The further I go the harder it gets!

[Kuna]

OK,  the journey is getting tough, and I haven't even left home.

I've tried writing this post a few times but it got TOO wordy and I just couldn't work out how to phrase it.

OK, I'm just going to blurt it out.

*takes deep breath*

2 dating sites - 40 initial letters - approx 29 responses - 2 probable scammers - Continue writing, seeking "potential compatibility" -Whittle the list down - and down - and down - 6 girls left remaining - 3 or those girls seem OUTSTANDING - The others are nice, but things evolve on this journey don't they - Each of the 3 outstanding ones want to take holidays while I'm there - All are worth of spending time with.

*sucks another huge breath into painfully oxygen starved lungs*   

Initial intention (Before I started writing)
Write many, Visit one

Revised intention (Once I was finding it difficult to decide)
Write many, Visit 3 for 3 days each and return to favourite for a few weeks

Current intention
No freaking idea!

My problem is they're all asking for firm arrangements now because they want to arrange holidays.

I DO NOT want to unnecessarily hurt any of the girls, mislead them or put them to unnecessarily inconvenience...

How do you arrange this without leaving them feeling like you're just scooting through town, here one day gone the next?  Not really the best way to build trust is it!

Some things are common about all 3:

All are very attractive. 
All have good jobs and all travel at least a little for work.  2 of the 3 travel extensively. 
All meet my list of "wants" and "don't wants". 
I haven't discussed other girls at all with any of them. 
#1 is more experience with "International Dating" so she knows the drill
#2 has only just started and I suspect she's certain I'm coming to Ukraine and will only visit her
#3 has been listed on the sites for a while but I don't think she has extensive ID experience. Hasn't raised the topic of other girls.

The girls
#1 (29 yrs old Newsreader) I've agreed to spend the weekend with her and am sure we'd have fun if we spent more time together but I want to meet #2 and #3 before making any decisions about the rest of my trip. She knows I'll be visiting others.

She now wants the weekend to turn into 2 weeks I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket. 

Might be the "highest maintenance" out of the 3, but I don't think in a destructive way.

My favourite quote from her:  "You're an intelligent man, I can tell. You need an intelligent woman.  All Ukraine girls are nice, so many beautiful women here and most are intelligent, but with me, you'll be happy. Don't you think you'll be happy with me?"

Let's face it, she's "kick-a$$". I like that!


#2 is outstanding. 
A professional, very funny, many laughs, honest conversation (both positive things and things I could have taken negatively) goes to church on Sundays (not that I think that makes much difference).
She's the only one to talk about her past regrets but doesn't dwell too much on the future. Our conversations are outstanding and there's no doubt there's a connection there.   

My favourite quote from her went something like this:  "I have been waiting for your phone call all day. In morning I was thinking, he will call soon because my brain is not buzzing yet.  This is a good time to talk.  Now Kuna you call me when my brain is buzzing already so now you'll forgive me for sounding like an Eengleesh beginner."

"When I teach you Russian your head will buzz too, but that's OK, I'll only talk Russian in night".

THEN she starts speaking Russian for 10 or 15 seconds and finishes by cracking up in laughter because she thinks it's so funny.  Hell, I thought it was funny too!

Very cute!

She's agreed to meet in her town but thinks I'll be bored there.  She suggested we meet, then I must meet her mother. Father is away working in Moscow.  After her town she wants to go to Kyiv for the rest of my holiday because she says she can show me the real Kyiv, Historical and modern. She says she'll help me fall in love with Ukraine, because everyone should be in love with their history!


#3 is a 27 Yr old from Moscow, living in Ukraine. Works for a German company as a translator.  EXCELLENT communication,  again, great laughs.  Talks about her friends and her relaxation activities more than the others but I suspect that's because she has more relaxation time than others. She's very sweet, and very gentle.  Shorter than the others too and I just LOVE short girls!   

My favourite quote wasn't really a quote.  I would refer to it as "purrrring".

She sent me an email late at night,  around midnight.  Told me beforehand she was going out with her friends but would write when she got home.  I left my phone call till 11am her time. She answered and was still in bed.  She was sleepy but happy I called, I offered to call back but she was happy to talk then.  Every now and then she'd stretch and let out beautiful little purring sounds.  I was teasing her, she was laughing and sounded embarrassed.  It was a cool chat.

Wants to take holidays and wants to split time between her town and Kyiv.  Through our conversations I think she's perhaps the most gentle out of the 3.  Typically forthright in her thoughts, but I sense some fragility which is appealing in a strange way.


Anyway, my conundrum is this.  I want to meet all 3.  After all of the correspondence with so many different girls I've got no doubt these 3 are the most suited to me.

What i don't want:

A fleeting trip dashing between cities;
Unnecessarily disappoint or inconvenience any of them;
Make promises I can't keep;
Make any of them feel they are being "analysed" during my 'initial 3 day get to know you' visit;
Offend any of them and breach trust that will damage future trust or make them feel "less thank spesial (sic)" hehehe

So, my questions:

Do I tell them now that I'm meeting others and then hope to visit "her" for 2 weeks at the end of my trip?  I can't help but think telling them like that will be like throwing a hand grenade into the friendship and it probably wouldn't allow them to arrange time off work when I DO return to their town.

Do I contrive a story that may or may not be believable?

Do I just be forthright and say, "No, this is what I'm doing and I will see you at XYZ time"... and then not allow them the opportunity to arrange holidays. (I don't want any of them to take holidays if I'm not going to be available at the time)

Do I just bite the bullet and take a punt of 1 and if that doesn't work out try to patch it up with the others?

I'm confused.

This is a LONG post, sorry again...  Can you tell I'm feeling some anxiety over this?

I'd appreciate some advice from the "RWD Masters". 

I hoped writing this would clear my head but I'm still as lost as I was at the beginning of the week.

Cheers,

Kuna

[BillyB]

Kuna,

I think you're letting your emotions get in the way. You talk about what you like about these women but what is it you don't like? Don't know? Then try to find out. If your goal is to get married, ask these women what they imagine married life to be and what will be their roles and what they expect of their future husband. If they don't want to talk about serious issues, then they aren't serious. If you are a stay at home kind of guy and don't like to disco, ask the ladies if they like to go out every weekend to the disco. Women may sound sweet but their behavior patterns may not match yours. Start finding the things you don't like about these women and you might eliminate one or two without regret.

But if all women still match up well to you and live close by each other, then see them all and don't tell unless asked. If you must tell, then you tell the woman that you don't know who's the best lady for you but you are determine to find her and you're not a playboy. You'll be faithful to only one woman when you make a decision. Of course tell only the truth when asked. If you know how to talk and don't choke when the time comes, a wise woman will respect your words instead of rejecting you. I know that for a fact.

My decision was an easy one going WMVO since I chose to go to Uzbekistan and the other women were in Russia. But when I let the other women know I made a decision on one lady and if things didn't work out with the lady I chose, I asked if they'd be willing to correspond with me in the future. All said yes and one tried even harder for me. The fact I showed I was a man that can commit to one woman without playing them made them admire me even more.

Kuna, expect to get caught if you choose to see more than one woman. Turn what may seem to be a negative into a strength and observe the actions and reactions of the lady you're confessing to. You might not want her if she acts childish.

One thing I mentioned ladies who were getting too attached to me without ever meeting me is that we are friends only until we meet and I won't fall in love over words and photos. Most women will respect that and it snaps them back into reality and it protects me as I won't feel I'm hurting their feelings if I break things off because they will have less of an emotional attachment. Playing hard to get can make you more desirable too.

[Rvrwind]

Well the first mistake I see is not making sure they were all from the same town or city. Its obvious you havn't traveled exstensively & especially not in the FSU. It will be a logistical nightmare, especially if the towns or cities are widespread. Some places do not have airports & you wll need to travel by train or bus, which can be depending on where you are going,as much as 3-7 days on the bus or train in transit, wasting a lot of valuable dating time.
The wise fisherman doesn't cast his net so far but instead finds a pool where the most fish are & lingers there.
I have no solution for you. You have boxed yourself into a corner by not sticking to one city or town. All I can say is have fun, trains over here are truly something to behold. Not only that, if you don't speak Russian, exactly how are you going to purchase the needed tickets & know when & where to make your connections. Can't get your ladies to do it as then they will know you are going to meet other women! Ohhh, you are in for one fun time.

[SANDRO43]

Is it too late to say that your trip is partly for business, and therefore that your schedule is not too flexible ?

[Kuna]

Well the first mistake I see is not making sure they were all from the same town or city. Its obvious you haven't traveled extensively & especially not in the FSU. It will be a logistical nightmare, especially if the towns or cities are widespread. Some places do not have airports & you wll need to travel by train or bus, which can be depending on where you are going,as much as 3-7 days on the bus or train in transit, wasting a lot of valuable dating time.
The wise fisherman doesn't cast his net so far but instead finds a pool where the most fish are & lingers there.
I have no solution for you. You have boxed yourself into a corner by not sticking to one city or town. All I can say is have fun, trains over here are truly something to behold. Not only that, if you don't speak Russian, exactly how are you going to purchase the needed tickets & know when & where to make your connections. Can't get your ladies to do it as then they will know you are going to meet other women! Ohhh, you are in for one fun time.

Thanks for the comments Rvywind,

I consciously made a decision NOT to just choose to meet a girl because of her location.  I believe I have very specific Key Selection Criteria and I don't care how many "beautiful women" there are in any town in FSU, I'd find it unlikely to find more than 1 or two in each city.

I haven't "chosen Ukraine to find a wife either", I'm just open to the possibility of meeting someone sensational while I'm there.  There's good girls in Oz.. they're just few and far between.  Crikey, I could end up in a relationship before I go on my holiday because I'm not quite sitting at home crossing off days on the calendar.   

I'm happy to travel to meet the girls because it also gives me an opportunity to see the country and have some thinking time.

Sadly, I have travelled a lot.  470 different hotels in SE Asia over a 5 year period and many times in places where English was just not known.  I still get a giggle when I remember being in a hotel in rural South West China and calling reception trying to explain I needed an "Ethernet cable/Computer cable/Blue cable/blue wire for computer/Internet cable/connect my PC to the wall" and half an hour later two porters turn up with a new computer desk for me.

As for the travel difficulties I'll face...  if I was going to Russia I would have been MUCH more cautious about treating transit as an adventure, but I've put a geographical limit on the towns I'll visit.  At the moment the net is only cast over Kyiv, Cherkassy and Dnepropetrovsk.  Shouldn't be too bad.  The frustrating moments will be the ones I laugh at and remember fondly later.  I'm not very highly strung outside of work.

I have ideas that I used in China for the language barrier.  Not perfect but it got me through an "independent trip" covering 800 km over there, so I trust the Ukrainians aren't going to be any more difficult to deal with than the villages in China.

Anyway, still looking for the perfect solution.

Cheers,

Kuna

[Turboguy]

To me it was always easier to meet girls from different cities if meeting more than one.   that does not mean one from Odessa, one from St Petersburg and one from Vladivostok but several cities in traveling distance lets you just say you can come there for a short while and if it works out you will make a longer trip.   That way you don't have to lie and you don't have to worry about running into girl one when you are with girl 2.  

To me if you have three you want to meet that is the best way.  If you are trying to meet 20 that is another situation.

[Kuna]

Kuna,

I think you're letting your emotions get in the way. You talk about what you like about these women but what is it you don't like? Don't know? Then try to find out. If your goal is to get married, ask these women what they imagine married life to be and what will be their roles and what they expect of their future husband. If they don't want to talk about serious issues, then they aren't serious. If you are a stay at home kind of guy and don't like to disco, ask the ladies if they like to go out every weekend to the disco. Women may sound sweet but their behavior patterns may not match yours. Start finding the things you don't like about these women and you might eliminate one or two without regret.

But if all women still match up well to you and live close by each other, then see them all and don't tell unless asked. If you must tell, then you tell the woman that you don't know who's the best lady for you but you are determine to find her and you're not a playboy. You'll be faithful to only one woman when you make a decision. Of course tell only the truth when asked. If you know how to talk and don't choke when the time comes, a wise woman will respect your words instead of rejecting you. I know that for a fact.

My decision was an easy one going WMVO since I chose to go to Uzbekistan and the other women were in Russia. But when I let the other women know I made a decision on one lady and if things didn't work out with the lady I chose, I asked if they'd be willing to correspond with me in the future. All said yes and one tried even harder for me. The fact I showed I was a man that can commit to one woman without playing them made them admire me even more.

Kuna, expect to get caught if you choose to see more than one woman. Turn what may seem to be a negative into a strength and observe the actions and reactions of the lady you're confessing to. You might not want her if she acts childish.

One thing I mentioned ladies who were getting too attached to me without ever meeting me is that we are friends only until we meet and I won't fall in love over words and photos. Most women will respect that and it snaps them back into reality and it protects me as I won't feel I'm hurting their feelings if I break things off because they will have less of an emotional attachment. Playing hard to get can make you more desirable too.

Thanks Billy,

Some good points in there...

Regarding the negatives and positives, I've identified both in all.  The negatives don't appear to be too severe, and the positives are appealing. There's no way of telling though until we meet.

Maybe "disqualifying" based on negatives is the way to go but I don't want to visit less than 3. None of the remaining 3 have severe negatives, but there are certain things I'm conscious of.

About them knowing:

#1 knows I'll be visiting others and I feel that now she's just trying to get extra time to reduce the amount of time with others.  
#2 doesn't know about others but is very new to the sites.  I think she's probably naive about the process but aren't we all when we start out?
#3 and I haven't talked about me visiting others, but she's been on the dating sites for a while so I suspect she knows the drill!

I don't know if it usually happens like this but perhaps the "reason" for my trip (seeking out my Ukrainian family history) has increased the girls interest in spending time with me and helping me.

As for expecting to get caught and observing their reactions... That's great advice. Getting caught and seeing how they react is probably the biggest dose of reality I could expect with them.

I keep telling myself NOT to modify my behaviour (other than respecting local customs) and if I'm just being myself the reality will emerge.  Disappointments are a part of reality aren't they!

Regarding your last paragraph...  I agree, and there's no love or suggestion of love with any of these three.  It's something I liked about them because I assumed anyone talking about "love" or overly romantic ideals were either immature or scammers. To be honest I have probably got a commitment phobia but I'm working through that.  

I've asked all of the questions and these girls are the ones that appeared to have the best grip on reality.  I only recently noticed that all 3 seem to be doing "OK", don't appear poverty stricken and if anything are probably doing better than most girls their age.  My Key Selection Criteria was pretty specific in the beginning, but maybe more of that later.

At the moment the issue is that all 3 want to take holidays and I don't want to say to them all, "Go ahead, it'll be great" if I actually intend to get there and then choose who I want to spend more time with.

If they don't arrange holidays during my visit our time together will be limited.

I guess I'm going to need to bite the bullet and either reduce the list to one so I can agree to the holidays,  or accept the fact that I might have less time with them.

Cheers,  any more comments are appreciated.

 

Kuna

[El Rock]

Kuna,


One thing I mentioned ladies who were getting too attached to me without ever meeting me is that we are friends only until we meet and I won't fall in love over words and photos. Most women will respect that and it snaps them back into reality and it protects me as I won't feel I'm hurting their feelings if I break things off because they will have less of an emotional attachment. Playing hard to get can make you more desirable too.

Very well written .
Most men gotget this .
Stay friends  , become friends   , that;s backwards  , so what .
Don't get too involved   before you meet her in person
Rock

[Jumper]

there are a million ways to play this out,
but you certainly made things a bit more difficult..LOL


you know what to do?
do whats right for Kuna-
 
it may sound harsh and uncaring.
but the truth is you are neck deep in it already!
no backing out gracefully now?

so if it feels best to you -
then make up a plan or arrange business things you must go do..
it isnt THAT difficult to manage?
and yes all three are likely not be NEARLY as naive as you seem to think..!
so no matter what you say or do  ,they will have a better idea of what you are up to, than you do..LOL



me? if i was in your mess ,and wanted to see all three, i'd see all three!! your the one traviling, and initiating things ,.take control
 of it and set the schedule.(yes of course around some time frames they can actually meet with you )

not to sound too callous but you dont owe any of them anything?
you havnt met, and untill then likely have no real clue whether you will hit it off with ANY of them. or they with you.

its not as complicated as all this ?
you are interested in them, they you,
and youd like to meet. why make anymore of it than that?


if they were local it wouldnt be  a big deal? right?
so  why because you took a flight should it be that big of complication?

and ---
i'd decide based on THIER personalities.
if they were cool about it and dint press...
i would remain vague and understand that they know but are reasonable, realistic  and graciuos about things

if they were persistant.insistant  or controllinmg. .
i'd tell them that i DID truly want to see them but would be seeing others. no details.
 and that would either stop thier interest or not.
and it would tell me a little bit about them..

Kuna guys fret this stuff all the time..
ive seen countless posts just like yours.

and one thing a fail to see is men really thinking about the shoe on the other foot.

 do you REALLY believe any one of your 3 .. would turn down a visit from another interesting guy,
the week prior or after your planned visit?

do you think there are RW listed with an agency , that when called from thier agency about a forign man in town, an interesting one to her.. to meet, ,even if its two days before your visit!
 you dont think she goes and meets him at leasst for coffee or dinner?

and would you expect here to?
( and YES i would expect her to! and hope that she would!
 i'd feel she was foolish not too!)

because afterall you dont really know each other , havnt met . .and why SHOULDNT she see another guy that was interesting to her?

like yourself, she cant have any clue how your meeting will go.
 and shouldnt be expected to plan her life before meeting around it.
and if you feel she has every right to do such,
why in the heck would you feel like you are in any condundrum?

as a single woman looking for a partner in life,
i would expect her to meet any interesting man , both local or foriegn, that she could.
but i wouldnt press her for any details ,
or even feel it was my business to ask.
i expect the same in return.


the only reason you are in this position is because of travel..
dating locally this wouldnt be an issue for you..
and locally it is NO issue for  most RW , that i gurantee you!
wether with the local men, or ones cominmg into town to visit.

so the simple fact you are traviling  puts the ball in the RW's court..
a bit.home field advantage if you wiull..
If your taking the ball back ruffles a few feathers,, dont sweat it.
it might seem cold and callous, but its the reality of the situation

[Jumper]

just some food for thought,
do you think many Russian men would ask your question?

Russian girls would likely laugh at the very thought of it?

anyway-
 my "now wife" was off to visit another guy a day after we met.. (she had corresponded with him and made that arrangement with him before we met )
 i knew about it.. and since we just met that day , and had no relationship other than interest in each other,,
would expect her to honor thier plans and meet him.
and  in turn , she fully knew and expected i would be dating other girls in the FSU while she met this guy..

dont make it more difficult than it is,,
if its meant to work out , it will!
 IMHO.

[Kuna]

aj,

I agree with everything you say but maybe I should be more specific about my concerns.

My biggest concern is that they all want to book holidays during my visit.

I don't want all 3 to book holidays if I am going to stick to my plan and spend approx 3 days with each then choose who I go back to for a longer visit at the end of my trip.

It just seems a little selfish to agree to them booking holiday time if I am not even sure if I'll want to go back to spend more time with them at the end of my trip.

It's not the "visiting other girls" or "making excuses to "dash between towns" that I have a problem with.  You're right, at home I don't have any problems being a serial-dater... It's just that at home I don't have multplie girls wanting to take a week or two of their annual leave so we can spend time together.

So.. do I let them all take holidays and know 2 will be wasting vacation time, or do I just say no to any holidays and then when I get there just see if they can take a break at short notice anyway.

:-)

Kuna

[Kuna]

just some food for thought,
do you think many Russian men would ask your question?

AJ,  thanks for the follow up comments...

I'll just add that I wouldn't apply the "russian men test"...  I actually try not to model my behaviour on what other men might typically do because I think many men act poorly to start with.  (If I just aim to do what the average guy might do in his life, I think I'd end up just being average)

When I consider "ethical or moral" questions,  I try to imagine how I would expect someone to treat my sisters, or a close female friend, and then add "a little bit of bastard" to it.

What I mean is, I set myself high standards of behaviour, but no girl likes a whimp, so I try to imagine what I would approve of, and then toughen up just a little...

My issue at the moment is "unnecessarily allowing them to waste a week or two weeks vacation time".

Maybe there's no solution... or maybe I should just force the point and tell them upfront to start with.

Phrasing it correctly might actually help because if one of them is overly emotional, childish, selfish or unreasonable it'd be better to know now rather than later???

Cheers!

Kuna

[Gator]

Kuna,

You are sweating too much.  These three women like you.  Relax and enjoy it.  A key benefit of individual travel is flexibility.  Enjoy your flexibility; do not fret it.

AJ is 100% correct about these women seeing other men.  These women are beautiful, yes?  These women are young, yes?  These women are personable and intelligent, yes?  Thus, they are not lonely (the UM like them too).  They are not staying at home waiting for you to appear in their city.

Yes, each one will wish that you would come to Ukraine just to see her and only her.  Such is a romantic dream of fulfilled destiny, a concept in which many UW believe.  However, the women who have dated foreign men before understand the “drill”.  You are flying 27? hours and no one should expect, much less demand, that you roll the dice on one woman.  Woman Nr. 1 knows this and Nr. 3 probably suspects it.  They probably have learned enough about you to assure themselves that you are serious and not a sex tourist.

Even though Nr. 2 is less experienced, I doubt her naiveté.  The women talk to each other and their agency.

The way that you are planning this is very much like my first trip.  Starting with a large number of English speaking candidates, I screened them to one woman in each of 4 cities with a backup.   Via 2-3 months of correspondence and phone conversations I felt that I knew each woman very well.   Based on my 30-day experience  I think the 3 days each is too short if you like the woman, and too long if you do not like her.  

And you will not know how well you like her until after meeting her.

I see two options.

Option 1:  Now that you have already told them that you have only 3 days, I would suggest that you call each one and say that you have thought it over and will make more time – 5 days with each.  That still leaves much time at the end to spend with the best one.  The problem is that she may not be able to take off from work and you will have long periods of sitting alone in a cold, strange country reading books and watching BBC news over and over, until she rushes to your flat after work.  

These women are resourceful and probably can arrange for someone to cover them at work (you may have to pay for a substitute worker).  

Option 2:  So if you want to fairly certain that each day is full of female companionship, divide your time equally among the three.  If one bombs, say poka, and move to your backup plan.  If it makes you feel better, pay her for her lost time.  However, these women will probably have plenty to do if you leave early.


Do not worry about travel.  Your three cities are close to each other, and decent women will help you buy rail/bus tickets for your next stop.  

What would I worry about if I were doing your trip?  Becoming bored with so little to do in the winter and with a woman who for some strange reason is not as interesting in person as on the phone.  If a woman likes you, and you like her, by the second day you will have met her family.  Bring souvenirs from Oz like a baby roo.  By the third day, if not sooner, she may take you to a Banya (a great icebreaker – something about frolicking with no clothes on, or skimpy swimsuit, while drinking vodka and alternating from hot air to cold water).  If this does not happen, you probably are not having fun.  What is your backup plan?

The sequence.  See the Kiev woman first and see Kiev.  See the Dnepro woman next.  Both cities have enough to do with concerts, bowling, disco, restaurants, museums, shopping, exploring, etc. to hold you for several days IF you like the woman.  Cherkassy is another story.  But if you schedule her last, you can go with her to visit Kiev again as she wants (or say poka if you do not like her).

Please do not ignore AJ's RM test.  Why?  These women have been trained by UM.  Yes, you will be different and better I hope; however, please understand their culture and what is ingrained into their behavior and expectations. 

BTW, what does "crikey" mean? 

[Jumper]

So.. do I let them all take holidays and know 2 will be wasting vacation time, or do I just say no to any holidays and then when I get there just see if they can take a break at short notice anyway.

i did smiss your real issue sorry !

on them wasting vacation time,, i can relate..
and i wouldnt want them to all three arrange that either.

if you feel strongly about it, i would opt for the -
"just say no to any lomgholidays and then when I get there just see if they can take a break at short notice anyway"

or rather
try and get each to schedule 2 days if possible?




on the Russian man thing.. lol
no i dint mean to imply you should act like a RM.

i meant kind of the opposite and was poorly pointing out a cultural thing..

I just meant that you kind of see a double standard from a RW point of view? as she would fully expect a RM to date 50 if he could line them up..maybe 50 per city even.
home field advantage or not.

*shrugs*

and yes she might hope for you to behave better!!
 most CERTAINLY if you have a relationship ..

but if you are simply correspoonding , a few calls and all light stuff,,,
i dont think she'd hold you up to the flame for not being committed before meeting for gawds sakes ..
and if she would then yea! better to find out now rather than later?

i hate to draw others into this,.,.
but for example my wife wouldnt have held me to such without having met?
she would have viewed it as me being crazy and honestly lost respect for me a bit (i think) if i would be *whipped* before even meeting.. if you follow me? lol

i see Turbos g/f knew all about his trip and was reading his ukraine trip report,  as he prepared to meet her in russia later.. and seemed rather understandfing about it.


i'l tell you i did date  a girl , that when she understood i was going to meet any others,  dropped me like a hot potatoe..
Perhaps i missed out on a truly wonderful person, i believe that could easily be the case.
and hey, honestly it could just as easily be that she was an uncompromising and unrealistic person that would eventually make these relationships impossible.

my take is , you need to be able to be flexible patiant and very understanding to get thru these relationships, your partner needs to be as well.

i nthe end  it takes all personality types to mesh ,
and plenty have found hasppiness in completely different ways..

best of luck to you in whatever you work out with the 3.
they all sound like they would deal with it well anyway IMHO.



 
  

[Jumper]

Kuna-
Gators post is full of great info..and insight
aboy tthe culture situational dating and cities..
.
been there done that -
and i would agree with him your biggest worry is down time, or remaining flexible enough in your plans if you dont hit it off with one of them..  to be able to smoothly transition to the  next ,
or back to the former..

hate to tell you but this doesnt get easier!
LOL


not likely to occur ,
 but you know one of the  worst things that could happen?
 
that youll really REALLY like all three..
 you think you have a situation now. just imagine..trying to plan any return trips and those decisions.. LOL

[Kuna]

Gator,

Thanks...  Great advice as usual.  Ya know, we have gotta develop a "Gator-bot" that we charge a small fee per question for all of the men that travel to FSU in future.  

Imagine it...

Question: "Gator, I really like this girl, should I marry her"

Response:  "God only knows,  deposit another 50 bucks and I'll ask him for you!"  

OK, back to the topic!

1. I expect them to be seeing other men... none of course as good a catch as ME!  This probably sounds arrogant but if they weren't in demand by others I could probably do better.  I'm sure all three would be in demand, and therefore I appreciate the first meeting will require a "mutual spark" to set off the fire;

2. Sadly, with a couple of developments in the company I'm with... I'll be travelling with my notebook and work phone.  If anything I'm hoping to find a little time away from the girls to check on a few things at home while I'm away. If I do have time alone, it could be a good thing. Plus I'll need some time to use the ol' Gator-bot from time to time (or log into RWD)...

3. Agree about poka and moving on. I was trying to keep my trip fairly flexible so if things weren't working out in one town I could move to the next early, or head back to Kyiv and hit the agencies.

4. Backup plan...  I was tossing up on the order of the towns but the order you mention is probably the way I would go, for the same reasons you say.  There's a greater risk of "wasting time" in Cherkassy than anywhere else, just because it's a smaller city.  If all else fails I'll head back to Kyiv, contact Pavel, get an apartment near Independence Square and probably visit Kiev Connections (unless anyone else has suggestions).  I also have people I "know" in Kyiv.  My best friends in-laws are there.  His wife suggested I meet her friends but I'm not so keen about that.  Don't want to start something that doesn't work out and end up feeling uncomfortable with her...  Also a guy that used to work for me is back in Kyiv now. Piece of cake to contact him and get a buddy for a few weeks (though my liver may not survive!)

5. As for bringing souvenirs like a baby roo...  I thought about that but I wouldn't know what to feed it while I'm in Germany and Latvia!    OK OK.. sorry... I KNOW what you mean.  I agree too...  all of the girls always get around to talking about the kangaroos and the "coalas" (sic).  Before I leave I'll go to a souvenir shop and get plenty of little gifts, and maybe one or two special ones too.

6. The Banya sounds fun... Cold water = shrinkage though and shrinkage isn't fun    

7. OK,  about UM training them and the cultural expectations... I need to think about this and post a question later...  I won't comment more now but I'm sure it's something I need to understand better.

8. Finally,  "Crikey"...  Just some aussie slang.  When Steve Irwin died I said I'd slip a "Crikey" in every day and because I've been working from home today you guys got it.

It's not really because of Steve Irwin...  it's more because Aussie Larakins are becoming less common here and our slang is being lost.

Crikey = HOLY COW, or JESUS
e.g. "HOLY COW,  did you see that politician drinking cheap wine?" would tanslate to, "Crikey, did you see that pollie drinking plonk"


But anyway,  thanks Gator, I reckon you're fair dinkum!  


Kuna

[DKMM]

You lined up 3, that's good, visit all 3.  I repeat, visit all 3!  Its best to have one in each city, that way you know when you are there, she is for you and she knows that too. 

Not so hard is it?  Look out for number 1, because you don't want to back out of other plans.  I made sure I visited the best girl last for this reason.

As for who to spend more time with?  leave time at the end of your trip.  You'll figure out the rest when you get there.

[Kuna]

AJ,  you crack me up dude...  I enjoy your perspective on things...

no i dint mean to imply you should act like a RM.

i meant kind of the opposite and was poorly pointing out a cultural thing..

I just meant that you kind of see a double standard from a RW point of view? as she would fully expect a RM to date 50 if he could line them up..maybe 50 per city even.
home field advantage or not.

*shrugs*

and yes she might hope for you to behave better!!
 most CERTAINLY if you have a relationship ..

but if you are simply correspoonding , a few calls and all light stuff,,,
i dont think she'd hold you up to the flame for not being committed before meeting for gawds sakes ..
and if she would then yea! better to find out now rather than later?

With the holiday thing.. I suspect #1 and #3 have decided I'm genuine and they think that having a joint holiday is the best time of "monopolising" my time...  Hey, maybe it's a test... women still do "test" men over there don't they?

#2???   I don't even know if she thinks I'll be seeing other girls.  We haven't talked about it.  Once she hinted in that direction but I just ignored it in my email and continued on.  It hasn't come up since.

Dunno.. will think this through over the weekend before I respond to #2 properly.

hate to tell you but this doesnt get easier!
LOL

not likely to occur ,
 but you know one of the  worst things that could happen?
 
that youll really REALLY like all three..
 you think you have a situation now. just imagine..trying to plan any return trips and those decisions.. LOL

Geez mate!  Don't say that! I'm definitely not going to be comfortable playing "scissors paper rock" to see whihc one I go back to see in June!

Kuna

[jb]

This may turn out to be one of the more amusing threads around here.

I don't think you are going to get any better advice from anyone than you already have from Gator and AJ.  I would only add that I hope you haven't implied, or led any of these women to believe, that you are traveling to meet only the one woman.  Sooner or later you will be found out, and that would probably be considered the same as a lie.   If your UA ladies are anything like my Russian wife, trying to convincing a RW that even a little white lie is harmless, is about the same as prostrating yourself in front of an onrushing train.  Both can be hazardous to your health.

The more amusing aspect is going to be when you make your visit and discover that you do indeed find more than one girl worthy of more attention, perhaps even all three of them.  It's going to be a hoot to watch you sort that out.

[Darth Vader]

As a variation of the US military policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" stance on gays, I'll suggest that you

"Don't tell, Do admit"

In other words, DON'T tell the girl you are seeing other girls. But if they ask directly, do tell them the truth.

Many relationships have been ruined by guys sharing things they don't need to share.

Another military axiom:  LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS

[BillyB]

Kuna,

If you need backup in case things don't work out with any of the 3 ladies and you don't want to sit in your apartment bored, you can get phone numbers of all the women you want at bride.ru, every woman there has a phone number in their contact info. If you're in town, lonely, and the lady/s are available, you might have a date that could turn into something special. Some ladies might hang up on you for calling out of the blue but you being in town might change their attitude to going on a blind date.

[Kuna]

This may turn out to be one of the more amusing threads around here.

I don't think you are going to get any better advice from anyone than you already have from Gator and AJ.  I would only add that I hope you haven't implied, or led any of these women to believe, that you are traveling to meet only the one woman.  Sooner or later you will be found out, and that would probably be considered the same as a lie.   If your UA ladies are anything like my Russian wife, trying to convincing a RW that even a little white lie is harmless, is about the same as prostrating yourself in front of an onrushing train.  Both can be hazardous to your health.

The more amusing aspect is going to be when you make your visit and discover that you do indeed find more than one girl worthy of more attention, perhaps even all three of them.  It's going to be a hoot to watch you sort that out.

jb,

Naah, there's been no suggestion that each girl is the only one I'm visiting.  Early on I actually told #1 that I was meeting others and she dropped the subject and moved on.  Neither of the other two have asked, and the topic has never come up.  They all know that I'll be travelling to other cities so I guess they can assume whatever they like.

If they did ask, as Darth said, I would tell the truth, but if the question doesn't come up I think it would be best to just leave the topic alone.

Kuna

[Rvrwind]

Early on I actually told #1 that I was meeting others and she dropped the subject and moved on.

Actually Kuna, I would say if any of them have a problem with it that you should dump them & move on. When I was searching I openly admited to all of them that I was meeting many ladies. I wasn't spending thousands of $'s & flying half way around the world to meet one women & if it didn't work out, then what? I'm stuck with nothing but an empty bank account in a foriegn country.
Some of them didn't like that reply, so I said Hasta la Vista. If a woman isn't mature enough to accept that you are looking for a match & want it to be perfect & to achieve that you need to meet many, then personally she is not mature enough to be your wife.
The other thing I did when I was narrowing the list was ask them how they would feel about me moving to Russia instead of taking them to Canada. Those that said I was nuts that they wanted to go to Canada I dropped asap. The only one that gave the right answer, which is, 'I don't care where we live as long as we are together', was the one I married & am still married to.
There is a big gap between real love & a ticket to the land of plenty!
JMHO