Is this typical with letters.....

[in_phoenix]

Is it typicall that you swap a few letters, you both ask a bunch of questions and get answers and then it seems to take a good leap forward and all of a sudden you feel it taking off?

So I have been taking to this woman for about to weeks, probably about twelve letters between the two of us and then in this past letter it begins to pick up and seems to be getting a little more serious. 

Is this typical?

It seems that some people like to talk for a long time.  Is there a specific time when you need to start closing the door?  I think talking for two years may be a really long time and don't think a girl would be interested in carrying on conversations for that period of time.  At the same time I think only a few letters is not enough to know ones true feelings.

How soon do women from Russia like to close the deal?  If this was local internet dating then I would feel it about right to meet the person.

At the present rate I feel that a vist would be expected in about two months.  Is this normal?

She is already setting the stage by telling me that she would have no ties to russia and basicaly looks forward to coming here (in not so many words).

 

She sounds like a really nice girl and she always sends me photos.  This last e-mail I asked for her full name and address. 

Not knowing much, would her last name be the same as her moms name???  I have her moms full name.  I think I read some where about names but now I am confused to how it goes.  I should get a responce maybe tomorrow from her.

 

[TheArrow]

Not knowing much, would her last name be the same as her moms name???  I have her moms full name. 

If woman marry a man in most of times she tooks HIS surname.

She can change her surname back to her maiden name after the divorce.

For me, I didn't change the surname to my maiden name - too many paperwork with the documents - the passport, the Diploma and etc...

If somebody is talking to you via the Net (or e-mailing you) by years - it means that he/she is not interested in you seriously.

[Elen]

At the present rate I feel that a vist would be expected in about two months.  Is this normal?

normal:)

She is already setting the stage by telling me that she would have no ties to russia and basicaly looks forward to coming here (in not so many words).

not quite normal ( to my mind):?

 

[in_phoenix]

Thanks TheArrow and Elen.  I don't know what to expect.  I have spoken to a few Russian women in the past but it has only been a few letters and then nothing ever came out of it.  (E-mails stopped or never got back).

I don't mind that the talks have changed to a different level.  I do not have a problem if it got more serious and I really wouldn't mind going to Russia to see her.

Part that has me nervous is how fast it got to this point and the connection to Russia comment, knowing that her father has died and she is an only child with her mother.  That part screams alert or odd to me as well.

[ukguy]

sorry newbie too in phoenix, but sounds like the start of a guilt trip to me what next money??

Not that my opinion here is worth anything yet!

[Bruno]

[line]
At the present rate I feel that a vist would be expected in about two months.  Is this normal?
[line]


No problem with this... in any case, don't wait more of 6 month... she can begin have some doubt about you wish to marry and search a other candidat...


[line]
She is already setting the stage by telling me that she would have no ties to russia and basicaly looks forward to coming here (in not so many words).
[line]


Sorry Elena, it can be very normal... since the beginning, i have speak with Galina about her coming in Belgium... we have speak about several potential probleme like language, culture, shopping, medical care here, ... it is only plan who are maybe realised in the future... it is a important subject to speak with your future wife... don't forget that usualy, it is the woman who go life in a new country... she need be ready to this...

[TheArrow]

[user=258]in_phoenix[/user] wrote: Part that has me nervous is how fast it got to this point and the connection to Russia comment, knowing that her father has died and she is an only child with her mother.  That part screams alert or odd to me as well.


What's strange in that? Explain, please

[in_phoenix]

If woman marry a man in most of times she tooks HIS surname.

 

Ok then, I probably have her surname as well if I have her moms full name.

If somebody is talking to you via the Net (or e-mailing you) by years - it means that he/she is not interested in you seriously.

So does that mean moving quickly good and they are interested?  Or is moving too quickly a bad indication. 


Personally I would move quickly to get a meeting set up because I would like to know if there is chemisrty there so I don't waste a lot of time if not.

But someone to have a lot of good feeling after a dozen e-mails.......

[in_phoenix]

[user=258]in_phoenix[/user] wrote: Part that has me nervous is how fast it got to this point and the connection to Russia comment, knowing that her father has died and she is an only child with her mother.  That part screams alert or odd to me as well.


What's strange in that? Explain, please

 

Oh what I think is odd is wouldn't there be a stronger connection to not leave an only parent  there by themselves.  I know you have to grow up and leave the nest.  I guess I was not expecting her to have laid all this out just yet.  It is good that she did so now if you look at it this way then you can say she is serious maybe about a relationship knowing that in order to have a relationship with a westerner would mean moving.

Maybe I'm not used to Russian women being realist.  American women seem to live in fanasty land and have no idea how things will work out or what it will really take to get from point "A" to point "B".

Maybe I worry over nothing.  Fact is I want things to go smoothly but I didn't think it would be this smooth after reading all I have on the internet.

[TheArrow]

well..... it's normal when you talk via the Net, e-mail each other, share your webcam images (it's a good thing, by the way, to see the person almost in real), talk to each other by phone. 3 - 4 months are enough for the first meeting in real.

And you are right - life is short, lol. 99 - stop wasting your time, as Londonbeat group sings. The more quickly you meet each other in real the more quickly you both will find out if there is a chemistry or not. If there will no chemistry - well..... you had a nice trip to Russia and you visited interesting, strange and mysterious country.

[Elen]

I have speak with Galina about her coming in Belgium...

Was it an iniciative of Galina to start talks about her moving to Belgium or it was yours?

And did you speak about that before you see each other in reality?

 

[Elen]

She is already setting the stage by telling me that she would have no ties to russia and basicaly looks forward to coming here (in not so many words).

Part that has me nervous is how fast it got to this point and the connection to Russia comment, knowing that her father has died and she is an only child with her mother.  That part screams alert or odd to me as well.

Yes THAT's odd for me as well

[Bruno]

[line]
Was it an iniciative of Galina to start talks about her moving to Belgium or it was yours ? And did you speak about that before you see each other in reality ?
[line]


It was my initiative... i try no repeat the fault i have make before with the first marriage... and i have speak this before the first meeting... why use my little money for meet a woman who don't know if she wish come life in Belgium... i have explain the good and bad side... explain the local advantage and problem...

[TheArrow]

I am the only child in my family. My parents are older than 60. But this doesn't mean if I fall in love with a man from abroad and he will ask me to relocate I will refuse him and stay with my parents.

I am an adult person and I have my own life. My parents are my parents but my private life is my private life.

[Elen]

It was my initiative

 You see?

[Elen]

I am an adult person and I have my own life. My parents are my parents but my private life is my private life.

 

Well it's only my personal viewpoint at that child-old parents problem supporting by  experience of my friend's family who live now in Japan. And I just witness how her  mother lives here alone (after her father's death) Nothing personal to anybody, just a case next to my door.:?

[Michelangelo]

In terms of how fast an FSU woman wants to meet you....it is fast!  I think their experience is that many guys will write and write and write and never visit.  So girls have learned this and want to cut to the chase quickly and save all the time it takes to write.  This is normal. However, from the guys prespective, it is better to get to know the girl by writing so you don't waste a visit.  In my experience, I tell the girl my schedule is very busy and i can't come for four months.  This works, and you both get to know one another better and she has real hopes that you will acutally visit her!

[in_phoenix]

Yeah, I'm following  through with my plans.  To be totally honest here, I was planning a trip as soon as possible.  One of the first questions I asked here (in another thread) was if anyone thought it would be a good idead to see her around her birthday in three to four months.  That seems a realistic amount of time for me to get the financing put together, get my passport subnitted and returned (yes I still have not done that, just need the stupid photo), and have enough time to sort out if we have enough in common.

 

I'll still stick to around that plan.  Earliest I would be able to go would be two months from now will will mean I have been talking to her for about three months.

[Todd]

I don't find her behavior all that unusual.  I may have missed this detail, but how fluent is she in English?  Do you know how long it takes for her to write a letter?  How much free time does she have in comparison to how long it takes her to write a letter?  Finally, remember that internet access can be expensive relative to a woman's salary.  So, if you have written her more than a few times, she could be just trying to figure out your intentions.  Her intentions are clear.  She is serious because she is devoting two very precious resources: her time and her limited money.  

Another questions:  have you two been able to talk on the phone yet?  If you haven't, you should right away.  I find that really helped me sort out the women appropriately.  

[deden]

So readily willing to cut the ties to Russia may or may not be a problem.

Honestly, its too early to tell and you need to continue to comunicate with her both by letter and telephone.  I'd keep it in the back of my mind in case your gut feeling starts to lead you that this along with further signs may be red flags, but you still got a lot of work ahead of you before making a judgement at this stage of the "courtship".

[in_phoenix]

I don't find her behavior all that unusual. I may have missed this detail, but how fluent is she in English? Do you know how long it takes for her to write a letter? How much free time does she have in comparison to how long it takes her to write a letter? Finally, remember that internet access can be expensive relative to a woman's salary. So, if you have written her more than a few times, she could be just trying to figure out your intentions. Her intentions are clear. She is serious because she is devoting two very precious resources: her time and her limited money.

Another questions: have you two been able to talk on the phone yet? If you haven't, you should right away. I find that really helped me sort out the women appropriately.

How long it takes her I'm not sure.  I have been trying to track the times so I can figure out when she writes and sends e-mail.  In a letter she told me she goes in the even some time after work.  I know she works until five and the e-mails have been coming around eight here time.  Some of the e-mails are fairly long.  Seems she likes to talk.  This morning I sent her one where it would get there about 5:30/6:00 - by 7:30/8:00 I had a response.

She can read and write it.  I've been trying to find out if she can speak it as well.  I asked once in the body of one of my e-mails and it must have been missed.  So I made reference to it in the one I sent this evening.

No phone contact, does not have a home phone, not sure yet on the cell phone.  Haven't asked that question yet.  I just asked for the address though.

Internet through the cafe.

 

Hmmmm.....never really though of it that way.  Just keeping an eye out because I don't want to be screwed,  so some day I'm not used for a green card then she splits.  I don't have any family support on this, they hear the stories of people being screwed, robbed, or killed.  I'm a little more optimistic about all this.  Friends have been supportive though. 

[TheArrow]

I am an adult person and I have my own life. My parents are my parents but my private life is my private life.

 

Well it's only my personal viewpoint at that child-old parents problem supporting by  experience of my friend's family who live now in Japan. And I just witness how her  mother lives here alone (after her father's death) Nothing personal to anybody, just a case next to my door.:?
[/quote]
Whadda ya mean, Elen? What a hidden hint you have? My 64 y.o.  mother (I must say that I am not young, I am 36) is standing near me reading this your post. And she says, nothing bad if my daughter meets somebody from abroad. All depends on circumstances.

Your example is strange a little. Wanna live with your parents - do this. Wanna look for your Mr.Right all over the world - no problems.

When my mother married my father, they moved another city which was very far from the place their parents lived in.

[TheArrow]

[user=258]in_phoenix[/user] wrote:

She can read and write it.  I've been trying to find out if she can speak it as well.  I asked once in the body of one of my e-mails and it must have been missed.  So I made reference to it in the one I sent this evening.

No phone contact, does not have a home phone, not sure yet on the cell phone.  Haven't asked that question yet.  I just asked for the address though.

Ask her about home/cell phone untill she gives the answer. I can give you my address but will you be sure I gave you mine, eh?

Maybe I am too smart but if I had  no home phone I would talk to my friends asking them if I could give their phone number to my foreign friend so he could call them from time to time to talk to me.

[Elen]

Whadda ya mean, Elen? What a hidden hint you have? My 64 y.o.  mother (I must say that I am not young, I am 36) is standing near me reading this your post. And she says, nothing bad if my daughter meets somebody from abroad. All depends on circumstances.

I meant it was me who now hear out the mom of my "Japane" friend about all old-agers troubles. And it was my husband who called the ER when she had a heart attack last year And now my firend is firguring out how to bring her mom to Japan cos if it would be one more trouble with heart it may be the last one.

So it is not all such easy with old parents left behind alone in Russia

 

[TheArrow]

So it is not all such easy with old parents left behind alone in Russia

 

Accordig to what you said, old parents are in Russia only. :?

One of my friends is living in California but his parents are living in another state far from him. So must he leave a good and well-paid job and move back home to saty with them?