok I hope you will not make any further investigation on my immigration status. Since I think I explained it really well.

As for the I-134, you dont usually need to have that document for getting Green Card. You can just have a job offer or some money in the bank to prove that you can survive in USA and will not ask for goverment help like unemployment money.

[jinx13]

 Hmmm, this thread got all quiet all of a sudden, I wonder why? 

 I heard this song this morning from the great Tom Petty

 Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down

 

[jinx13]

 This goes out to any new guys here, maybe you have never posted, maybe your afraid to do it, or maybe your intimidated by some of the veterans here who think they know it all.  Guess what, they don't.

  Jb has like 3300 posts and thinks he can read anybody like a book, and tell you somebody's entire personal history and predict the end of a relationship before it even begins, he's been there, done that, and no matter what you say he is right and you are wrong. Don't be afraid of people like this, don't back down, if you know you are right, don't back down.

 He tells me I shouldn't start threads if I can't handle it, but I say nobody should have to listen to the kind of crap I did in this forum. There is a difference in having opinions about certain issues, like agencies or not? Tour or go alone? We can debate these issues, and disagree, I got into some debates with Turbo Guy, but we never resorted to attacks. I was called a liar, my g/f was called an empty vessel, our whole relationship was called into question, this was totally rediculous and NOT what this forum is all about.

 I am a strong person, and have strong opinions too, so I can take it, but don't expect me to take it lying down and let certain people bully me into not posting here.

 I appreciate the veterans here, your experience is invaluable and I will continue to seek it out, thanks for your help with my simple problem. 

[ConnerVT]

5 posts in a row to defend your own position, about a very simple question (as you put it).

Maybe other people have better things to do with their time...   

[jinx13]

 Connor, I was reffering to JB's sudden silence, I realize this thread probably lost it's interest after all the stupid accusations and lies were thrown out there.

 JB said a lot of total bull, so I was forced to defend, I was trying to wrap it up in the last post, and say thanks to the people that helped. Thanks! - David

[William3rd]

Nobody has anything left to say.  ??? It should have ended about 20 posts ago. Sort of an example of MAD(mutually assured destruction). No winners here and very little of value to the overall discussion group.

I have a feeling that the only result of this exchange will be a realignment of Xmas card lists.

And I know that I will not have the last word. . . ..

[Mamma D]

Boredom is not any thing "YOU" can fix......

If a person is "bored", it usually means lack of self esteem, and imagination...hoping someone else will fix everything for him....

I bet she/he has been in this rut for a long time....And while they hope to be entertained from an outside source, the inner person is essentially asleep.... so to speak.

Example is two children.....

You place them in a room without any furniture for maybe an hour.
One will say there is nothing to do!
The other would sit down and entertain himself from within..ie...make up mind games tell himself stories..ect.

THE best gift you can give a child is the ability to entertain himself....the chance to LIKE himself....and never fear being alone.
Read a book, draw pictures, listen to or  perform music, do a craft or work on a hobby......there are many things he might choose to do. Yet, there are many who go into a coma type space, and avoid doing anything, and cry  BORED.  On demend entertainment with no imput like TV. has comditioned many kids today, to fear having to be alone with themselves!

I have heard all this about, don't allow a small child to be bored....and usually they grow up to be bored adults! Give them oportunity and space to develop these types of skills.....and they usually rair quite well.

So help your lady to find the ability, to find the answers from within, rather than from without.....herself.

Just the ideas of an old lady that need 26 hour days....

Mamma D

[Vaughn]

Just another RWD prairie fire here, reminiscent of the inferno
on the memorable Vasectomy thread....

At least two members here referred to the puppy as a bandaid
solution, fine. I never sensed a hemorrhage to begin with: others are entitled to their opinion that a bored young lady indicates trouble underneath and ahead. I say you trade in the cat for a nice dog, and her immediate boredom will vanish. Couple that with some of the other suggestions (KenC's competitor shopping comes to mind) and she's likely to find little time during her busy day.

Dave, sometimes a simple question raises other questions, much
to the dismay of the original poster. Eventually, the method of meeting, avenue of immigration, the agency (if any) involved, the "appropriateness" & viability of the relationship itself are all routinely placed on a Petri dish under magnification and analyzed.
To quote one of our most respected members, " 'Sway it is... "

[Jack]

Hello Nataly 2202, I see you are online now.

I would like to ask when did you do your Lottory Divirsity Visa interview in Kiev?

Once you did the interview how long was it before you were you able to come to America?

[KenC]

Jinx,
Show a little class, if you can, and stop your little victory dance, OK?  You know how when some NFL players get a touchdown and everyone is happy for them? Like LT of the Chargers.  And then there are others, like TO, that even when he does score, everyone still thinks of him as an ass.  Try to be more like LT and less like TO. 

There is a reason jb is a very popular poster here and else where, people respect his opinion because he is a damn smart man and he tells it like it usually is.  So he misread or misinterpreted somethings in your posts, BFD!  He is more right than he ever will be wrong and we need not see you rub his nose in it over multiple posts.

I wouldn't get overly happy about the original boredom issue either.  Competitive shopping or a new puppy are temporary bandaides for some deeper issues.  I know because I went through it with Lena (my wife of 7 years).  The deeper issue is that your gf needs to have more independent goals to keep herself focused and busy.  As I have said to Lena, it isn't my responsibility to entertain you, just as it isn't your responsibility to entertain your gf.  BTW, when you open up your relationship to a discussion forum, you cannot control the direction of the discussion will take.  Don't want people's opinions?  Don't post your relationship troubles here.
KenC

[Jack]

Oh nooo, Nataly2202 was online and left without answering my question.

Nataly could you tell me what date you had your Diviristy lottery visa interview in Kiev? Once you had the interview how long was it before you were in the states? Just curious unless it's a secret.

[jinx13]

 KenC,

 Spoken like a true Chargers fan  and you must know I am a Cowboy's fan, but not a big fan of T.O.  Tony Romo is the man, would like to see Chargers and Cowboys in the Super Bowl. LT is a class act, and damn good.

 Ok, my victory dance was sweet, if overdone it was because JB said some pretty messed up things to me, and criticized my g/f and not just in a small way, he questioned her intelligence, and basically called us both liars, sorry but I don't take that kind of crap from anybody, I don't care how many posts he has on RWD. I don't mind opening my relationship up on this forum, but let's keep it civil, and not make accusations and insults.

 I'm sure many here like Jb, and that's fine, I have read many of his posts too, and you're right he usually is a man of wisdom, but sometimes he is a little too jaded and rude in his posts, in my humble opinion. Is he the one that coined the 'clue bat' phrase? In this topic he might have hit himself on the head for once.

 KenC, I thanked you for your helpful advice, and I meant it. How was Jb trying to help my situation with his comments? Maybe he just doesn't like me, or my stupid face in my avatar, I'm not sure, but he wasn't out to help me in any way.

 In the words of Forrest Gump "and that's all I have to say about thaaat"

[Jack]

Hey Jinx, thanks for pm.  Ok, if she doesn't remember the date of the interview I am curious as to when her first day was in America?  Would that be hard to remember?