Hi...An Update On My Situation....

[Infoman]

...and, to be honest, after all I have experienced in the last year, not to mention all the time and money, it has definitely been a learning experience, but perhaps I should put this post under "EXPERIENCED" under that notion.  Anyhow, this is "Infoman" - some of you may recall my search for a reputible agency, and having been a member of RussianLoveMatch.com and AnastasiaWeb.com in the past (and yes, I know the stories), I decided that Elena's Models may be my last recourse in this arena before considering another avenue.

Anybody remember me - and that discussion?   Yes?  No?  Anyhow, I felt it was high-time to give an update...

First of all, I just could not break all ties with RLM, because I have been corresponding with a number of women that I KNOW are real - I won't get into how I know, just please, for the sake of moving on, give me the benefit of a doubt.  The problem here still remains as it was before - talking to TOO many lovelies...really nice, beautiful, sweet women, ranging from younger and wanting children to mid-range age with a child or two to older with grown children.  I just can not decide, at age 47, but the patent pending "looks and feels much younger", which way to go.  I know that it comes down to the WOMAN, and then everything will fall in place.  In my heart, though, it's telling me that a woman in her 30s or 40s with at least one child might be ideal, because then I wouldn't feel that constant pressure to start a family at age 50.  Sure, perhaps there would still be a child with a lady that already has one or two children already, but even though "the Donald" just had a child at age 60 with his 36-year-old wife, I think that this would be best for me for many reasons, not to mention the fact that I feel a woman with one or more children would be able to adjust to life better in a new country.  I don't know why; maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe that's neither here nor there.  I just have my reasons.  And when it comes to a child or two, and I may be totally off-base here, but my preference is to meet a woman with a daughter.  Why?  Again, I have my reasons - and for you sickos, don't even go there.  ;-)  I just think this is best for me.

So, why do I feel like bringing all of this up?  Enter my "GOLD" membership at EM.  Now, granted, I do believe they are totally legit.  I learned two things, though, at EM - and this is just my experience:  (a)  Whereas I have had many women interested in me at other sites, I have had 4-5 so far at EM, which is fine - surprising to me, but perhaps not to you, the many free "expressions of interest" came back with a "not interested".  Hey, I'm not a movie star or anything like that, just a nice normal guy of 47 - with a lot of love and affection to give.  Sure, it's a little blow to my ego, but then I started to think - why the disproportionate NOT INTERESTED at EM?  At RLM, it's the other way around.  Is that telling me something, or is it just coincidence, or merely the luck of particular women at EM?  I have no idea what they are looking for, but for the most of them - NOT all - a few very nice women have expressed their interest - MOST of them are not looking for ME.  (b)  The one-time Gold membership (6 months - $149 - unlimited E-mails) is great - if your lady KNOWS English.  I just wrote back to one lady interested who does not know English well. AH, there is the rub....THESE letters cost an additional $20 PER TRANSLATION.  Mind you, the $20 DOES cover a long letter "round trip" - mine to the lady and her's to me.  Still, at $10 per, it seems high in comparison to other sites.  However, the other sites get you on a variety of other things, if not the letters - paying for credits constantly, WAY overpriced gifts and flowers, etc.

Well, well, well....

THEN comes an agency that someone had originally suggested to me in the last post...Maxsim's Introductions.  While he may be limited in areas covered and amount of women in his database, I was recently contacted by a lady that I sent a free intro letter to (which was translated for free, too).  As a matter of fact, I have had a few letters back and forth to this lady that were ALL translated for free while we tried to get enough information to determine if there was definite interest there.

As of today, there is.  This woman seems to be JUST what I have looked for, and the future seems pretty bright, this day after Christmas.  Nobody put me up to this, nobody paid me to say anything, but Nikolai and Maxim from this site have been exemplary, helpful, and more than fair.  Not only that, their membership - for me, "one-on-one GOLD" is very reasonable; the services offered are far and away better and more reasonable than any other site I have seen; even phone translations are very reasonable compared to the few that even offer it.

I am finally very happy now that I feel I have direction and purpose.  This lady is really wonderful, from what I know about her so far.  And yes, there are never any guarantees, but I finally feel good about this whole thing going into the New Year.  I want to thank everybody that mentioned Maxsim's as a "place to check into" - in my eyes, they rule the roost.  I want to thank my lady for finally writing me back!  ;-))))  And I thank all of you for taking the time to read this.  You all have been a big help...and I am not leaving...just wanted to say thanks.  Perserverance and persistance, a lot of time and money - unfortunately - but a lot of friendly help here, I think, is finally going to pay off in something special.

And by the way, Maxsim's site concentrates on women from Yoshkar-Ola, where this lady is from.  And I have read some not so good things from people on anti-scam sites about Yoshkar-Ola, but the same can be said about Lugansk (where I currently correspond to an extremely sweet lady) and other cities.  I don't think a blanket statement can be made that an entire city is a scam - maybe with the exception of Lagos, Nigeria.  ;-)  Regardless, the ladies at Maxsim's ARE 100% VERIFIED, and I am going for it.  ;-)

Thanks for reading this rambling.   

Infoman

[TwoBitBandit]

Have you even gotten on the plane yet?  From reading through this message and others that you've posted, it's not clear that you have.

If you haven't, my recommendation is to go do it.  Don't worry about the Russian winter, it's nothing that dressing warmly won't fix.  Use a reputable agency and go tell them you want to show up and meet women from a list you pick.

Guy, you're 47!  You need to figure out what you want.  If you're wishy-washy about what you're looking for, you'll just flounder.  You need to have a really clear vision of who and what you're looking for.  If you meet enough girls in the FSU, the girl you're looking for will pass right under your nose and get past you if you don't know she's the one you're looking for.

Of course, my advice is colored by my own opinion, which is this: writing letters is mostly a waste of time.  Letter writing is useful in two situations:
1.  Writing an introductory letter (or two, or maybe even three, but no more) to women you're interested in meeting
2.  Writing for an extended time to a woman you've already met and know you have some chemistry/rapport with.

If you don't have one of those two situations, you're just wasting your time and hers.

[Infoman]

TwoBitBandit...

Points well taken.  No, I haven't taken a trip yet, and that and all the letter-writing was due to my unfamiliarity and apprehension, at times, at what I was getting into.  The New Year will definitely bring a trip for me - very, very soon...and my other immediate goal is to stop all the letter writing and concentrate on the latter option you mentioned, extended writing after meeting someone that I have rapport and chemistry with.  I know the things I have done for the past year have by and large been futile, non-productive, costly, and time-consuming, but being 47, I feel, isn't the issue.  What you may not be aware of is this is my first venture into trying to find true love again after already having the best love and being a widower for the last 8 years.  It was very, very hard for me to even come to terms that life does, in fact, go on. 2006 was a year to break out of my misery and try to have the kind of life I once knew.  The early part of 2007 is now DOING something about it.  A major problem for me was getting spooked by all the reports and things I have read, seen, and heard about agencies, scammers, and opinions of other things - and differences of opinions of same.  I took it all in and my head spun while continuing to meet women with frustration in my head and no time, among other things, to keep that level of "letter-writing" up.  I realize that things must change, and I am willing and able to do that now.

Again, that's why I put this post in "STARTING OUT" - because after one year of this, I haven't yet done the right thing.  I am looking to change that - and will change that.

Infoman

[Vaughn]

Infoman,

  I stopped in and sat with Maxsim for a few minutes in June on my fourth visit to Yoshkar Ola. The competition (and in past years, some severe backbiting) between agencies in Yoshkar-Ola has been notable and fierce. My own wife, as it happened, was with a small but effective competitor. Despite this, and steering fairly clear of the adversarial environment there, the point of my short visit was to commend Max for the positive impact he's created for that city: employment for many, revenue for local unrelated businesses, and a host of successful marriages - eight or nine of which number among our close friends.

  Max catches a lot of undeserved grief for having been so successful. Fact is, there's the predictable jealousy and resentment, but when it comes to a true full-service establishment, he and his colleagues are doing a fine job, year in, year out.

  It's very true that Yoshkar Ola hasn't got a squeaky clean reputation - there have been published reports of organized scam-busts. On the Thursday before I departed town, a squad of Interpol and local police stopped a vehicle destined for the airfield in Kazan, arrested the two men in the front seat, and freed three female passengers who, under the ruse of employment offers in Western Europe, were recruited for a forced enlistment in foreign brothels, by a seemingly reputable travel agency called PUMA. The case against them is still building.

  I've got to agree with TwoBit - and urge you to make your travel plans, and soon. If she's clueless about English, and you are likewise a non-Russian speaker, you're going to probably need a translator ~ BUT ~ if either or both of you are able to "pick up" some language ability with reasonable effort, I urge you to try spending some quality time without a third wheel hanging on your respective shoulders. In contrast to TwoBit, I see some value in prolonged correspondence - so long as one realizes fully that the lady may be quite something other than what her ramblings portray, and vice versa. Use care not to fall hard for e-mails & photos.

  If I can be of any assistance, I know this town fairly well - feel free to contact me off-list, and good luck with your plans....

Vaughn

[catzenmouse]

Best of luck to you infoman! Yes, get on a plane, meet her and find out if it could be real. I personally know a couple of very happily married couples where the woman is from Yoshkar Ola. All I'm saying there is that there are good and bad women (and men) in every city of every country. Keep your wits about you and pay attention and you'll do fine.

Ken

[happiness]

My advice is to make some three-way phone calls (assuming your lady doesn't speak good English) before taking this first trip.  These calls might be expensive, but you will get to know the lady much better before the in-person meeting.  Here are some links for the 3-way calls with translation:

http://www.russiangaltranslations.com/call.htm

http://www.goeastnow.com

I have not used their services, but I wish I had taken the step of making some phone calls before my first trip.  Don't rush into taking your trip just to get past the letter-writing stage.  Take it slow.

[Infoman]

Vaughn and Ken....

Thanks so much for your comments.  I understand and appreciate everything you both said, and will take it to heart.  Vaughn, thanks for the offer of assistance.  When the time comes, you can count on me contacting you.  You guys are all so nice!!    I think the biggest reason I had - and still have, to some degree - a lot of correspondence (which I actually hate writing letters) because I thought this was a good way to see what women I can actually have a conversation with to start things, whether they know English or not.  And I have run the gamet.  I have talked to very intelligent, lovely, sweet women that always seem to know the right things to say, can talk more than a sentence, and show true values that I can see even in their writing.  And there's the other side - women that can easily be one of "Deal or No Deal's" models, but either never write, write an occasion one line, don't really divulge much about themselves, don't really seem all that interested in your daily life, but definitely want me to come meet them.  I'd love to, and I will, but I can not do this for all these ladies.  And it's my fault.  I take an extra interest in the women that took the time to wish me Merry Christmas - the ones that actually use my name in letters - the ones that are educated and work and generally love life and are happy but certainly miss a special guy in their lives.  And there are a lot of them.  But this certain lady in Yoshkor-Oka, I can't explain it...even early on, I really feel something that I can't explain, as if my heart was telling me that this is exactly the kind of woman that I should be meeting.  I am 12 years older than her, which I think is fine.  She has two daughters.  How do I deal with the 27-year-old never-been-married sweetheart from Lugansk?  I think I may end up meeting her, too.  I am 20 years older than her, and she has no children, but she is one of the most caring, sweetest women I have ever known.   And the others?  Don't know yet.  For know, I am concentrating on a few women that I really, really like, and we'll see what happens.  All I know is this - it's not going to be another year of letters - I can't handle that.  The lady in Yoshkor-Ola - I am going to talk to her very soon on the phone (with a translator) and I think this can go a long way in figuring out things.  It's just hard to figure out - no, make that impossible - who I would REALLY be compatible with before actually meeting them, but I HAVE to come to terms with paring my list of contacts down, because I am not ready, time-wise or financially, to take a 6-month, 10-city tour of Russia and Ukraine and meet 50 different women.

Maybe from here on, I should change my handle to "Rambler".  But you guys get the gist of what I'm trying to say.

Thanks again!

Infoman

[Infoman]

Happiness...

I posted my last reply before seeing yours, and isn't it funny that we both agree on the 3-way phone calls - absolutely I'm going to do that.  And it's very interesting to me, as always, the differences of opinions I always read here.  The first reply to my post here suggested that letter writing is a waste of time.  You have said the opposite.   Which is right?  I don't know - I just have to change the way I am doing things now.  And I will - beginning now.

Vaughn....I have started to learn a little Russian, and those women that have told me that they don't know English (in the past) have always spoken with very great excitement and enthusiam to learm English, so I can't see that being a problem on either side in the long run.  Short term, it's a barrier that we will have to get through.  In the beginning, I was hell-bent on meeting a woman that knew English proficiently or fluently.  Knowing that, I have talked to one - a stunningly gorgeous 26-year-old model, with English handwriting better than most I have seen here in the USA.  She wants 3-4 children and the finer things in life and will not even discuss working.  At one website, I have seen her address requested 425 times.  What's the problem?  They told me that she has been with them for three years.  Again, what's the problem?  English - great.  Do I need the rest of this?

I need a real woman - end of story.  And I'm working on it.   

Infoman

[Kuna]

Hey Infoman,

I'm a newbie SO DON'T LISTEN TO ME...     ... but... I'm about to take my first trip (leaving in 24 days) and I'd suggest you keep your options open and continue to communicate with several ladies before traveling.

I say this because I can assure you that my perceptions of the girls changed over time.  I've been writing to several girls for 2 months and it'll be almost 3 months to the day from the first letter to the first meeting.

Some that were warm and charming in the beginning didn't have the substance I was looking for.  Others that were more reserved in the beginning are now appearing to be real gems.

There's a lot of debate about WOVO, WMVM, etc...  At this stage I'd suggest you do what was recommended by some of the members on this site.  Write many, choose a few, meet a few, and make a decision based on the chemistry when you meet.

I'll post a TR during or after my trip... and I'd suggest you read other mens trip reports too.  There's a mountain of information in there!

Best of luck,

Kuna

[IAmZon]

Hey Infoman:

I am a newbie SO LISTEN TO ME. 

I relate VERY much to your experiences with RussianLoveMatch, and the year you described.  I fell in love at least two times at that phucking place!  Yes, the ladies were REAL, bla bla bla  In retrospect ... I was such a puss!

AND, I had the extra experience of dating several FSU ladies that were already in the States, so I was able to "see" many of the characteristics and generalizations you read about in these threads in real life - so many are dead on true.

Infoman, considering your past, travel and gaining experience is NOT the most important thing.  Self preparation IS the most important thing.  Make sure you are COMPLETE.  These young ladies that we meet on Russianlovematch, et all, are not delicate, harmless little flowers.  If you let your 47 year old, big heart, and chauvinistic manner rule the day ... good decision making will be very difficult. 

If you are already ready ... go. 

If you are not, go to the gym! It is difficult for a hungry man to chose the best food. Read Jack Bragg's threads. Unless one is a part of some cosmic love story, his philosophies are most pragmatic and well grounded.

PS ... RLM was such an excellent ruse, I still am unsure whether to be happy, or pissed:)

PSS ... give a link to this Maxsim joint please

[Infoman]

Hi, Kuna and Rivardco....

For starters, I'm listening to you both.   

First, Kuna...

Thanks for the very sound advice, IMO.  Can't wait to hear about your trip.  While you are certainly moving on things faster than I am, what you said is pretty much the very essence of why I continue to write to many women - my perception of many of them has changed over time - good to bad, bad to good - and I am finalizing my "best of the best" list prior to meeting in person.  I have found beautiful women that I thought were wonderful really lacking in substance, just as you said.  OK, so as it stands, I am writing many - and I want to choose a few, really I do - how do I graciously, if possible, break ties with the many I am corresponding with?  I don't want to hurt them, but I can't go on this way...it's not fair to them, even though I understand that I am not the only one writing them, either.  And I just don't have the time or want to spend tons more money to keep this massive letter-writing campaign going.  So, and this is for anhybody, how do I end the bulk of my correspondence and concentrate on the few best?

And now, Rivardco...

Ah...someone that can really relate to my expereinces at RLM.  Phucking place is right!  You have correspondence with quite a few, I'm assuming, and you fell in love at least two times, as you said...what finally happened?  How did you pare things down?  Are you still there?  Why do you say you were such a puss?

The experience of dating several FSU ladies already in the states - dead on true characterisitics and generalizations - how so?  Good or bad?

I totally agree that self-preparation is the most important thing, and that's exactly what I am in process of changing, with the advice of the good people here at RWD.  I agree that many of these ladies at RLM at not all delicate, harmless flowers, but I must admit that I have met many wonderful that I think are really wonderful - at least from letters and chat.  I have talked with Jack before and read some of his threads.  He's been a great help, and actually, I'm waiting for a reply from Jack on a PM as I write this.   

I understand what you mean by RLM being an "excellent ruse" - are you still there?  How did it turn out?  If you left, how did you handle things with the women you were talking to?  I'd love to here the fuller story of your experiences with RLM...really interested.

As far as Maxsim's joint URL, they have been great so far, and here it is...

http://yoshkar-ola.com/e/

Compare services and prices and disclaimers and information, and see for yourself why I am so high on Maxsim.   

Thanks, guys...

Infoman

[Infoman]

Well, a link on Maxsim's, from an American guy who has been through much of the same things as many of us, is w their marketing director, and he offers a sample "goodbye" letter to send to women to end things, as, he puts it, "it's cowardly not to write back at all - Russian women despise cowards", and suppose he's right in that writing them something like the sample below is the proper thing to do....

Saying Goodbye to a lady. Sample.

It is very difficult for me to write this, because I have enjoyed getting to know you. When I first wrote to you, I said I was looking for a lifetime partner. I know you are sincere in your search also.

Sadly, I do not believe we were destined for each other. You deserve to write letters to men who believe this completely, so I must end our correspondence.

I hope that you will accept my heartfelt wishes for success in your search for happiness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and dreams with me.

Your friend

**************************************************************************************
Just wanted to share this...

Infoman

[TwoBitBandit]

 I've got to agree with TwoBit - and urge you to make your travel plans, and soon. If she's clueless about English, and you are likewise a non-Russian speaker, you're going to probably need a translator ~ BUT ~ if either or both of you are able to "pick up" some language ability with reasonable effort, I urge you to try spending some quality time without a third wheel hanging on your respective shoulders. In contrast to TwoBit, I see some value in prolonged correspondence - so long as one realizes fully that the lady may be quite something other than what her ramblings portray, and vice versa. Use care not to fall hard for e-mails & photos.

My advice is to make some three-way phone calls (assuming your lady doesn't speak good English) before taking this first trip.  These calls might be expensive, but you will get to know the lady much better before the in-person meeting.

I entirely agree with Vaughn on learning Russian.  I've been studying Russian for three years now.  I have a teacher with whom I meet twice a week, and she gives me a lot of homework.  Now, I call up Russian girls all the time and speak with them in Russian.

I don't think it is necessary to study Russian as seriously as me.  However, a little bit will go a long way.  If you can call up a girl and have a very simple conversation with her in Russian it help out a lot.

 It's just hard to figure out - no, make that impossible - who I would REALLY be compatible with before actually meeting them, but I HAVE to come to terms with paring my list of contacts down, because I am not ready, time-wise or financially, to take a 6-month, 10-city tour of Russia and Ukraine and meet 50 different women.

Infoman, the error you're making is that you aren't getting on the plane.

I can respect Vaughn if he says that he feels that extended writing has value. Vaughn has been to the FSU.  I respect people who do visit-one trips, but only after they've spent some time in the FSU.  The biggest mistake newbies make in this process, having never been in the FSU before, is to visit only one woman on their first trip.  There are just too many variables that can go wrong.  If you have some experience, you can see some of the problems coming, so at least your chances are better.  However, if you've never been to the FSU it will be harder for you to see the pitfalls and your chances of success are low.

It is harder to respect coming from you.  You haven't been there.  My recommendation is to you is very strong: go get on a plane and go meet 20 or 30 girls in a single city over a two-week period.  Write to some of them first if you want, but go meet them.  You'll have an entirely different perspective on this whole process if you go experience it once. 

At the very least, pick a single geographic area and write some girls there extensively.  Go meet all five of them, spend two or three days with each one, a couple of weeks in all.  That alone will be enough to give you some perspective and get a taste of what this is all about.

Perhaps you'll see how easy it is to crash and burn with a single woman with whom you thought you had great chemistry with in letters.  Until you get off the plane and meet a woman, you don't know anything about her.  There so many things that you're never going to figure out from letters...  And there's lots of subtle things about FSU culture you'll never really grok until you spend time on the ground there.

Well, a link on Maxsim's, from an American guy who has been through much of the same things as many of us, is w their marketing director, and he offers a sample "goodbye" letter to send to women to end things, as, he puts it, "it's cowardly not to write back at all - Russian women despise cowards", and suppose he's right in that writing them something like the sample below is the proper thing to do....

Infoman, I think you're putting *way* too much weight on writing letters.  I'm 100% in favor of always being a gentleman.  If you've been writing for a long time and visited a girl, I'm all in favor of writing a goodbye letter.  If you've been writing for a very long time (but not visited), perhaps a goodbye letter is appropriate, but why are you even doing that?  If you've only written two or three letters (which I recommend), a goodbye letter is not necessary.

[Infoman]

Hi, TwoBitBandit...

I totally agree that learning Russian would be an excellent thing for me to do, and I am certainly going to do that.  And since I am serious about learning Russian, you feel that personalized training is best - or is there any computer / online training, like Rosetta Stone, that would fit the bill?  Any suggestions?

As far as your advice to going to FSU, again, I agree and feel for me the best thing to do is to visit one city / area and meet 5 or so women, 2-3 days each.  It's hard for me to think of this right now, because I am talking to a few in Moscow, Kyiv, and Odessa...and I could meet a few women at each of these, but again, I can't do it all, so I am going to have to figure things out.  When everything is said and done, I have a feeling it will be two trips - one to Moscow, one to Odessa.  We'll see how all of this turns out.

As far as the writing, yes, again, I agree that way too much emphasis has been put on the letter writing, but that's the way I chose to initially learn about many of these women.  I have never met any of them in person...however, I have corresponded with a number of them for quite some time.  Under these circumstances, do you feel it's still ok to not send the "goodbye letter"?

Thanks...

Infoman  (still green and learning    )

[catzenmouse]

My two kopeks,

 Writing a good bye letter should be done. Even if you have only had a few back and forths between you. 1) It shows her that you are a man of integrity. 2) It leaves the door open, just a little, for a resumption of contact if your other plans don't pan out. 3) You will feel better about yourself that you did the right thing in the right way.

Ken

[Infoman]

Ken...

I would have to agree with that.

Thanks!

Infoman

[Son of Clyde]

Let me reiterate what someone else has said.
It is best to get on the plane. The sooner the better.
Just take a tour and if you have time try to meet 2 or 3 women if possible.
You will gain some insight into the culture and country.
Do not be surprised to see beautiful country. I think the women want to leave for reason of economics and maybe the decent men are disappearing.
On my trips I kept looking for the terrible, poverty stricken country most newbies think FSU is. Do not believe this. Some of the villages are backward but the major cities are very nice with most of the amenities of home.
Good luck.

[Infoman]

S of C...

Yes, I know it's best to get on the plane, and I will be doing that as soon as humanly possible.  I agree that no matter what the circumstances, it's imperative for a number of reasons.  I agree with that.  And the one thing that has been constant through all of my experience is hearing and reading the comments that all basically tell of beautiful countries.  I'm sure they are very nice, and of course, I'll see for myself.  As for the tour and meeting a couple of women, I don't think that's for me.  I think the few-women-in-one-city thing will work better for me, since I have "met" some women that I would like to take to the next level - meeting them in person.

Thanks...

Infoman

[Kuna]

Infoman,

You've already received the advice but I'll reiterate.  Write the letter... it's only fair.  You wouldn't want them to keep writing to you if you weren't "the one".

Secondly...  now remember I am uncomfortable about giving advice because we've got to "keep it real".. I haven't been there though I am confident I understand women, and women from Eastern Europe (to an extent).

I think it's critical that you don't "fall in love" with any girl before traveling.  Of course you'll feel affection towards the girls you want to meet but I really feel like we've got to continue our critical analysis up to, and for a short while after we actually meet anyone in person.

eMail is a terrible way to get to know each other.  Phone calls are better, but not perfect.  Phone calls with a translator would be "difficult" to say the least.

You're getting advice here to get on a plane and go.  I'd suggest you do that.

I wrote to about 40 girls.  I think I got around 30 - 35 responses in total.  It was dead easy to get down to about 6 girls that I felt were compatible.  (I booked my tickets within a week of sending out my first emails because I'd decided I wanted to do this.  Telling girls you ARE coming over in X months shows you're serious - NOT a letter writer - and I think it probably discouraged the scammers from contacting, or continuing contact with me.)

After I was down to about 6 there were one or two that were difficult to say goodbye to because they were genuinely sweet girls.  Still,  I just didn't imagine a future was possible for some different reasons.

I narrowed down to 3... that almost became 2...  then was definitely 3... and now it may be 4.  There's definitely two that stand out above the others but the other 2 girls both have qualities that I definitely appreciate.

Anyway... the things that I'd say to you as a fellow newbie is:

- Don't spend too long writing
- If you've decided you want to meet an FSU girl,  GO.  Treat it as a holiday.  Meet some girls.  See if something clicks.  Don't go there AT ALL if you're intending to propose on the first trip.
- Definitely don't let your heart get in the way of your head before you meet them. eMail IS deceptive. The things they don't tell you are the things you fill in the gaps on.  You add colour and definition.  You can only see the real colour and definition after meeting.

May I phrase it as this?

What is the Parallel to Letter Writing?
All of the letter writing you do is nothing more than "the first glance across the room" at a girl who interests you. If she looks back and holds your gaze she may be interested.

You've got to get off your butt and go over to her to talk to her.  You're not proposing after the glance are you?

When you talk, you might like "some stuff"...  There might the other things that you just don't like.

Interested?  Ask for her number...  get her email address.... contact her later...  Go on a date!

When you're dating (the trips after the initial meeting) you'll get to know her...  Imagine a future?  She does too? NOW we're talking a serious relationship that's worthy of serious decisions.

This is my approach and some may disagree...  I've tried to listen to the "old heads" in here and the best information often came when reading about the failures, not the successes.  The successes could seduce our common sense.  I'm only interested in reality!

Sorry for the long post!

Kuna


Oh, also read avi8tors Tver trip Report.  This approach seemed to work really well for him.  It's well worth the read!

[Infoman]

Kuna...

Thanks for your advice and taking the time to write a long reply.  It's not too long, and I very much appreciate it.

Going to read that Tver trip report you mentioned now. 

Infoman

[Infoman]

Well, I just finished reading most of Avi8tor's Tver report, and I have to say that the way he did it is probably the best way to do it, albeit my head is spinning just from reading his report.  Sheesh!!!   Nobody ever said this is going to be easy, but the things one has to do just for the sake of meeting the best of the best.  I'm sure, at the end of the day, it's all worth it.  I just don't think I can replicate his speed dating techniques, but I will say that it has to be great to "weed out" the bad ones as quickly as possible.  What concerns me is if I take the "meet-a-few-women-for-2-3-days-each-in-one-city" approach, what in the hell happens if early on, it's apparent that "x" lady will not be the one, for whatever reason?  How would I handle that?  Any ideas, anybody?

Infoman

[catzenmouse]

What concerns me is if I take the "meet-a-few-women-for-2-3-days-each-in-one-city" approach, what in the hell happens if early on, it's apparent that "x" lady will not be the one, for whatever reason?  How would I handle that?  Any ideas, anybody?

That my friend is called the "back-up plan." There are a couple of different ways you can handle this that I can think of. Take the names/phone numbers of a couple of the local agencies to call and set up meetings with any ladies that strike your fancy. Use the extra time to immerse yourself in the culture/history/people in general in the city. Take a train trip to another close city and back again, another way to immerse yourself.

No matter what preplanning you may do be prepared to find that this trip was just a vacation in many ways. Don't go with your expectations locked in. Be flexible and just enjoy the ride!

[Infoman]

VERY, very sound advice - the "backup plan".  Yes, all part of the upfront preparation for the trip.   Thanks a lot - and I totally understand that a good part of the trip could very well be a vacation.  To be honest, if I am preparing to meet a few women, a little respite here or there wouldn't be a terrible thing. 

Thanks again!

Infoman

[IAmZon]

For me and RLM ... I went cold turkey.  I let the smoke evaporate.  I figured that I needed to learn alot more.  When I was ready, so I thought, I'll just go in person and find them all again. (And, you know, I just might do that:)

The reason I said "I was such a Puss"  is I was not ready to think seriously about choosing a women for marriage.  I had just ended a 10 year relationship ... just got out of a time capsule. It is admirable to be a sensitive and nice guy; but dating is a competition sport.  It can be full contact.   For me, I had to find my groove again, so to speak.  I am MUCH better now.  I will be even more so in April/ May. That is when I intend to fly.

The generalizations I spoke of are:
1, blunt and very honest
2, passionate with love ... sex can be a very physical experience.  Be careful, you can pull something.  (Seriously, better start working out!  I am not kidding)
3, Very very touchy with cultural things ... generosity; and many many more.
4, Seek a real man ... someone with strong mind.  If you go on a date (as with an AW) and overly differ, it can be perceived as weak and "poof" she is gone

I wrote a long winded thread about my experiences with RLM a couple of weeks ago.  I'll try to find it.

Don't think there is a right way, or wrong way.  I like Kuna and think he is doing everything exactly right.  For me, however, I want to choose more slowly and enjoy the carousing a bit.  That does not mean I am into playing games.  It just means that, for me, I know I will make the best decisions when my plate is full of choices with REAL ladies who I know ... not emails and profiles from the internet.

enjoy the ride

[Infoman]

Rivardco...

I understand what you are saying, and thanks for all of the clarifications.  Yes, again, I hate the email / profiles / letters thing, too - I really do.  I just want to meet a few women that I am interested in soon and end all of this stuff - and concentrate on the REAL things that matter - starting a new life with a wonderful woman.  To be sure, this will have enough issues in itself, but not that they are bad things.  I would just rather put my time and effort into the things that really matter - the end result - instead of what I had been doing.  And it's my own fault, because every day, I would see new faces and I couldn't resist not contacting more and more and more.  And it brings me to current day, this mess that I am in.  I don't think I have the heart to cold-turkey RLM, but I have to do something - quickly.  It's out of hand.

Infoman