Trippin in St Pete

[2tallbill]

Smiley Girl would touch the bear if I hadn't threatened that my head would
explode and she would be covered in blood and brains which would attract
the zombies AND the bears

[2tallbill]

[2tallbill]

If you haven't eaten buffalo, I recommend it. It's quite tasty. Note these are
live animals and will get offended if you try to eat them. You can usually get
buffalo from your local butcher, you just have to ask for it.

[2tallbill]

[2tallbill]

We are taking another trip and will hopefully see parts of Wyoming,
Utah, the Rocky Mountains, Arizona and the Grand Canyon.

Angel eyes and Smiley girl will meet my parents for the first time.
I warned her that they are cRaZy so far she doesn't believe me 
The Grand Canyon part might be a little too ambitious for us but my girl
always tries to fit 20 hours of adventures in an 8 hour window.

The car is gassed up and ready to go. I am leaving to buy provisions for
the ice chest. Angel Eyes has cooked up a storm so we won't be eating
in many cafe's along the way. I keep working on a honey do list that is
nearly done and will be heading out shortly.

If my crazy parents don't drive her totally nuts then definitely she's a keeper

[2tallbill]

The four of us Angel Eyes, Smiley Girl, my 24 year old son and
myself piled into the car and took off racing South West down the
USA. We drove through North Dakota to South Dakota then through
Wyoming, Utah, Arizona and Nevada. The speed limit through much
of Wyoming and Utah was 80 mph (128 kph). 

more to follow

[Noch1]

I have heard in a few of those states you can drive as fast you can afford.
Not sure if true. But lily lucky I don't live in such place

[2tallbill]

I have heard in a few of those states you can drive as fast you can afford.
Not sure if true. But lily lucky I don't live in such place

North Dakota is a long, long way from anywhere, the Interstate is long, wide and smooth.
You wouldn't see me drive that fast in the winter, but in the summer I set the cruise control
and the road flies by. I've taught Smiley Girl and Angel Eyes some American songs and they
sing part and I sing part.

Me: Old McDonald had a farm
Them: (in cute Russian accents sing) "Eeee eye Eeee eye Ohhhhhh........"
Me: and on his farm he had some..............
Smiley girl always gets to pick the animal: Frogs
Them: "Eeee eye Eeee eye Ohhhhhh......."
Me (I always do the animal noises)

and on we go barreling down the interstate singing and laughing........ life is great!

[2tallbill]

We drive through North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Utah,
Arizona and Nevada arriving in Las Vegas a little over 1200 miles
(1931km). I had booked rooms at Circus Circus on Price line for
$37 per night. My parents, two of my sisters and 4 nieces and
nephews are due in later in the evening.

We arrive a little too early to check in, Priceline had only booked us
for one night instead of two. We head out to the factory outlets mall.
Angel Eyes had made her self a blue dress with her sewing machine
and I was told to buy son and myself blue shirts to match.

They don't have any big and tall shops at the mall so we head over to
J.C. Penny's which does have big and tall clothing and finish our shopping
in typical man fashion in about 6 minutes including parking. We were told
to leave the girls alone and pick them up in three hours.

I go online and fill out a marriage license pre-application http://www.clarkcountynv.gov/Depts/clerk/Pages/PreApp.aspx
Note: you need to use Explorer for the site to work.

We find a watering hole, I am drinking ice tea (not the Long Island variety)
and my son drinks a soda as we catch up on various sporting events. Angel
Eyes gives me a call hours later and we go pick them up.

Angel Eyes had bought a really attractive slinky looking evening gown and
a blue dress for Smiley girl (and had spent less than $80)

Next stop is

Marriage License Bureau
201 E Clark Ave.
Las Vegas, NV 89101
Office Hours:
8:00a.m.-Midnight, 7 days a week/365 days a year - including holidays

We arrive but they can't accept anything but cash today so I walk down
to Bank of America around the corner and come back with cash.

Since I had preregistered we get to go straight to the front of the line and
we get a marriage license quicker than it took to buy blue shirts at Penney's.

More to follow.............

[2tallbill]

I started looking for an FSUW in 2005 making my first trip November of 2005.

After making nearly every mistake known to man, Here I am in November of 2014
finally getting married.

Getting married was kind of anticlimactic. I found a cheesy little chapel in Las Vegas.
They tried to nickle and dime us to death. Examples $5.00 for every person exceeding
8 people, $30.00 for my sister who is a professional photographer to take photos. They
wanted a $50 tip for the minister. They asked me to tip the photographer even though
we paid $30.00 so that my sister could do it. If I was in a mood to gripe, I could have
but I was really happy to be getting married.

Angel Eyes had made her own dress and looked like an Angel. Smiley girl was all smiles.
99% of FSUW LOVE to pose for photos and we went off to the Bellagio to have photos
taken. I don't have most of the photos back yet, however here are some of the Bellagio
itself which has water and music shows every hour.

[2tallbill]

The Bellagio

[2tallbill]

So after too many hours taking photos we were on our way back and I was dying
of thirst and along comes a guy selling Bud Light 2 for $5.00. I don't really care for
light beer but I paid him for two and drank one. I still have the other beer in my
fridge until I get thirsty enough to want another 

The night eventually ended and the next day we all met for breakfast before leaving.

Angel eyes had won the hearts of my sisters and they were all in tears saying good bye.
My nieces and nephews got smooches and hugs.


Then the four of us pile in the car it was nearly 90F (+32C). I was wearing shorts
and off we drive heading for Norf Dekody.

We went through Nevada, Arizona and Utah and I pull over to the side of the road
so my son and I could take a pit stop by a bush. I get back in and drive off and Smiley
girl starts yelling. Apparently Angel Eyes who is not she of using a handy offroad bush
as well had stepped out of the car and I had just left my new wife behind 

I back up and retrieve the newly minted Mrs 2tallbill and many hours later we
arrive in Pocatello Idaho at 4462 feet elevation (1360 meters) I was still wearing
shorts but the outside temperature was -4F (-20C) I grabbed a pair of pants and
changed in the bathroom of a gas station and took off again.

I wish I would have stopped in Pocatello for the night but I wanted to get back
so I kept driving and the road between Pocatello and Butte Montana became
treacherous with fog, icy roads and very bad visibility. It turned into many hours
of white knuckle driving arriving. Angel Eyes asked about a bush and I looked at
the thermometer and it said -16F (-26C) and she decided she could wait. Minus
16F in November is too damn cold for November.

I had to drive 40-45 miles per hour in many places and we arrived in Butte Montana
at 4:30 am. I get hotel rooms and we all sleep until we have to checkout at noon. If
I waited until 5:00 am then I could have stayed until the next day, but nobody was
interested in waiting another half hour. 
 
It's snowing but now we are on the interstate and they keep the road fairly well plowed.
We arrive back home in North Dakota at 8:30 pm.

More to come..............

[ML]

It is illegal for banshees to drive in 43 states.

[2tallbill]

It is illegal for banshees to drive in 43 states.

Luckily the Western States of Norf Dekody, Souf dekody, Wyoming, Utah,
Arizoner and Kneevada are banshee friendly States as is Hanna Montana. 

[2tallbill]

[jone]

Luckily the Western States of Norf Dekody, Souf dekody, Wyoming, Utah,
Arizoner and Kneevada are banshee friendly States as is Hanna Montana.

Robert Heinlein, in his classic, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress wrote about a beautiful woman by the name of Wyoming Knott.  They called her Why Nott for short.

[2tallbill]

The girls have never experienced Thanksgiving since they didn't have
Pilgrims, Mayflowers or Plymouth Rocks. So I decided that they should
get the full experience.

I ordered a turducken from the Gourmet Butcher Block in Gretna, LA.
What is a turducken? It's a deboned turkey stuffed with a deboned duck
stuffed with a deboned chicken with corn bread stuffing and sausage stuffing
in between the layers. It's a cajun specialty and it has lots of spices. For those
who don't like turkey because it's too dry, buy one of these and you won't complain
about dry meat.

Here's a photo 




We went to my cousins house the day before and spent the night so that we
could get up and start cooking.

I went through the various family traditions
1. Everybody makes something
2. You eat until you pass out.
3. You watch some football

We woke up and I got the Turducken in the oven on the bottom rack because
many pies were going to be baked in the upper rack. We ate a large American
style breakfast Bacon, Eggs, Sausage, Hash browns, biscuits and gravy.

Then we started cooking and preparing in earnest. My cousin's wife's sister.
My "cousin in law" is the title I gave her went to culinary school and started
making amazing delectable treats, while I made the potato salad and Angel
Eyes and Smiley girl made some Russian salads. My son made his pumpkin
cheese cake and we started popping from the couch to the TV to watch the
various football games. 

More salads, deserts, home made rolls, deviled eggs, and various dishes
continued to roll out of the kitchen.

[2tallbill]

Although Smiley Girl is 13 she has a wonderful time with my 8 year old niece.
My niece got her hair braided at least a dozen different ways and Smiley girl
really is some kind of braiding expert. She even has her own head with hair
back in Russia that she uses for various experimental designs.

Smiley Girl is a complete city girl. She hasn't been around animals much but
she loves them and will do almost anything just to pet one. On a previous
trip to a wild animal park/petting zoo Smiley Girl petted any and all animals
who would allow it. She also has zero fear of wild animals which she needs
to learn at least to be careful around them.

So my niece took Smiley Girl out to feed the horses which need food since all
the grazing is gone/covered with snow/ice and they need more a lot more feed
in the winter to keep warm. Then they came into the house and played on the
floor with Barbies and toy horses.

Being around a 13 year old takes a bit of getting used to. One minute she is
an adult discussing various things, the next minute she is playing with toys.
She laughs frequently and with joy but can burst into tears at any moment.
Such is the life of a teenage girl.

Luckily I had three sisters and watched them go through this.

[2tallbill]

Angel Eyes and I went to the doctor today. 

Angel Eyes told me this morning it will be any day now even though
she isn't due till February 10th. We are expecting a bouncing baby boy
(according to the doctor) but Angel Eyes, Smiley Girl and my cousin in
law (who is a girl) are convinced that we will be having a girl.

You can argue with them, but it's a waste of time. I usually go to a neighboring
town 3 hours away and have been told that I will be not be doing that anymore.

It's been 102 years since I changed any diapers or was woke up in the
middle of the night by crying, and while my plan is to put Angel Eyes in
charge of this (she has mobile pre-warmed dual baby feeders) I am sure
I will be called into service as well.

[2tallbill]

I bought a crib today and enough assorted baby stuff to require a
small addition to the house we live in.

AE is timing contractions and talking about car seats

Warning 2tallbill rant to follow

When I was a kid, just after the era of covered wagons we drove around in
the family car. They put us all in the car and we went wherever we had to
go. We had 5 seat belts, 6 kids and two adults. The lack of seat belts wasn't
a problem because nobody wore them anyway.

My dad always drove, and my mom had the littlest in her lap and since I
was the oldest (and biggest) the second littlest was always in my lap.

This is going to be a huge surprise for some of you, as it certainly was for
me. Some time between when I was a kid and now things have radically
changed and the little tykes must each be assigned not only a seat belt, but
they are also assigned a car seat.

These are apparently safety devices designed to make sure that if everyone
else dies in a car wreck that the kids will live on to be orphans if the jaws
of life are able to extract them. Back in my day they didn't do this for both
humanitarian reasons and to keep the orphanages from filling up too fast.

In addition car seats MUST be in the back seat and face backwards when the
little tykes  are less than 30lbs (13kg) and then you throw that car seat away
and buy a different one that is bigger and faces front. They made this a law
because the loony bins weren't full enough and knowing that no child on Earth
wants to forced to stare backwards when all the fun action is faced forward
therefore the child's only recourse is to drive everyone nuts in the car.

One historical thing to point out, is that I never got carsick in a car. Part of the
reason that never happened was because nobody was silly enough (or stupid
enough) to tie me up facing backwards in a car. They quite accurately would
have determined that I would revolt against any such ideas and getting me into
the car would be similar to putting a cat in the toilet and shutting the lid.

They might get me in the first time but from that day forward teeth, blood and
spit would be involved.
 
When I was a kid, you were carried until you learned to walk which happened
sometime around your first birthday and then you walked or got left behind or
were sold off to the circus. Luckily none of my brothers or sisters were willing
to take the chance of falling behind and getting sold off to the circus so they
kept up.

These days apparently the circuses have all the kids they need since it's much
cheaper to buy them overseas, so the market for slow American kids evaporated
overnight. Now days you must put a child in a wheeled device (called a stroller).

I've done a little research and discovered stroller is a French word for stinky puke
catcher. 

So you must buy one of these puke catchers, put the kid in there and push them
around even though the good lord gives them legs. It's no wonder kids these days
get fat because they no longer fear the circus and they don't have to run to keep
up. How many times did I have a little brother or sister holding my hand being
drug along with their legs churning like egg beaters to keep up? I don't know but
it's a big number and none of them were fat after the day they learned to walk.

So why bring up three seemingly unrelated historical events?
1. learning to walk
2. being pushed in strollers
3. and forcibly strapping an unwilling child backwards in a car?
 
Some enterprising businessman decided to combine all this into one multipurpose
device. A car seat which you remove and then attach to a stroller. The only advantage
of combining these two concepts that I can think of is that once you got the little tyke
strapped in he will bite less when being transferred from the wheeled puke catcher to
the reverse facing car puke catcher.

After learning all this we bought a multipurpose rear facing car puke catching device
that will also fit into a wheeled strolling puke catching device. We will have to throw it
away when he gets up to 30lbs* (13KG) but it will probably stink worse than a sewage
treatment plant and won't be worth saving anyway. 

More to follow................


* In the 2tallbill family you reach the 30lb plateau well before your first birthday.

[Noch1]

Congrats once again on marriage and new baby.
Glad your rant is over, as you will find there are many more rules,
concerning children and adults, since you have grown from child hood. Enjoy:)

[2tallbill]

Congrats once again on marriage and new baby.
Glad your rant is over, as you will find there are many more rules,
concerning children and adults, since you have grown from child hood. Enjoy:)

Next thing you will tell me is that they frown on shock collars 



A photo of my niece and nephew, as you can see baby sitting isn't really that hard 

[SANDRO43]

A photo of my niece and nephew

Is it bi-sexual ?

[Boethius]

There are two of them in there - niece is behind the nephew.


Cute kids.  Is that the dog's crate?

[2tallbill]

There are two of them in there - niece is behind the nephew.

Cute kids.  Is that the dog's crate?

Yes there are two of them in there, they were told not to play in there
by their Mom, but it wasn't two minutes later that they managed to lock
themselves in. My sister has always been a quick draw with the camera.

They are pretty cute but I am their totally biased Uncle and Godfather