The time you devote to the persuit!

[Turboguy]

We have had some discussions about the amount of time required in the persuit of a RW.   Please let us know how much time you spend per year in looking for the right woman for you. 

[I/O]

T/G   (I think I got the name right this time)  Your question is a mute one.  It is not a matter of how much time you have to gaze about looking for someone suitable, but it is a matter of how much time you have available to spend with the one whom you think is the right one once you have settled on her.  Two entirely different things.

So, on that basis, in 2006 alone I spent 6 weeks with my fiance', some of that in Russia and some of that in Australia.  That time abroad doesn't include 4 other weeks abroad which I managed to find time for business travel.

BTW, I reckon we needed every bit of that time together and I only wish we could have more and that is not simply for the romantic side.  It is simply for sorting through all the practicalities of working towards building a life together.   

I/O

[Turboguy]

Yes, I/O you are doing much better on names.   Now you are just confusing what your stand is.   You implied in the other thread that everyone must put 8 weeks a year into the search and that people with a few weeks vacation time a year should not be in the persuit.

Now all of a sudden you are talking about time after you have her with you.   That was not what the discussion was about in the other thread. 

One minute you say you want facts and the next you say it is a mute point.  Gosh, make up your mind.  Just out of curiosity how much of your time together was spent in Russia and not your time together in Australia.  That is an option most of us don't have. 

Also I don't think the time traveling to foreign countries on business has an relevance.   I will spend most of February in Foreign countries myself.   The first part in Thailand with VWRW and the latter part in California. 

One way or the other if we get a good response on the poll it will give us a little more knowledge about how people go about the process.   We have talked about it in the other thread, maybe we can get some real info here.

[Jumper]

For what it's worth. i answered in the amount of time i had to spend *in country*
(or at some other place *WITH a RW*, so face to face time)

this would have been the same amount of time ,
for either searching, or afterwards in continuing the relationship.
(it was 6-8 weeks annually)

[Turboguy]

Good AJ,  That was what I had in mind with the poll.  I think if we make a trip to see them or have a joint vacation someplace that is what we are looking for but not any time she spends in our country.  If someone visited for a week, did a k-1 and she was here for 90 days I think the answer we are looking for is a week not 97 days. 

[Michelangelo]

T/G   (I think I got the name right this time)  Your question is a mute one.  It is not a matter of how much time you have to gaze about looking for someone suitable, but it is a matter of how much time you have available to spend with the one whom you think is the right one once you have settled on her. 

You are so wrong in this statement.  The searching and living in country is very very important.  For the guy who meets one girl and then spends a lot of time with her, he will always wonder "was there someone else?"  The guy who has dated lots of girls KNOWS the right one when she comes along because of this experience.  

[Jumper]

Ray-
 I felt lucky to have the time, and abilty to work extra hours or days to and gain compensation time..
also i was working off and on in europe anyway,,so made it easier
both logistically and on the pocketbook  to plan my trips around when i was much closer ..

As a working stiff/regular guy/average joe,
   i felt i had an unusual circumstance that allowed me to overcome some of those negatives associated with "average joe".


would i have overcome them anyway?
who knows..  
Honestly not sure i would have tried!!
(i'm the fairly over-confident type though,  and likely would have given it a shot )

anyway that did not factor in really -
as sometimes circumstance and the
"right place, at the right time* thing-
 in both location and life-
 sometimes decide severything ?
butterfly effect ?
 fate ?
or
"even a blind chicken finds some corn"
 

[Turboguy]

Michaelangelo I agree with you totally.   I have met some gals in my persuit that seemed like great candidates.  They were pretty, intelligent, warm, nice to talk to and I am sure I could have felt they were a real catch.  Looking back I am glad I did not settle for them.  VWRW was worth the wait and the wasted time.   Meeting them let me compare enough to know what I have found.  Meeting too few women can be a big mistake.  Meet enough and sooner or later one will really stand out.

AJ,  You were very lucky.  I think the blind chicken thing parallels the comment I just made to M/A   The more exposure, the more gals we meet, the more trips we make the better the chances of success.  Yes, it can be done on two weeks a year but it may take a lot of years.

[I/O]

T/G Are you blind or should I conclude you are just stupid? Nowhere did I state, imply or suggest 8 weeks per year was the benchmark.  Lesson number one, learn to read if you want to quote someone's words back to them.

You are trying to play semanitcs to dig yourself out of a hole, and so far as I can see you are starting to look pretty darn stupid. 

You see T/G you are trying to read implications into things because that's a very simple way to avoid reality.  The reality is that I said 2-3 weeks per year is not sufficient for this process.  When you have gotten your lovely home and hosed, then comment because if you go back and read again, you will notice that my question was about those who are married and happy, two things which you don't appear to be right now. 

You have tried to shift the emphisis in order to attempt to win a point and what is that all for? So you can justify blowing exceptions up every freshmans bum.  Get the facts on the table and if I prove wrong then I am happy to stand corrected.  The origional question was regarding the amount of time those who are now married and happy were prepared to put in prior to marriage. 

California is a foreign country?  Good gracious man I hope your romancing skills are better than your geography skills.  As for the time mine and I spent together, the greater part in Russia.  Options most of you dont have?  I happen to know three guys from the USA who have brought their girlfriends for a visit long before the K-1 stage, so please don't hide behind the "It can't be done line".  Maybe it is a bit too hard or maybe too expensive for some or maybe they don't have enough time? Catch the point?

I/O

[Rvrwind]

You are so wrong in this statement.  The searching and living in country is very very important.  For the guy who meets one girl and then spends a lot of time with her, he will always wonder "was there someone else?"  The guy who has dated lots of girls KNOWS the right one when she comes along because of this experience.

Precicely my dear Watson!!!! As Sherlock Home Boy used to say, LOL.

[I/O]

It is now almost 2 a.m., and we are both up with food poisoning!   She is reading the newspaper and I'm here on RWD :-)

Who cooked? 


I/O

[Son of Clyde]

T/G   (I think I got the name right this time)  Your question is a mute one. 

Do you mean a "moot" point? Or a mute point, as in deaf mute? Just kidding, I think maybe it was a slip or you meant an unspeakable point? To a certain degree you may be correct but one needs time to find the right woman before he can devote a lot of time to developing the relationship. I hope what I am typing will not make the post that was just written (as I was composing this, a moot one).

[I/O]

You are so wrong in this statement.  The searching and living in country is very very important.  For the guy who meets one girl and then spends a lot of time with her, he will always wonder "was there someone else?"  The guy who has dated lots of girls KNOWS the right one when she comes along because of this experience.

M/A No arguement from me regarding the validity of lots of time spent searching and all credit to those who have made the effort to go and live there for a while.  If you can, I can't see any downside to doing that, but I am not convinced that's a realistic option for the majority.

I do however have a problem with the blanket idea that you need to date heaps to decide which is the right one.  I have never needed to make comparisons to know what I want.  I can see the point you are making, but I have noticed the guys who wonder if there is something better out there, quite often go looking for that something better a few years after they are married.  My point is that from what I have seen both here and abroad, the maybe there is something better types are always thinking that way even when they think they have found the best of the best.

Your point being that by comparing, you know just how special your wife is and of course she is the very best in your eyes and that is how it should be. The important point in this to me is that you are proud of your wife and admire her.  I like and respect that very much.  But using lack of numbers to justify the ethos of wondering if there is something better doesn't cut it with me.  If anyone is wondering in any way shape or form that there maybe someone better, then he is with the wrong woman and should have decided that long ago.  (This is not directed at anyone in particular, but rather a general comment)

I don't want to turn this back to a debate about how many anyone should date, but what I do notice is a greater percentage of men who don't know what they want in the first place. I guess having been married before, I had a pretty clear idea of what I was looking for and although there was always a point of flexibility on things like age etc, I still feel exactly the same in this respect as when I started.  I think I found the right one, but I guess it will take the rest of my life to prove this for sure so to say.

T/G I think your straw poll would be much better served if it was restricted to the married guys because the rest of us are merely speculating on what is the necessary amount of time to either search for or court the right lady.  I've put forward what I think is too little, but again, I am happy to be proved wrong if we can get some accurate data out there for the freshmen.

I/O

[FSUrookie]

Many good points here. I agree I/O, after a while, many dates or not, I knew what I was looking for, and when I found her (my current girl from Ukraine), I knew her heart right away. It is actually kind of silly (with the above thought in mind) that one would toss aside a girl that everything was clicking with, only to see if he can find something even better. Wow. Snooze you lose, and if you let her get away to keep fishing the sea, oh well. Anyway, my girl is not the first FSU woman for me, and I've seen a handful from Pro daters to liars to scammers, and now I have found a wonderful woman. As for the TRUE REALITIES of dating and marrying any FSU woman, even one that the chemistry is good, KenC summed up what one can expect after marrying your FSU woman on various other threads here. Bottom line, read the forums here, do your research, make your dates and then focus, and do what works for you. Best of luck to all....
P.S. One last good point; the FSU woman that now appears to possibly be my fiance soon, was actually one of the women that I had crossed off my list initially, but thanks to the recommendations of an HONEST agency owner, she turned out to be the girl of my dreams. I will talk about this agency in another thread in the near future.....

[catzenmouse]

I can't vote on this one as the question is:

"How much time each year do you spend in the FSU in persuing a woman?"

and there is no 0 Time answer. Elena would be pretty pissed at me if I was spending time in the FSU persuing a woman now wouldn't she...

Ken

 - This debate, like the age one, which country is better, big city vs. small city will live on for as long as there are people willing to talk about them. The reality of it to me is: How much time to "You" need to take? How much is enough to be confident in your choice? How many years down the road after you are married does it take for you to consider it a success? That is an individual choice and if you are looking outside your relationship to get that pat on the back to be considered successful then you might just have a problem.

[Turboguy]

M/A   I think I found the right one, but I guess it will take the rest of my life to prove this for sure so to say.

I do however have a problem with the blanket idea that you need to date heaps to decide which is the right one.  I have never needed to make comparisons to know what I want. 

I/O I agree with you that it is possible the first one you meet could be "the one".    I do find it a little contradictory that you say you don't need comparisons coupled with the fact that you say you think you have found the right one and only time will tell for sure.   It makes me believe you should have dated more women.   I never for a second have to say that I "think" I have found the right woman for me.  I know it with never a seconds hesitation.  I have a feeling M/A, Ken, KenC, jb and others feel the same way as I do.   Nothing personal but that statement to me suggests you are a walking commercial for the opposite of what you are saying.

T/G I think your straw poll would be much better served if it was restricted to the married guys because the rest of us are merely speculating on what is the necessary amount of time to either search for or court the right lady.  I've put forward what I think is too little, but again, I am happy to be proved wrong if we can get some accurate data out there for the freshmen.
I/O

I was hoping to get those who really are or have been in the search for an FSU woman.  I would not particularly want someone who just started and has never made a trip to speculate about how much they think they might visit but I think pertinant data could come from someone like M/A, Voyager, SOC, Ken (C&M) or KenC, even though his search is falling into the ancient history category.   I also think it would be good information with guys like Viking, FSU, Kuna, Gator and others who are searching or not married yet.   Perhaps it may have told us more if I had made several polls, one for married guys one for not.  Perhaps the differences in the answers may have given us some insight but for now we will just see what we get and I hope everyone who is or has made trips does vote in this.

[Turboguy]

Ken,  Yes, we can't have Elena angry with you but in your case I would like to see you put the amount of time you invested when you were actually in the search.  If you find yourself sleeping on the couch tonight have her call me and I will explain it to her.

So far I am getting answers that are showing more time than I had expected.  Intersting.   I wonder now if it would have been better to break it down even more than I said in my last post.   Perhaps something like part a for those in the searching stage, part b for those who have found their woman and are getting to know her etc.  Well, it is still interesting.

[jb]

For the record, I voted in the *8 week* section because that was the amount of time I spent with Etna each year, after we became a couple.  Since I wasn't looking for a wife when we were first introduced, I can't say I spent anytime "searching".

[catzenmouse]

I understood the gist of it TG. Just picking on the wording a bit. 

My case would be one of those that you would never advise anyone ever to do. I mentioned somewhere a while back that I am the poster child for walking blindfolded through a mine field and falling face first into a feather bed. It is the main reason that I post so much about paying attention to those here who are successful and have done it right. Anything posted about "exceptions to rules" is like putting 5 bullets in a six shooter and playing Russian Roulette with it. It is just not smart to look for or count on being the exception to any rule.

Ken

[Turboguy]

I agree with you Ken, but when someone thinks they are going to be the exception you are not going to tell them anything different.   They all have to learn the hard way.  I guess I am the poster child for walking blindfolded through a mine field and falling face first into a bucket of Sh!t when I chose to ignore a lot of red flags I saw with Luda.   

I think I will stay out of the mine fields for a while but anyone looking for the places to walk and to avoid would do well to listen to you.

[I/O]

T/G You may KNOW you have the right one, I believe I have the right one, because guess what, umpteen years ago, I KNEW I had the right one and now I KNOW I am divorced from her.

I just laugh every time I here these love sick puppies shouting from the roof tops about how they KNOW this that and the other thing.  I often think, yeah, been there done that, now let me take you by the hand and we'll go for a little walk down reality street.  There is a big billboard there which says something like this.  "When you think you know, you don't know jack". 

Of course I had relationships with other Russian women, I posted to that extent very early when I came here.  I have never advocated only ever dating one person.  What I did advocate early on is dating one at one time, but that is my personal preference and the consensus of opinion suggests that it usually doesn't work in this type of process, which makes me an exception, so you will notice, I havn't tried to push that exception onto the freshmen since.

I would agree that two seperate polls would show something interesting.  I havn't voted on that poll because my origional question in the other thread was regarding how much time guys who are now married and happy put it prior.  To throw them all in together just confuses the issue more. 

I/O

[Michelangelo]

Who cooked? 


I/O

We ate out at a local Russian restaurant.   Now I am goggling what to do about food poisoning.  Looks like try to drink clear liquids, and perhaps green tea.

[Patrick]

Hello Ken and Elena. Happy New Year and all the best from Maryna and I. Good subject Ray. I voted 4 to 6 weeks. I met Maryna on a 2 week trip in Sept 04. I went back for 14 days in Nov. I went back in Feb for 16 more days to start the paperwork on her side and she was here in Sept of 05. So from us meeting until her getting here was 1 year and 2 weeks, with me spending right at 6 weeks with her and her family. I was like Ken, I just kind of fell in face first into a feather bed. Oh it took right at 5 months to get the paperwork approved.

[Turboguy]

Actually three polls might have been good.  Those who are looking, those who are married and those who are thinking about doing it to see how their expectations match with reality.

I had thought you had posted meeting a number of women early on but that did not seem to agree with what you had posted in your recent thread.

I am glad you knew you had the right one in your marriage.  In any relationship between two people we only can control our half of the relationship so no matter how much we know things may not go as we hope.

It shows how much smarter you were than me in my young, stupid and inexperienced days when I got married.  To say I had a lot of uncertainty would be an understatement.  Actually I remember asking if the invitations to the wedding had been sent out and thinking hard of bailing if they had not been but they were.  I remember standing behind the church waiting for things to start and wondering if I should make a run for it.  I should have.  I not only didn't "know" I had the right one, I didn't even "believe" I had the right one.   Damm was I dumb.  

Trust me, if VWRW is not the right one for me, there is no right one.  This one doesn't work and I hang it up and take up building model airplanes.

M/A,  Good luck.  I wish I knew something good to suggest.  I can still remember the last time I dealt with that and I feel very badly for you.

Patrick,  Thanks,  I think luck plays a big part in this.  I am glad both you and Ken had some.

[I/O]

We ate out at a local Russian restaurant.   Now I am goggling what to do about food poisoning.  Looks like try to drink clear liquids, and perhaps green tea.

Not nice mate.  I hope you both recover soon.  The only advice I can offer is plenty of water.  

I/O