Renewal of Relationship in Dominican Republic

[Gator]

Hola! (or a man in his 60s and a RW in her 40s can have a good time too). 

This is my first T/R in years.

Background

A tall Russian Cossack and I had met three times for a total of 5 weeks, starting one year ago.  Just when I thought everything was perfect, she announced I was undependable.  What?  It was a misunderstanding mostly due to cultural and language differences, yet she had seen enough and was not interested in explanations.  I disliked her attitude, and we both moved to greener pastures. 

With some urging from my interpreter, we started communicating again and discussed the reasons for the misunderstanding.   Eventually she warmed.  As we kept talking, she inexplicably became more enthusiastic than before we broke up. 

The next step was a meeting to renew our relationship, and we chose Punta Cana in Dominican Republic.  She found a charter flight from Moscow for $3500 including a 12-day all-inclusive at the best hotel available through the Russian travel agency.  For $1500 I added the land package for myself. 

Arrival

My plane from Miami was overbooked and AA was offering $800 plus overnight stay and meals to 8 people to relinquish their seats.  It took a long time before enough volunteers stepped forward.   I arrived a few hours before her, unpacked and waited for her arrival at the hotel. 

The hotel (the Barcelo Palace) is owned by a Spanish company.  The hotel had received mixed reviews by American tourists, and I quickly understood why – it ain’t American. 67% of the guests come from Latin America and Spain.  Italians were the next largest group.  Americans were few, not much larger than the Russian group.  English words were rare.

Various buses pulled in while I waited in the lobby, yet none contained the Cossack.  Suddenly I saw a tall raven haired woman waving at me from a small mob of Russians retrieving their luggage from a bus, all paying $6000 per couple for the New Year’s holiday in Punta Cana (Russia’s economy is different than 5 years ago).

Our First Hours Together

Counting her flight to Moscow and layover, she had slept little in 30 hours.  Nevertheless, she was ready for a late evening stroll on the beach and some food and wine.  It felt good to see her, real good.  It was apparent that she enjoyed seeing me again, enjoyed it immensely.

She acted as if we never hit a bump in the road.  In her words, “past is past”.  Russians are pragmatic and I really appreciate that – no dwelling on things that can not be changed. 

We had met before in Thailand and Turkey, each time under a full moon.  I will never forget our nights on a remote island in Thailand - our cottage on a cliff with the shimmering sea below and moon glow from above.  In Punta Cana, the full moon again illumined her beauty under the swaying coconut palms and tropical breezes.  Any unpleasantness from the past was forgotten.

[Photo Guy]

Interesting report, Gator. Keep it coming....

[Gator]

What We Did

It took her a couple of days to recover so we lazed around:  the beach thing and shopping for souvenirs and little stuff in the native stalls (some knew a little Russian).  Later I introduced her to golf.  We took some excursions (one all-day to a national park island and another to see the countryside).  Basically, we ate too much, enjoyed siestas (what a civilized way of life), saw some shows, and took frequent breaks for coffee, chai,  exotic cocktails and conversation. 

The word “conversation” is a misnomer.  Her English is very limited.  We were able to talk about simple private matters, yet any complicated topics required the use of my Ectaco electronic translator.  This functioned but certainly diminished the mood.

Here she is dressed for evening dinner and "conversing":

[IAmZon]

I think she is very attractive.  Particularly interestd to see  how you negotiated the language barrier.

[Gator]

Much of our communication featured few words, yet was effective because she is expressive, animated, and demonstrative.  Try to imagine giving a golf lesson using few words to a raw beginner.

She is gifted athletically (circus performer during teenage years).  She did well swinging the club considering she has never played sports involving a "ball" and her instructor (me) could not explain in her language.  I would swing and she would try to copy.  Or I would get directly behind her, reach around and adjust her grip (this made her laugh even more).

[Gator]

We had fun doing little things, simple things - more fun than should be possible for two people not sharing the same language.  She entertained me in many ways.

This is an example.  She claimed she could do 4 apples, but she had already eaten one so she used only 3.  Always smiling, except when posing for a photo and she would give that solemn pose typical for Russians. 

[Gator]

First Excursion

It was time to get out and see some of the country.  Our first excursion required a 6:15 wakeup call.  This can reveal a lot about a person.  Are they a slacker?   Moody?  She woke up pleasantly, rose with me and got ready ahead of me.

We took a bus to the outskirts of Caso de Campo (a wonderful golf resort that I have visited 4 times in my life).  The Chavon River cuts through a chasm and above it the resort has reconstructed a 17thC Mediterranean city, Altos de Chavon.  She enjoyed it.  The river has been used in the filming of several movies including Apocalypse Now and Crocodile Hunter.  Not Australia?  Crickey!

A speedboat carried us to an island that is a National Park.  Sorry, forgot the name.  There she sat in the shade (her choice and mine too – Florida people except for Crackers try to stay out of the sun).   She is eating an apple (and there will probably be more photos of apple eating).  Some other Russians also selected to recline in the shade.

For the return we took a catamaran, which she preferred over the speedboat (again, my type of woman).  Merengue lessons and rum.  Relaxing.

[Gator]

Second Excursion

Again, another early rise.  Today was a tour of the countryside, nature, domestic life and a horse ride.

Open trucks rushed us through the countryside, and she enjoyed the open air.  Our guide spoke Russian and a few Russians joined us on the tour.  I tended to hang with some Canadians drinking cervesa, and she huddled around the Russians who asked incessant questions.  I think she was starving for her language.  Other than that, we were inseparable for the 12 days – just renewing our relationship.

We made the obligatory stop in the sugar cane fields with some Cuba Libre.  Yep, that piece of cut cane in the photo below is going to Western Siberia in her luggage.

Next stop was a tour of a working farm with all the tropical products and some talk about natural Viagra, which appropriately segued to a cock fight demonstration (No. 2 sport on the island after baseball).  The demonstration fascinated all the Russians.

The next stop was a horse ride and lunch on the beach.  Bing a Cossack she took naturally to the saddle, and had a good seat except the one hand on the saddle horn.  Her horse was in too much of a catatonic stupor to trot, perhaps sedated, so the jury is still out.

I think she preferred the motorcycle, but I did not understand what she was saying (that happens when two do not share a common language).  She sure looked comfortable on it.

That day revealed she had a strong interest in nature and gardening, two of my hobbies.  She and I seem compatible in so many different ways.   I knew much of this from prior meetings - this trip  reinforced it.

[Kuna]

Enjoying the TR very much thus far Gator.  Nice words and great photos.  I'm even getting a chuckle from the filenames for the pictures!   

[jinx13]

  yeah, "proud black man with beautiful cock" is my favorite 

 Also enjoying the T/R Gator, the two of you make a nice couple. So you think if she understood you better it would help your golf lesson? I don't think so! I have tried to teach a few American women how to swing a club, with no success whatsoever, but maybe I'm just a bad teacher, I'm also a bad golfer 

 Great photo's and you both look relaxed, as you should on vacation! 

[vwrw]

From Gator:
Just when I thought everything was perfect, she announced I was undependable.  What?  It was a misunderstanding mostly due to cultural and language differences, yet she had seen enough and was not interested in explanations.  I disliked her attitude, and we both moved to greener pastures.

Gator, I think again and again but I cannot understand what the cultural differences you meant? What cultural differences may bring a RW to think her AM is undependable?
Maybe I simply do not understand word undependable correctly. To my mind (UN –depend –able) = (UN – dependent – able).  Does the word mean - a man (a person) who woman (another person) cannot make to be dependent on her or on stuffs she can give to him? 
What about the attitude of hers you disliked? Is the attitude acceptable for you now?

[Turboguy]

Undependable means she can not "depend" or "rely" on him.  It is not so much on the stuff he can give her.  I would interpret it to be more that she felt he could be in love with her one day and someone else the next and could not depend on him being committed to her.  It can also be when someone says they will do something tomorrow and do not do that thing.

Something about that part reminds me of the situtations I ran into with Luda.  Luda looked for things that she could find fault with even if they were nothing or not there and if something was good she never noticed.  If something like her thinking you were undependable were one episode I would give her the benefit of the doubt or put it down to a misunderstanding.  Language differences can have an effect sometimes.

[Gator]

I will get to the undependable part.  Meanwhile food and drink.

Food

The hotel had several  restaurants as part of the all-inclusive price (only a bottle of fine wine extra).  The Italian was on par with the Olive Garden, and the Steak was even worse – as expected with cows that jump gullies all day.  And both had a long wait.  Why?  She too thought both were unacceptable.  In contrast, the Seafood restaurant served grilled fresh Caribbean lobster and we never had to wait.  Go figure?!  We had lobster on 8 of our 12 evenings.  She attempted to be elegant in cutting her lobster, but found it difficult, even with the bite-your-tongue trick (see below).  Obviously she had not dined frequently on lobster.  She eventually got the hang of it.

Other times we went native.  Eating kozel (goat) amused her as it is a derogatory name for a bad man in Russian. 

We both prefer seafood (sea products as she called it), so for lunch everyday we ate at a little seafood grill where the chef would cook under your nose as much locally caught  dorado (mahi mahi), grouper and wahoo that you wanted, plus calamari. The tables were under the palms at the beach (see below). 

Her appetite for sweets is huge.  Usually three scoops of homemade ice cream and different torts (cake).  I do not know how she avoids gaining weight.   

Fruit was also a necessity – about 3-5 servings a day.  Overall, she has a healthy diet, and except for the sweets, similar to mine.

Drink

We made frequent stops at the open aired bar.  I finally met a RW who I can outdrink.  She enjoys red wine and cognac, and that is about it.  She says, “I do not understand piva,” meaning it would never touch her lips.  None of a variety of tropical cocktails enamored her.  The best cocktail was, of all things, a Black Russian – which is not widely known among  RW.  All were free and essentially equal in quality to an average bar in Florida, unlike what is served to Russian tourists in Turkey.

While I would usually enjoy a Mojito, she selected green tea or cappuccino – even in the afternoon and evening.  Heck, if you are already in a great mood, who needs alcohol.

[viking]

Gator

If she likes a Black Russian, then why not try a White Russian. Same thing only in a bigger glass, add some cream and shake. Or a 'Godmother'. Highball with Vodka and some Amaretto. Nice almond flavor.

[Gator]

Viking,
A good idea as she likes milk shakes.  She is such a lightweight drinker.  On the flight over, she met a young RW who had 8 cognacs and starting talking with all the men.  The Cossack managed only 3 and had to nap. 

To conclude the "Activities" report,

Gifts

It was New Year’s and Christmas so I brought 12 nicely wrapped gift packages.  Nothing expensive, ranging in value from $5 to a $200 digital camera.  My plan was to open one each day.  I did not contemplate her level of enthusiasm, and she opened all in three days.  Each one brought great delight – she is so free-spirited, demonstrative and animated.  Regardless of the value, each time she expressed her gratitude enthusiastically, unlike most RW.  This woman is easily pleased, and she pleases me in so many ways

The shorts I gave her were too big, yet she refused my offer to exchange them, claiming she was an expert seamstress.  What else does Marvel Woman do?

She gave me a set of shot glasses made from marble mined from the Urals.  Very attractive and very Russian.

Shopping

Surprisingly, the hotel and area did not offer serious shopping, and it did not bother her.  We went looking for sandals, and found none.  But did discover some Christian Dior knock-offs.  She wanted them.  I questioned her, and she said they are attractive, well made with good leather, match her favorite dress, and fit.   I could not believe it – a former European fashion model happy with $50 knock-offs.  This woman looks more and more like a keeper.

Shows

Each night the hotel presented a live show with professional dancers, a few singers, and a live 12-piece band.  The band was good; however, the dancers did not impress her.

One night had a little comedy, and she laughed it up wholeheartedly, to the point of folding over.  Love her spirit – it is infectious.

We dressed up for New Year’s Eve (at least she did).  At our large table we discovered we were surrounded by Russians.  I had 3 tequilla shots, and this seemed to alarm her.  To "rescue" me,  she excused us before 12:00 and we spent the big event alone on the beach watching the fireworks and listening to the sea and the rustling palm fronds.   No champagne, no noise makers – something better.

[Michelangelo]

Nice TR, Gator. Thanks for sharing!

[KenC]

Gator/Bucky,
Thank you for sharing your story here.  I have enjoyed it very much.  It seems as though you have found your diamond in the fsu.  The only concern that I see, is the language barrier.  Is the Cossack taking lessons?  Is there progress being made?
KenC

[Son of Clyde]

Very nice story Gator and I really like the pictures.

[Gator]

Language

I feel certain that she wants to develop a fully committed relationship, and she has decided to quit her job to focus on exactly that.  Key will be learning English.  She has repeatedly said that she will take English lessons, and she seems to have a good aptitude for it with excellent pronunciation.  She even had a weird dream about speaking English.  Our future meetings will concentrate on English as much as having fun together.

Past Misunderstanding and her Attitude

She has more than once reminded me of her responsibility for raising two children and asks if I am ready to assume it.   She concluded last July that I was not dependable to accept that responsibility (long story).  At the time, she simply withdrew without seeking explanation.  Prior to our DR meeting it was explained to her that we will have frequent misunderstandings because of culture and language differences.  She should feel empowered to speak when something happens that she does not like and to seek the truth – withdrawal is not the answer.

How did she do?  There were a few examples.

One time I made a comment about obesity and pointed to an obese couple.  This drew a frown from her.  She quickly corrected me, saying something about accepting everyone the way they are and not to insult anyone.  .

I have a couple of mannerisms which she wants to improve.  She corrects me gracefully with a smile, and is not upset when I repeat them.

Around the middle of the trip, she asked for the translator when at the bar and starting writing something as long as a Tolstoy novel.  She eventually returned the translator. It was long because over half of it apologized for finding fault in me.  Basically, she said sometimes I am very intellectual and at other times child-like.  She disliked the childish behavior. 

We discussed this without conclusion, reminding her that part of this is a cultural difference in humor, part of it is my sometimes silly animation in trying to communicate without words, and part of it is me (reminding her that her young son sure does enjoy it as does her daughter -  both have been my advocate). 

What I liked is that she was both assertive in saying something critical and diplomatic in its delivery.  That attitude will go far in reinforcing our relationship.  Now if she can only be constructive.  BTW, I said I would improve.

Next, concluding remarks ....

[Gator]

Some Remarkable Talks between Us

Her English, although limited, has enabled some private talks without an interpreter or translator.   One night in bed she carefully, deliberately, and unwaveringly told me that she wanted Pravda (truth).  It was remarkable that she could convey her thoughts.  I will never forget her manner. 

She described her history with two husbands.   She loved neither; they were infatuated with her ever since school days.   One turned out to be a criminal and she left him.  The second, the father of her young son, went bankrupt and he left her.  She was the sole provider after that.

There was a third man, who preceded her two husbands, the father of her 18-yo daughter.  This is the only man she has loved.  She tried but could not talk about him, saying only “he is no longer with us” using the translator.  My interpreter later tried to obtain more information, and was unable.  The interpreter concluded, “Something horrific must have happened.”  I later told the Cossack that she can wait until her English improves and she trusts me completely. 

Conclusion

So besides the lack of a common language, I must address an emotional ghost, a history of betrayal by men, and the suspended inertia of a competent woman who has thrived independently for 7 years.  This will take more time.

In my mind she is worth it. For sure life is fun with Ms. Cossack.   More importantly, she is somehow both serene and invigorating, a very rare combination.  I have never felt such with another woman.  I hope I am correct because I am giving up something very special.

[vwrw]

What I can say…Congratulations!!! She is a beautiful, responsible, strong, respect – worthy woman and in general she is worthy to develop relationship with her! Her English is limited and that is why she has not understood completely by now what a marvelous gift (I mean you, Gator) her destiny gives to her. The better her English skills will be, the luckier she will feel about she has met you. 
I agree most RW (especially those who have children) see man’s childish behavior as a sign he is not reliable.
Also I agree you are giving up something very special.

[Jet]

Really nice TR Gator, thanks for taking the time to share with us all.
Not sure what else to tell you that you don't already know  but she seems like a wonderful woman.

[DKMM]

Wow Gator, nice TR.  Isn't it so much more fun to go on trips with them than just fart around their hometown?

Anyways, I couldn't help but notice all the similarities between your stories and my experience with J.  I guess stereotypes do exist for a reason.

This Cossack does indeed look like a keeper but I think you need to ask yourself if you really want to bring on the baggage she's bringing.  This would make you husband #3 and her children are at a tricky age.... ah what the hell, you already thought about all this in your conclusion. 

You said it yourself she's worth it.  I'm guessing that was a rational thought...

[IAmZon]

I too appreciate the strength calculation in which she expresses herself (as you protray it).  It indicates that yes there is baggage and life experiences. But there is inner strength too.

Baggage is not baggage, if one can carry it.

She possesses a great combination of traits that INSPIRE you ... we really can not ask anymore than that.

[Zmejka]

I only wonder why this woman according to her own words (?) got married when actually never loving her husbands? Isn't it a nice trait to continue with?