Brand Newbie, needs some guidance

[plume]

Hey all, 

thought I'd drop by, introduce myself and probably ask for some advice.  First off, my name is Ian, I'm 28 and live in Western North Carolina.  I recently decided to try on line dating as I haven't had any luck in the real world.  The only "success" I've had is contacting what I thought was a nice girl who lived only minutes from me, we had a lot in common and I was attracted to her picture.  Anyway we shared a few emails and by that point "she" pointed me to a really skeevy website about local hookups.  Not what I was interested in at all, and obviously it was just a very well done spam.  So I was a little disheartened by that. 

Any way... on a completely different site I was contacted randomly by someone who didn't even have a profile, but had paid for sending emails apparently.  I wrote her back and asked for some photos and she responded instantly almost.  Claiming to be from Russia and interested in moving to my city here in the states.  It didn't strike me as odd since there is a large Russian population here.

So, my obvious concerns are that this whole thing is just a scam.  First off she's gorgeous (I've always been attracted to FSU women though) and she just seems way too good to be true.  The thing is that she hasn't done anything to clue me in on a scam, YET.  She hasn't asked for money, and she has actually sent me an address that I have yet to check out.  Stupid question, what's the best way to verify an address?  She seems very positive and she's interested in marriage.  Very scary for someone like me who is interested in a long term relationship, but not marriage, at least right away. 

So are my thoughts way off here?  I guess I just need to use common sense and when and if she asks for money I know it's a scam.  I'm totally new to this whole experience.  I've had good luck with meeting people on line (had a 3 year relationship work after meeting on line), but mostly it's dissapointments after another.  Another thing is that she's already saying the word L O V E, without ever meeting me.  Is that really just their culture, or should that be another tip off?

I've been very honest with her and sent her some photos, and I just sent her my cell phone number.  Is this a very dumb thing to do?  Am I being overly paranoid or not?  Any and all advice is very much appreciated!

-Ian

[Turboguy]

No Ian, you are not being overly paranoid.   Yes, it is a scam.   100% guaranteed.   Look through some of the posts about scams and you will see it is following the exact pattern or the travel and visa scam step for step.   Often you are not even writing a gal and some of the people doing this scam can write thousands of guys at a time and take in more money than you would believe.

[I/O]

S......C........A...........M.      Don't worry about having sent a few personal details.  It is very doubtful if you would ever be caused any grief.  Repeat slowly after me...S......C......A......M.

Welcome to RMD and read up in the section about scams.  If or more likely when you choose to get seriously involved with searching, there is a wealth of advice and people more than ready to help on here.

Start with reading a little about some of the scams which exist and then read some of the really excellent trip reports. 

Patience....Persistence.......Planning.  Nothing new in that, just plain good sense.

All the best

I/O

[Kuna]

plume,

I agree with the guys above... it's a scam BUT I will add one other comment.

The scammer has made you aware that there are beautiful Russian girls that DO want relationships.

I'd advise you to stay here and read as much as possible, and when the time is right for you start planning your own trip.

There are many men here that have been successful in their own searches and lots of good advice to be had.

Welcome to RWD.

Kuna

[catzenmouse]

That reminds me... I need to look up ol' Svetlana Smirnova and send her a thank you letter for cluing me in to this FSUW thing. Yup, that is how I first got the thought to look "over there". A simple ad on American Singles (I think it was there anyway) and a letter titled "Greetings from Russia".

You just never know who or what will turn the tide in your favor do you?

Ken

[Fester5]

Plume,

If you look at the top of this page, they have a link called ScamCard. It's a bunch of questions to see if the "girl" you are writing to is a scam or not. I think it will help you.

Cheers,
Fes

[plume]

thanks guys.  You know if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.  How about this question, what should I do now with this?  Just drop it completely or have a little fun?  Seems as if I don't give out any more info I could waste a lot of this person's time?  Or is it better just to end the dialoge?

All of this has taught me to start looking in the real world again for women.  My city has a decent FSU population so I think I'd start there instead.

[I/O]

thanks guys.  You know if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.  How about this question, what should I do now with this?  Just drop it completely or have a little fun?  Seems as if I don't give out any more info I could waste a lot of this person's time?  Or is it better just to end the dialoge?

All of this has taught me to start looking in the real world again for women.  My city has a decent FSU population so I think I'd start there instead.

Drop it an get on with life.  You waste your own time and what do you achieve?  You are more than likely to be communicating with part of a group at best and more likely, simply "Scan and Reply" software.  You only pass this way once. I would prefer to spend that time with "Someone" rather than "Something".

I/O

[plume]

Can't argue with that advice.

[Erwin]

Stupid question, what's the best way to verify an address? 

Ian,

No, this is not a stupid question.  One way to verify whether the girl and the address she provided you are real is by sending flowers to her address using a reputable and trustworthy flower delivery store such as flowersussr.com. Make ood sure you have them take the digital photo of the girl with the flowers at where she lives upon delivery.  It may cost you some money...but, on the other hand, it may be worth it for your peace of mind.

Good luck!

E   

[plume]

Well it's definitly a scam.  Not that it's a surprise to you I'm sure.  Finally got the email I was waiting for, her asking for money.  It was done very nicely though, imbedded in the email after she talks about wanting to meet me.  I can really see where some people would fall for this.  The real kicker is the "visa" that she sent me.  It's such a horrible photoshop.

What's the best way to handle this?  I just haven't sent a response in two days.  Should I just keep ignoring it?

I must say they picked an absolutely beautiful girl for this one...

[William3rd]

Tell her you have sent the money and give a fake MTCN. Then wait to see if you ever hear from her again. But- dont hold your breath. . . 

[KenC]

Ian,
The boys are giving you some good advice here, but I want to point out something to you.  You said:

She seems very positive and she's interested in marriage.  Very scary for someone like me who is interested in a long term relationship, but not marriage, at least right away

.

If you are going to pursue a woman from the fsu, marriage is the usual way you will have to go.  These women are looking for a husband and in most cases a long term relationship is not in the cards.  Maybe you should stick with the locals.
KenC

[jb]

Yessir, KenC is right as usual. 
You will find it extremely difficult to bring a FSU woman to your home town unless it is on a K-1 or K-3 (marriage based) visas.   Off hand I'd say looking for a RW g/f is prolly out of the question, unlesss you are as rich as Donald Trump and can afford to fly back and forth as you please.  But the bottom line is, these girls join a Marriage Agency to get married, not find a b/f.  They can do that at home.

[Son of Clyde]

What about all the Russian girls who are hired for the summer to work in resort towns? At least in Maryland this is true.

If you don't want to spend a lot of time and money writing long distance, using interpreters and traveling around the globe, maybe there is a resort town near you. You are only 28.

Spending the summer at the beach might be a good choice for you.

[KenC]

What about them, Clyde?  Do you really think that is a practical method of finding a RW?    I think we need to address what is most practical for success here, not every minute exception, don't you?  A RW may just knock on his door too, but the chances of it happening is kind of small too.
KenC

[Son of Clyde]

Well, Ken just what you said did happen last week.

A woman was collecting door to door to finance an environmental project. I was curious about her unusual accent. She told me she was Ukrainian and had studied English with a British tutor.

What I was getting at is that there are many Russian ladies already here.

I was offering him a safe and easy alternative to find dozens of young college age Rusian women who will be in the US for an entire summer.

Not everyone can afford to take multiple trips to Russia and he is 28, still young enough for other options.

I don't understand why you and jb have to be the final word on everything.

[I/O]

Well, Ken just what you said did happen last week.

A woman was collecting door to door to finance an environmental project. I was curious about her unusual accent. She told me she was Ukrainian and had studied English with a British tutor.

What I was getting at is that there are many Russian ladies already here.

I was offering him a safe and easy alternative to find dozens of young college age Rusian women who will be in the US for an entire summer.

Not everyone can afford to take multiple trips to Russia and he is 28, still young enough for other options.

I don't understand why you and jb have to be the final word on everything.

Hmmmmmmmm well this post actually gave a good answer to the question and then undermined it's credability with the last line.

I/O

[Son of Clyde]

Undermined what?
What I said is an assumption two other people may have.
I give my $.02 when I see a thread and I feel I can give some harmless advice, but I'm not always right. It is up to the person to listen or dismiss my advice.
I try to stay away from statements like "ditch her" "she's a scammer" "you are being taken for a ride" because these statements cannot always be justified.
Logical statements like "don't send her that $1,000 for her sick aunt" I may feel comfortable posting. 

[I/O]

Undermined what?
What I said is an assumption two other people may have.
I give my $.02 when I see a thread and I feel I can give some harmless advice, but I'm not always right. It is up to the person to listen or dismiss my advice.
I try to stay away from statements like "ditch her" "she's a scammer" "you are being taken for a ride" because these statements cannot always be justified.
Logical statements like "don't send her that $1,000 for her sick aunt" I may feel comfortable posting. 

Some get it and some don't.  As usual.  What good fueling old "Spitting Matches" does for the devolvement of good information is beyond me.  SOC you were asked a question, all be it there was a touch of acid in the question and you gave a very good answer which virtually dismissed the question.  Then you put the validity of your answer in doubt by turning it personal.  That suggests to a new reader that the answer may well have simply been b/s to win a point.  Get it?

I/O

[Turboguy]

I think the basic premise of what SOC said is valid.   I think if someone is interested only in an LTR with a Russian woman using agencies and letters and finding one in Russia is not a viable route.   The options that might be good are as SOC suggested hitting a resort for the summer and looking for one there or finding one already in the states, perhaps someone who has divorced which is getting easier to do or someone here on some other type of visa (student perhaps)   

Perhaps SOC's jab at KenC was not in great taste but Ken took the first jab at SOC.  Why do you criticize SOC and not Ken I/O.   That said, I hope we can all drop this here and talk about the subject at hand.  Things have been nice and positive here lately,  lets all try to use a little reserve when we can.

Trying to have an LTR with a woman in Russia is about half way between being a sex tourist and looking for a woman to marry.   There is nothing wrong with it in the sense there is with sex touring but it still has little to offer the RW and is difficult for the man in terms of time and money.   Trying to find RW in the USA seems like a logical solution to me.

[I/O]

Why do you criticize SOC and not Ken I/O. 

Because..........the intitial jab did have a point, ie a question relating to the topic.  The return remark was not relevant to the topic in any way shape of form. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, if the guy can find FSU ladies in his local area, then go for it.  Nobody said anyone had to do what many of us have done and that is spend thousands and endless time in going to Russia or wherever.

I/O 

[Turboguy]

I have never searched for RW in America to know how easy or hard it would be.   I see more guys talking about it.  I know Maxx is taking that route.   Personally I think it would be very hard to find an FSU woman from the FSU that was all that interested in a long distance, long term relationship that was going nowhere unless she was a serial dater or scammer which are not women any of us WANT to find.   I think they have lots of FSU men who are quite happy with those arrangements. 

I hear more and more about the large number of RW who are in America and looking for a man.  I think it would be worth a shot under the circumstances.

[plume]

Well, Ken just what you said did happen last week.

Not everyone can afford to take multiple trips to Russia and he is 28, still young enough for other options.

Yeah I don't ever see myself going to Russia personally, at least to find ms. right.  That said, this whole experience has been a good thing for me perhaps.  As I said earlier there is a fairly large FSU population in my small city.  It makes me realize I need to just break out of my shell and talk to them. 

I got another email today!  This time asking for a very specific amount of money, $970 to be exact.  Of course this will go towards 'her' travel expenses.  LOL. 

[KenC]

I think the basic premise of what SOC said is valid.   

Of course you do Turbo.  How could I expect any different from you?  There was no jab at Clyde, unless you take the rolling eyes smiley as a put down.  Jesus H Christ you guys are a bunch of friggin pansies!  (Now there is a character attack)

Clydes suggestion is ridiculous on many levels.  Which beach?  Are there any RW there?  What is the guy to do, wonder the Atlantic beaches in hopes that there is Russian student working there for the summer?  And H E L L O, the students here to work for the summer are here on temporary visas any way.  If you found one of these "needles in a haystack" Russian girls on your Robin Caruso like journey down the Atlantic coast, she would have to return to Russia at the end of summer and to continue your relationship you would still have to go there.  Most of these student are rich Russian's kids that come here to party and see a bit of America.  That seems to me about the dumbest damn idea ever given as a "tip" on how to find a RW.
KenC
(Now didn't you like my first answer better?)