What's REALLY important as you seek your future wife?

[NDOC]

I think I can break down my thoughts on this subject into three lists: must haves, things I can work around, and hell no!

Must haves: I’m a hopeless romantic so I love the oh so cute eccentric artsy types (typically artists, nurses, hairdressers, anything girly and or impractical).  I enjoy the differences in our values, their wacky personal habits, and even their odd reasoning.  It makes them more exotic and interesting in a way.  I can enjoy our Saturday goofing around talking about absolutely nothing serious or riding on the Yamaha with her only concerns being how much fun we are having, how good she looks on the bike, and where the next bathroom stop is.  The best part is when they switch over from being bubbly and fun and then give you that smoldering hot look.  They aren’t the kinds of girls that nit-pick and start arguments over minor details which I really appreciate. 

Things I can work around: I’ll put up with flaky and bail them out when they get themselves into trouble because they are so much fun to be around.  I don’t think I’ve ever cared whether the girl I was dating could cook, clean, went to church, or read the financial section of the newspaper.  I have my issues with Drama Queens, but I can work with them if they can be reasoned with.

Hell no!:  Substance abuse, cold fish, Plain Jane’s, and accountants.  Substance abuse is over the top in the fun category but the rest never get my heart racing.  I hate fighting over small details and arguing in general (except for make-up sex) and boring is my second biggest turnoff.  But heck, that’s just me…

[ScottinCrimea]

The number one criteria should be whether or not she can put up with your BS

[NDOC]

That’s an interesting thought because putting up with your BS is a dependent and not an independent variable.  It has to do with attribution and psychological prototypes.  If she really likes you and you really like her (each of you are closer to your prototype-what you are looking for) then you each more likely to attribute problems to outside forces and not the other person. 

Example:  if a girl is late, we can either think that she was held up for a good reason (traffic, dressing, whatever) or we can decide that she is to blame (lazy, inconsiderate, etc.). We are more likely to put up with her BS (decide an outside force is to blame) the more positive qualities she has.  This is probably why we put up with more BS from pretty girls and RW than AW.

[Mamma D]

You want a lady with whom you can share and in turn share with her.
You want a lady with whom you are comfortable  All the time not just sometimes.

YOU WANT A GAL THAT WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND 24/7 FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.....

So go, make some friends and see what they grow into... might be good!

That old man with me, has been my best friend for nearly 60 years and sometimes has to remind me, he isn't my enemy when I get stubborn!
But then it sometimes works the other way

Mamma D

[Rvrwind]

That old man with me, has been my best friend for nearly 60 years and sometimes has to remind me, he isn't my enemy when I get stubborn!

Momma D, bless your heart you young softy you!

[Daveman]

I read somewhere that one of the important things about finding out if you are compatible is to see if you argue and fight compatibly.  No relationship will be without some difficult times, but the key is that the manner in which you fight.  I believe that you can never know if you are truly compatible until after you have had your first fight. And of course, making up is always the best part. .

Yahtzee!!

Yeah, that's my important factor. How does she (and I) handle the disagreements. 

Of course, the obvious ones..  common interests, few NEGATIVE compatibility issues, not bad to look at, flat head for TV remote and beer, not a bitch - at ANY time of the lunar cycle. Willing to cook borsh at least once a week. Will let me think I'm handsome and not point out the truth.  You know, the necessary things.

[IAmZon]

Aside from all the requirements we may list (who does NOT think themselves kind, funny, intelligent?), for me there must be a indefinable magic - tough to put into words ... there must be a unique fit, match ... something invisible but apparent to both. 

A GOD moment. Something both the man and women honor and recognize as "greater than us both". 

It is this that enables both to see the other in a special light, playing an important role in each other's life.  It creates something more than intellectual pairing.  It is something more important than early love and passion.  It creates the foundation of family, belonging, purpose, and fulfillment.

[Mir]

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen,

[LEGAL]

"To love is to suffer..."
 

Romantic love... 

Olga.

[Mamma D]

You must love each other ... yes. But more important as the years pass...YOU MUST BE BEST FRIENDS.


Married to the same man 57 plus years....

Mamma D

[Jazzyclassy]

It is absolutely important to be best friends, otherwise it wont last long, and wanted to comment about Love being one factor ,of course it will fail too , one can not marry only for being in love, cos when love grows it changes and you need to be able to support this new stage of your love, love is so amazing and at the same time it is such a powerful , strong feeling  that it can crash and press you both that you wont bear it  , there must be something more of course

In my experience love can bring sufferings yes, if it is only bare love, and there is nothing more deep inside of it, it can cause a lot of troubles, plus people from different worlds, different societies ,with different interests it is  simply a misery .And those people are suffering cos there is  nothing more than this feeling, this connection but no understanding and no attempts to understand - it can be only disaster, tears, grey hairs and a big scar on the broken heart for both of them

Love, Friendship and Sex  are very important if everything is nice in these fields, like you love and care for this person , then you have some mutual interests and you are ready and willing to find out more of the interest's of your partner, mutual respect, and of course if he\she attracts you  physically that is just amazing- this kind of union will try and  last for a long time.
 
Friendship actually never dies I did experience that myself, if its real it is real forever!

Concerning love , love also stays but it takes different faces , sometimes love for your ex boy\girl becomes  pure love for  just this native person , cos , he\she is already not a stranger to you .
And with time  love for your current partner becomes so much deep , that you even can not tell if its actually possible to experience love like this, is it real or  a fairy tale or what:) but it definitely speaks from the heart and it is being strengthened by his \her personal qualities ,by his\her kind hearted personality , by his\her will power and amazing wisdom.

We are so lucky to  find the people who understand us, love us , who are our  best friends , it is a gift and people should strive towards this miracle

[Shadow]

I once read that when you look at a woman for a partner, look at her worst habits. If you can accept them for life, you can accept her.
And for the rest I second the thoughts of Momma D. I will have to surpass her age to even get close to the time she is married, but my feelings are the same. And I am amazed every day about how two people born so far apart in different cultures can be so alike in thoughts and feelings.

[Wayne B]

I desire a woman that is truly family oriented also, and not only in her future family with me but, also in the family that I already have from a previous marriage! (a son and daughter) I am 45yrs old now and starting a new family at my age is going to be interesting! I can only say that I am ready....and I believe that my fiancee Anna, is also ready to begin her new and exstended family!  The near future will tell all! Wayne.

[Shadow]

I desire a woman that is truly family oriented also, and not only in her future family with me but, also in the family that I already have from a previous marriage! (a son and daughter) I am 45yrs old now and starting a new family at my age is going to be interesting! I can only say that I am ready....and I believe that my fiancee Anna, is also ready to begin her new and exstended family!  The near future will tell all! Wayne.

Wayne, I wish you luck and I hope that you are family oriented as well. Do not forget that she probably has a family back home.

[Wayne B]

Thank you shadow! I will pass this by you. A few weeks ago I called Anna and told her that I had put money into her account to help buy a computer so that her and her mom could communicate better when she comes here to Texas. I also told her she should start looking at wedding gowns and when she comes here we would go and buy one!  I saw where she had taken most of the money for a computer (I thought) instead she bought a wedding dress and told me that mama can get computer later  ???

[Shadow]

Thank you shadow! I will pass this by you. A few weeks ago I called Anna and told her that I had put money into her account to help buy a computer so that her and her mom could communicate better when she comes here to Texas. I also told her she should start looking at wedding gowns and when she comes here we would go and buy one!  I saw where she had taken most of the money for a computer (I thought) instead she bought a wedding dress and told me that mama can get computer later  ???

She is a smart woman. If the gives her mama a computer now she will have to explain all about how to use it.