New here but not to Ukraine

[ScottinCrimea]

Hello everyone.  I just found this website and have found it quite interesting.  I'm hoping my knowledge and experience can be of some use to some of you.  My story in short:  My relationship with my Ukrainian wife began as a scam by another woman who was using her photos to attract men (That tells you something about how gorgeous my wife is).  Eventually she had to get my wife involved and we began writing directly to each other.  Three and a half years later we are very happily married and living in Simferopol, Crimea.  To head off the questions, I am 48 and my wife is 33.

[groovlstk]

Scott,

That's really funny, I'd love to hear the full story!

[Kuna]

That's really funny, I'd love to hear the full story!

Yeah... Scott... BRING IT ONE!!!  That's a story we've all got to hear!

It could be the one time that falling in love with a photo worked!   

Hmmm...  Don't know if it qualifies as a trip report though!

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

Okay, at the risk of derisive laughter, here is the long story:  She first contacted me at a dating website and she was one of a few that I narrowed my search down to.  As we exchanged e-mails, I narrowed things down to her.  She sounded sweet, intelligent, and of course her photos were great.  After about two months this woman asked for money to take English lessons.  I was aware of how scams worked, so I checked things out.  I asked her for her address and phone number as well as the phone number of her employer.  She gave me all of those.  I couldn't speak Russian at the time, so I called a dating agency that was down the street from her and spoke to their translator.  I asked her to call the numbers to check her out.  All the numbers checked out.  The translator told me that she had come to their office upset and asking why they were calling her parents and her work.  They described her and it matched the photos, so I figured she was legitimate and sent the money.  The woman who was scamming me claimed that she had lost her passport and asked me to send it to another name but I refused. At this point the woman had to bring my wife into the picture.  She offered her a percentage of the money if she would go along.  My wife had no interest in internet dating but agreed to go along.  Over the next few months my e-mails were shared with her and she had some input in the responses and began to take an interest in me.  After about a year I told her I was coming out to visit her, and she faced a dilemma.  She decided to meet me and spend the time with me.  We got along incredibly, but every time I brought up the past she was very vague, which I later learned was because the history that this other woman had shared with me was not the truth and she was afraid I would figure it out.  After this visit I knew I had strong feelings for this woman but some things didn't add up so I hired a detective agency to conduct surveilance on her for a week.  Everything checked out okay and by this time we were chatting online with webcam daily.  I made another three visits to Ukraine over the next 8 months and we decided together that the best thing would be for me to move there rather than for her to move to the US.  Beforehand I sent a ton of money to her to buy a new apartment and remodel it out to her heart's desire.  If she had any intentions of scamming me, she had every opportunity but for her the money was secondary.  What she really wanted was not money, but a man who would understand her and love her unconditionally.  I think this is really what most women there want. Whether we lived in Ukraine or the US was irrevelant.  I moved here in January of last year.  Things were a struggle at first, both because of my adjustment to life in Ukraine and our learning to understand each other, and it has been more or less a roller coaster, but now things couldn't be better, especially because my Russian is to the point where I can communicate effectively with her, her parents, and our friends. Life in Ukraine is good.  Through all of this I have pretty much become an expert on the Russian/Ukrainian female mind, the "Soviet mentality" and the art of scamming.  Any more questions?

[Kuna]

Through all of this I have pretty much become an expert on the Russian/Ukrainian female mind, the "Soviet mentality" and the art of scamming.  Any more questions?

 

Only one...

Please explain "the Russian/Ukrainian female mind"...

hahahaha

No, seriously, your contributions and the stories of your "journey" would be greatly appreciated!

Kuna

[Mir]

So are you doctor Scott who used to post on Brama and TIU?

[groovlstk]

At this point the woman had to bring my wife into the picture.  She offered her a percentage of the money if she would go along.  My wife had no interest in internet dating but agreed to go along.

I'm not sure if I understand you correctly, but are you saying your wife was originally party to a scam, with you as the victim? Didn't you have any misgivings about your relationship when you discovered the truth?

[Gator]

Scott,

Welcome.  It is good to have a veteran post here, particularly one living there.

What she really wanted was not money, but a man who would understand her and love her unconditionally.

My ex-fiancee told me the same, exactly the same (except she substituted "the way I am" for "unconditionally").

It seems you broke some major commandments.  Congratulations.  Not a model to follow but it worked in your case.

I too was generous with a woman, but I remodeled her apartment after two years together, not buy her one after less than a year together.  But I was not planning to live there and I could see the need to have a decent place to live.  Again, you took a risk and won.  

I make one point that some people fail to see.  Even if you had lost all, your downside was small compared to the possible downside that men face in bringing RW to the USA and marrying them (false DV, messy divorce, etc.).

Did you easily adjust your life to Ukraine?  Making friends, etc.  I am a golfer so it would be difficult for me.  Nor do I like cold weather.

Please tell us more of your interesting story.

[ScottinCrimea]

I agree I took some risks, but in each case it was a calculated risk and the level of trust was incremental.  There finally came a point where I had to decide to dive in 100% and trust her completely.  You have to remember that we chatted for a year and I visited many times for another year before I made this commitment.  She had many opportunities to "take the money and run" but for her, like me, a relationship was more important than money.  Still as the truth of how our relationship came out bit by bit it did cause a few trust issues.  But like Gator states, my downside was not so bad as many who bring a wife over after a few months of chatting and one or two visits.  It can get pretty messy if it falls apart in the States.
     I had to make a lot of adjustments when I moved here.  I see many Americans who come here because it is different from the US and then, after awhile, they start to complain because it is not like the US.  Until I learned the language I was a bit isolated and also had to depend on my wife to do many things for me, and this was difficult for me, but once I was comfortable with the language I was able to have a broader social circle and really learn to understand the people here.  At first I was desperate for other English speaking friends, but now it's not so important.  And once I found sources for English books and movies, that helped.
     I used to golf, too, but it really,y isn't available here.  There is a new Crimean golf club with a barely adequate driving range, but that's about it.  Ultimately, I chose to blend in and become Ukrainian rather than to try to create an American environment here.  Coming from California, I had to adjust to the colder weather, but at least I live in Crimea where it is warmer than the rest of Ukraine so I have to be thankful for small favors.  Better to be cold and have a woman to keep you warm than to be warm alone.

[prince_alfie]

Wow, fabulous story. Alas, there are no rules to love apparently except the self-imposed ones...

[groovlstk]

Scott,

That's a story worthy of a book

[ScottinCrimea]

 A comedy, mystery, detective story, tragedy and romance story all rolled into one, and everyone loves a happy ending.  Maybe George Clooney for the movie roll?